Personally, I married young and soon thereafter two children arrived. When they were five and eight years old, their father announced he was going to leave and there was no turning back. He was the sole financial provider in our home. I was faced with being a single mom with no job and no job availabilities in the small town where we lived. I had to quickly get a plan into place. I chose to go back to school, develop a career and move to another location.
Responsibility – It was all on my shoulders – and now I was alone.
As I work with separating and divorced people, I sometimes reflect back on my personal experience. The definition of divorce in the dictionary is the ‘legal dissolution of a marriage by a court….’. This reflects the business side of a marriage, and it is difficult, however, there is also the emotional attachment and commitment that is broken and the process of separation. An illustration I use is a ripping apart of a family. It can be compared to a bandage that is ripped from your skin. The ripping apart has a ripple effect from the couple to their children, extended family and friends. Many people are affected by divorce and each one reacts. The outcome of a surgery compares to the divorce itself. One is always hoping that the outcome will be favorable.
Grief and loss
The stages of grief and loss is experienced many times, over and over again. This is different for each situation as everyone’s experience is different. The one that is left usually experiences the most pain at the time of separation.
My children said to me, ‘mommy, how come when my brother and I fight we don’t get divorced, we become friends again, but you and daddy are getting a divorce.’ Tough to explain adult decisions to little ones. Difficult to look into those little eyes and try to explain.
Finally, when the court process is over and the grieving for dreams lost is finished, life does have a new beginning, new meaning and new dreams.