{"id":86846,"date":"2023-06-17T18:30:06","date_gmt":"2023-06-17T18:30:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=86846"},"modified":"2023-06-17T18:34:42","modified_gmt":"2023-06-17T18:34:42","slug":"internalized-homophobia","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/same-sex-marriage\/internalized-homophobia\/","title":{"rendered":"7 Signs of Internalized Homophobia and How to Manage It"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"Business<\/p>\n

Hate or love? Bias or tolerance? Which do you choose, and is it a consistent choice? We are all capable of experiencing the dark side of human nature, and <\/span>yet, we often forget how much harm we do to ourselves, let alone others. So, how can you fight internalized homophobia? <\/b><\/p>\n

<\/span>What is internalized homophobia?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

If you look at the<\/span> American Psychological Association’s definition of internalization<\/span><\/a>, you’ll see that it’s “the nonconscious mental process by <\/span>which the characteristics, beliefs, feelings, or attitudes of other individuals or groups are assimilated into the self and adopted as one’s own.”<\/b> <\/span><\/p>\n

Applying that concept to the internalized homophobia definition and you get something that happens when people take on the beliefs of homophobia from those around them. <\/span><\/p>\n

In short, <\/span>they hate or fear anyone from the LGBTQ+ community because they have been influenced by those around them. This can happen to anyone, regardless of whether they are straight or gay. <\/b><\/p>\n

Although interestingly, some new research now suggests that homophobic people often have attachment issues. As this<\/span> article on homophobic people often having <\/span>psychological issues<\/span><\/a> further explains, <\/span>people with “fearful-avoidant attachment styles” tend to be more homophobic. <\/b><\/p>\n

Regardless, let’s not forget the impact of society and culture. As the article also quotes, <\/span>“Homophobia is a culture-induced disease.”<\/b> We can therefore assume that even people with attachment issues could avoid the painful feelings of homophobia in a tolerant and welcoming culture. <\/span><\/p>\n

So, what percentage of people are homophobic? As you can imagine, it varies by country, although this<\/span> Bloomberg article<\/span><\/a> on the global map of homophobia states that 60% of Americans believe society should accept homosexuality. Is that enough?<\/span><\/p>\n

And<\/span> click to view the map of homophobia per country in 2023<\/span><\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>7 signs of internalized homophobia<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Whether you are straight or from the LGBTQ+ community, any of these points could be you if you suffer from this internalization: <\/span><\/p>\n

1. Nervous or embarrassed around people from the LGBTQ+ community<\/b><\/h3>\n

What’s internalized homophobia if not adopting others’ beliefs and thoughts? With that in mind, <\/span>you’ll feel a deep inner dissonance which often translates to nervousness or embarrassment. <\/b><\/p>\n

Essentially, as an LGBTQ+ member, you are forced to hold the belief that you are homosexual whilst also holding the belief that there’s something wrong with homophobia. <\/span>Such dissonance leads to anxiety and general distress. <\/b><\/p>\n

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2. Feeling trapped by heterosexual rules<\/b><\/h3>\n

As humans, we are, by definition, biased, and so there will always be a community that takes charge. In this case, <\/span>society tends to order itself around heterosexual rules and assumptions.<\/b><\/p>\n

As a non-profit for emotional health explains in their article on <\/span>understanding discrimination<\/span><\/a>, we are all hard-wired to organize people into groups while looking for those with the most power and resources. <\/span><\/p>\n

Sadly, this further compounds the problem as we then become intolerant of those who are different. <\/span>Whether you’re gay or straight, this can mean not letting yourself be yourself. <\/b><\/p>\n

3. Supporting anti-homosexuality statements and movements <\/b><\/h3>\n

Whether you are outwardly gay homophobic or simply harbor discrete thoughts, you’ll likely come out with anti-gay comments, almost without knowing it. <\/span><\/p>\n

The subconscious is a powerful thing and can make you react with narrow-minded and insensitive words. <\/b><\/p>\n

4. Spreading condemning gossip and hate talk against LGBTQ+ <\/b><\/h3>\n

For some, the above point can be taken even further, such that people actively spread hate. <\/span>This can portray itself as supporting anti-gay articles on social media, for example. <\/b><\/p>\n

Another way this can show itself is by blocking LGBTQ+ people from working. For instance, spreading untruthful comments about a gay babysitter to make sure they aren’t hired in your neighborhood. <\/span><\/p>\n

5. Not acknowledging same-sex partners publicly <\/b><\/h3>\n

The interesting question is, “Can gay people be homophobic.” The short answer is that anyone can be homophobic. <\/b><\/p>\n

For some researchers, as this<\/span> ScientificAmerican article<\/span><\/a> on homophobes might be hidden homosexuals states, it seems that being overly homophobic could hide gay tendencies. <\/span><\/p>\n

In other cases, gay couples feel too afraid or uncomfortable to come out publicly.<\/b> <\/span><\/p>\n

RELATED READING : <\/span>15 Benefits of LGBTQ Couples Counseling<\/a><\/span><\/div><\/div>\n

6. Feeling ashamed of own sexual desires towards the same sex <\/b><\/h3>\n

Shame is a powerful emotion that can destroy you. Not only does it make you feel like you are the worst person in the world, but it also pushes you to fall in on yourself. As such, you lose the ability to help yourself or move forward.<\/span><\/p>\n

All this shame can trigger increased self-judgment and a greater focus on your insecurities.<\/b> With time, you become a wreck of a person who might also pick up aggressive defense mechanisms. <\/span><\/p>\n

7. Avoiding anything to do with LGBTQ+ <\/b><\/h3>\n

If you’re gay homophobic, you might naturally avoid LGBTQ+ people. While in most cases that might be possible, this approach will be strained if you find yourself with a gay boss or even a gay plumber who comes around. <\/span><\/p>\n

Naturally, you don’t always know who’s who, but <\/span>actively ignoring a community further enforces your biases. With time, you might discover other equally damaging biases and gradually fill yourself with hate. <\/b><\/p>\n

This doesn’t lead to a happy and fulfilled life. <\/span><\/p>\n

Watch this video to learn more about cognitive dissonance:<\/span><\/p>\n