{"id":86537,"date":"2023-06-01T05:33:37","date_gmt":"2023-06-01T05:33:37","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=86537"},"modified":"2025-06-13T11:38:24","modified_gmt":"2025-06-13T11:38:24","slug":"problems-that-can-not-be-fixed-in-couples-therapy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/problems-that-can-not-be-fixed-in-couples-therapy\/","title":{"rendered":"9 Problems That Can’t Be Fixed in Couple’s Therapy"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"Sad<\/p>\n

“Life is complex. Each one of us must make his path through life. There are no self-help manuals, no formulas, no easy answers”. M Scott Peck’s words are a stark reminder that there are problems that can’t be fixed in couple’s therapy. <\/span>What to do instead? <\/b><\/p>\n

<\/span>9 instances where couples counseling can’t help <\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Relationship issues therapy has become more mainstream and acceptable these days. This is mainly due to 3 key reasons, as described in <\/span>this paper<\/span><\/a> on ‘Couple Therapy in the 2020s.’ <\/span><\/p>\n

Those 3 reasons are the <\/span>increase in divorce rates, awareness of emotional well-being, and higher expectations for relationships.<\/b> Moreover, as this Forbes article on whether marriage <\/span>counseling works<\/span><\/a> explains, 70% of couples are positively impacted. <\/span><\/p>\n

And yet, there are still several problems that can’t be fixed in couple’s therapy, as listed below. In short, as per M Scott Peck’s words, there is no magic wand. <\/span><\/p>\n

1. Severe mental illness <\/b><\/h3>\n

There are many different types of therapists who differ according to their training. Generally, marriage therapists don’t go through clinical training, which might be needed for extreme cases. <\/span><\/p>\n

So, when is couples therapy not appropriate? Essentially, in the cases where, as <\/span>Virginia Hospital details <\/span><\/a>in its overview of psychiatric diseases, <\/span>some people need hospitalization<\/b>. <\/span><\/p>\n

According to <\/span>Jennifer Jacobsen Schulz<\/span><\/a>, LCSW:<\/span><\/p>\n

In cases of severe mental illness, the spouse experiencing the mental illness will likely need individual treatment before marital therapy can be effective.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

That’s not to say that a mental health professional can’t help them, but that professional most likely won’t be a marriage therapist. <\/span><\/p>\n

RELATED READING : <\/span>10 Ways on Dealing From Spouse With Mental Illness<\/a><\/span><\/div><\/div>\n

2. Irreconcilable values <\/b><\/h3>\n

Values are your guiding beliefs for how to live life. <\/span>When couples have mismatched values, their approaches are misaligned, which causes major conflict.<\/b><\/p>\n

\"Young<\/p>\n

In that case, no amount of therapy can shift those values because they are innate and based on experience, as <\/span>Mark Manson explains<\/span><\/a> in his detailed article on personal values. <\/span><\/p>\n

3. No desire to change<\/b> <\/span><\/h3>\n

If counseling isn’t working, reflect on whether one of you is unwilling to change. <\/span>Relationships take self-discipline, self-reflection, and commitment, but a therapist can’t magic these into people. <\/b><\/p>\n

4. External factors <\/b><\/h3>\n

Life sometimes throws us insurmountable challenges, such as wars and pandemics, that can force us to live apart. <\/span><\/p>\n

Naturally, <\/span>a therapist can’t remove those external factors, but the skilled ones can help you reframe and repurpose your relationship if you truly want to. <\/b><\/p>\n

5. Non-negotiable points <\/b><\/h3>\n

Other problems that can’t be fixed in couple’s therapy include, for example, different opinions on children. If one partner lives to have children one day, but the other can never tolerate them, it makes a therapist’s role almost impossible. <\/span><\/p>\n

Although, nothing is impossible if perhaps external expectations drive those desires. A therapist can help you work through what each of you truly wants and unpack it from what those around you influence you to desire. <\/span><\/p>\n

You never know where common ground might lie unless you reach out to <\/span>relationship counseling<\/span><\/a>, but <\/span>sometimes the outcome is that your innate desires are mismatched. <\/b><\/p>\n

6. Lack of safety<\/b><\/h3>\n

When one partner is physically abusive, a therapist’s duty is to not encourage that aggression by keeping them in therapy together.<\/span><\/p>\n

Dr. Jennifer Schulz highlights that:<\/p>\n

Marital counseling typically isn’t recommended in cases where there is abuse within the relationship because counseling can actually aggravate the abuser and increase the risk of harm to the victim.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Of course, that’s not to say that individual therapy can’t work, but <\/span>the first step is to ensure a safe solution for both. <\/b><\/p>\n

RELATED READING : <\/span>6 Tips for Building Emotional Safety in Your Relationship<\/a><\/span><\/div><\/div>\n

To find out more, watch this video of a psychotherapist’s view on creating emotional safety:<\/span><\/p>\n