

{"id":85940,"date":"2023-05-10T08:26:25","date_gmt":"2023-05-10T08:26:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=85940"},"modified":"2024-01-30T13:30:37","modified_gmt":"2024-01-30T13:30:37","slug":"my-husband-wont-touch-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/family\/my-husband-wont-touch-me\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Possible Reasons Why My Husband Won&#8217;t Touch Me"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-85944\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Shutterstock_369387872.jpg\" alt=\"Couple having relationship problems \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ldquo;Nothing eases suffering like the human touch.&rdquo; Chess grandmaster Bobby Fischer wasn&rsquo;t just about chess strategy when he said those words.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We all need comfort and affection through touch, so when you&rsquo;re thinking, <\/span><b>&ldquo;My husband won&rsquo;t touch me,&rdquo; it&rsquo;s natural to worry and feel alienated.&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-does-it-mean-when-my-spouse-won%E2%80%99t-touch-me\"><\/span><b>What does it mean when my spouse won&rsquo;t touch me?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When thinking, &ldquo;My husband doesn&rsquo;t want me to touch him,&rdquo; the first thing to do is not to panic. When something goes wrong, we often conclude that something is wrong with us, but usually, something is going on with the other person.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Intimacy and physical touch seem simple, but a complex mix of emotions, feelings, and thoughts drives them.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> For example, some people might have subconsciously learned to stay away from others when stressed or feeling inadequate.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Regardless of what unhealthy coping mechanisms you or your husband have picked up, these often have a massive impact on intimacy.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Moreover, we could have biological issues that mean we simply can&rsquo;t have sex like before.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Of course, we can&rsquo;t forget the other side of the equation. Sometimes, your spouse might be at a low point and wonder if this is the right relationship. Again, don&rsquo;t panic. <\/span><b>It&rsquo;s perfectly normal to doubt our relationship at various phases.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When reviewing the problem, &ldquo;my husband won&rsquo;t touch me,&rdquo; the trick is to reflect on how you will support each other to problem solve and find a way forward.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"10-potential-causes-behind-your-spouse-not-touching-you\"><\/span><b>10 potential causes behind your spouse not touching you<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you&rsquo;re asking yourself, &ldquo;What are the reasons my husband won&rsquo;t touch me&rdquo; review these possible causes while remembering that there is always something you can change. It doesn&rsquo;t have to be like this forever.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Fear of inadequacy<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We all change constantly, and as we age, <\/span><b>we can start questioning ourselves, especially as our bodies change<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Moreover, that can translate into the fear of not being good enough.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your husband feels inadequate, he may withdraw from physical contact. <\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. Stress&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Fear and stress are closely related and are the primary causes of sexual issues. <\/span><b>So, if you&rsquo;re thinking, &ldquo;he won&rsquo;t touch me,&rdquo; what can you do to support him emotionally?&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As this <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/31243355\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">study on stress and sexual function<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> shows, men tend to be more impacted by personal burnout, whereas women suffer more from specific job stress regarding libido problems.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/stress-in-marriage\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">15 Ways to Handle Stress in Marriage<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>3. Libido problems&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you&rsquo;re still wondering, &ldquo;Why doesn&rsquo;t my husband touch me,&rdquo; have you considered mental or biological problems? It isn&rsquo;t just stress that causes libido problems, but <\/span><b>lack of sleep, depression, and substance abuse can all reduce sex drive.&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Women also suffer from these, and both genders can have biological issues. As a health <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/my.clevelandclinic.org\/health\/diseases\/15216-low-libido-low-sex-drive\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">clinic summarizes<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, <\/span><b>there are many illnesses and problems that can cause low libido.&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. Seeking an unrealistic fantasy&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When reviewing the problem, &ldquo;my husband won&rsquo;t touch me,&rdquo; it&rsquo;s worth noting that there are those who are always seeking a perfect world. For instance, some people live in a Hollywood fantasy while others might live life wanting to be where the grass is supposedly greener.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In those cases, <\/span><b>it&rsquo;s worth seeking <\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/\"><b>marital counseling<\/b><\/a><b> so you can both learn to accept this world as being messy and imperfect. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Moreover, a counselor can guide you to find the right way forward.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As Dr. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/jenni-jacobsen\">Jennifer Jacobsen<\/a>, PhD in psychology explains, <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Unrealistic expectations can set the stage for intimacy problems in a relationship.&rdquo; She goes on to say, &ldquo;Talking with a counselor can help you and your spouse sort out your expectations and develop more realistic ways of thinking about the relationship.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><b>5. No communication&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To be touched is to be vulnerable. Furthermore, to truly open ourselves up to someone else, <\/span><b>we need deep communication about our inner thoughts and feelings. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Intimacy works as much within the body as it does within our mental psyche.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/4-tips-for-improving-communication-in-a-marriage\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">15 Ways on How to Improve Communication in Marriage<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-85943\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Shutterstock_1124236436-2.jpg\" alt=\"Unhappy couple ignoring each other \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<h3><b>6. Feeling unheard&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><b>When someone feels undervalued, they won&rsquo;t have the confidence to surrender to touch.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> In short, they&rsquo;ll have their defenses up, and at that point, no one wants to be intimate. So, &ldquo;my husband won&rsquo;t touch me&rdquo; becomes a reality.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>7. Emotional turmoil&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you&rsquo;re lost with the thought, &ldquo;My husband doesn&rsquo;t want me to touch him,&rdquo; perhaps he&rsquo;s overwhelmed and confused by his emotions. <\/span><b>Many men mistakenly believe that they shouldn&rsquo;t be in touch with their emotions, but this, in fact, closes them off from others.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As this <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.nature.com\/articles\/srep40504\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">article<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> states, touch and emotion work both ways. So, <\/span><b>we feel emotions when touched, but our emotional state impacts how we perceive touch.&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n<h3><b>8. Insecurity<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">No matter how confident they appear, <\/span><b>many people suffer from low self-esteem.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> So, if you&rsquo;re confused by the question, &ldquo;Why doesn&rsquo;t my husband touch me&rdquo; how can you make him feel safe and valued?&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Simultaneously, rebuild your self-esteem with the Triple Column Technique described in this video:&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/20hYOeGC7qc\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">&#65279;<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h3><b>9. Boredom&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sexual boredom can happen at any time, so don&rsquo;t panic if you&rsquo;re thinking, &ldquo;My husband is not interested in me physically.&rdquo; <\/span><b>Perhaps you just need to spice things up again.&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Although interestingly, as this <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theatlantic.com\/ideas\/archive\/2019\/02\/women-get-bored-sex-long-term-relationships\/582736\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Atlantic article<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> suggests, it seems women tend to experience greater sexual boredom than men. So, if you&rsquo;re giving off bored vibes, get creative and ask your husband to try new things.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/how-to-fight-boredom-in-your-marriage\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Fight Boredom in your Marriage<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>10. Too much pressure&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Relationships are a delicate balance of me versus us. When one feels too much pressure because the other one appears needy or clingy, they can shut off. This then creates a vicious push-pull dynamic.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As always, <\/span><b>it comes down to communication and joint problem-solving to find ways to meet both your needs.&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5-tips-to-get-your-spouse-to-touch-you-again\"><\/span><b>5 tips to get your spouse to touch you again&nbsp;<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Despite the host of valid reasons out there, it&rsquo;s important to bring touch back to your relationship. As this <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/journals.sagepub.com\/doi\/full\/10.1177\/09567976211059801\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">study on the Language of Social Touch<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> explains, touch is an intuitive process that we all need to enhance our emotional communication.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Talk&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As mentioned, communication is key. In this case, you want to open up to each other. For example, <\/span><b>how can you share your emotions and feelings about this problem of not being touched?&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n<p><b>It&rsquo;s worth noting that I-statements help keep a discussion away from blame<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. When you state, &ldquo;I feel lonely\/unvalued\/sad,&rdquo; this helps your partner feel empathy. This contrasts with the statement, &ldquo;Why won&rsquo;t you touch me, and what&rsquo;s wrong with you.&rdquo;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-85942\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/05\/Shutterstock_2196756259.jpg\" alt=\"Couple sitting apart on bed \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the former, you draw them into the problem so you can find solutions together. In the latter statement, you blame your partner, which will only make them defensive.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They are then more likely to shut you out, and suddenly, the phrase &ldquo;my husband won&rsquo;t touch me&rdquo; has become a fact.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. Plan some dates&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sometimes we need to re-enact how it was when we first fell in love. Getting ready to go out to meet your date is an exciting part of building anticipation, which can then lead to intimacy.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Moreover, <\/span><b>going out on dates gets you out of your day-to-day life, which can then reignite your curiosity about each other. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is a powerful motivator to end the cycle of &ldquo;my husband won&rsquo;t touch me.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/playful-couples\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Playful Couples- Relationships Should Not Feel like a Job<\/span><\/i><\/a><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/i><\/pre>\n<h3><b>3. Try something new&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When boosting your curiosity about each other, you can also try out new hobbies. Alternatively, go to different events where you can meet new people. <\/span><b>Seeing new people can inspire you to see things differently, including each other.&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. Get playful&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As this <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.helpguide.org\/articles\/mental-health\/benefits-of-play-for-adults.htm#:~:text=Play%20helps:&amp;text=Endorphins%20promote%20an%20overall%20sense,problems%20and%20improve%20brain%20function.\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">article on The Benefits of Play for Adults<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> explains, <\/span><b>play is both fun and rejuvenating. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, when you&rsquo;re stuck with the thought, &ldquo;My husband won&rsquo;t touch me,&rdquo; try to think about how to play more, including games.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Watch this video to learn more about the place of humor in relationships:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/ehIiWha1oU8\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">&#65279;<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h3><b>5. Get professional help&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Finally, we all owe it to ourselves to give our relationships a proper chance. So, <\/span><b>if you&rsquo;re still feeling stuck, reach out to marital counseling and get guidance and support.&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As Dr. Jacobsen explains, <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many couples benefit from marital counseling, and it can even be used to prevent major problems from appearing in the marriage.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Some-commonly-asked-questions\"><\/span><b>Some commonly asked questions<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here are some answers to some pressing questions that can help clear up your doubts in case your husband won&rsquo;t touch you:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li aria-level=\"1\">\n<h3><b>What happens in a marriage without touch?&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As humans, we need physical touch to feel validated and nurtured. Without it, we can become lonely and depressed.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Moreover, <\/span><b>a marriage without touch can fall into a downward spiral where both partners increasingly shut each other out.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> As they&rsquo;re not touching, there&rsquo;s no intimacy which often also pushes out kindness. <\/span>However, lack of touch can affect each marriage differently.<\/p>\n<ul><li aria-level=\"1\">\n<h3><b>How is a woman without affection impacted?&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul><p><b>Similarly to lack of touch, anyone without affection will eventually shut in on themselves and begin to feel bad.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Both men and women need affection, even if the stereotype suggests it&rsquo;s only women who crave it.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Consequently, if you&rsquo;re lost in the statement, &ldquo;My husband won&rsquo;t touch me anymore,&rdquo; it&rsquo;s important to find a way forward. Make sure you talk about it or get professional help to support you.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Bring-touch-back-into-your-marriage\"><\/span><b>Bring touch back into your marriage&nbsp;<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">No one deserves to simply accept the reality of &ldquo;my husband won&rsquo;t touch me.&rdquo; Touch doesn&rsquo;t just connect us emotionally, it makes us feel nurtured, and without it, we risk feeling alienated.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>There are many reasons for the lack of touch, so don&rsquo;t despair.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Whether you&rsquo;re dealing with biological, mental, or emotional causes, you can problem-solve together and even find professional help for an extra boost. Whatever you do, don&rsquo;t let yourself slip into the black hole of loneliness. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&ldquo;Nothing eases suffering like the human touch.&rdquo; Chess grandmaster Bobby Fischer wasn&rsquo;t just about chess strategy when he said those words.&nbsp; We all need comfort and affection through touch, so when you&rsquo;re thinking, &ldquo;My husband won&rsquo;t touch me,&rdquo; it&rsquo;s natural to worry and feel alienated.&nbsp; What does it mean when my spouse won&rsquo;t touch me? When thinking, &ldquo;My husband doesn&rsquo;t want me to touch him,&rdquo; the first thing to do is not to panic. When something goes wrong, we often conclude that something is wrong with us, but usually, something is going on with the other person.&nbsp; Intimacy and physical <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":675,"featured_media":85944,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[31],"tags":[2520],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/85940"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/675"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=85940"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/85940\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":94837,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/85940\/revisions\/94837"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/85944"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=85940"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=85940"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=85940"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}