{"id":83901,"date":"2023-03-13T10:03:28","date_gmt":"2023-03-13T10:03:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=83901"},"modified":"2023-03-13T10:04:17","modified_gmt":"2023-03-13T10:04:17","slug":"how-to-have-self-control-sexually","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/emotional-intimacy\/how-to-have-self-control-sexually\/","title":{"rendered":"12 Best Ways to Have Self-Control Sexually"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"Man<\/p>\n

Do you know how to have self-control sexually? This is one of the first questions you may want to ask yourself even as you get into a relationship. The subject of sexual self control is one that has been debated for a long time. <\/span><\/p>\n

On one hand of the equation are those who think that sex is something everyone is allowed to have wherever, whenever, and with whoever they deem fit. On the other hand, there are those who believe that sex should only be between married partners.  <\/span><\/p>\n

Over the years, though, people seem to have become more sexually open. A <\/span>survey<\/span><\/a> carried out in America and Europe revealed that men consider 7.6 sexual partners ideal (in a lifetime), while women consider 7.5 sexual partners ideal. <\/span><\/p>\n

While it is relatively easy to throw caution to the wind and sleep with as many people as you want (and keep the details to yourself), you may want to consider your safety and that of your partner at the same time. <\/span><\/p>\n

Considering all the ways things can go south, knowing how to have self control in a relationship is crucial. <\/span><\/p>\n

By the time you’re done reading this article, you will discover how to have self-control sexually in a relationship, and also find some strategies that can help you improve your decision to be faithful to your partner. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>What is self control? <\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Self-control is an innate ability to control your responses to external and internal stimuli so that you can avoid behaviors that aren’t desirable, control the outcomes in your life, and attain self-mastery quickly. <\/span><\/p>\n

The concept of self-control is the knowledge that, although we have impulses and desires, we aren’t slaves to them. A man should be able to control his desires (both for sex, money, power, etc) and not give in to every whim his heart imagines. <\/span><\/p>\n

One thing many of us can unanimously agree on is that a lack of self control is the beginning of a careless life that will be full of regrets.<\/span><\/p>\n

Related Reading: <\/i><\/b>15 Ways How to Have Self-Control in a Relationship<\/span><\/i><\/a> <\/span><\/pre>\n
\"Cute<\/p>\n
<\/span>Types of self-control <\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
There are many types of self-control you need to survive as a person. Here are some of them. <\/span><\/p>\n
1. Impulse control <\/b><\/h3>\n
As the name implies, this is your ability to manage innate impulses, desires, and feelings. When you can control your impulses, you’ll have fewer episodes of acting without thinking. <\/span><\/p>\n
2. Movement control<\/b><\/h3>\n
This is the conscious part of self-control that deals with your ability to determine where, how, and when your body moves. It takes the conscious efforts of your muscles and brain to control movement.   <\/span><\/p>\n
3. Emotional control<\/b><\/h3>\n
This is your ability to manage strong emotions and keep yourself under check even when there are strong triggers that could make you lose your cool. When you have emotional control, you wouldn’t be quick to express extreme emotions like anger and deep sadness. <\/span><\/p>\n
Related Reading: <\/i><\/b>14 Tips on How to Control Your Emotions in a Relationship<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
<\/span>12 best ways to have self-control sexually <\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
Employ these 12 sexual control techniques to improve your self-control in terms of how you have sex.<\/span><\/p>\n
1. Pray about it <\/b><\/h3>\n
When it comes to the strategies to control sexual urges, it is almost impossible to make any sensible headway on your own. Regardless of your religion, there should be a provision for you to pray about your emotions and sexual desires. <\/span><\/p>\n
Praying about your sexual desires is a sign that you understand you may not be able to make reasonable progress all by yourself, and you aren’t ashamed to ask someone greater for help. <\/span><\/p>\n
Also, use scriptures as a backup while you pray. <\/span>Depending on your religion, you would find scriptures that instruct on sexual purity.<\/b> Incorporate them into your prayers for better results. <\/span><\/p>\n
2. Learn to control your mind <\/b><\/h3>\n
On your journey to figuring out how to improve self control, mind control is one practice that can help you. Those who struggle the most with <\/span>sexual challenges<\/span><\/a> in their lives are those who haven’t yet trained themselves to control what they think about. <\/span><\/p>\n
If you allow your mind to run free, you may find yourself thinking erotic thoughts (at some point) that would soon push you into sexual activities you may not want to get into. <\/b><\/p>\n
Research<\/span><\/a> has shown that effective mindfulness practices can play a pivotal role in controlling impulsive sexual urges. So, if you find yourself constantly overcome by intense sexual desires, you may want to consider strengthening your mind with mindfulness practices. <\/span><\/p>\n
\"Young<\/p>\n
3. Watch the movies you see <\/b><\/h3>\n
The pictures we see play a major role in what our minds ruminate on, long after we have seen them. Then again, <\/span>scientific studies<\/span><\/a> reveal a direct correlation between visual and sexual stimulation.  <\/span><\/p>\n
Have you noticed that you may feel horny for a long time after watching a movie with many heated scenes and sexual innuendoes in it? This is because <\/span>your brain captures those images you have seen and attempts to take them apart when the movie is over.<\/b> <\/span><\/p>\n
As you figure out how to have self-control sexually, one of the first things you should do is review your movie choice. Do you mostly see movies that have adult scenes in them? If yes, consider letting them go. <\/span><\/p>\n
4. Let go of x-rated material <\/b><\/h3>\n
A recent <\/span>study<\/span><\/a> revealed that people who consume a lot of pornographic material tend to be more sexually stunted than those who don’t. Pornography aims to deliver the highest levels of visual and mental satisfaction to those who consume it. Hence, most pornographic materials are highly exaggerated.<\/span><\/p>\n
Considering how far-fetched most of the scenarios in pornography are, people who get attached to pornographic materials report less sexual satisfaction even when they try to have sex in real life. <\/span><\/p>\n
Binge-watching x-rated content is not how to have self-control sexually. <\/span>Pornographic books and magazines also fit the bill of what you should consider consuming less<\/b> of if you really want to improve sexual self-control.<\/span><\/p>\n
5. The friends you keep matter <\/b><\/h3>\n
There’s a popular saying that you are a reflection of the 5 people you spend most of your time with. If your friends have no problems with being sexually careless, you may struggle to have self-control sexually. <\/span><\/p>\n
Take this as your cue to review your closest friends. What are their core values? <\/span><\/p>\n
6. Build self-control in other areas of your life <\/b><\/h3>\n
Lack of self control sexually is usually a sign that there’s something wrong with self-control in other areas of your life. When you lack sexual control, review how your relationship with money, work, friends, and family is. <\/span><\/p>\n
Building self-control in other areas of your life will often spill over to affect your sexuality positively.     <\/span><\/p>\n
7. Speak to a mentor <\/b><\/h3>\n
Having someone you look up to and can confide in comes with its perks, especially when you seem to be struggling with your sexual self-control. At this point, speaking to your mentor will help put some perspective in place. <\/span><\/p>\n
A <\/b>conversation<\/b><\/a> with your mentor or trusted older friend will equip you with powerful and practical strategies<\/b> you can deploy to keep your resolve intact and stay away from sexual behaviors that aren’t right for your relationship. <\/span><\/p>\n
8. Count the cost of wrong actions <\/b><\/h3>\n
It is easy to lose sight of your 80 (your spouse or partner) simply because you are getting attracted by a 20 (someone you’re trying to have a fling with). Put a foot on the brakes and imagine all you stand to lose if you give into your desires. <\/span><\/p>\n
It could cost you the peace and emotional stability you’re enjoying now<\/b>. It may cost you your spouse and children (if things go south and your partner decides to file for a divorce). <\/span><\/p>\n
It could cost you your reputation and respect. Also, think of the health implications of your actions. What if you catch a deadly STI or any other infectious disease that could put your life (and that of your spouse or partner) at risk? <\/span><\/p>\n
Counting the cost of wrong actions can help you say away from giving in to wrong sexual desires.    <\/span><\/p>\n
9. Find yourself in a community of like-minded people<\/b> <\/span><\/h3>\n
If you belong to a church, mosque, or spiritual house, this is the time to find yourself in a community of people who have the same values as you. Even if you are irreligious, having a group of people who value fidelity will help you stay on guard.  <\/span><\/p>\n
Listening to their stories will inspire you to continue your journey<\/b>. They can also pray with and for you if the need arises. Then again, a community is a place where you can bare your soul and not be afraid of getting judged. <\/span><\/p>\n
When you’re with them, you feel safe and you can discuss things you would have otherwise been afraid to talk about.  <\/span><\/p>\n
\"Young<\/p>\n
10. Set boundaries <\/b><\/h3>\n
As you figure out how to have self-control sexually, never forget that you’re the expert on matters that relate to you. You understand your biggest triggers, that is, the circumstances that can make you struggle sexually. <\/span><\/p>\n
Identify your triggers and <\/b>set boundaries<\/b><\/a> around yourself<\/b>. Limit the way you interact with a certain group of people if you find yourself constantly attracted to them. Set rules about how and when you visit specific people (if necessary). <\/span><\/p>\n
Boundaries will make you uncomfortable, but they will be your salvation in the long run. <\/span><\/p>\n
Learn how to set <\/span><\/i>healthy boundaries<\/span><\/i><\/a> in relationships through this video:<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n