{"id":8288,"date":"2016-05-14T11:17:53","date_gmt":"2016-05-14T11:17:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=8288"},"modified":"2023-06-21T06:36:26","modified_gmt":"2023-06-21T06:36:26","slug":"tips-to-reignite-the-romantic-spark-in-your-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/tips-to-reignite-the-romantic-spark-in-your-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Tips to Reignite the Romantic Spark in your Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-8289 size-full\" title=\"Reignite the spark in your relationship\" src=\"http:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/2.jpg\" alt=\"Reignite the spark in your relationship\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You&rsquo;ve long ago inhaled the early dating phase of forgoing sleep for intimate conversation and unquenchable sexual desire.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>You&rsquo;ve committed yourselves to each other in some meaningful way, be it cohabitation, marriage, or child rearing.<\/p>\n<p>You&rsquo;ve seen each other sick with boogers and puke, held each other up at a funeral, and learned how to navigate the strange waters of your in-laws&rsquo; quirks.<\/p>\n<p>You know what she prefers on her waffles and in her coffee.<\/p>\n<p>You know his family home burned when he was 8 years old, so he&rsquo;ll always have to check the&nbsp;<span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">oven one last time before leaving the house.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">know<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>And yet somewhere along the way, you look over at the person sleeping soundly just inches from your face and realize he is a complete stranger &hellip; there&rsquo;s a stranger in your bed!<\/p>\n<p>Your identity has continued evolving without her participation. Or you&rsquo;re not sure anymore how he really feels, what really happens during her days, or why the distance between you seems to be growing faster than your debt.<\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Relational-stagnation-is-oh-so-common-and-happens-for-predictable-reasons\"><\/span><b>Relational stagnation is oh-so-common, and happens for predictable reasons<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<ul><li><strong>Busy-ness<\/strong> (ie: dishes, homework, mortgages, deadlines, LIFE) gets in the way &ndash;how could it not? In the beginning it was learning all about the other person and the world he inhabited up until this point without you. Later it became creating a world together. And then later, the days fill with managing that co-created world.<\/li>\n<li><strong>We assume we know someone<\/strong> and so stop trying to get to know her. It&rsquo;s easy to assume he still feels and thinks and fears and dreams the way he did 5, 10, 15, 50 years ago. But no one stays the same. We mature. Life grows us.<\/li>\n<li><strong>It&rsquo;s easy to expect our partners to &ldquo;just know.&rdquo;<\/strong> Way easier than taking the risk to share our inner feelings or ask for what we want and need.<\/li>\n<\/ul><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Relational-stagnation-may-be-common-but-it%E2%80%99s-still-a-big-problem\"><\/span><b>Relational stagnation may be common, but it&rsquo;s still a <\/b><b><i>big<\/i><\/b><b> problem<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<ul><li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> &nbsp;<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It leads to disconnection, discontent, boredom, conflict,and avoidance &hellip; <\/span>it leads to the slow disintegration of your marriage over time<b>.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> From here, people go on to do and experience all kinds of painful things &ndash; loneliness, affairs, and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/\">divorce<\/a> to name a few.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you&rsquo;re raising kids together, <\/span>it robs them of a powerful example of what long term love can look like<b>.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Not to mention the security it brings a family when mommy and daddy, or mommy and mommy, or daddy and daddy are clearly in love.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you&rsquo;re raising kids together, <\/span>it leads to the daunting task of negotiating &ldquo;Empty Nest&rdquo; with a stranger<b>. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Add retirement to this, and the newfound hours of strained time together has you wondering if you&rsquo;ll end up facing this later life stage apart or alone.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Most importantly, you are being robbed of the vitality and security a romantic relationship <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">really can provide<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. We sometimes get caught between wanting the fairy tale on the one hand and settling for &ldquo;this is just marriage&rdquo; on the other. In reality, marriage is imperfect, but <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">can still be deeply meaningful, passionate, and secure<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Don%E2%80%99t-give-up-there-are-ways-to-re-generate-relational-vitality\"><\/span><b>Don&rsquo;t give up, there are ways to re-generate relational vitality!<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<ul><li><b>Get curious!<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Start to ask and <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">really <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">listen to your partner. Take an interest in his work, recent stresses, and new hopes. This doesn&rsquo;t only have to take the form of conversation. You can also join her during one of her usually solo activities.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b>Take risks and share more of yourself.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> It could be being honest about something that&rsquo;s been nagging you for years, or a new part of yourself you&rsquo;re just now putting into words. Ask directly for the comfort or connection you&rsquo;ve longed for but stopped daring to expect.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b>Make a pact to step outside the box together.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Take a cue from your early dating life in terms of playfulness. Ride the rides together at the fair. Slow dance in the kitchen. Invest in season tickets or new lingerie. Surprise her with breakfast in bed.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b>Prioritize quality time alone together <\/b><b><i>no matter what<\/i><\/b><b>. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Set a regular date night. Put down your phones and enjoy a glass of wine together after the kids are in bed. Take vacations without other friends or family. Make time for pillow talk. <\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p>If these tips are met with your partner&rsquo;s apathy or opposition, or if you can&rsquo;t even imagine how to begin putting yourself out there in these ways, please don&rsquo;t hesitate to seek couple therapy assistance with rebuilding intimacy.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your marriage is one of your <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">most valuable <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">investment opportunities when it comes to life satisfaction. <\/span>Don&rsquo;t underestimate the power you really do have to re-ignite the spark when you open yourself to sharing and receiving each other&rsquo;s unique inner-light.<\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You&rsquo;ve long ago inhaled the early dating phase of forgoing sleep for intimate conversation and unquenchable sexual desire. You&rsquo;ve committed yourselves to each other in some meaningful way, be it cohabitation, marriage, or child rearing. You&rsquo;ve seen each other sick with boogers and puke, held each other up at a funeral, and learned how to navigate the strange waters of your in-laws&rsquo; quirks. You know what she prefers on her waffles and in her coffee. You know his family home burned when he was 8 years old, so he&rsquo;ll always have to check the&nbsp;oven one last time before leaving the <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":72,"featured_media":8289,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[25],"tags":[2552],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8288"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/72"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=8288"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8288\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9026,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8288\/revisions\/9026"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/8289"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=8288"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=8288"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=8288"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}