{"id":82236,"date":"2023-01-17T09:35:59","date_gmt":"2023-01-17T09:35:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=82236"},"modified":"2023-01-17T09:36:22","modified_gmt":"2023-01-17T09:36:22","slug":"micromanaging-spouse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/micromanaging-spouse\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Ways to Deal With a Controlling Micromanaging Spouse"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"Jealous<\/p>\n

Have you ever experienced being micromanaged? It’s like when you are doing your work, and you notice your boss lingering all the time, checking your progress, reminding you, and giving you pointers.<\/span><\/p>\n

Most likely, you won’t be able to do your job properly or on time. So, imagine having a micromanaging spouse.<\/span><\/p>\n

Being treated like this is stressful and exhausting because it feels like you’re being supervised with everything you do. You’re in a relationship, and you should be at ease, happy, and comfortable.<\/span><\/p>\n

If your spouse is micromanaging you, it will affect your happiness, satisfaction, and even your mental health.<\/span><\/p>\n

The question is how to stop micromanaging relationships. Is it possible and what are the signs that you’re being micromanaged by your spouse?<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>What is the definition of micromanagement in relationships?  <\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

What does micromanaging mean?<\/span><\/p>\n

Micromanaging is when a boss or manager oversees every aspect of their subordinate, from decision-making details to output.<\/span><\/p>\n

It’s an extreme form of supervision where the subordinate feels controlled and pressured to provide satisfactory approval from the micromanager.<\/span><\/p>\n

We all know that dominating or controlling people is not healthy, so imagine the feeling if you’re in a relationship and your partner micromanages you?<\/span><\/p>\n

In a relationship, the micromanager feels satisfaction when they can oversee that things are working out the way they want them.<\/span><\/p>\n

You may ask, what makes a person a micromanager?<\/span><\/p>\n

A person may start to micromanage as a form of coping mechanism to their high standards, OCD, and anxiety. They aren’t bad people, but this behavior may become exhausting and unhealthy.<\/span><\/p>\n

The micromanager may feel that their partners couldn’t do anything right, making them frustrated and unable to trust. The person who is being micromanaged may feel exhausted and inadequate when the micromanager comments or gives an unsatisfied look.<\/span><\/p>\n

Being in a relationship should feel like you’re working with a strict and high-standard boss.<\/span><\/p>\n

To learn how to deal with a micromanaging spouse, we first need to know the different micromanager characteristics.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>10 ways to know if your spouse is a micromanager<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Do you feel you have a controlling, micromanaging husband or wife?<\/span><\/p>\n

If you do, then you might be curious about the characteristics of a micromanager and the different situations in which you can relate.<\/span><\/p>\n

Here are ten ways to know if you are indeed being micromanaged by your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Exhausting presence<\/b><\/h3>\n

Being married<\/span><\/a> to the love of your life should feel liberating. When you’re stressed with work, friends, or anything else, your spouse becomes the person who makes you feel relaxed and at home.<\/span><\/p>\n

However, if you feel you are tired of your micromanaging spouse, then you are probably with someone who controls your every move.<\/span><\/p>\n

Just like a boss, you feel you need to be at your best to reach your spouse’s standards from the simplest things, like maintaining a clean home, cooking good food, cleaning the car, or even moving the lawn.<\/span><\/p>\n

These shouldn’t feel like they are tasks from work, but if they do and you feel exhausted, then you’re being micromanaged by your spouse.<\/span><\/p>\n

Related Reading<\/i><\/b>: <\/span><\/i>10 Signs of Emotional Exhaustion and Burnout in Marriage<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
2. Constant reminders of your ‘tasks’<\/b><\/h3>\n
“Are you done fixing the closet today? How about the car? When will you clean it? We’ll leave around 3 p.m., so the car should be clean and ready at around 2 p.m.”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n
For some, it’s just a simple question or update, but what if it’s constant? What if you’re being reminded daily about what you should do when you do it or how you should do it?<\/span><\/p>\n
Imagine having an alarm clock constantly reminding you of everything, from the simplest household chores to how you should wear your coat and many more.<\/span><\/p>\n
3. Lectures you all the time<\/b><\/h3>\n
One of the most obvious micro-manager traits to watch for is if the spouse lectures you like an employee.<\/span><\/p>\n
Your spouse is your partner, and not your boss. So if you feel you’re being lectured by your boss, and that you have to remember all the tips, pointers, and instructions, then this person is definitely a micromanager.<\/span><\/p>\n
Because of their high-standards, they want you to have the same standards as them or get how they think. Unfortunately, we all have our own ways on how we do things.<\/span><\/p>\n
4. Worries about smallest details<\/b><\/h3>\n
A micromanaging spouse worries about the smallest details. Most of these people have <\/span>OCD<\/span><\/a>, so this explains why they might be overly focused on the smallest details.<\/span><\/p>\n
If it’s your turn to cook dinner, they might want to try to oversee how you do it and might get <\/span>stressed out<\/span><\/a> if you put in the garlic before the onions or vice versa.<\/span><\/p>\n
They want things done according to their standards but expect you to perfect them by overseeing every step. It’s definitely stressful to be in this position.<\/span><\/p>\n
5. Not a good listener<\/b><\/h3>\n
There will be times when you want to explain how you do things to your spouse, and they seem to agree.<\/span><\/p>\n
However, when the time comes that you will do it according to your liking, your spouse will still linger and micromanage you and will still point out how you should do it.<\/span><\/p>\n
They might listen and understand, but they can’t help but focus on how they want it done instead of trusting and <\/span>letting go<\/span><\/a> because you can also do it using your own style and ways.<\/span><\/p>\n
\"Couple<\/p>\n
Related Reading: <\/i><\/b>4 Tips to Be a Better Listener in a Relationship- Why It Matters<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
6. Tells you what you should do<\/b><\/h3>\n
A micromanaging spouse will basically tell you what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. Sometimes, they’d list everything as a guide so you won’t mix them or <\/span>make mistakes<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n
If you ever get that feeling that you’re with your boss every time you and your spouse are together, then maybe this person is giving the same vibes.<\/span><\/p>\n
7. Gives unsolicited advice<\/b><\/h3>\n
People who micromanage their spouses would often give out unsolicited advice. For example, if you’re cooking and they notice something they don’t agree upon, they’d let you know and give you lectures about it too.<\/span><\/p>\n
While it’s okay to exchange ideas with other people, it becomes unhealthy when everything seems to be a task that has to be done to please the ‘boss.’<\/span><\/p>\n
We all have our own styles in cooking, cleaning, organizing, and even raising kids. Micromanaging spouses would nit-pick everything and would always find something that they want to improve.<\/span><\/p>\n
8. Nags<\/b><\/h3>\n
A micromanaging spouse can go on and on about house rules; it becomes a form of nagging.<\/span><\/p>\n
“Where do certain items go? Did you forget to put your undergarments in the third drawer?”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n
These types of traits may start subtly, like when you first live together, but overtime, it becomes constant nagging and checking. Everything you do is checked, and even the slightest mistake could cause reminders, unsolicited advice, and anxiety for the micromanager.<\/span><\/p>\n
9. Everything is planned<\/b><\/h3>\n
A micromanaging spouse plans everything. This person ensures they handle these tasks because it’s the only way they could feel at ease.<\/span><\/p>\n
They can’t delegate or entrust tasks to their spouse because they fear it won’t be done right. Most micromanaging spouses exhibit OCD behaviors.<\/span><\/p>\n
Do you know someone with OCD? Here are some tips from CBT therapist Katie d’Ath on how you can help someone suffering from OCD. <\/span><\/p>\n