

{"id":81983,"date":"2022-12-29T07:51:59","date_gmt":"2022-12-29T07:51:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=81983"},"modified":"2022-12-29T07:52:32","modified_gmt":"2022-12-29T07:52:32","slug":"we-have-a-problem","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/save-your-marriage\/we-have-a-problem\/","title":{"rendered":"When Should You Tell Your Spouse, \u201cWe Have a Problem\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-81986\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/New-Project-2022-12-29T131734.997.jpg\" alt=\"Woman confronting man \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There may be times in a relationship when you feel like you need to talk with your spouse, a serious talk. This may be a challenging conversation, but it might be necessary. Here&rsquo;s a look at things you should know when you must tell your spouse, &ldquo;We have a problem.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Should-you-tell-your-spouse-you%E2%80%99re-unhappy\"><\/span><b>Should you tell your spouse you&rsquo;re unhappy?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you are unhappy in marriage, you should talk to your spouse about how you feel as soon as possible. This can help you address small issues immediately, and it may prevent you from doing something you regret.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is important to talk about problems within your relationship when they arise, so you&rsquo;ll have a better chance of working through them instead of simply ending the relationship. Even if you are unhappy, you may still want to stay with your spouse.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For more information on talking to your spouse when it may be difficult, watch this video:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/UnRFxju_Obs\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-are-the-warning-signs-of-a-troubled-marriage\"><\/span><b>What are the warning signs of a troubled marriage?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There are a few<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/separation\/10-signs-you-are-in-a-troubled-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> major warning signs<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> your marriage is in trouble that you should pay attention to. Some are when you are hiding things from each other, making decisions without consulting your spouse, if you are not intimate with each other anymore. When you can&rsquo;t let things that happened within your relationship go.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you notice these warning signs in your marriage, you may wonder, do we have a problem? Once you realize that you may have one, you should talk to your partner about how they feel. You might be able to figure out your next steps together.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"When-should-you-tell-your-spouse-%E2%80%9CWe-have-a-problem%E2%80%9D\"><\/span><b>When should you tell your spouse, &ldquo;We have a problem.&rdquo;<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-81985\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/New-Project-2022-12-29T131800.196.jpg\" alt=\"Couple having problem in relationship \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Marriage can take some work, and everything sometimes goes differently than you thought it might. However, it can take a while for you to notice that we have a problem.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once you feel this way, you owe it to yourself to discuss this with your spouse. Here are a few reasons why you may feel this way.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Identity loss<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In some cases, an individual may feel a loss of identity when they are in a marriage. This could be the case when they need to have things of their own to do. For example, if you spend all your time with your partner and don&rsquo;t have your interests and hobbies, this could make you feel like your role only defines you as a spouse.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It may help to spend time with friends, have your activities, or even you can spend time doing things you like by yourself, on occasion.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. Rules are being broken<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whenever you and your spouse got together, there may have been a time when you discussed what you wanted out of a relationship and what the boundaries were.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If those are being broken within your marriage, you should learn how to fix an unhealthy marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If either person in a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/why-do-people-breakup\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">relationship is breaking<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> the rules or thinking that they don&rsquo;t have to hold up their end of the marriage, they may also think it is okay to be abusive or worse.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You should talk to your partner as soon as you notice something is amiss and see if you can decide how to fix the issue together.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>3. It feels one-sided<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Anytime you feel like your marriage is one-sided, this may be one of the major signs your marriage is in trouble. If a marriage is one-sided, this could mean that one person is doing much of the work and the other is not.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When this happens, it could lead to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/onlinelibrary.wiley.com\/doi\/10.1111\/famp.12397\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">adultery<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, especially when one spouse feels like they can do better than their current mate.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are doing all the work at home and seem to be the only one trying to keep the relationship together, this indicates that you may have a marriage in trouble.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Consider the advice in this article and do additional research on the matter, so you can decide your options for <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/fear-in-relationships\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">addressing your relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. You don&rsquo;t feel heard<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You might be at a loss regarding how to talk to your spouse, especially if you have already felt you aren&rsquo;t heard. Perhaps you have been asking your partner why they aren&rsquo;t listening to what you say and have been trying to change this, but it has gone unnoticed.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While this can leave you feeling frustrated, you owe it to yourself to tell your spouse, we have a problem once more, to determine if you can come to an arrangement. If they aren&rsquo;t willing to hear you out, it can be problematic for the longevity of the marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/not-feeling-heard-in-a-relationship\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What to Do if You Are Not Feeling Heard in a Relationship<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>5. You feel disrespected<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In a relationship, when you feel like there is too much tension that isn&rsquo;t being worked out or you are arguing a lot, this could lead to marriage dissatisfaction, according to a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC6663571\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">2020 study<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you feel like you are being disrespected, you should do what you can to talk to your partner about this. There&rsquo;s a chance that they are not aware of their behavior, or if they know that they are disrespectful and don&rsquo;t care, this may help you understand the state of your relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-to-talk-to-your-spouse-about-being-unhappy\"><\/span><b>How to talk to your spouse about being unhappy<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-81984\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/New-Project-2022-12-29T131827.285.jpg\" alt=\"Couple sitting on couch \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are unsure of how to<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/talk-to-your-husband-about-being-unhappy\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> talk to your spouse<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and say we have a problem, there are things that you need to keep in mind. Here&rsquo;s a look at some of the steps to take.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Know what you want to say<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To determine how to tell your spouse you are unhappy, you should figure out what you want to say. Think about how you are feeling and what is happening within the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can take all the time you need to get your thoughts together to lay everything on the table once you talk to your mate. Then you should be able to say what you have to without getting upset or flustered.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. Be honest<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you are wondering if you need to talk to your spouse about how you are feeling, you may also wonder how you know if your marriage is in trouble. If you are concerned about your marriage, this can be a good thing, considering you are willing to put work into it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is why you shouldn&rsquo;t ignore the feelings you have. If you need to talk to your partner about how you feel so things can change within your marriage, don&rsquo;t hesitate to do so. They may also feel that something is off and want to improve things.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/ways-to-be-honest-in-a-relationship\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Be Honest in a Relationship: 10 Practical Ways<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>3. Propose a solution<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It may help if you propose a solution when you talk to your spouse about how you feel about your relationship. For example, if you are upset that they are working too much and are never at home, suggest special nights together where no work will be involved.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">On a broader scale, you may also want to recommend counseling if you are willing to sit down and talk about your issues. A therapist&rsquo;s office can provide a neutral area to speak about things you may not feel comfortable saying otherwise.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. Ask their thoughts<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After you have said what you need to say to your partner, you should also allow them to say what they have to say. They may have another solution to offer, or they might want to talk about their thoughts on how you are feeling.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can also ask them if they feel like something is off and if they know why they feel this way. If you are willing to try to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/things-couple-can-do-to-strengthen-a-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">strengthen the marriage<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, this can keep your bond strong.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Additionally, if you open up this type of dialogue with your spouse and it seems like it is taking a disrespectful turn, you may have been right about your marriage&rsquo;s condition.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>5. Discuss the future<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you&rsquo;re unhappy in your marriage, you must discuss the future of your relationship with your spouse. For some couples, this may be a turning point where you can change the dynamics or aspects of the relationship causing problems.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">On the other hand, some couples will be on different pages regarding how much they are willing to put into working on their marriage. If your spouse doesn&rsquo;t seem like they want to make it work, change unwanted behavior, or assess your needs, you should consider what you want to do.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ponder all of your options before acting. You may want to stay married, go to marriage counseling, or take steps to end the relationship. It is a big decision, so take the time you need to determine what you want.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/how-to-talk-to-your-boyfriend-about-the-future\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Talk About the Future With My Partner Effectively<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"FAQs\"><\/span><b>FAQs<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here are some frequently asked questions about when to talk to your spouse about problems in your marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. When to call it quits in a marriage?<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are wondering what types of marriage trouble may signal that it is time to call it quits in a marriage, a few are hard to come back from.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One is if either of you has strayed in the relationship. If either of you has cheated, it may indicate that you have given up on your marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Another reason is that you or your partner aren&rsquo;t willing to put in the work. When it seems like one or both of you don&rsquo;t want to try to fix your marriage or talk about things, this could end your union.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Of course, even if you encounter these problems and want to make your marriage work, you can consider <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">relationship counseling<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. What are the first signs your marriage is over?<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Signs that your marriage may be over are similar to those that may pop up when your marriage is in trouble. For example, if you cannot talk to each other without arguing or you don&rsquo;t talk to each other anymore, this may indicate that you have a problem.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Another sign that could make you wonder if we have a problem is when you feel like you are giving into the relationship, which isn&rsquo;t reciprocated. Overall, if one person perceives that they give and don&rsquo;t get much in return, this can make them feel<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/journals.sagepub.com\/doi\/10.1177\/1948550617707019\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> dissatisfied in their relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and cause undue stress or anxiety.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is why you owe it to yourself to try to work out small issues in a timely manner, so they don&rsquo;t become even bigger problems. Be sure to talk to a therapist when you need to, especially if you want to learn more about strengthening your marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The-takeaway\"><\/span><b>The takeaway<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There&rsquo;s no specific right or wrong time to tell your spouse we have a problem. This is a matter that you must trust your instincts on. Once you feel something is amiss or don&rsquo;t feel the same way you used to, you may want to talk with your mate.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Try to discuss when you have a clue that your marriage may need work. This could provide you with the best chance of improving your relationship. If you and your spouse are willing to work together towards building up your marriage and helping it endure, this may be what you wanted all along.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Moreover, you can check out other articles and advice online about talking to your spouse about your feelings or meet with a therapist for expert advice. Trust your instincts when you think something needs to change, and talk to your partner as soon as possible. Then you can decide what steps to take.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There may be times in a relationship when you feel like you need to talk with your spouse, a serious talk. This may be a challenging conversation, but it might be necessary. Here&rsquo;s a look at things you should know when you must tell your spouse, &ldquo;We have a problem.&rdquo; Should you tell your spouse you&rsquo;re unhappy? When you are unhappy in marriage, you should talk to your spouse about how you feel as soon as possible. This can help you address small issues immediately, and it may prevent you from doing something you regret. It is important to talk <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1363,"featured_media":81986,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[11],"tags":[2509],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81983"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1363"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=81983"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81983\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":81987,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/81983\/revisions\/81987"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/81986"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=81983"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=81983"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=81983"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}