{"id":81381,"date":"2022-11-17T06:57:00","date_gmt":"2022-11-17T06:57:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=81381"},"modified":"2022-11-17T06:57:33","modified_gmt":"2022-11-17T06:57:33","slug":"bait-and-switch-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/bait-and-switch-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"What Is a Bait and Switch Relationship? Signs & How to Cope"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"Couple<\/p>\n

Marriages are challenging, but they are also rewarding. When work is put into a marriage, it can be a healthy, fulfilling, lifelong relationship. On the other hand, things become especially difficult when one or both spouses engage in confusing or unhealthy behaviors. <\/span><\/p>\n

A bait and switch relationship can lead to problems in a marriage. You think you’re marrying one person, only to find out they are someone else. Or, you might think your spouse treats you perfectly, only to have them change completely after you say, “I do.”<\/span><\/p>\n

So, what is bait and switch in a relationship like a marriage? Learn the details below, so you can figure out if this is the problem impacting your relationship. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>What does bait and switch mean in a relationship?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

Before you decide what’s going on in your marriage, it’s helpful to understand the bait and switch meaning. Essentially, a bait and switch relationship occurs when a person behaves one way before the start of the marriage but behaves differently after tying the knot.<\/span><\/p>\n

Bait and switch psychology <\/span>explains<\/span><\/a> the essence of the bait and switch marriage. Essentially, a bait and switch occurs when the <\/span>marriage’s expectations<\/span><\/a> do not align with the reality of what one or both spouses experience after the wedding day. <\/span><\/p>\n

Based on how your partner acted before becoming married, you have positive expectations and expect this behavior to continue during your marriage. <\/span><\/p>\n

With a bait and switch relationship, on the other hand, once the marriage is set in stone, one or both partners change their behavior and stop putting as much effort into the relationship because they’ve gotten what they wanted. <\/span><\/p>\n

Bait and switch relationships happen because people think that once they’ve gotten what they want, they no longer have to try. They can also become a cycle in which one person changes their behavior, so the other person changes in response and the cycle continues. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Signs of a bait and switch marriage<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

There are ways to tell if your marriage is a bait and switch. There are numerous examples of baiting and switching in a relationship. <\/span><\/p>\n

\"Couple<\/p>\n

Consider the signs below.<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Your partner was attentive before the marriage, but not anymore <\/b><\/h3>\n

Emotional baiting occurs when your partner is incredibly affectionate and did all the right things to meet your <\/span>emotional needs<\/span><\/a> before the marriage. Still, once you tie the knot, all of this disappears. <\/span><\/p>\n

Perhaps your spouse used to shower you with compliments, but now you can get a new haircut and put on your Sunday best, but they don’t even seem to notice.<\/span><\/p>\n

Your significant other might have felt the need to “wow” you to win you over, but once they know you belong to them for life, they no longer bother to put forth the same degree of effort. <\/span><\/p>\n

Over time, negligent behavior can become quite damaging because you may start to pull away from your partner, creating a vicious cycle of emotional distance. <\/span><\/p>\n

2. Your sex life is non-existant<\/b><\/h3>\n

Bait and switch sex occurs when a person seems very sexual and attracted to their <\/span>partner before marriage<\/span><\/a> but puts the breaks on the sex life soon after the wedding day. <\/span><\/p>\n

Maybe it seemed your spouse had a high sex drive, or they spoke as if sex was important to them while you were dating.<\/span><\/p>\n

In a bait and switch relationship, your partner’s sex drive and need for intimacy seem to be completely different after marriage than it was before tying the knot. <\/span><\/p>\n

Perhaps your partner wanted to act like they were interested in a satisfying sex life, but they couldn’t stay true to this after marriage because they were putting up a front to keep you interested. <\/span><\/p>\n

\"Couple<\/p>\n

If you’re experiencing bait and switch sex, this can become a real problem in your marriage, as a satisfying sex life is <\/span>important<\/span><\/a> for a healthy marriage. <\/span><\/p>\n

3. Your spouse is a completely different person now<\/b><\/h3>\n

When you’re in the middle of a bait and switch relationship, it’s not unusual to realize that your spouse is entirely different from when you were dating. <\/span><\/p>\n

Maybe your spouse shared your interest in health and fitness or spoke fondly of someday having children, only to completely change their interests once the marriage was finalized. <\/span><\/p>\n

Alternatively, maybe your spouse seemed to share most of your values during the dating stage, but now it’s come to light that they don’t see eye-to-eye with you on major issues. <\/span><\/p>\n

For instance, maybe they agreed before marriage that you would split household responsibilities, but now you’re left doing 100% of the housework. <\/span><\/p>\n

Or, maybe the two of you discussed an equal partnership in which you would share decision-making and finances, but now your partner wants to be in charge and leave you out. <\/span><\/p>\n

In some cases, your <\/span>spouse’s behavior <\/span><\/a>change has to do with the pretense of marriage. They felt they needed to be perfect and align with you in every area for you to agree to marry them, but they couldn’t keep up the front after you got married.<\/span><\/p>\n

Learn more about why a partner goes cold on you by watching this video:<\/span><\/p>\n