{"id":8137,"date":"2016-05-05T06:28:28","date_gmt":"2016-05-05T06:28:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=8137"},"modified":"2026-03-20T06:32:42","modified_gmt":"2026-03-20T06:32:42","slug":"premarital-counseling-everything-you-wanted-to-know","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/pre-marriage\/premarital-counseling-everything-you-wanted-to-know\/","title":{"rendered":"Premarital Counseling: Everything You Wanted To Know"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"Premarital<\/p>\n

When you know, you know, but while planning for your marriage are you also getting “ready” for your marriage? Have you considered including premarital counseling a part of your wedding plans?<\/span><\/p>\n

According to a report by the <\/span>Journal of Family Psychology<\/span><\/i>, couples who underwent premarital counseling had 30 percent lesser chances of a <\/span>divorce<\/span><\/a> in the next 5 years as compared to those who did not.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, if you think pre-marriage counseling is for people with problems, then this whole idea of premarital counseling sessions or premarital classes, might sound intense or appear a bit premature at first.<\/span><\/p>\n

But most couples who have actually undergone premarital counseling, report it to be a truly enlightening experience.<\/span><\/p>\n

The pre-marital counseling sessions help you learn the skills required for <\/span>a successful marriage<\/span><\/a> – something that can go a long way in strengthening your chances of staying together.<\/span><\/p>\n

This is especially true in modern times where divorces are far too prevalent and most couples don’t have a role model to look up to for inspiration. And this is where counselors can step in as your relationship experts.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, let us have a look at what is pre-marriage counseling exactly and what do you talk about in pre-marriage counseling. <\/span>Consider these pre-marriage <\/span><\/a>counseling tips<\/span> to get sorted with all your queries.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Benefits of pre-marital counseling<\/span><\/h2>\n

There is clear importance of <\/span>pre-marriage counseling<\/span><\/a>: The willingness to communicate, and working through problems is usually much easier before the wedding than after the fact.<\/span><\/p>\n

Once you get married, you tend to get bogged down by unspoken expectations for each other. Not to mention the quirky ideas you might have fancied about how married life ought to be like.<\/span><\/p>\n

When you are not married yet, you are in a building phase — the expectations are still there, but it’s a whole lot easier to open up on certain problems.<\/span><\/p>\n

By getting into a habit of talking through the differences that are bound to come up, you are setting up an excellent model to follow throughout the rest of your married years.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Benefits<\/p>\n

If you are getting married in a house of worship, then premarital counseling might already be a part of your schedule. If not, you can check our directory listings to find a premarital counselor in your area.<\/span><\/p>\n

You can also get in touch with your local community centers, colleges, or universities to find out if they offer workshops on marriage-building. In any case, let’s take a look at how a certified premarital counselor can help you build a solid foundation for your future together.<\/span><\/p>\n

We will also explore the few key premarital counseling tips that couples should consider prior to walking down the aisle.<\/span><\/p>\n

Recommended – Pre Marriage Course<\/a><\/p>\n

<\/span>Should you go for premarital counseling?<\/span><\/h2>\n

Here are some things to consider if you have been debating whether you should go for premarital counseling.<\/span><\/p>\n

Personal history<\/b><\/p>\n

You may have been dating each other for years, but it’s no guarantee that you are familiar or entirely comfortable with the history, experience, and emotional baggage that you are both bringing into this marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n

Personal aspects like your faith, health, finances, friendships, professional life, and previous relationships are some things that need to be discussed.<\/span><\/p>\n

Carefully crafted questions from an experienced counselor can help you come to terms with any part of your partner’s personal inventory that might play a bigger role in your relationship at a later stage.<\/span><\/p>\n

Creating fruitful marriage resolutions<\/b><\/p>\n

It’s easy to get emotionally overwhelmed when discussing things like sex, kids, and money. A trusted counselor, through a series of thoughtful questions, can guide the conversation in a clear and logical manner.<\/span><\/p>\n

This will prevent you and your partner from going off on a tangent and ultimately help you work out the resolutions that can go a long way in sustaining an endearing <\/span>married life<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Developing conflict resolution skills<\/b><\/p>\n

Let’s face it – every once in a while there are bound to be some tiffs and blowouts. We have all had them. What’s important here is to understand how you both tend to react at such a time.<\/span><\/p>\n

Do you sulk, or mete out the silent treatment? Does it get to the point of name-calling and even yelling?<\/span><\/p>\n

A good premarital counselor will help you be honest with yourself. He will show you that there’s probably some room for improvement. Counseling sessions like these teach you <\/span>how to listen and communicate better<\/span><\/a>. And more importantly, you will learn what not to say (and when not to say) in order to reach an amicable solution.<\/span><\/p>\n

Get realistic about expectations and long term planning<\/b><\/p>\n

This is the time when you can get together and set your expectations on important things like having kids or buying a new car or house.<\/span><\/p>\n

For example, if you and your partner talk about it and make a decision on not having kids for the first two years, it will save you headaches and frustrations later when you are ready for a kid while your partner isn’t ready.<\/span><\/p>\n

This also applies to many other important decisions that you will be making together as married partners.<\/span><\/p>\n

Prevent resentments from hurting you in the future<\/b><\/p>\n

This is also a good time to discuss and clear any issues or resentments that may have been lingering in your relationship, waiting to explode later on. A counselor will help you clear the air on these issues.<\/span><\/p>\n

Put to ease any fears regarding getting married<\/b><\/p>\n

You would be surprised to know how many people get cold feet right before <\/span>getting married<\/span><\/a>. This could stem from the fact that one of the partners comes from a <\/span>family<\/span><\/a> with a history of divorce.<\/span><\/p>\n

Matters can get even more complicated if one of them has a dysfunctional family background replete with fighting and manipulation. Premarital counseling will teach you how to break the shackles of the past and move on to a new beginning.<\/span><\/p>\n

Prevent marital stress<\/b><\/p>\n

When you date someone you ignore certain habits or behavior of your partner without stressing too much on it. But the same things can appear to be frustrating after marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n

An experienced wedding counselor, with his unique “outsider’s perspective”, can help you understand these habits and behavior that can put your partner off.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Address any concerns that you have<\/span><\/h2>\n

Money<\/b><\/p>\n

Counseling sessions can be costly and could potentially throw off your <\/span>wedding budget plans<\/span><\/a>. If booking the services of a professional premarital counselor seems off-limits, try consulting your wedding planner to see if he\/she knows of any free or low-cost counseling resource like a community clinic or a teaching hospital.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you are getting married in a house of worship, premarital counseling may already be a part of your wedding schedule.<\/span><\/p>\n

If not, you can try out the National Association of Social Workers or the American Psychological Association and see if they can help you locate an affordable premarital counselor in your locality.<\/span><\/p>\n

Timing<\/b><\/p>\n

Weddings are frantic occasions and you often end up wearing too many hats at the same time. Taking time out of your busy schedule and activity-laden weekends can be a challenge.<\/span><\/p>\n

Despite this, and for reasons mentioned above, taking an appointment and making it to the counseling session is still worth it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Fear of unearthing additional problems<\/b><\/p>\n

Sometimes it’s the fear of the unknown that can put off couples from attending a counseling session. It’s not unusual to fear this and to unearth something unwanted when your relationship is put under a microscope.<\/span><\/p>\n

And, it often leads to further issues and stress. But what you need to understand that although it can hurt you in the short term, it can go a long way in stabilizing your relationship in the long run.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"Relationship<\/p>\n

Being humbled<\/b><\/p>\n

This is a time when you need to be prepared to be humbled. Counseling sessions like these can end up in you finding out that you aren’t exactly that great in bed or that your wardrobe needs a total upgrade.<\/span><\/p>\n

Even something as simple as finding out that your dressing sense leaves a lot to be desired could make you feel as if you are being scolded. Well, these are some tough facts about your relationship that you need to face at some point in time and sooner it is, the better.<\/span><\/p>\n

Discussing these things in a premarital counseling session will ensure you don’t carry the baggage of unwanted expectations into your marriage. It is critical that the couple get rid of their egos and open up for constructive criticism as the first step towards becoming a better husband and wife.<\/span><\/p>\n

Remember: Premarital counselings can prove to be challenging. But it’s all for your best and putting in the extra work at this time will go a long way in ensuring a smooth ride as you drive into your new world as soulmates.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Remember to be thorough about all the premarital counseling exercises before you plunge into it. If you have done your homework well, you should be able to make the most of your time, money and energy you invest in this process.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>Making the most of your counseling sessions<\/span><\/h2>\n
  1. Be prepared, it can get challenging<\/b>: Don not assume that a counseling session is just another word for planning out things like when you are going to have kids, buy a new house and so on. There is a lot more to it, and can often get challenging. Be prepared for surprises!<\/span><\/li>\n
  2. Remember, the goal here is not to “Win”<\/b>: It’s not a war. It’s not a game either. The focus should be on opening up and talking about working together to change things that aren’t working.<\/span><\/li>\n
  3. Keep your sessions private<\/b>: Trust is the glue that’s going to hold your relationship together. Irrespective of the outcome of the counseling session, you should not discuss it with anyone.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>

    Friends, bridesmaids or relatives – no one needs to know what happened during the session. Facebook and other social media are strictly off-limits too. Do not mention anything that could cause any embarrassment to your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n

    1. Be grateful<\/b>: Make it a point to let your partner know how much you <\/span>appreciate<\/span><\/a> them agreeing to attend the counseling session with you. Let them know how much this means to you and that session would be the beginning of working together in making this marriage successful.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>

      <\/span>15 Premarital counseling questions you must discuss<\/span><\/h2>\n

      If you are wondering about what you need to talk about before you get married or what is discussed in pre-marriage counseling, here’s a list of some important topics that you may want to discuss with your premarital counselor before you take the plunge.<\/span><\/p>\n

      Remember, while it’s great to hire a professional counselor to guide you, you may find it easier to just discuss these topics from the comfort of your home. Use these questions to get the conversation going about your expectations, concerns, and hopes.<\/span><\/p>\n

      \"Premarital<\/p>\n

      1. Marriage commitments<\/b><\/p>\n

      Discuss what commitment means to you and your partner as you make plans of walking down the aisle.<\/span><\/p>\n