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Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy. – Robert Tew.<\/span><\/p>\n Ever been in the middle of a heated argument with your partner where you’re desperately trying to explain your point of view, but it feels like you’re talking to a brick wall? <\/span><\/p>\n Ever find yourself wondering, “Why do I always feel the need to justify myself?” “Why does explaining my perspective lead to more conflict?” “Is it possible to just stop explaining myself?”<\/span><\/p>\n Pause for a moment. <\/span><\/p>\n You don’t have to explain yourself endlessly to be understood or validated. <\/span><\/p>\n Here, we’ll talk about some compelling reasons why you should stop explaining yourself during arguments and how it can transform your relationship. <\/span><\/p>\n Over-explaining can lead to increased stress and miscommunication, exacerbating conflicts rather than resolving them.<\/b><\/p>\n Research<\/span><\/a> has evidence that poor communication can result in various negative outcomes for a situation.<\/span><\/p>\n By understanding that you don’t have to explain yourself all the time, you reclaim your peace and self-respect.<\/span><\/p>\n Explaining ourselves during arguments is a natural response, driven by various emotions and perspectives.<\/b> <\/span><\/p>\n Sometimes, <\/span>we just want to be understood<\/b>, believing that if we can articulate our point well enough, the other person will finally get it. Other times, we might be trying to justify our actions to alleviate guilt or to defend ourselves against accusations.<\/span><\/p>\n In scenarios where emotions run high, <\/span>explaining feels like a way to bridge the gap and resolve the conflict.<\/b> However, this often backfires, leading to more frustration. <\/span><\/p>\n Recognize that you don’t have to explain yourself constantly. Trying to stop explaining yourself can be liberating, reducing the stress of endless justifications.<\/span><\/p>\n You should never explain yourself to anyone who refuses to see your perspective. Understanding that it’s okay to say, “I don’t explain myself under pressure,” can kickstart healthier communication in your relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n Understanding when to explain yourself and when to hold back is vital for maintaining peace and respect in relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n In certain situations, explaining yourself can bring you closer to understanding and resolution. <\/b><\/p>\n For instance, in a calm discussion with a supportive friend or partner, sharing your perspective can clarify misunderstandings and strengthen your bond. It’s about creating a mutual space where both parties feel heard and respected.<\/span><\/p>\n However, <\/span>in high-conflict scenarios or with someone who’s unwilling to listen, explaining yourself can fuel the fire.<\/b> <\/span><\/p>\n Endless justifications can lead to more arguments, leaving you feeling frustrated and unheard. In these cases, it’s better to stop explaining yourself and set boundaries. Constantly asking, “Do I have to explain myself?” can help you gauge if the effort is worth it.<\/span><\/p>\n Sometimes, silence and self-assurance speak louder than words. <\/b>You don’t owe explanations to everyone, especially those who repeatedly dismiss your feelings. Trust your judgment and remember, it’s okay to stop explaining yourself when it no longer serves your peace and well-being.<\/span><\/p>\n When we find ourselves in a position where we feel the need to explain ourselves, it is often driven by a genuine desire to be understood and to resolve conflicts. However, it is important to recognize that even with the best intentions, we can make mistakes when explaining ourselves. <\/span><\/p>\n These mistakes can impede effective communication and hinder the clarity and understanding we seek. By understanding and acknowledging these common missteps, we can improve our ability to convey our thoughts and feelings more effectively. <\/span><\/p>\n Let’s explore some of these common mistakes that can occur despite our pure intentions when explaining ourselves.<\/span><\/p>\n It is important to start with the surface level of an explanation and only delve deeper if necessary. This avoids overwhelming the listener with unnecessary details or information they may not be interested in.<\/span><\/p>\n People often feel the need to provide extensive justifications or explanations for their actions or decisions. This can result in information overload and may dilute the main point they are trying to convey. <\/span><\/p>\n It is a lesser known fact that over-explanation can stem from past experiences of a person. Dr. Caroline Leaf, in her<\/span> research<\/span><\/a>, looks at over-explaining as a trauma response. <\/span><\/p>\n Using phrases like “I’m not sure if you’ll agree, but…” or “This may be an unpopular opinion, but…” before making a statement can undermine the confidence and clarity of the explanation. Such disclaimers can make the person sound unsure or insecure about their own beliefs.<\/span><\/p>\n Sometimes, individuals assume that others have the same background knowledge or context they do, leading to misunderstandings in their explanations. It is important to provide sufficient context and background information to ensure better understanding.<\/span><\/p>\n Failing to adapt the delivery of an explanation to the knowledge level and perspective of the listener can lead to miscommunication. Adjusting the vocabulary, examples, and level of detail to suit the audience can enhance clarity and comprehension.<\/span><\/p>\n When feeling the need to explain oneself, it is common to become defensive and focus more on proving oneself right rather than fostering understanding or finding a resolution. Stop justifying yourself repeatedly, as this defensive stance can hinder effective communication and escalate conflicts.<\/span><\/p>\n While explaining oneself, it is essential to also actively listen to the other person’s perspective and concerns. Neglecting this can lead to a one-sided conversation, further exacerbating misunderstandings, disagreements, or over-explaining in a relationship. <\/span><\/p>\n It can be tempting to explain yourself when you’re in the middle of an argument. You might try to explain your actions or why you think someone reacted negatively to what you did. <\/span><\/p>\n But there are several reasons to stop explaining yourself, especially if you want to stop arguing and move on with your day.<\/span><\/p>\n You can stop explaining yourself, as this is a dangerous way to live because it means that other people’s opinions are dictating your self-worth. When you often feel that you have to justify yourself to other people, it might make you feel bad about yourself and cause anxiety.<\/span><\/p>\n Christiana Njoku<\/span><\/a>, LPC, says<\/span><\/p>\n Don’t let what other people think about you determine your reality. Your self-worth should not depend on others’ opinions. <\/span><\/p>\n Also, it’s unfair to you—you shouldn’t have to live your life based on other people’s opinions. Instead, base your self-worth on internal factors. <\/span><\/p>\n Take a look at all the good and right things about you, and focus on those qualities. You get back your sense of self-worth and confidence by not explaining yourself. <\/span><\/p>\n Friend: “Why did you choose that path? It doesn’t make sense to me.”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n You: “I’m happy with my choice, and I don’t need to explain myself to anyone.”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n When you are constantly explaining yourself, it becomes a pattern of behavior in which you feel you have to justify your choices. This is frustrating and exhausting! <\/span><\/p>\n If someone disagrees with something that you did or said, it does not mean they don’t trust you or think less of you. Instead, stop explaining yourself and try <\/span>taking responsibility<\/span><\/a> for what happened instead of blaming others for your mistakes.<\/span><\/p>\n Partner: “Why did you handle it that way?”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n You: “I made a decision based on what I thought was best. I don’t need to explain myself for every choice I make.”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n We all make mistakes, but it can be hard to stay on track when you constantly explain yourself. You may not even realize how much time you spend thinking about what others think of you, which means that you might not notice how much effort is being put into this behavior. <\/span><\/p>\n Instead, try taking some time to be alone with your thoughts and reflect on why these <\/span>issues are so important<\/span><\/a> to you.<\/span><\/p>\n Colleague: “Why did you take that approach?”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n You: “I made a choice based on my understanding. I prefer to focus on moving forward rather than explaining every decision.”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n It is easy to get stuck in your head and think that everyone is always thinking about you, but this isn’t true. <\/span><\/p>\n The more time you spend explaining yourself or trying to avoid situations where you might be judged, the less likely it is that you will be able to focus on what matters. <\/span><\/p>\n You may also find that you are starting to lose perspective on how others view you, which means that you might start changing your life based on things that don’t matter as much as you think.<\/span><\/p>\n Family Member: “Why did you do it that way?”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n You: “I did what felt right for me at the time. I don’t need to explain myself constantly.”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n It is hard to be yourself when you constantly worry about what other people think. This can lead to feeling like a fraud and like you don’t know who you are anymore. <\/span><\/p>\n It also means that you will have less energy for things that truly matter because you are always spending your mental resources trying to ensure that no one judges you poorly. <\/span><\/p>\n So, learning how to stop over-explaining yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself. <\/span><\/p>\n Friend: “Why are you always acting differently around them?”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n You: “I am who I am, and I don’t need to explain myself to anyone about that.”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n You can do whatever you want with your life, but if you allow yourself to be ruled by other people’s opinions, it is easy for them to take that away from you. You are constantly changing to please other people and their opinions instead of standing firm on <\/span>your beliefs<\/span><\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n Having to explain yourself in a relationship repeatedly is a problem because your life doesn’t belong to anyone else. It is yours and should reflect who you are and what you want out of life. <\/span><\/p>\n If you always try to live up to other people’s expectations, they will take away your power over time.<\/span><\/p>\n Partner: “Why do you always need to justify yourself?”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n You: “I realize now that I don’t need to explain myself to anyone to feel valid or powerful.”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n Life is full of choices, and every single one can hugely impact your life and the lives of those around you. <\/span><\/p>\n If you allow yourself to be distracted or influenced by the opinions of others, then it can be easy to make poor decisions that <\/span>negatively affect<\/span><\/a> your life in the long run. <\/span><\/p>\n So, if you always feel the need to explain yourself, you are most likely not true to yourself. You may be trying to please other people, or you may feel as though your opinions don’t matter.<\/span><\/p>\n Friend: “Why did you go along with that decision?”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n You: “I realized that I don’t need to explain myself. My choices are my own, and I need to trust them.”<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n If the opinions of others are constantly influencing you, it can be easy to lose touch with reality. You may have difficulty making decisions that are right for you, which can lead to an <\/span>unhealthy lifestyle<\/span><\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n So, if you feel your emotions are not your own, then there is probably a good reason for this happening.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/span>Why do we explain ourselves during arguments?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Why explaining yourself is not always the best course<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
When explaining helps<\/b><\/h3>\n
When explaining hurts<\/b><\/h3>\n
Knowing when to hold back<\/b><\/h3>\n
<\/span>7 common mistakes people make when explaining themselves<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
1. Going too deep too quickly<\/b><\/h3>\n
2. Over-detailing<\/b><\/h3>\n
3. Adding disclaimers<\/b><\/h3>\n
4. Assuming others can read their minds<\/b><\/h3>\n
5. Not considering the audience<\/b><\/h3>\n
6. Becoming defensive<\/b><\/h3>\n
7. Neglecting active listening<\/b><\/h3>\n
<\/span>15 reasons to stop explaining yourself during an argument<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
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<\/p>\n1. You base your self-worth on the opinions of others<\/b><\/h3>\n
2. You are losing faith in yourself<\/b><\/h3>\n
3. You find it difficult to stay on track<\/b><\/h3>\n
4. You may be missing the big picture<\/b><\/h3>\n
5. You are not being sincere<\/b><\/h3>\n
6. You feel powerless<\/b><\/h3>\n
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<\/p>\n7. You are in danger of making bad decisions<\/b><\/h3>\n
8. You are losing touch with what’s important<\/b><\/h3>\n