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“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility”. Sadly, the Russian author, Leo Tolstoy, couldn’t find his solution. <\/span>Perhaps he could have avoided his marriage collapsing if he had had a weekly marriage check in. <\/b><\/p>\n Before we explain the marriage check up process, it’s worth first considering what’s driving you to think about having a weekly marriage check in. <\/span>Yes, it’s a healthy approach to <\/b>communication in a marriage<\/b><\/a>. It isn’t a quick fix for deeper issues though. <\/b><\/p>\n Dr. Jennifer Schulz<\/a>, PhD in Psychology, says<\/span><\/p>\n A regular marriage meeting is your opportunity to share concerns, reconnect with your partner, and keep the marriage on track.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n If you’re looking for a new tool to formalize how to agree on who’s going to do what each week then the weekly marriage check in could be for you.<\/b> If, on the other hand, you’re looking to <\/span>resolve communication issues<\/span><\/a>, there could be something else going on. <\/span><\/p>\n Relationships are hard and they take <\/span>effort and commitment<\/span><\/a>. On top of that, we are often drawn to people who hit all our triggers. As this article on<\/span> why we love difficult people<\/span><\/a> explains, we choose our partners because they feel familiar when compared to our childhood patterns. <\/span><\/p>\n Those patterns aren’t always healthy. Nevertheless, <\/span>rather than getting triggered by our partners, we can use our weekly marriage check in to explore those triggers together. <\/b><\/p>\n By not taking things personally and asking marriage check in questions, you can uncover what works best for both of you.<\/b> The more you reveal your triggers, the more you can support each other wisely to not get hurt or stressed. <\/span><\/p>\n In summary, a weekly marriage check in can be a useful organizational tool. It can also be a process to allow you to explore deeper issues. <\/b><\/p>\n Marriage meetings are a mature way to <\/span>communicate<\/span><\/a>. The idea is to use open ended questions to encourage information sharing. If you just ask yes or no questions, you tend to limit the possibilities. <\/span><\/p>\n A good way to remember open questions is the acronym 5W1H: What, Where, When, Who, Why and How.<\/b> <\/span><\/p>\n Although, a useful tip is to note that the question ‘why’ can sometimes come across as accusatory. In essence, ‘what’ and ‘how’ are the best questions.<\/span><\/p>\n The following list gives you some ideas for marriage check in questions but of course you can create your own as you go along: <\/span><\/p>\n We all have different ways of doing things. Some people like to be organized and some like to go with the flow. <\/span>The trick to having a successful weekly marriage check in is to work out <\/b>what’s best for you both<\/b><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n The common approach for a weekly check in is to aim for half an hour every week.<\/b> Find the right time on the right day and then prepare like you would for a work meeting.<\/span><\/p>\n So, <\/span>have an agenda and specific items you want to discuss. <\/b>These could cover anything from <\/span>finances<\/span><\/a> to household chores or the kids. <\/span><\/p>\n Interestingly, there are different personality types out there. <\/span>If you’re the more spontaneous type, this could feel like adding a millstone around your neck<\/b>.<\/span> In that case, simply remember that all you’re trying to achieve is <\/b>time alone with your partner<\/b><\/a>. <\/b><\/p>\n Marriage meetings for lasting love can be flexible if you want them to be. Perhaps a daily check in at the end of the day as you wind down after dinner before bed? If you’re morning people, perhaps you can find time over breakfast? <\/span><\/p>\n If one of you is the organized type and one of you spontaneous, you’ll need to find a way to honor both of your needs. <\/b>A great way to start is to discover your different styles with this free<\/span> personality type questionnaire<\/span><\/a> and review the reports together.<\/span><\/p>\n Simply knowing the differences makes a huge impact on how you <\/span>manage conflict<\/span><\/a>. You’ll be much more aware of how you see life differently and can be more empathic more easily.<\/span><\/p>\n The secret to a successful marriage is communication but most importantly kindness<\/b>. As this article on the<\/span> Masters of Love<\/span><\/a> describes, this isn’t just about doing little things for each other. <\/span><\/p>\n It’s also about turning towards your partner and responding positively when they share something that’s important to them. The article further summarizes some of the Gottman Institute research. <\/span><\/p>\n In summary, successful partners feel physiologically calm around each other because of the trust and kindness they show towards each other.<\/b> A weekly marriage check in allows you to do that. At its core, a marriage check up is about communicating to connect deeply. <\/span><\/p>\n We all complain about not having enough time. Intriguingly, this<\/span> world data chart<\/span><\/a> shows that Western societies are working less. Moreover, we’re definitely doing better than spending 57 hours a week on housekeeping as they did in the 1950s, according to<\/span> Good Housekeeping<\/span><\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n So, what’s happening to all this time we allegedly have? Journalist Johann Hari spoke to experts all over the world and summarized everything in his book Stolen Focus. <\/span><\/p>\n As this article on our<\/span> stolen attention<\/span><\/a> summarizes, <\/span>our focus and our time have been taken away by smartphones, the internet and the constant barrage of information. <\/b><\/p>\n A weekly marriage check in can give you some time back<\/b>. You clearly state that there will be no digital distractions. Sometimes that means leaving the house to get some space.<\/span><\/p>\n Whatever you need to make it work, marriage meetings for lasting love involve time alone with nothing and no one else.<\/span><\/p>\n Finding your perfect weekly marriage check in is initially a trial and error process. Be patient and adapt according to your schedules and needs. The overall aim is to spend quality time together where you can both appreciate each other and plan together.<\/span><\/p>\n You can ask marriage check in questions at any time of day. The key is to make sure you’re both open and listening without distractions. Carve out the time you need on the day that works for you.<\/span><\/p>\n A weekly marriage check in is about getting to know each other’s <\/span>priorities<\/span><\/a>. Things change as we go through life and sometimes we expect our partners to mind-read. <\/span>Instead, talk about what’s important to you and what you want out of life and your relationship. <\/b><\/p>\n Marriage meetings are a useful way to claim time back for each other. On the flip side, <\/span>a good exercise you can do is to work out where your time goes.<\/b> Rather than blaming each other for not <\/span>spending time together<\/span><\/a>, fill out a<\/span> time diary<\/span><\/a> for a few weeks.<\/span><\/p>\n You can then analyze it together and agree on what to let go of and what to prioritize. You might be surprised at where exactly you spend your time. <\/span><\/p>\n It’s important to be fully present for each other when you do decide to sit down. If you’re tired, you can’t be open and curious. So, it’s useful to know when you have the best energy for your partner. <\/span><\/p>\n Try this<\/span> nurturing versus depleting activity exercise<\/span><\/a> and readjust where you can. <\/span>The more you listen to your energy flow, the more likely you’ll be able to connect with your partner.<\/b><\/p>\n The perfect theme for your weekly marriage check in is of course, <\/span>how you spend money<\/span><\/a>. This can often become a heated argument so remember to start with your goals and expectations. If anything is misaligned, you can pre-empt a solution before it turns into conflict.<\/span><\/p>\n Dr. Schulz adds,<\/span><\/p>\n Arguments about money are one of the biggest sources of conflict in marriage, so incorporating a discussion of finances into your weekly marriage meeting is essential.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Sometimes it’s worth prioritizing external help in your budget.<\/b> Of course it isn’t always possible but getting someone to help with household chores can make the world of difference.<\/span><\/p>\n If it means sacrificing your online streaming subscriptions, perhaps you’ve also done yourself a service and regained some me-time? Perhaps this is useful food for thought for your next weekly check in?<\/span><\/p>\n A couple meeting for the first time for their weekly check-ins might not know what to talk about. <\/span>As you get used to it, start with the fun stuff.<\/b><\/p>\n An important part of any weekly marriage check in should be to plan your <\/span>date nights<\/span><\/a>. What new restaurant do you want to try out or which new film do you want to see?<\/span><\/p>\n As mentioned, a weekly marriage check in is pointless if you’re half on your phone or distracted by kids walking in and out. You lose focus and you can’t fully listen to each other. <\/span><\/p>\n If you need a helping hand, watch this video where a clinical psychologist discusses the impact of our constant distractions and how we can change our habits to self-reflect more: <\/span><\/p>\n<\/span>What is a marriage meeting?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>What are good relationship check in questions?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
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<\/p>\n<\/span>How do you conduct a relationship check?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
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<\/p>\n<\/span>Benefits of marriage meetings<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>25 tips on weekly marriage Check in guide <\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
1. Find your rhythm<\/b><\/h3>\n
2. Define your values and priorities<\/b><\/h3>\n
3. Understand your use of time<\/b><\/h3>\n
4. Know your energy flow<\/b><\/h3>\n
5. Align financial goals<\/b><\/h3>\n
6. Buy time back<\/b><\/h3>\n
7. Plan date nights<\/b><\/h3>\n
8. Agree on how to manage distractions <\/b><\/h3>\n