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Experts <\/span><\/a>tell couples to never go to bed angry, but what do you do when your partner shuts down, but you’re ready to make up?<\/span><\/p>\n What is <\/span>stonewalling in a relationship<\/span><\/a>? Stonewalling means shutting down emotionally and even refusing to speak to one’s partner. It is a damaging and hurtful way to deal with conflict.<\/span><\/p>\n Relationship expert Dr. John Gottman finds this trait so deadly to relationships that it is dubbed one of the “<\/span>Four Horsemen<\/span><\/a>” of marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n Your partner may not mean to freeze you out. Stonewalling is simply a coping method used by some when they feel psychologically flooded or overwhelmed. It can be harmful, however, because it prevents progress during a disagreement and squelches communication efforts.<\/span><\/p>\n How do you talk to your partner who shuts down, and is this normal behavior? We’re discussing all things stonewalling and giving solutions for what to do when your partner shuts down.<\/span><\/p>\n Not sure what to do when your partner shuts you out? It is a confusing situation. Should you…<\/span><\/p>\n Instead of thinking the worst about your spouse: “They don’t love me!” or “They don’t even care how much I’m hurting,” – reframe your thinking.<\/span><\/p>\n There is a slight chance that your partner is stonewalling to punish you, and if this is the case, it is a terrible and painful habit they need to break.<\/span><\/p>\n However, the more likely option is that your partner keeps <\/span>shutting down emotionally <\/span><\/a>because they are trying to protect themselves – and you – from further hurt.<\/span><\/p>\n Perhaps they are shutting down because they weren’t given the proper tools to communicate in a healthy, adult way. Or maybe they are afraid of saying something in the heat of the moment that they will regret and so choose not to say anything at all.<\/span><\/p>\n While still frustrating, it can be helpful for you to put yourself in your partner’s shoes and understand why you are being shut out by someone you love.<\/span><\/p>\n If your man is shutting you out and distancing himself, your relationship needs help. Instead of zeroing in on whatever conflict you are having, take a step back and look at the bigger picture.<\/span><\/p>\n Focus on how to solve, not the problem at hand, but the biggest issue of communication. What is it that is keeping your partner from being able to come to you with their feelings?<\/span><\/p>\n Once you solve the problem of why your partner keeps shutting down emotionally, you can refocus on the smaller issues.<\/span><\/p>\n Being in a relationship<\/span><\/a> where communication is stifled can be frustrating. It is a test of patience.<\/span><\/p>\n A partner shutting down emotionally can sometimes feel like a personal attack. It’s emotionally draining and may leave you questioning your self-worth.<\/span><\/p>\n If you’re at a loss for how to communicate with someone who shuts down, don’t go through it alone.<\/span><\/p>\n Keeping relationship issues private is a kind and respectful thing to do, but sometimes you need a little extra help. Research shows that<\/span> support from friends or family<\/span><\/a> significantly lower mental distress.<\/span><\/p>\n If you are suffering, reach out to trusted friends or family members for support.<\/span><\/p>\n What is stonewalling in a relationship? It is when someone shuts you out of their life, even if only temporarily.<\/span><\/p>\n When a partner shuts down and refuses conversations or interactions with you (in-person, text messages, phone calls), that is stonewalling.<\/span><\/p>\n The act of being shut out by someone you love can make you feel like your partner doesn’t care about you. It is also frustrating to see that they aren’t bothered by the lingering disagreement between the two of you.<\/span><\/p>\n Not only is stonewalling hurtful, but it is also harmful to the relationship because it indicates that your partner can’t communicate in a healthy and respectful way.<\/span><\/p>\n The<\/span> Journal of Divorce & Remarriage<\/span><\/a> cites that 53% of divorcing couples listed “not able to talk together” as one of the biggest issues they faced that ultimately ended their marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n Couples may take a momentary breather from a stressful conversation but going days without talking to your partner is a warning sign that your relationship is in trouble.<\/span><\/p>\n Couples who have empathy for one another will have an easier time communicating than those who are only interested in being right. Here are some helpful tips on how to get your partner to open up after shutting down emotionally.<\/span><\/p>\n Sometimes the best thing to do when someone shuts you out of their life is to set a good example. Treat them the way you want to be treated.<\/span><\/p>\n This means creating a safe, comfortable environment for them to open up to you.<\/span><\/p>\n You can lead the way by practicing vulnerability. Be open with your spouse about how you feel. Tell them that shutting you out makes you feel lonely and unloved. Tell them you miss talking to them.<\/span><\/p>\n When you aren’t afraid to be raw and honest with your feelings, your partner may be inclined to do the same.<\/span><\/p>\n Being vulnerable in a relationship can improve communication and trust. In this video are 6 ways to be vulnerable in love:<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<\/span>What to do when your partner shuts down?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
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<\/p>\nRelated Reading:<\/i><\/b> How to Cope if Your Spouse Stonewalls You<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
1. Assume the best<\/b><\/h3>\n
2. Focus on solutions<\/b><\/h3>\n
Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> 30 Common Relationship Problems and Solutions<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
3. Don’t do it alone<\/b><\/h3>\n
<\/span>Is it normal for couples to not talk for days?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
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<\/p>\n<\/span>7 communication methods for when your partner shuts down<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
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<\/p>\n1. Show your vulnerable side<\/b><\/h3>\n
Related Reading: <\/i><\/b>16 Powerful Benefits of Vulnerability in Relationships<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n