

{"id":80373,"date":"2022-09-06T10:23:40","date_gmt":"2022-09-06T10:23:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=80373"},"modified":"2025-11-24T07:02:59","modified_gmt":"2025-11-24T07:02:59","slug":"how-to-diffuse-arguments-with-your-partner","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/how-to-diffuse-arguments-with-your-partner\/","title":{"rendered":"15 Phrases That Will Diffuse Arguments With Your Partner"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-80369\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/New-Project-2022-09-06T154101.840.jpg\" alt=\"Happy couple on a date\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is no such thing as<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/10-tips-to-creating-your-perfect-relationship-this-year\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> a perfect relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. They all go through a rough patch&mdash;moments of undesirable misunderstanding, at-the-top-of-your-lung kind of screaming, and seemingly endless bickering. It may sound emotionally exhausting, but it is an inevitable part of every relationship.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Learning <\/span><b>how to diffuse arguments<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> may be the best way to lessen the emotional impact that these conflicts can have on us. Because let us be honest here. Arguments are just too much to handle sometimes, and we want to avoid them entirely, but we can&rsquo;t because it would only <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/six-things-that-can-destroy-your-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">damage the relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> even more.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Is-it-normal-for-couples-to-have-arguments\"><\/span><b>Is it normal for couples to have arguments?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/fru0YalyWJM?si=Vj5toPCOdS9oHe8t\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">&#65279;<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<div class=\"subscribeYT_highlight\"><div class=\"subscribe_channel\">\r\n            <div class=\"subscribe_text\">Join millions <span class=\"sub_text1\">building healthier, happier<\/span> <span class=\"sub_text2\"> relationships.<\/span><\/div>\r\n            <a class=\"subscribe-btn-in-content\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/@Marriagedotcom?sub_confirmation=1\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n            <img src=\"\/images\/youtube_icon_small.png\" class=\"icon-left\" alt=\"YouTube\">\r\n            <span>Subscribe<\/span>\r\n            <img src=\"\/images\/bell_icon_new.svg\" class=\"icon-right\" alt=\"Extra Icon\">\r\n            <\/a>\r\n        <\/div><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Arguments occur from time to time. Remember that you are two different people inside the relationship, and <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/causes-of-misunderstanding-in-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">misunderstandings and conflicts<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> are unavoidable. Most of the time, they occur due to a desire for change, whether in your or your partner&rsquo;s behavior or entire relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, always bear in mind that conflicts and arguments are not about who wins and loses. It is all about coming up with a solution. Because, at the end of it, agreeing with a common resolution might make you and your partner feel better, and your relationship would also become stronger.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And so, the goal in every argument is not to attack and to bring each other down or hurt the other person through destructive words. Doing so would only intensify the heat of the argument. The best way is to use positive and encouraging words to cultivate a healthier way of dealing with an argument.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/how-to-handle-arguments-in-relationship\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Handle Relationship Arguments: 18 Effective Ways<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-80375\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/New-Project-2022-09-06T155015.086.jpg\" alt=\"Couple sitting on sofa looking at each other \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"15-phrases-that-will-diffuse-arguments-with-your-partner\"><\/span><b>15 phrases that will diffuse arguments with your partner<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When there is a misunderstanding with your partner, it is easy to become angry and frustrated, and it is often far easier to shout and insinuate our points. However, not only will it aggravate the situation, but it will also exhaust you later on. If you want to face the conflict without having such negative experiences, here are some phrases you may want to try:<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. &ldquo;Tell me what you&rsquo;re feeling right now&rdquo;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Learning <\/span><b>how to diffuse an argument<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is tricky. Sometimes, when in the middle of a heated argument, we tend to ignore each other&rsquo;s feelings and focus on our own. But, the secret to diffusing an argument lies in these words: <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ldquo;How are you feeling?&rdquo;<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Again, this is not about learning <\/span><b>how to shut someone down in an argument<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. This is about being there for each other despite your current conflict. When you ask your partner how they feel, it shows that the care and concern are still there and that each other&rsquo;s emotional well-being is way more important than the issue at hand.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. &ldquo;Yes, I heard you, and I&rsquo;m sorry if you feel that way&rdquo;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Arguments often escalate because of the feeling of being unheard in a relationship. But, when you say things like, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ldquo;I heard you,&rdquo;<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> you are giving the impression that you are <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.tandfonline.com\/doi\/abs\/10.1080\/17439760.2020.1832243?journalCode=rpos20\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">acknowledging their emotions<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and their needs. It doesn&rsquo;t matter whether your opinion differs from theirs or not, as long as there is no <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/psychological-effects-of-rejection\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">feeling of rejection<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> or being judged for their sentiments.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Watch this video to understand how apology can be powerful.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/gQ-0oR3C1UM\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h3><b>3. &ldquo;Did I do something wrong that made you feel that way?&rdquo;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Often, we are not consciously aware of what we did wrong, and not trying to acknowledge our faults may lead to even more conflict.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, asking if there was something you did that made them feel bad or hurt is like telling them, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ldquo;I&rsquo;m willing to change or take responsibility for what I did.&rdquo;<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> And, sometimes, just knowing that you are willing to take action is enough to diffuse any argument.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. &ldquo;Can we take a few moments to calm down?&rdquo;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Learning <\/span><b>how to disengage from an argument<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is sometimes necessary, especially if you are feeling overwhelmed or furious, to solve the problem without trying to win over a heated argument.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, if you are to disengage, ensure that you are only doing it for the time being and that you will come back to discuss the issue once you are done recomposing yourself. And if you plan to do so, make sure to tell your partner. Please don&rsquo;t leave them hanging and think that you are avoiding the problem.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/anger-in-a-relationship\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How Do I Manage My Anger in a Relationship And Prevent Damage?<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>5. &ldquo;It was your perspective, and I am in no position to say that it was wrong&rdquo;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the best <\/span><b>things to say when you&rsquo;re arguing with someone<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is to acknowledge that you both have different perspectives. It shows that you are validating their own experiences without making them feel judged or rejected.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>6. &ldquo;Can we try to come up with a resolution?&rdquo;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The <\/span><b>best line to end an argument<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is this one. It gives the impression that even though you both have different opinions, you are still willing to compromise and come up with a mutual decision to fix the issue.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/compromises-in-a-relationship\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">6 Compromises in a Relationship Needed for a Healthy Marriage<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>7. &ldquo;Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?&rdquo;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Another idea of <\/span><b>what to say to end an argument<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is this phrase right here. Arguments can be extremely taxing, both physically and emotionally, and if you want to end it the right way, ask them if there is something you can do to make them feel better. It could be comfort food or a cuddle.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/how-to-make-someone-understand-your-feelings\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">15 Ways to Help Your Partner Understand How You're Feeling<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>8. &ldquo;What I did hurt you, and I&rsquo;m sorry&rdquo;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Learning <\/span><b>how to diffuse arguments<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is not always easy. It sometimes takes courage because you must also learn to put your ego aside. And so, if they open up about the things you did that made them feel hurt, validate their feelings, and make sure to apologize, whether you did it intentionally or not.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Taking responsibility and owning up to your mistakes will <\/span><b>disallow an argument<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> from spiraling out of control.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/forgiveness\/importance-of-saying-sorry\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Importance of Saying Sorry in a Relationship<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>9. &ldquo;Can you at least try to hear me out?&rdquo;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><b>How to not engage in an argument<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, especially a heated one, is often tough if you feel like your <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/why-your-spouse-does-not-listen-to-you\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">partner is not listening to you<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. In this case, try asking your partner if they would at least make an effort to hear your perspective so you can work out your differences.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>10. &ldquo;This doesn&rsquo;t make me feel good&rdquo;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Arguments can be overwhelming, and so trying to find <\/span><b>big words to use in an argument<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/emotional-intimacy\/how-to-share-your-feelings-with-your-spouse\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">express your emotions<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> can be quite tricky. When this happens, straight up tell your partner that fighting doesn&rsquo;t make you feel good and that you feel overwhelmed. It may give way to a calmer approach to the conflict.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>11. &ldquo;Help me understand what you are trying to say&rdquo;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you want to know <\/span><b>how to disarm an argumentative partner<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, try asking for their help instead of continually arguing with them.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Often, arguments escalate because of the frustration of not being understood. Hence, if you show that you are making an effort to understand their sentiments, it means you care. Then, perhaps, the anger might dissipate.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-80374\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/09\/New-Project-2022-09-06T155047.021.jpg\" alt=\"Happy couple discussing something on kitchen floor \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<h3><b>12. &ldquo;What exactly do you need from me?&rdquo;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is extremely hard to find <\/span><b>safe words for arguments<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> not to escalate, but asking what exactly they need from you would give way to two crucial things: first, it gives them the impression that it is safe to voice their needs, and second, it clearly states that you are willing to compromise.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/prevent-arguments-from-escalating\/\"> <i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Prevent Arguments from Escalating- Decide on a 'Safe Word'<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>13. &ldquo;Can we try again and be more objective this time?&rdquo;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Learning <\/span><b>how to diffuse arguments<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> sometimes involves asking, &ldquo;<\/span><b>How to avoid an argument<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">?&rdquo; It may sound like a bad <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/things-to-do-as-a-couple\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">thing to do in a relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, but how you use it will later determine its effect.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If the conflict is being motivated solely by emotions, then it is best to <\/span><b>avoid arguments<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> until both parties have cooled off and are ready to be more objective. Doing so will help both parties find a resolution or a compromise on the discussed issue.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Avoiding an argument will only benefit your relationship if you return to it once you are both calm and ready to discuss it properly without having to fight.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But, if you avoid the problem entirely and act as if nothing ever happened, then it would be highly damaging to your relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>14. &ldquo;We were both wrong at some point&rdquo;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Again, it is inevitable that you and your partner view your experiences differently. Hence, it is also inevitable that you don&rsquo;t see each other as free from any fault.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The key, though, is to acknowledge that you both had shortcomings and made some mistakes somewhere along the way. It&rsquo;s not always about pointing out their faults and saving yourself from whatever mistake you make. It&rsquo;s not about winning because it is not even a competition in the first place.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is always about, <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ldquo;I made a mistake, you made a mistake. We both did. But, what is important is that we are trying to solve this problem together.&rdquo;<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Relationships are about being united and not being divided when things get tough. Always remember that.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>15. &ldquo;Hey, it&rsquo;s okay&rdquo;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Arguments sometimes start with the fears, doubts, and insecurities that we have within ourselves. Even voicing them out loud can also make us feel scared.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Because of this, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/5400240_How_Emotion_Shapes_Behavior_Feedback_Anticipation_and_Reflection_Rather_Than_Direct_Causation\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">arguing sometimes feels like the best way to express<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> all these negative emotions we hold in our chest. And so, if you feel like your actions and behavior are being driven by intense emotions, it is important that you take a step back and recompose yourself.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ultimately, if we are being reassured that our internal problems are normal and our emotions are being validated, even a simple <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ldquo;it&rsquo;s okay&rdquo; <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">can make a huge difference.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Conclusion\"><\/span><b>Conclusion<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Conflicts, arguments, and misunderstandings are all important parts of every relationship. Sure, they don&rsquo;t make us feel good, but how you get out of these circumstances is what will determine the course of your relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now and then, you will have to argue with your partner because maybe, a change needs to be made for you to grow stronger together. But, it doesn&rsquo;t always have to be an intense fight where one needs to win or assert dominance. Remember, there is always a way to approach it peacefully. That is by learning <\/span><b>how to diffuse arguments<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nevertheless, there are also times when you have to learn <\/span><b>how to avoid arguments<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> first to diffuse the situation. But take note that you can only avoid it for some time. Refusing to face the conflict head-on will only cause damage to your emotional well-being and overall relationship.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Lastly, it is always safe to remember that while arguments are normal, they are only healthy if you end up with a compromise without sacrificing your emotional well-being. If this is no longer the case, perhaps it&rsquo;s time that you give counseling a try.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. They all go through a rough patch&mdash;moments of undesirable misunderstanding, at-the-top-of-your-lung kind of screaming, and seemingly endless bickering. It may sound emotionally exhausting, but it is an inevitable part of every relationship.&nbsp; Learning how to diffuse arguments may be the best way to lessen the emotional impact that these conflicts can have on us. Because let us be honest here. Arguments are just too much to handle sometimes, and we want to avoid them entirely, but we can&rsquo;t because it would only damage the relationship even more.&nbsp; Is it normal for <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1419,"featured_media":80369,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[11],"tags":[2509],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/80373"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=80373"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/80373\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":114066,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/80373\/revisions\/114066"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/80369"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=80373"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=80373"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=80373"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}