{"id":78708,"date":"2022-06-23T10:28:03","date_gmt":"2022-06-23T10:28:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=78708"},"modified":"2025-07-07T10:53:46","modified_gmt":"2025-07-07T10:53:46","slug":"texationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/texationship\/","title":{"rendered":"Are You in a Textationship or Is It the Real Deal?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"Happy<\/p>\n

Have we really lost the ability to communicate and bond? Is it perhaps simply that we’re evolving with technology? Any relationship can be positive or negative and perhaps it’s too easy to blame technology when things go wrong. Nevertheless, can you truly connect at a deeper level through a textationship? <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>What is a textationship?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

\"Couple<\/p>\n

The short answer is that a textationship is when <\/span>you connect with someone only by text. You never meet face to face, and you never call each other. <\/b><\/p>\n

There are many reasons you might enter into a text relationship. Perhaps you met online, and you live in different time zones? Then again, most people fall into a textationship rather than planning it. <\/span>This can happen with colleagues or friends of friends as well as romantic partners. <\/b><\/p>\n

Essentially, you never <\/span>take the relationship to the next level<\/span><\/a>. Or do you? <\/span><\/p>\n

Some people feel more comfortable with texting, even if they end up in excessive texting relationships. Introverts come to mind but so do millennials in general. In fact, as this<\/span> study<\/span><\/a> shows, <\/span>63% of millennials prefer texts because they’re less disruptive than calls. <\/b><\/p>\n

Texting might work well in a work environment or for planning appointments. Can you really send a text message to <\/span>fix a relationship<\/span><\/a> though? <\/span>Texts can quickly become inhuman and cold or simply misunderstood. For true intimacy in any relationship, we need human contact. <\/b><\/p>\n

Without human contact, you risk finding yourself in a pseudo-relationship. Such relationships aren’t real. Each person tends to have a<\/span> one-sided conversation<\/span><\/a> without really taking into account the other person’s feelings. <\/span><\/p>\n

It’s much easier to share each other’s emotions and to connect deeply when we have in-person contact. <\/b>We don’t just communicate with words but with our whole body. That part of communication gets cut off in a textationship so we tend to talk about trivial topics. <\/span><\/p>\n

Without sharing our beliefs and experiences, we don’t open up and we don’t truly connect. Generally, a textationship allows us to hide behind a mask and not show our true selves. <\/span><\/p>\n

Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> Texting in relationships: Texting Types, Affects & Mistakes to avoid<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
<\/span>Defining a pseudo-relationship <\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
Simply put, a<\/span> pseudo-relationship is a connection with someone else that has no depth. I<\/b>t looks like a relationship but in fact, it’s most likely one-sided or superficial. For example, friends with benefits text everyday but are they really <\/span>emotionally connected<\/span><\/a>? <\/span><\/p>\n
A pseudo-relationship doesn’t have to be a text-only relationship. It can be with work colleagues with whom you only ever offload about work issues. Online connections are the other obvious example. <\/span>Essentially, you talk without ever being that interested in the other person’s response when in either a pseudo or textationship.  <\/b><\/p>\n
Text messaging relationships can quickly become pseudo-relationships because they provide a mask. It’s easy to hide behind the screen and not share anything that deep about ourselves. <\/span>When in a texting relationship, we tend to only want to show our ideal selves. <\/b><\/p>\n
When we cut off our feelings and<\/span> vulnerabilities from relationships<\/span><\/a>, we don’t connect properly. We only connect at a superficial level without talking about our beliefs, feelings, and deeper thoughts. <\/span><\/p>\n
A textationship encourages us to hide all those true parts of ourselves because the world expects us to be perfect.<\/b> Think of how everyone on social media only shares their ideal views of who they want to be. <\/span><\/p>\n
On the flip side, some people feel more comfortable sharing their feelings and thoughts when they’re behind a screen. Now that texting is so normal, <\/span>most of us have experienced some form of intimacy online. At some point, the relationship won’t be able to go any further. <\/b><\/p>\n
Although, as this<\/span> study<\/span><\/a> shows, <\/span>while face-to-face relationships were of better quality, the difference was less obvious with a long-term textationship.<\/b> Perhaps it seems that some people find a way to make texting work for their relationships? <\/span><\/p>\n
Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> 20 Ways to Improve Communication in a Relationship<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
<\/span>Why do people have textationships?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
\"Happy<\/p>\n
A texting relationship can feel safe for people<\/b>. After all, it doesn’t matter what you wear. You can also take the time to think before you answer. There’s also the practical aspect of communicating over different time zones. <\/span><\/p>\n
Only texting relationships are also a great way to get to know someone before a first date<\/b>. It can help calm your nerves if you already know something about them. Moreover, you know what they like to talk about which is great for <\/span>avoiding awkward silences<\/span><\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n
Can you fall for someone over text though? It really depends on how honest they’ve been.<\/b> We all naturally want to portray our best selves. Moreover, excessive texting relationships can encourage you to stray too far from who you really are. It’s difficult to then recover any small lies.<\/span><\/p>\n
While a textationship can take away the initial stress of meeting new people, are you really communicating? <\/span>Most people simply want to broadcast what they have to say but true communication is about listening. <\/b><\/p>\n
The more you listen, the more you connect at a deeper<\/span> emotional level<\/span><\/a>. You tune in to each other’s feelings and thoughts with a deeper understanding and appreciation. It doesn’t mean that you can’t disagree but you can disagree with empathy. <\/span><\/p>\n
On the other hand, <\/span>a text relationship removes all that. <\/b>You don’t even have to be aware of the other person to send your message. <\/span>The danger is that your own needs govern your intentions without taking into account the other person’s needs.<\/b> <\/span><\/p>\n
An intimate relationship has open and mindful communication at its core. In fact, communication is one of the pillars of emotional intelligence as <\/span>defined by psychiatrist Daniel Goleman<\/span><\/a>. You’ll take any relationship to the next level with a more emotionally intelligent communication style. <\/span><\/p>\n
To help you, consider how to do listening and conscious in-person communication with the exercises in this video by a communication expert to improve your physical interactions:<\/span><\/p>\n