{"id":78469,"date":"2022-06-17T15:50:27","date_gmt":"2022-06-17T15:50:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=78469"},"modified":"2023-11-28T07:19:04","modified_gmt":"2023-11-28T07:19:04","slug":"boundaries-for-being-friends-with-ex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/boundaries-for-being-friends-with-ex\/","title":{"rendered":"17 Unspoken Boundaries for Being Friends With an Ex"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"couple<\/p>\n

There could be many<\/span> complications in a relationship<\/span><\/a>. But breaking up is the most terrible thing and hurts a lot. And when you decide to stay friends with your ex, things can get even trickier. <\/span><\/p>\n

We’ve all been there, wondering if it’s a good idea or just asking for trouble. That shift from lovers to friends is a bit like walking on eggshells.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, how do you make this friendship thing work without stirring up old feelings? Well, that’s where boundaries for being friends with an ex come in. <\/span><\/p>\n

In this guide, we’ll break down the basics of keeping it friendly with your ex without turning your life into a soap opera. Let’s dive into the simple art of setting boundaries and making the ex-friendship thing a breeze.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>How do you set friendship boundaries with an ex: 5 easy ways <\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

A person who’s<\/span> going through a breakup<\/span><\/a>, especially if the relationship was long-term, struggles with many issues. One of them is not having closure. <\/span><\/p>\n

This is why some people say spending time with an ex is not a good idea since it can bring up many feelings and memories.<\/span><\/p>\n

According to Psychologist Mert Şeker<\/a>, <\/span><\/p>\n

In the process of forming a friendship after a former romantic relationship, the emotional turmoil and potential conflicts resulting from the end of the relationship should be taken into account. At this point, the importance of determining friendship boundaries emerges. <\/span><\/p>\n

First, it is important to assess the emotional well-being of the parties and understand and accept the effects of the past relationship. Communication channels should be determined and the boundaries that the parties feel comfortable with should be discussed. <\/span><\/p>\n

Additionally, careful communication and understanding should be the basis to prevent the recurrence of past romantic feelings and to preserve the independence of both parties. This can support the process of building a healthy and sustainable friendship between exes.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

But, before you figure out how to be friends with an ex, you need to consider these:<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Deal with lingering feelings<\/b><\/h3>\n

When trying to recover from a breakup, most people have lingering feelings such as anger. <\/span>So, one of the rules for being friends with an ex is to make sure you don’t have any lingering feelings of pain and anger.<\/b> You shouldn’t vent out these feelings when you meet them.<\/span><\/p>\n

2. Work on your self-confidence<\/b><\/h3>\n

Your confidence is affected when a breakup occurs since you begin to question yourself. You might have thoughts that you’re not beautiful or smart enough. These questions come from trying to know why the breakup occurred. By doing this, your self-esteem gets affected. <\/span><\/p>\n

If you were the one who broke up, you could also question yourself if what you did was right or if there was something wrong with you for doing it. <\/span>When you establish boundaries for being friends with an ex, you have to work on your confidence.<\/b><\/p>\n

RELATED READING : <\/span>How to Improve Your Self-Confidence in the Relationships?<\/a><\/span><\/div><\/div>\n

3. Have closure<\/b><\/h3>\n

Closure can be in different forms, such as screaming at your ex, breaking their possessions, or physically hurting them. But the healthiest form is<\/span> having a conversation with your ex<\/span><\/a>, which is rare. Maintaining healthy boundaries of friendship with an ex requires both of you to have closure.<\/span><\/p>\n

As this <\/span>study<\/span><\/a> mentions, while setting boundaries with an ex, you must remember to work on your feelings in order to have a proper closure.<\/p><\/div><\/span><\/p>\n

RELATED READING : <\/span>How to Get Closure After a Breakup: 10 Step Guide<\/a><\/span><\/div><\/div>\n

4. Define the friendship zone<\/b><\/h3>\n

Clearly lay out what being friends means for both of you. Are you grabbing coffee once a month, or is it just a friendly wave when you bump into each other? Setting expectations from the get-go helps avoid misunderstandings.<\/span><\/p>\n

5. Know when to take a step back<\/b><\/h3>\n

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, staying friends might not be the healthiest option. If the friendship starts interfering with your well-being or hinders your ability to move on, it’s okay to take a step back. Prioritize your own happiness and emotional health.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>17 unspoken boundaries for being friends with an ex<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

What are some ways of establishing or setting boundaries with exes while maintaining a<\/span> friendship with them<\/span><\/a>? Learn more about it here.<\/span><\/p>\n

1. Don’t publish posts about your ex on social media<\/b><\/h3>\n

One of the boundaries for being friends with an ex is you shouldn’t post about them on your social media accounts. <\/b>Others could misinterpret this.<\/span><\/p>\n

This can also cause a trigger for your ex. If they see you posting about them, it makes it more difficult to become friends. It’s better to tell them directly what you want to say instead of posting on social media platforms.<\/span><\/p>\n

Psychologist Mert Şeker<\/a> points out, <\/span><\/p>\n

Not publishing posts about your ex on social media can be supported for a variety of reasons. First, protecting personal privacy: Sharing the details of a former relationship with the public at large can put individuals’ privacy at risk. <\/span><\/p>\n

Second, maintaining emotional well-being: Posts about your ex can revive past emotional connections, which can cause emotional strain on both parties. Third, the sustainability of the social environment and relationships: <\/span><\/p>\n

Posts about your ex can lead to potential tensions between mutual friends and family members, which can threaten the integrity of the social environment. Therefore, avoiding posts about your ex in order to respect the special memories of past relationships and protect the emotional well-being of individuals stands out as a way to set healthy boundaries in social media use.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\"Couple<\/p>\n

2. Don’t stalk them online<\/b><\/h3>\n

Most people are active on social media. But, <\/span>you must keep creating healthy boundaries in friendships with exes to resist stalking their social media.<\/b> That’s because you can feel worse when you see your ex doing things you never did together. You can feel hate and jealousy. So, it’s better to resist to have peace of mind. <\/span><\/p>\n

3. Respect each other’s privacy <\/b><\/h3>\n

You don’t have the right to know what happens in your ex’s life once you break up. You shouldn’t be updated on who they’re dating or what they’re doing. <\/span><\/p>\n

It can be difficult, but giving each other privacy and space is crucial for you to be friends.<\/span><\/p>\n

4. Don’t compare your previous relationship to your future relationships<\/b><\/h3>\n

What happened between you and your ex is all in the past. That means it’s finished. You have to accept it because this is one of the important relationship rules about exes. <\/span><\/p>\n

Aside from not showing respect to your ex, you also feel disappointed when you compare your past relationship with the future ones. Remember that your past relationship won’t be the same with your future partner.<\/span><\/p>\n

Healing from a past relationship is important if you want to have<\/span> healthy relationships<\/span><\/a> in the future. This book,<\/span> Whole Again<\/span><\/a> by Jackson MacKenzie, discusses how you can rediscover yourself after a<\/span> bad relationship<\/span><\/a> or even abuse.<\/span><\/p>\n

5. Show respect to their new partner<\/b><\/h3>\n

When you want to be friends with your ex, you must consider their new partner. This can be challenging, especially if you still feel something for them. <\/span>You have to accept that they’re moving on when you establish boundaries for being friends with an ex. <\/b><\/p>\n

6. Don’t try to bring up the past<\/b><\/h3>\n

This means the past should stay in the past. You lose the chance to be friends with your ex when trying to relive it. This can result in feeling bitterness and hatred. If you become nostalgic about your past, you should contemplate why you want to be friends with your ex. <\/span><\/p>\n

RELATED READING : <\/span>How to Let Go of the Past: 15 Simple Steps<\/a><\/span><\/div><\/div>\n

7. Talk about positive and light topics<\/b><\/h3>\n

A good friendship with your ex means you have to keep your conversations positive and light. You shouldn’t try to talk about previous fights, sensitive topics, or anything about the past. <\/span><\/p>\n

This doesn’t mean you can’t talk about serious stuff. If you do so, you have to be careful not to make your ex feel uncomfortable or hurt their feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n

8. Don’t talk about your past relationship with their new partner<\/b><\/h3>\n

You should stop yourself when you feel tempted to talk about your ex to their current partner. You have established a new relationship as friends, so allow their new relationship to develop.<\/span><\/p>\n

You have to allow them to discover what works and doesn’t work in their relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n

9. Don’t give unsolicited love advice<\/b><\/h3>\n

Receiving unsolicited advice isn’t fun. To have healthy boundaries with your ex, you should only advise about love when you’re directly asked. Their new relationship is none of your business, and you could hurt or offend your ex. <\/span><\/p>\n

\"Happy<\/p>\n

10. Don’t share private details about your life after the breakup<\/b><\/h3>\n

Though you’re friends now, you should keep in mind not to share private details of your life after breaking up. You don’t need to share every detail with them even though your friends already. <\/span><\/p>\n

Staying friends with an ex means they no longer need to know who you’re sleeping with or dating. This can result in making them feel uncomfortable.<\/span><\/p>\n

11. Avoid contacting each other unless needed<\/b><\/h3>\n

Even if you’ve become best friends with your ex, it doesn’t mean you should unnecessarily contact each other. <\/span>When you discuss random things with your ex, you might cross the boundaries for being friends with an ex. <\/b><\/p>\n

They might get the idea that you want to be together again. So, except during an emergency, avoid reaching out to your ex. <\/span><\/p>\n

12. It’s best to hang out with others<\/b><\/h3>\n

The best way to hang out is with a group of friends. You might feel awkward when you haven’t fully established a friendship if you and your ex hang out alone. When you’re in a group, there’s less pressure to talk, and you prevent feeling awkward with each other. <\/span><\/p>\n

13. Throw out your ex’s possessions<\/b><\/h3>\n

You likely still have some of your ex’s things after you break up. It’s recommended to throw these things away or keep them away somewhere. Seeing these will only remind you of the past, which is not a good idea when trying to be friends with them.<\/span><\/p>\n

RELATED READING : <\/span>How to Forget Someone You Love: 25 Ways<\/a><\/span><\/div><\/div>\n

14. Don’t flirt or touch<\/b><\/h3>\n

It’s a bad idea to touch or flirt with your ex since this might be misinterpreted. Your ex might think you want to reconcile. Also, flirting can lead to something more intimate. <\/span><\/p>\n

This could make your friendship awkward, mainly if one of you develops feelings. <\/span><\/p>\n

15. Talk about your new partners at the right moment<\/b><\/h3>\n

You can freely talk about your new relationships when you and your ex have established a comfortable relationship. When you do this, you might also get the closure you need. Because you’re friends now, the most important thing is for both of you to be happy. <\/span><\/p>\n

16. Keep past in the past<\/b><\/h3>\n

When it comes to being friends with an ex, let’s leave the past where it belongs—behind us. This means no dwelling on old arguments or romantic moments. It’s about focusing on the now and building a fresh, new friendship without dragging the baggage of what used to be.<\/span><\/p>\n

Here’s a powerful speech on how to move on, let go, and leave your past in the past:<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n