

{"id":78233,"date":"2022-06-02T10:58:40","date_gmt":"2022-06-02T10:58:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=78233"},"modified":"2026-02-27T10:14:09","modified_gmt":"2026-02-27T10:14:09","slug":"how-to-have-self-control-in-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/how-to-have-self-control-in-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"17 Effective Ways to Have Self-Control in Relationships"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-78236\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/New-Project-2022-06-02T162149.397.jpg\" alt=\"Couple breathing fresh air \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ever feel like emotions take over in your relationship, leaving you saying things you don&rsquo;t mean or reacting in ways you later regret?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It happens to all of us! Relationships bring out the best and sometimes the most challenging parts of who we are. The ups and downs, the little irritations&hellip; all those moments test your patience and push you to the edge.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But what if there was a way to stay grounded, to keep calm in the midst of it all?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Self-control in relationships can be tricky, but it&rsquo;s one of the most valuable tools we have to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/love\/nurture-love-and-friendship-in-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">nurture love<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, understanding, and respect. It&rsquo;s not about being perfect&mdash;just being more mindful and aware.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, what does that look like in real life?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How do we get there without losing ourselves along the way?<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-is-self-control-in-a-relationship\"><\/span><b>What is self-control in a relationship?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><b>Self-control is about keeping your emotions in check, even when you&rsquo;re frustrated or hurt<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Instead of lashing out or saying things you don&rsquo;t mean in the heat of the moment, you take a breath and choose to respond calmly.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Self-control examples include choosing not to act impulsively, such as refraining from making big decisions&mdash;like buying a new car or switching careers&mdash;without talking to your partner first.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It also means making sacrifices, like skipping that night out with friends to spend time together. <\/span><b>At its core, self-control is about considering your<\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/fixing-your-partners-feelings-wont-help\/\"> <b>partner&rsquo;s feelings<\/b><\/a><b> before making choices<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s not always easy, but it&rsquo;s what helps relationships thrive, building trust and understanding.<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"wporg-box\"><div class=\"\"><span class=\"wporg_heading\">RELATED READING : <\/span><span class=\"wporg_title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/ways-to-have-more-patience-in-a-relationship\/\" title=\"15 Ways to Have More Patience in a Relationship\">15 Ways to Have More Patience in a Relationship<\/a><\/span><\/div><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5-reasons-why-maintaining-self-control-in-relationships-is-challenging\"><\/span><b>5 reasons why maintaining self-control in relationships is challenging<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Maintaining self-control in relationships can feel like an uphill battle at times. Emotions run high, and life&rsquo;s stresses can easily spill into how we communicate with our partners.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whether it&rsquo;s reacting out of frustration or struggling to balance your own needs with someone else&rsquo;s, self-control doesn&rsquo;t always come naturally.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here are 5 reasons why it&rsquo;s so challenging.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Emotional intensity<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Emotions in relationships can be overwhelming! <\/span><b>Love, frustration, jealousy, and everything in between can cloud our judgment<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. When feelings are intense, it&rsquo;s easy to react impulsively&mdash;whether it&rsquo;s raising your voice, shutting down, or saying hurtful things you don&rsquo;t mean.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><div class=\"research_highlight\"><p>Studies show that<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC3113611\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">exchanging hurtful messages<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> within romantic relationships often leads to adverse consequences such as emotional distance, diminished intimacy and satisfaction, and a higher probability of relationship breakdown.<\/p><\/div><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Emotional highs and lows test your patience and make self-control harder to maintain.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><b>How it affects relationships:<\/b><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When emotional intensity takes over, communication can break down. <\/span><b>Partners might feel misunderstood or attacked, leading to conflicts that spiral out of control<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Over time, this can create distance and resentment, making it difficult to rebuild trust and connection.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. Personal triggers<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Everyone has their own triggers&mdash;past experiences, insecurities, or deep-seated fears that can get activated in relationships. <\/span><b>When a trigger gets pushed, it&rsquo;s hard to stay calm<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You might find yourself reacting more to past pain than the present situation, making self-control even tougher to hold onto.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><b>How it affects relationships:<\/b><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When triggers take over, your partner may not understand what&rsquo;s really going on, leading to confusion and tension.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Miscommunication becomes common, and you may end up projecting unresolved feelings onto your partner<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, which can create unnecessary conflicts and hurt feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>3. The pressure to be right<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Let&rsquo;s face it: we all want to be right sometimes! <\/span><b>In disagreements, the need to prove a point or win an argument can easily override self-control<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><div class=\"research_highlight\"><p>A study identified four<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/335644352_How_Do_Couples_Disagree_An_Analysis_of_Conflict_Resolution_Profiles_and_the_Quality_of_Romantic_Relationships\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">conflict resolution profiles<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: Low conflict\/withdraw, validator, hostile, and volatile. Validators had the highest relationship quality, while the Hostile profile had the lowest. Interestingly, the low conflict\/withdraw and volatile profiles showed similar relationship quality, suggesting that intense emotional engagement can be beneficial in some contexts.<\/p><\/div><\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You might end up focusing more on &ldquo;winning&rdquo; than understanding your partner&rsquo;s perspective, leading to arguments that are more about ego than resolution.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><b>How it affects relationships:<\/b><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This pressure to be right can cause power struggles, where both partners dig their heels in. <\/span><b>Instead of working together to solve issues, it becomes a battle of wills, leading to frustration and emotional distance<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Mutual understanding and compromise take a back seat, leaving both people feeling unheard.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. Stress from outside the relationship<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Life stressors&mdash;work, finances, family issues&mdash;can seep into your relationship without you even realizing it. <\/span><b>When you&rsquo;re overwhelmed, it&rsquo;s harder to practice patience or self-control<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The slightest disagreement can become a bigger issue when stress is already running high, making it easy to snap or withdraw emotionally.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><b>How it affects relationships:<\/b><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When external stress creeps in, it can create unnecessary tension between partners. <\/span><b>You may start taking out your frustrations on each other, even when the real issue lies outside the relationship<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Over time, this stress can erode the connection, making it harder to support each other through difficult times.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>5. Fear of vulnerability<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Self-control can be difficult when you&rsquo;re afraid to open up or be vulnerable. <\/span><b>Sometimes, we guard our emotions by either shutting down or reacting defensively<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This fear of being hurt or rejected can make it hard to stay present and emotionally balanced, especially when tough conversations arise.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><b>How it affects relationships:<\/b><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Fear of vulnerability can lead to emotional walls between partners. <\/span><b>Connecting deeply or sharing your feelings is hard if you&rsquo;re constantly on guard<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This distance can create a lack of intimacy and trust, leaving both partners feeling emotionally unfulfilled and disconnected.<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"wporg-box\"><div class=\"\"><span class=\"wporg_heading\">RELATED READING : <\/span><span class=\"wporg_title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/fear-of-vulnerability\/\" title=\"5 Tips to Recover From the Fear of Vulnerability\">5 Tips to Recover From the Fear of Vulnerability<\/a><\/span><\/div><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-are-the-4-types-of-self-control\"><\/span><b>What are the 4 types of self-control?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Self-control comes in many forms, especially within relationships where emotions, decisions, and daily actions can test your patience.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Understanding the different types of self-control can help you stay grounded and maintain a healthy, fulfilling connection with your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here are the 4 key types of self-control and why they&rsquo;re important.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Physical movement<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Physical self-control refers to how you manage your bodily actions. <\/span><b>This could mean sticking to an exercise routine or simply getting off the couch to do something you promised, like washing the dishes<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s about keeping your word and<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/accepting-responsibility-in-relationships\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">taking responsibility<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> for the physical tasks you agreed to handle in your relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><b>Importance of this type of self-control:<\/b><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Physical self-control shows your partner you are reliable and willing to put effort into the relationship. <\/span><b>It strengthens trust and helps build a supportive, balanced dynamic<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It shows commitment, whether it&rsquo;s something small, like taking out the trash, or bigger, like staying active to maintain a healthy lifestyle.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. Emotional control<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Emotional self-control is about managing your feelings without letting them take over. <\/span><b>This means<\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/marriage-fitness\/cope-with-frustration-in-relationships\/\"> <b>handling frustration<\/b><\/a><b>, criticism, or other upsetting emotions in relationships without lashing out or blaming your partner<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It allows you to express yourself in a way that&rsquo;s honest and calm rather than being overwhelmed by anger or hurt.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><b>Importance of this type of self-control:<\/b><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you control your emotions, you prevent unnecessary conflicts and help foster a loving, safe environment for both you and your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>It promotes open communication and helps resolve issues without creating deeper wounds<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, ultimately leading to a more harmonious relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"wporg-box\"><div class=\"\"><span class=\"wporg_heading\">RELATED READING : <\/span><span class=\"wporg_title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/control-your-emotions\/\" title=\"How to Control Your Emotions in a Relationship: 17 Ways\">How to Control Your Emotions in a Relationship: 17 Ways<\/a><\/span><\/div><\/div>\n<h3><b>3. Concentration<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Concentration as a form of self-control means dedicating your attention and focus to your relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>It&rsquo;s about prioritizing your partner, working through the tough moments, and continuing to invest time and effort even when the honeymoon phase has faded<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/keys-to-long-lasting-relationship-success\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Long-term relationships<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> require constant attention to stay strong.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><b>Importance of this type of self-control:<\/b><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Concentration shows your partner they are a priority, not just during the exciting early days, but in the long run.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>It helps to deepen the bond between you and keeps the relationship healthy by ensuring that both of you feel valued and appreciated<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, even when life gets busy or difficult.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. Impulse control<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Impulse control is the ability to resist the urge for instant gratification. <\/span><b>In relationships, this might mean avoiding the temptation to act on desires that could damage your connection<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&mdash;like cheating or making selfish decisions.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s about thinking long-term and acknowledging that the benefits of<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC10713733\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">staying faithful<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and committed far outweigh any temporary pleasures.<\/span><\/p>\n<h4><b>Importance of this type of self-control:<\/b><\/h4>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Impulse control is essential for trust and loyalty. <\/span><b>It ensures that both partners feel secure in the relationship, knowing that momentary temptations won&rsquo;t derail the bond you&rsquo;ve built<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This type of self-control also helps you make thoughtful decisions that support the future of the relationship rather than just focusing on what feels good in the moment.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-to-have-self-control-in-a-relationship-17-strategies\"><\/span><b>How to have self-control in a relationship: 17 strategies<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Self-control in a relationship isn&rsquo;t always easy, especially when emotions run high or disagreements arise. But with a little effort and mindfulness, you can create healthier, more balanced connections with your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, how do you stay calm, avoid impulsive reactions, and keep the peace?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here are 17 practical strategies to help you manage your emotions and navigate your relationship with patience and care.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Be in a relationship with someone you care about<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It may seem like common sense, but choosing someone you want to be with goes a long way toward developing self-control. If you can&rsquo;t help but ask, &ldquo;Why do I lack self-control?&rdquo; you could be dating the wrong people.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>You&rsquo;ll find it easier to exercise self-control when dating someone you care deeply for rather than someone you&rsquo;re just settling for<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Resist the urge to date, and wait until you find someone you genuinely want to be with for the long term.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. Set goals for the relationship&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you consider the long-term goals you&rsquo;ve set together, you&rsquo;ll find it easier to use self-control to stay committed to the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Maybe you&rsquo;d like to buy a house together by a certain date or establish a family within three years. <\/span><b>Set goals together, and you&rsquo;ll have a reason to prioritize the relationship<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>3. Practice discipline in other areas of life<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is truth to the saying, &ldquo;How you do anything is how you do everything.&rdquo; <\/span><b>Establish discipline in other areas of life, which will translate to your relationship<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Set a routine of going to the gym regularly or setting aside time to work toward a new goal. This will make discipline a habit in your daily life, including your relationship.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. Manage your stress<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you&rsquo;re feeling overwhelmed, you&rsquo;ll be more likely to seek out instant gratification as a way to soothe yourself. <\/span><b>Managing your stress is perhaps one of the best self-control tips there is<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Stress can<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.frontiersin.org\/journals\/psychology\/articles\/10.3389\/fpsyg.2012.00608\/full\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">lead to difficulty<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> with self-control in relationships, especially among sleep-deprived people. Set a regular sleep schedule and take time for<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/relationship-strategies-and-techniques-to-eliminate-stress\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">stress management<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to learn how to improve self-control.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>5. Keep an open line of communication with your partner<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Part of knowing how to have self-control in a relationship is understanding your partner&rsquo;s needs to prioritize them. This requires you to have<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/open-communication-in-marriage\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">open communication<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> with your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Prioritizing is only possible if you communicate your expectations with each other. Staying on the same page goes a long way toward achieving self-control.<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"wporg-box\"><div class=\"\"><span class=\"wporg_heading\">RELATED READING : <\/span><span class=\"wporg_title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/8-tips-to-improve-communication-in-your-relationship\/\" title=\"20 Ways to Improve Communication in a Relationship\">20 Ways to Improve Communication in a Relationship<\/a><\/span><\/div><\/div>\n<h3><b>6. Practice relaxation techniques<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Being in a calm, relaxed state of mind gives you more control over your emotions. Incorporating relaxation techniques like<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/therapy\/yoga-therapy\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">yoga<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, meditation, or<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/marriage-fitness\/how-meditation-affects-relationships\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">breathing exercises<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> into your day allows you to learn how to have self-control.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>7. Work on your own self-esteem<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Perhaps the biggest sign of a lack of self-control in relationships is the inability to remain faithful to one&rsquo;s partner. <\/span><b>Often, this comes from a strong need for external validation<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you step outside your relationship for intimacy, you need validation because of<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">underlying low self-esteem<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Work on elevating your self-esteem by focusing on your strengths or setting new goals, so you don&rsquo;t feel tempted to fill a void with an affair.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>8. Try to focus on one thing at a time<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Self-control psychology includes the concept of ego depletion, which states that we only have so much self-control available to us, and it becomes depleted.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>If you think about using self-control in every situation within your relationship for the rest of your life, you may become overwhelmed<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Instead, focus on living in the present.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When faced with a situation that tempts you, use some self-control tips to overcome it. Focus on doing the right thing at that moment rather than worrying about the future.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>9. Have check-ins with yourself<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One way to practice self-control is to monitor your behavior and check in with yourself. <\/span><b>This might mean making a mental note of times you met your partner&rsquo;s needs or whether you were fair to them throughout the week<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are struggling with practicing self-control, consider journaling to help you document times you struggled, and times you were able to choose self-control over instant gratification.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>10. Set specific goals to motivate you<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is hard to work toward goals if you don&rsquo;t know exactly what you&rsquo;re aiming for. <\/span><b>To help you establish self-control in your relationship, set a specific goal:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> &ldquo;I will set aside my desires to make my partner happy twice weekly.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Having a specific goal in mind allows you to measure your success and progress toward goal attainment.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>11. Avoid sexual temptation&nbsp;<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">People often ask how to have self-control sexually in a relationship. If this is the case for you, it&rsquo;s time to learn what makes you feel tempted and avoid these triggers.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Maybe going out to the bar or spending time browsing Instagram photos leads to sexual temptation for you<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Whatever it is, eliminating these triggers is a great way to exercise self-control.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"wporg-box\"><div class=\"\"><span class=\"wporg_heading\">RELATED READING : <\/span><span class=\"wporg_title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/intimacy\/healthy-sexual-relationship\/\" title=\"10 Characteristics of a Healthy Sexual Relationship\">10 Characteristics of a Healthy Sexual Relationship<\/a><\/span><\/div><\/div>\n<h3><b>12. Think about consequences<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You might be tempted to give in to an impulse that will negatively affect your relationship at any given moment. <\/span><b>When this moment strikes, take some time to think about the consequences<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Is staying out two hours later than expected worth upsetting your partner?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It probably isn&rsquo;t.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>13. Create a plan<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Over the course of a long-term relationship, there will be times when you are faced with a decision that might test your self-control. <\/span><b>Plan ahead for situations when you might be tempted not to put your partner first.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For example, if it&rsquo;s your partner&rsquo;s birthday weekend and a friend asks you to go to a concert or away for a trip you&rsquo;ve always wanted to take, think about how you&rsquo;ll respond.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>14. Know when you need to cool off<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We&rsquo;ve all become<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/how-to-stop-an-argument\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">heated during an argument<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and when emotions are strong, it is easy to get carried away and say something hurtful.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Think about the times you&rsquo;ve let your emotions get the best of you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How did you know you were losing control?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Maybe your heart started to race, or you could feel the temperature rising in your body<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whatever it was, learn to recognize these signs in yourself and table the conversation until you are calm enough to have a conversation while still<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/control-your-emotions\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">controlling your emotions<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>15. Ensure that you&rsquo;re expressing your needs<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When someone struggles with the thought of, &ldquo;I have no self-control!&rdquo; the problem might be that they aren&rsquo;t expressing their needs. <\/span><b>People can feel hurt and lash out at their partner when their needs aren&rsquo;t met<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you aren&rsquo;t meeting your needs, leading to a lack of self-control, take some time to reflect. It is possible that you aren&rsquo;t telling your partner what you need.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/how-to-communicate-your-needs-in-a-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Having a conversation<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> can help you both get on the same page, making it easier for you to meet your needs and manage your emotions.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"wporg-box\"><div class=\"\"><span class=\"wporg_heading\">RELATED QUIZ : <\/span><span class=\"wporg_title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/quizzes\/what-are-my-emotional-needs\" title=\" What Are My Emotional Needs Quiz?\"> What Are My Emotional Needs Quiz?<\/a><\/span><\/div><\/div>\n<h3><b>16. Prioritize self-care<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s easy to lose self-control when you&rsquo;re running on empty. <\/span><b>Prioritizing self-care&mdash;whether it&rsquo;s getting enough sleep, eating well, or taking time to recharge&mdash;makes a huge difference<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you feel mentally and physically balanced, keeping your emotions in check and making thoughtful decisions within your relationship is much easier. Taking care of yourself helps you be a better, more patient partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Watch this video where psychotherapist Michelle Farris shares 7 self-care habits for healthy relationships:<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/lrDh1RIzJ84?si=ktzu-v90Oa7sAwwR\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">&#65279;<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h3><b>17. Surround yourself with supportive people<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The people you spend time with can influence your ability to practice self-control. <\/span><b>Surround yourself with friends and family who support your relationship and encourage healthy behaviors<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They can help<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/accountability-in-relationships\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">hold you accountable<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and remind you of the value of your connection when times are tough. Positive influences can also help you stay grounded and focused on what truly matters.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Key-Takeaway\"><\/span><b>Key Takeaway<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Self-control in a relationship is no easy feat, but worth the effort. It&rsquo;s about balancing your needs, your partner&rsquo;s emotions, and thoughtful actions.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While it may feel challenging at times, especially when stress or strong emotions are involved, remember that self-control isn&rsquo;t about being perfect. <\/span><b>It&rsquo;s about making mindful choices, even in tough moments<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">With patience, practice, and a little compassion for yourself and your partner, you can build a relationship rooted in trust, respect, and understanding.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So take it one day at a time&hellip; you&rsquo;ve got this!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-78235\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/New-Project-2022-06-02T162216.179.jpg\" alt=\"Man experience frustration emotion \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-78234\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/06\/New-Project-2022-06-02T162240.951.jpg\" alt=\"Couple doing meditation \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ever feel like emotions take over in your relationship, leaving you saying things you don&rsquo;t mean or reacting in ways you later regret? It happens to all of us! Relationships bring out the best and sometimes the most challenging parts of who we are. The ups and downs, the little irritations&hellip; all those moments test your patience and push you to the edge. But what if there was a way to stay grounded, to keep calm in the midst of it all? Self-control in relationships can be tricky, but it&rsquo;s one of the most valuable tools we have to nurture <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1262,"featured_media":78236,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2502],"tags":[2604],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/78233"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1262"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=78233"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/78233\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":117490,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/78233\/revisions\/117490"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/78236"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=78233"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=78233"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=78233"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}