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When people talk about toxic relationships, they almost always think about physical or emotional abuse, hurtful behavior, or <\/span>insecurity issues<\/span><\/a>. Still, they fail to talk about the most important trait — toxic communication patterns.<\/span><\/p>\n The way you talk with and about your partner is a good indicator of how healthy your relationship is. Negative communication styles include being dismissive when your partner says something, showing contempt, hurting your partner through your words as a form of revenge, etc. <\/span><\/p>\n When you read the shortlist above, maybe you thought, “I’ve done that once” or “I remember doing that the other day and feeling bad about it.” And now you’re worried that maybe you have bad communication in your relationship. Don’t worry — yet. <\/span><\/p>\n Just because you said something mean once or were a little rude three years ago does not immediately indicate that you have toxic communication issues. It’s only human to get out of hand sometimes and lose control.<\/span><\/p>\n But when you notice that this is a pattern and that you are using almost every day, that’s a problem. This could be because you have a low emotional IQ, which <\/span>research<\/span><\/a> shows could be the main reason for toxic communication patterns. However, this is something that you can work on and improve.<\/span><\/p>\n On the other hand, <\/span>healthy communication<\/span><\/a> includes transparency, trust, respect, and kindness. It is not enough to <\/span>show your love<\/span><\/a> and adoration to the other person just through actions – words are also important. Using healthy communication strategies can help you connect with your partner better.<\/span><\/p>\n According to <\/span>Grady Shumway<\/span><\/a>, a licensed mental health counselor:<\/span><\/p>\n It’s normal to have occasional communication lapses, where you may say or do something that doesn’t align with healthy patterns. These isolated incidents don’t necessarily indicate toxic communication, especially if they’re recognized and addressed.<\/span><\/p>\n However, if negative communication patterns become frequent or consistent, it may be a sign of deeper issues that warrant attention and improvement.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Let’s use a scenario. You’re done with work on a Friday, and you’re excited to do something fun with your partner. You come back home to see them lounging on the couch, eating potato chips. You ask them if they want to catch a movie or go for a walk, but they tell you they don’t feel like it. You’re hurt and say one (or many) of these things:<\/span><\/p>\n “We never do anything,” “I hate you,” “You don’t care for me,” “I’m sick of you,” or you end up punching a wall, or throwing a fit, or crying, or maybe even snatching away their bag of chips.<\/span><\/p>\n All of these are unhealthy communication patterns. You’re not changing your partner’s behavior because they have no idea what’s going on. They don’t know that you had a busy day at the office, they didn’t realize how much this meant to you, and they have no idea what you expect from them.<\/span><\/p>\n Instead of using hurtful words, negative body language, or making assumptions, clearly explaining to your partner why you want to go out, how you’re feeling, and proposing a compromise can greatly improve your relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n Here are the examples of some <\/span>communication pattens<\/span><\/a> that can hurt your relationship. It would be helpful if you could avoid these patterns. <\/span><\/p>\n Getting defensive every time your partner brings up a problem is a common negative relationship pattern. When your partner tells you something is bothering them, the healthy way to respond is “I’m sorry this is frustrating for you”; the unhealthy way is to say, “This is not my fault.”<\/span><\/p>\n It can be easy to slip into the blame game, where you and your partner go back and forth in an argument, blaming each other constantly instead of working together to find a solution. Even if the other person is at fault, pointing it out when it doesn’t help you get to a solution is a problem of over-communication in a relationship. It often worsens the situation.<\/span><\/p>\n It’s normal to get frustrated, even for the smallest things. However, taking it out on your partner is not. Your frustration may result from many things, and taking it out only on your partner is unfair to them. <\/span><\/p>\n Frustrated language can look like “You always get on my nerves” or “You never take my side.” Using “always” and “never” makes your partner feel like they are constantly hurting you when that might not be the case. This type of language can also make you internalize the feeling that your partner is the root cause of all your problems when that’s not true.<\/span><\/p>\n When you’re in a relationship, especially a long-term one, the lines between you and your partner get blurred. You might tell your partner’s stories or order their drinks at a bar. <\/span><\/p>\n While this shows how well you know them, it’s also bad communication in a relationship because you’re not open to your partner speaking for themselves. This can promote you being stuck in a rut and not <\/span>allowing your partner to have the space<\/span><\/a> for change or growth. <\/span><\/p>\n This shows that you don’t stop to consider that maybe your partner wants to try a different drink or tell their story in their way. This is an acute sign that you’re controlling your partner in a way that ruins your relationship. <\/span><\/p>\n If you identify with this, watch this video on how to change your controlling behavior –<\/b><\/p>\n<\/span>Healthy vs. unhealthy communication<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
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<\/p>\n<\/span>What is an example of bad communication in a relationship<\/b>?<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>10 toxic communication patterns that ruin relationships<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
1. Getting too defensive<\/b><\/h3>\n
Related Reading: <\/i><\/b>How to Deal With Aggressive Communication in Relationships<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
2. Using frustrated language<\/b><\/h3>\n
3. Speaking for your partner<\/b><\/h3>\n