{"id":75890,"date":"2022-03-21T08:14:47","date_gmt":"2022-03-21T08:14:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=75890"},"modified":"2024-10-24T07:54:49","modified_gmt":"2024-10-24T07:54:49","slug":"how-to-deal-when-your-spouse-complains","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/how-to-deal-when-your-spouse-complains\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Deal With a Complaining Spouse: 10 Effective Tips"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-104374\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2146362243.jpg\" alt=\"Young couple having conflicts\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Living with a spouse who seems to always find something to complain about can be exhausting. You might wonder, &ldquo;How did we end up here?&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Complaints, whether big or small, can weigh on you and leave you feeling frustrated or drained. Maybe it&rsquo;s the constant grumbling about chores&hellip; or the way they point out every little wrong thing.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whatever the case, it&rsquo;s easy to feel overwhelmed, even in the best of relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Understanding how to deal with a complaining spouse can help you find a balance between supporting their needs and protecting your peace.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It doesn&rsquo;t have to be all negative&mdash;there are ways to turn things around and make the relationship more harmonious again! Patience, empathy, and a few strategies can go a long way.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Why-do-partners-complain-in-a-relationship\"><\/span><b>Why do partners complain in a relationship?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/xZvVriDDH5c?si=XH9NFeMZvDsVGuj2\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">&#65279;<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Partners often complain in a relationship for a variety of reasons, and it&rsquo;s not always about the big issues. <\/span><b>Sometimes, the complaints are just an outlet for stress or a way to express unmet needs&hellip; even if they don&rsquo;t realize it<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/jenni-jacobsen\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dr. Jennifer Jacobsen<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, Ph.D. in Psychology, states,<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Constant complaining can be received as criticism by the partner, and criticism is one of Gottman&rsquo;s Four Horses.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A gentle, compassionate approach can make all the difference when figuring out what&rsquo;s really going on.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, if you&rsquo;re asking, &ldquo;Why does my wife or husband always complain?&rdquo; here are a few common reasons why complaints surface:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Feeling unheard or unappreciated<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Stress from work or other areas of life<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Frustration with unmet expectations<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Struggles with communication or feeling misunderstood<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dealing with unresolved emotional issues<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Recognizing these factors can help you understand the underlying feelings behind the complaints! Once you see the root cause, it&rsquo;s easier to respond with patience and empathy rather than frustration.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5-root-causes-of-complaining\"><\/span><b>5 root causes of complaining<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-104373\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/1017742099.jpg\" alt=\"Upset man refusing listening \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To learn how to deal with your spouse&rsquo;s complaints, it&rsquo;s a good idea first to explore the root cause of excessive complaining behavior.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you try to understand why your complaining spouse behaves the way they do, it can help you approach the task of learning how to deal when your spouse complains with more compassion and empathy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A lot of your beloved&rsquo;s over-the-top complaining may make more sense. <\/span><b>When your spouse complains, it might be their way of seeking attention, resolution, validation, connection, or empowerment<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">These are all fundamental needs. The issue is that your spouse cannot express these needs constructively or adaptively. Instead, they opt for need satisfaction by complaining, severely injuring the marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here are 5 likely root causes of constant complaining behavior:<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Modeling<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is a high chance that your spouse learned their complaining behavior from their caregivers in their childhood.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/jenni-jacobsen\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dr. Jacobsen<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> says,<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Communication patterns are often learned in childhood, and we may repeat the behaviors our parents modeled for us.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><b>2. Resentment<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There&rsquo;s also the possibility that your beloved may be consciously or unconsciously holding onto old grudges or resentments.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The chronic complaining may be an indirect<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/227670370_Love_and_Anger_in_Romantic_Relationships_A_Discrete_Systems_Model\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">expression of that resentment<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>3. Projection<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is a popular defense mechanism. Through this mechanism, people project what they don&rsquo;t like about themselves onto others.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, your spouse&rsquo;s constant complaining may be their way of projecting what they dislike about themselves onto you.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. Insecurity<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your spouse may be feeling insecure about certain aspects of themselves or the relationship.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Complaining can become a way to deflect attention from their own vulnerabilities, making it easier to focus on external issues rather than addressing internal fears.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><div class=\"research_highlight\"><p>Research indicates that relationship insecurity results in<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/229487923_Dependency_and_insecurity_in_romantic_relationships_Development_and_validation_of_two_companion_scales\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">negative outcomes<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, such as reduced commitment, satisfaction, and love, while also increasing the perceived quality of alternatives, conflict, and jealousy within the relationship.<\/p><\/div><\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>5. Lack of emotional regulation<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some individuals struggle with managing their emotions in a healthy way.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When overwhelmed by frustration or stress, they might resort to complaining as a release, unable to express their feelings constructively.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-is-the-difference-between-a-chronic-complainer-and-a-negative-spouse\"><\/span><b>What is the difference between a chronic complainer and a negative spouse?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s easy to confuse a chronic complainer with a negative spouse, but there&rsquo;s a subtle difference between them. Both can bring frustration into a relationship, but understanding the distinction can help you better manage the situation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Chronic complainers tend to focus on specific issues they&rsquo;re dissatisfied with, often wanting things to change. Meanwhile, a negative spouse may have a pessimistic attitude toward life&hellip; regardless of what&rsquo;s happening!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Let&rsquo;s break down the differences a bit more clearly:<\/span><\/p>\n<table><tbody><tr><td><b>Aspects<\/b><\/td>\n<td><b>Chronic Complainer<\/b><\/td>\n<td><b>Negative Spouse<\/b><\/td>\n<\/tr><tr><td><b>Focus<\/b><\/td>\n<td><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Specific issues or events they are dissatisfied with.<\/span><\/td>\n<td><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">General negativity toward most aspects of life.<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr><tr><td><b>Complaints<\/b><\/td>\n<td><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Centered on particular frustrations or unmet needs.<\/span><\/td>\n<td><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Persistently negative, regardless of circumstances.<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr><tr><td><b>Outlook on change<\/b><\/td>\n<td><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Seeks change or improvement, even if expressed poorly.<\/span><\/td>\n<td><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Often sees change as pointless and resists it.<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr><tr><td><b>Positivity<\/b><\/td>\n<td><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Can still have positive moments despite complaints.<\/span><\/td>\n<td><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Consistently maintains a negative outlook with little positivity.<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr><tr><td><b>Problem-solving<\/b><\/td>\n<td><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Complaints may be an attempt to solve or fix issues.<\/span><\/td>\n<td><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Negativity is fixed and doesn&rsquo;t seek solutions.<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr><tr><td><b>Emotional expression<\/b><\/td>\n<td><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Tends to vent frustrations about specific issues.<\/span><\/td>\n<td><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">More likely to express a constant sense of hopelessness or defeat.<\/span><\/td>\n<\/tr><\/tbody><\/table>\n<div class=\"wporg-box\"><div class=\"\"><span class=\"wporg_heading\">RELATED READING : <\/span><span class=\"wporg_title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/marriage-fitness\/how-to-deal-with-negative-spouse\/\" title=\"How to Deal with a Negative Spouse: 12 Strategies\">How to Deal with a Negative Spouse: 12 Strategies<\/a><\/span><\/div><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"7-ways-constant-complaining-can-affect-your-relationship\"><\/span><b>7 ways constant complaining can affect your relationship<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-104372\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/733029289.jpg\" alt=\"Young couple sitting in cafe \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Constant complaining can slowly chip away at the foundation of your relationship, leaving both partners feeling frustrated or misunderstood.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When your wife or husband constantly complains, it can lead to deeper issues that affect communication, emotional closeness, and even your overall happiness.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Understanding the ways that constant negativity can impact your relationship helps you approach the situation with more compassion and patience.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Strains communication<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When your wife or husband complains about everything, it can make communication feel one-sided or negative. Instead of having balanced conversations, the focus shifts to complaints, making it difficult to talk about positive things or solutions.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Over time, you may find yourself avoiding conversations, leading to a breakdown in communication<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. This strain can create distance between you and your partner, making it harder to resolve any issues that arise.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><div class=\"research_highlight\"><p>Studies show that<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/iiste.org\/Journals\/index.php\/JPCR\/article\/view\/25959\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">poor communication<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> in romantic relationships can lead to unresolved issues, misinterpretations, anxiety, depression, and toxic dynamics. It may hinder relational growth, increase hostility, foster defensive behaviors, and raise the likelihood of breakup, separation, or divorce.<\/p><\/div><\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. Erodes emotional connection<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Constant complaining can affect the emotional bond between partners. When your wife or husband is always complaining, it&rsquo;s easy to feel emotionally drained or disconnected. <\/span><b>You may begin to feel like you&rsquo;re not on the same team, leading to frustration or resentment<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Over time, this can create emotional distance, making it harder to maintain intimacy and closeness in the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"wporg-box\"><div class=\"\"><span class=\"wporg_heading\">RELATED READING : <\/span><span class=\"wporg_title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/emotional-intimacy\/expert-tips-to-improve-emotional-connection-with-your-partner\/\" title=\"3 Expert Tips to Improve Emotional Connection With Your Partner\">3 Expert Tips to Improve Emotional Connection With Your Partner<\/a><\/span><\/div><\/div>\n<h3><b>3. Builds resentment<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your spouse constantly complains, it can lead to unresolved resentment. <\/span><b>You might start feeling unappreciated or like your efforts go unnoticed, which can build frustration over time<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When this resentment grows, it becomes harder to focus on the positive aspects of the relationship, and both partners may become more critical of each other.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. Reduces quality time together<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Spending time with someone who complains frequently can make shared moments less enjoyable. <\/span><b>If your husband or wife complains about everything, even fun activities may turn sour<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This can reduce the amount of quality time you spend together, as you might begin to avoid situations where complaints are likely to arise, ultimately weakening your bond.<\/span><\/p>\n<div class=\"wporg-box\"><div class=\"\"><span class=\"wporg_heading\">RELATED READING : <\/span><span class=\"wporg_title\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/ways-to-have-a-quality-time-with-your-partner\/\" title=\"How to Spend Quality Time With Your Partner: 17 Ways\">How to Spend Quality Time With Your Partner: 17 Ways<\/a><\/span><\/div><\/div>\n<h3><b>5. Impacts overall happiness<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When your spouse always seems to complain, it can cast a shadow over the relationship. <\/span><b>Negativity has a way of seeping into everyday life, making it hard to enjoy the small moments that bring joy<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If left unchecked, this constant negativity can reduce overall happiness, leaving both partners feeling unsatisfied in the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>6. Creates feelings of helplessness<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dealing with a husband or wife who constantly complains can leave you feeling helpless. <\/span><b>You may try different approaches to address the complaints, but when nothing seems to improve, it can lead to frustration and a sense of powerlessness<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This feeling can make it harder to stay motivated to work on the relationship, as you may feel like nothing you do will make a difference.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>7. Lowers self-esteem<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When a spouse complains about everything, it can affect your self-esteem over time. <\/span><b>You may start to internalize the complaints, feeling like you&rsquo;re not good enough or that nothing you do is ever right<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This can lead to a drop in self-confidence, making it harder to stand up for yourself or express your own needs within the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"10-practical-ways-to-deal-with-a-complaining-spouse-with-examples\"><\/span><b>10 practical ways to deal with a complaining spouse [with examples]<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-104371\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/2318354047.jpg\" alt=\"Therapist giving couple advice \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dealing with a spouse who complains frequently can feel overwhelming, but it doesn&rsquo;t always have to be!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whether you&rsquo;re handling minor frustrations or facing more significant challenges, learning how to deal with a complaining spouse is key to maintaining a healthy, balanced relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Below are 10 practical ways to manage these situations with compassion and patience, including examples of how to respond in a calm, constructive way.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Stay calm and composed<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When your spouse complains, it&rsquo;s easy to become defensive, but staying calm is crucial. <\/span><b>Take a deep breath before responding to avoid escalating the situation<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, what to do when your wife or husband complains about everything? If your spouse complains about everything, showing composure can keep the conversation productive.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Example:<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Spouse: &ldquo;You never do the dishes right!&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Response: &ldquo;I understand it&rsquo;s frustrating; I&rsquo;ll try to be more careful next time.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This shows understanding and defuses tension.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. Listen actively<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sometimes, all a complaining spouse wants is to feel heard. <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/hearing-vs-listening-in-relationships\/\"><b>Listening without interrupting<\/b><\/a><b> or offering solutions can help ease their frustration<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. When figuring out how to deal with a complaining husband or wife, this technique can make them feel valued.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Example:<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Spouse: &ldquo;I&rsquo;ve told you a hundred times that I hate when you leave your shoes by the door!&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Response: &ldquo;I see that it really bothers you. I&rsquo;ll make an effort to remember.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">By validating their feelings, you avoid making them feel dismissed.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>3. Acknowledge their feelings<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Acknowledging your spouse&rsquo;s emotions can go a long way. When a wife or husband constantly complains, <\/span><b>expressing empathy reassures them that you&rsquo;re not brushing off their concerns<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Example:<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Spouse: &ldquo;You never pay attention when I talk about my day.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Response: &ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry if it seems that way. I really do care about what you&rsquo;re saying.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Showing empathy helps them feel emotionally supported.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. Set boundaries<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While it&rsquo;s important to listen, setting boundaries is equally essential when dealing with chronic complainers. <\/span><b>If the complaints are relentless, kindly let them know that constant negativity affects you, too<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Example:<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Spouse: &ldquo;Nothing ever goes right in this house!&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Response: &ldquo;I understand you&rsquo;re frustrated, but hearing this constantly makes me feel discouraged. Can we talk about solutions instead?&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Setting a boundary opens the door to more constructive conversations.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>5. Offer solutions<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your spouse complains about everything, <\/span><b>suggesting practical solutions can shift the conversation from venting to problem-solving<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. This helps both of you feel more in control.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Example:<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Spouse: &ldquo;I&rsquo;m always the one who has to handle the bills.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Response: &ldquo;I know it&rsquo;s a lot for you. How about we schedule time together to take care of it?&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Offering help creates teamwork and eases their burden.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>6. Don&rsquo;t take it personally<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When figuring out how to deal with a wife or husband who always complains, remember that their complaints aren&rsquo;t always about you. <\/span><b>Sometimes, it&rsquo;s about stress or things outside of your control<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Example:<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Spouse: &ldquo;This job is ruining my life!&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Response: &ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry work is so stressful right now. I&rsquo;m here for you.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">By not taking it personally, you can provide emotional support without feeling attacked.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>7. Encourage gratitude<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Encouraging your spouse to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/love\/10-ways-to-show-gratitude-to-your-spouse\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">focus on the positives<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> can balance out the negativity. When thinking about how to deal with a complaining spouse, <\/span><b>gentle reminders of good things can help them shift perspective<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Example:<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Spouse: &ldquo;Everything&rsquo;s a mess around here!&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Response: &ldquo;I know it feels that way, but remember last week when we got everything done together? We can do it again.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This subtle reminder helps bring their attention to what&rsquo;s going well.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>8. Avoid counter-complaining<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When a wife or husband always complains, it&rsquo;s tempting to counter with your own grievances. However, <\/span><b>responding to complaints with more complaints only escalates the situation<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Example:<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Spouse: &ldquo;You&rsquo;re always late picking up the kids.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Response: &ldquo;I hear you. I&rsquo;ll try to manage my time better.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Avoiding counter-complaints keeps the conversation focused and constructive.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Watch this video where Dr. Julie Gottman, a clinical psychologist, explains how to complain without hurting your spouse:<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/bShsyKUFjKE?si=x9kEn85kJCiFaB5y\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">&#65279;<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h3><b>9. Suggest a break<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When your spouse constantly complains, taking a short break from the conversation can be helpful. <\/span><b>Stepping away allows both of you to gather your thoughts and return to the discussion with a clearer mindset<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Example:<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Spouse: &ldquo;You never listen to me!&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Response: &ldquo;Let&rsquo;s take a moment to cool down, and we&rsquo;ll talk about this calmly in a few minutes.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This gives both of you space to reflect and calm down.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>10. Seek professional help<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sometimes, chronic complaining stems from deeper issues that need professional guidance.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/jenni-jacobsen\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dr. Jacobsen<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> says,<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A therapist can help you and your partner learn healthy communication skills and help you overcome patterns that have contributed to relationship dysfunction.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>If your efforts to manage the situation aren&rsquo;t working, suggesting couples therapy can be a constructive way to address ongoing concerns<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Example:<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Spouse: &ldquo;Nothing ever gets better, no matter what we do.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Response: &ldquo;I think talking to a therapist might help us figure out why this keeps happening. We don&rsquo;t have to handle it alone.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Seeking help shows that you&rsquo;re committed to improving the relationship, even when the complaints feel overwhelming.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Work-on-the-problems-together-instead-of-complaining\"><\/span><b>Work on the problems together instead of complaining!<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Rather than letting complaints drive a wedge between you, focus on working through the issues as a team.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s easy to get caught up in the habit of pointing out problems but shifting toward finding solutions together can bring you closer. <\/span><b>When both partners feel heard and supported, the relationship becomes stronger and more fulfilling<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Remember, learning how to deal with a complaining spouse isn&rsquo;t just about managing their frustration&mdash;it&rsquo;s about creating an environment where both of you can thrive.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">By approaching challenges with empathy, patience, and a willingness to grow together, you&rsquo;ll transform those complaints into opportunities for deeper connection and understanding.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Living with a spouse who seems to always find something to complain about can be exhausting. You might wonder, &ldquo;How did we end up here?&rdquo; Complaints, whether big or small, can weigh on you and leave you feeling frustrated or drained. Maybe it&rsquo;s the constant grumbling about chores&hellip; or the way they point out every little wrong thing. Whatever the case, it&rsquo;s easy to feel overwhelmed, even in the best of relationships. Understanding how to deal with a complaining spouse can help you find a balance between supporting their needs and protecting your peace. It doesn&rsquo;t have to be all <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":675,"featured_media":104374,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[11],"tags":[2510],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/75890"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/675"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=75890"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/75890\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":105190,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/75890\/revisions\/105190"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/104374"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=75890"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=75890"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=75890"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}