{"id":7581,"date":"2016-04-09T10:14:30","date_gmt":"2016-04-09T10:14:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=7581"},"modified":"2025-10-30T09:07:18","modified_gmt":"2025-10-30T09:07:18","slug":"stages-of-a-breakup-and-tips-to-heal-faster","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/stages-of-a-breakup-and-tips-to-heal-faster\/","title":{"rendered":"The 7 Stages of a Breakup and Tips to Heal Faster"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"wp-image-7582 size-full alignnone\" title=\"Stages of a breakup\" src=\"http:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/54.jpg\" alt=\"Stages of a breakup\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Breakups are not only hard, they can frequently feel like something inside of us has died.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The loss of a relationship can often be just as painful as actually losing a loved one. And it makes sense&ndash; this person that you were so intimately involved with, that was such an intertwined part of your life, is suddenly gone; unreachable, untouchable.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even if the breakup was good-natured and amicable, and you&rsquo;ve decided to remain friends (which again is very debatable), it&rsquo;s impossible to completely erase that feeling of a complete loss.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And it really is a loss&ndash; a loss of the future that you had pictured with them. A loss of all of those wonderful times you shared, or those that you thought were coming soon.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/what-to-do-after-breakup\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What to Do After a Breakup?<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h2><b>The 7 stages of a breakup<\/b><\/h2>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/LWsY_RC2w0w?si=6PJqf585ao6xrjSQ\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">&#65279;<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<div class=\"subscribeYT_highlight\"><div class=\"subscribe_channel\">\r\n            <div class=\"subscribe_text\">Join millions <span class=\"sub_text1\">building healthier, happier<\/span> <span class=\"sub_text2\"> relationships.<\/span><\/div>\r\n            <a class=\"subscribe-btn-in-content\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/@Marriagedotcom?sub_confirmation=1\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n            <img src=\"\/images\/youtube_icon_small.png\" class=\"icon-left\" alt=\"YouTube\">\r\n            <span>Subscribe<\/span>\r\n            <img src=\"\/images\/bell_icon_new.svg\" class=\"icon-right\" alt=\"Extra Icon\">\r\n            <\/a>\r\n        <\/div><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So how do we move on from a heart-rending breakup or stages of heartbreak or the 7 stages of grief in a breakup?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Getting over the phases of a breakup involves repairing our shattered hopes, dreams, and hearts. Of course, the best healer of all emotional wounds is time. However, there are a few things you can do to help yourself through these breakup stages.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">First, know that getting over a broken heart is very similar to processing grief of any kind. You&rsquo;ll go through many, if not all, of the same stages of a breakup:<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>Stage 1: Shock<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The shock is one of the stages of a breakup is when you can&rsquo;t believe that this is happening to you.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You might say things like, &ldquo;Why is this happening to me?&rdquo; or &ldquo;How is it possible?&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You just can&rsquo;t come to terms with the fact that you are facing something so earth-shattering. This is one of the primal reactions to the loss and one of the inevitable stages of a breakup and such feelings after a breakup starts almost immediately.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Why we go through this stage:&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In this phase, the experience is the same as a physical accident.&nbsp; It hurts undeniably and you go dumb. This is our brain&rsquo;s natural fight, flight, or freeze response and eventually prepares your brain for a response.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>Stage 2: Denial<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-64699\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/How-Traveling-Helps-You-Get-over-a-Breakup.jpg\" alt=\"woman sitting on the bench looking at the vastness\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is one of the stages of a breakup that happens before, during, and after the actual breakup. We may pretend that nothing is wrong. Once the breakup is official, we may pretend that it&rsquo;s nothing, or believe that it&rsquo;s just a fight and that we&rsquo;ll be able to work it out.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We constantly check our phones to see if there&rsquo;s any message.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We keep reassuring ourselves with &ldquo;Maybe this will be better after some time&rdquo; or &ldquo;This is not true. It&rsquo;s just an <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/recover-from-overreactions-to-emotional-triggers\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">overreaction<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.&rdquo; We hope that everything will be back to normal, even though deep down inside we know it can never really be.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Why we go through this stage:&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is a biological reaction of the body and mind to pull anything that is going away. There is a sense of hope that what is happening at the moment is not true. The reason is that our brain refuses to accept the sudden shock.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>Stage 3: Isolation<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-64698\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/Depression-and-loneliness.jpg\" alt=\"sad man leaning his head against the wall\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now that you have recognized the awful breakup, you might feel that you need some time alone to introspect your feelings and fully recover from the breakup. This is one of the stages of a breakup that can be overwhelming and messy.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You will find yourself wondering, &ldquo;I don&rsquo;t know what to do with my life now&rdquo; or &ldquo;What am I without &lt;name&gt;.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Why we go through this stage:&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Isolation is one of the stages of a breakup that can&rsquo;t be skipped. It is an inevitable plot where you are bound to land. This happens because our inner-self finally accepts the loss and wants some time to come to terms with it.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/how-to-get-over-breakup-depression\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Get Over Breakup Depression: Symptoms &amp; Treatment<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>Stage 4: Anger<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ldquo;How could he\/ she have done this to me?&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We feel like we hate them, and we tell everyone who&rsquo;ll listen just how bad they were, and how much they&rsquo;ve hurt us. The truth, however, is that we&rsquo;d take them back in a second if they would just call.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Why we go through this stage:&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is one of the healthy signs that you are finally recovering. If you are able to draw out reactions of anger from inside you, it means that you are questioning what went wrong and will eventually <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/build-self-confidence-after-a-bad-breakup\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">regain your self-worth<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>Stage 5: Bargaining<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We&rsquo;d do anything to get them back! We&rsquo;ll forgive them for whatever they have done. We just somehow want to be pulled out of this deep, dark pit of despair and make things like they were before.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You will usually find yourself saying, &ldquo;The relationship will definitely work if I am more patient\/ understanding?&rdquo; &ldquo; <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/healing-relationships-after-breaking-up-and-making-up\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Can we get back together<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> if I do &lt;insert an activity your ex had been expecting of you&gt;?&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Why we go through this stage:&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You have gone through a drastic change in your life and in this stage, you try to logically turn things in your favor. This is one of the stages of a breakup where your brain compels you to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/get-back-with-your-ex\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">reconnect with your ex<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to work through the situation.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>Stage 6: Depression<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-64697\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/How-to-Cope-up-With-Depression.jpg\" alt=\"depressed man sitting\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While dealing with a breakup, we feel utterly <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC6544239\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">depressed<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. We cry and wonder what we&rsquo;ve done to deserve this. Getting out of bed in the morning is a task and all you want to do is wallow in your own painful feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You will feel things like, &ldquo;Nothing I do can bring them back,&rdquo; or &ldquo;My life is hopeless without them.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even though this stage is the toughest, there&rsquo;s light ahead &ndash; you&rsquo;re on your way to true healing. Of course, if this stage extends for too long, then you must consider <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">seeking help from professionals<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, friends, and <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/family\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">family<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Remember, there is no shame in asking for help.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Why we go through this stage:&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As one of the stages of a breakup, this paves a path for an outlet of emotions. It is a natural reaction of anything unfavorable happening in your life. You will question yourself if you are good enough or what did you do to deserve this, but if you make the right efforts.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>Stage 7: Acceptance<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is where the real healing begins, and the sooner you can get to this phase the better. This is the stage where you finally recognize that it&rsquo;s really over, and there&rsquo;s no going back.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Acceptance is a great place as it opens up several possibilities for an even better loving experience. <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/how-to-accept-and-move-on-from-a-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Accepting a breakup<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> eventually ends the grief cycle of 7 stages when you begin to say, &ldquo;I am fine,&rdquo; or &ldquo;The breakup was hard but I know it happened for my own good.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Why we go through this stage:<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you reach this <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/stages-of-grief\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">stage of grief<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> after a breakup, it means you are accepting a breakup and gaining back your hold in life. This is an accomplishment and it means you are not going to look back anymore. You understand that good things are coming your way.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/ways-to-cope-with-a-breakup\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Deal With a Breakup<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the video below, Susan Winter says the endings are hard but accepting that it is over and keeping up the hope is vital to move forward. Check out her tips:<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<h2><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/OHY4iZ2odGs\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/h2>\n<h2><b>5 Tips to heal faster<\/b><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, how do we get to this point as quickly and painlessly as possible? Here are some suggestions to pass the phases of heartbreak easily:<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Cry it out<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.pennmedicine.org\/updates\/blogs\/health-and-wellness\/2016\/november\/health-benefits-of-crying\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Tears heal<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Tears cleanse. Let them flow.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They can remove toxins, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/emotional-intimacy\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">lower stress<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, elevate our mood and give us the strength to process a breakup. Just like forgiveness, the tears are 100% for YOU, not for them. You&rsquo;re crying to release the grief you feel.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. Take back your power<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Instead of dwelling in waves of grief, remember that you are in control now &ndash; not them. In relationships, we don&rsquo;t realise but the person we love holds so much power over us. When it&rsquo;s all over, take it back from them.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Know that you&rsquo;re in control of your own mind and feelings &ndash; and only you have the power to release them. So, release the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/the-gift-of-forgetting-the-bad-memories\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">negative memories<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, but hold onto the beautiful ones.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>3. Be gentle with yourself<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"aligncenter wp-image-7583 size-full\" title=\"Do's and don&rsquo;ts after breakup\" src=\"http:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/55.jpg\" alt=\"Do's and don&rsquo;ts after breakup\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your emotions after a breakup can be messy. Be gentle and <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/learning-to-love-yourself\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">loving with yourself<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">! Map out a plan of one little thing every day you&rsquo;re going to do for yourself to feel special.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Get a new look, a new wardrobe, or treat yourself to something you wouldn&rsquo;t normally indulge in. It doesn&rsquo;t have to be anything more than some small thing, but let it be about you and your needs for a change, instead of about everyone else.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Brooding, indulging in self-pity, junk foods, alcohol, and drugs is going to serve no purpose at all. Your beautiful, loving self deserves better.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And write, write, write. Every time you have something you need to say to them, every time you feel the emotion bubbling up inside you, express it; get it all down. Preferably with pen and paper.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. Forgive<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Forgiveness is not about the other person. It&rsquo;s about YOU. And your feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The definition of <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/btomovement.org\/becoming-the-one-blog\/the-art-of-forgiving-your-ex\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">forgiveness<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is &ldquo;to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong): To stop blaming (someone)&rdquo; as well as &ldquo;to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/how-much-resentment-do-you-have-towards-your-partner\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">give up resentment<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> of or claim to requital for.&rdquo; With this act, you free up your mind, body, and soul to truly move forward to a better place.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>5. Don&rsquo;t take it personally<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Know that this relationship ended because it wasn&rsquo;t the right relationship for you&hellip;or for them either.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It has nothing to do with you. You are absolutely lovable, and you deserve to be loved&hellip;by the right person.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Remember that the secret to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/over-a-breakup\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">getting over a broken heart<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> lies with you. Surround yourself as often as you can with your cheerleaders and those people who love you.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Accept their support and their reminders that you are a beautiful, caring, loving person and you deserve to be loved. Baby steps will get you there if that&rsquo;s what you need.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/how-to-survive-a-breakup\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Survive a Breakup: 20 Tips<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>Takeaway<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some kinds of pain in life are inevitable. However, once you recognize and accept them as a part of your journey towards a happier and more fulfilling life, you will gain a little more strength to handle your pain and more specifically, different stages of a breakup.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whatever you do, just make sure to move on, and keep moving, in the right direction.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Breakups are not only hard, they can frequently feel like something inside of us has died.&nbsp; The loss of a relationship can often be just as painful as actually losing a loved one. And it makes sense&ndash; this person that you were so intimately involved with, that was such an intertwined part of your life, is suddenly gone; unreachable, untouchable.&nbsp; Even if the breakup was good-natured and amicable, and you&rsquo;ve decided to remain friends (which again is very debatable), it&rsquo;s impossible to completely erase that feeling of a complete loss. And it really is a loss&ndash; a loss of the <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":675,"featured_media":7582,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2502],"tags":[2606],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7581"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/675"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7581"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7581\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":113467,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7581\/revisions\/113467"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7582"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7581"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7581"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7581"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}