{"id":75807,"date":"2022-03-14T18:08:48","date_gmt":"2022-03-14T18:08:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=75807"},"modified":"2023-03-15T07:51:11","modified_gmt":"2023-03-15T07:51:11","slug":"the-art-of-apology","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/forgiveness\/the-art-of-apology\/","title":{"rendered":"Swallow Your Pride: The Art of Apology"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"Young<\/p>\n

Married couples inevitably <\/span>face conflict<\/span><\/a>. If you believe you haven’t faced conflict in your marriage, you may not be seeing the truth. In fact, when you <\/span>avoid conflict<\/span><\/a>, you also avoid the opportunity to strengthen your marriage. Conflict is normal and natural. How we respond to it, however, can make or break a relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n

Take a moment and consider the pattern you enter when there is conflict. We all have default patterns. We usually inherit them from our parents until we become more intentional about our responses. These responses are rooted in beliefs and values, but also in the nervous system which means they can be somewhat automatic as your body tries to keep you safe. <\/span><\/p>\n

The better you see and accept your own patterns, the better you will be at stopping the automatic reaction and responding intentionally with the person you love.<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, consider your usual reactions when you are feeling threatened or uncomfortable. Do you run, blame, deny, avoid, threaten, minimize, dwell, appease, distract, supplicate, victimize? As you consider this, neither judge nor justify your behavioral patterns. <\/span><\/p>\n

Judging yourself will make you bitter and that will spill into your marriage. Justifying your behavior will make you inflexible and that, too, will impact your marriage. Simply be honest with yourself. Now, consider your partner’s patterns. When you have a conflict, what is their typical reaction? Notice without judging or justifying. <\/span><\/p>\n

Lastly, consider how your two reaction patterns interact.<\/span><\/p>\n

Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> 15 Relationship Conflict Patterns & Common Causes<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
<\/span>Swallow your pride: The art of apology<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
\"Couple<\/p>\n
When facing conflict in marriage, the art of apology can lend itself to warm, even joyous, reconciliation. It does involve swallowing your pride and also <\/span>being vulnerable<\/span><\/a> with your true feelings. If you are not open to being vulnerable, your marriage will suffer. <\/span><\/p>\n
If you value a sense of righteousness over a sense of togetherness, your marriage will suffer. Notice what an appeal for vulnerability and humility brings up in you.<\/span><\/p>\n
Marital conflicts should have the goal of <\/span>strengthening your marriage<\/span><\/a>. If you and your partner frequently approach disagreements as adversaries, I encourage you to shift your perspective and approach them as team members sharing the same goal: to enrich your healthy connection.<\/span><\/p>\n
<\/span>Tips for effective apology in relationships<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
\"Couple<\/p>\n