

{"id":73007,"date":"2021-12-22T05:41:54","date_gmt":"2021-12-22T05:41:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=73007"},"modified":"2026-03-13T11:14:26","modified_gmt":"2026-03-13T11:14:26","slug":"talk-to-your-wife-about-lack-of-intimacy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/talk-to-your-wife-about-lack-of-intimacy\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Ways to Talk to Your Wife About Intimacy Issues"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-73010\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/ways-to-talk-to-your-wife-about-intimacy-issues.jpg\" alt=\"Husband and wife wearing pajamas looking at each other after waking up in the morning.\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Talking about sex can be nerve-wracking. And worrying about how to talk to your wife about lack of intimacy can be even more challenging. Society&rsquo;s tabooing of sex can make people feel uncomfortable talking about it or think that sex isn&rsquo;t significant enough to discuss.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/is-sex-necessary-for-a-happy-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">sexual relationship in a marriage<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is just as meaningful as an emotional one. But since sex is such a private and sensitive topic, it can be hard to find ways to talk about it in a way that reflects your respect and concern.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here are a few ways to do when the intimacy is gone, how to talk to wife <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/lack-of-intimacy-living-in-a-sexless-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">about sexless marriage<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and having a healthy discussion about it&mdash;read on!<\/span><\/p>\n<h2>What to do when your partner does not want to be intimate<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The first step to addressing this is acknowledging that there is a problem- your wife has intimacy issues. Now that you&rsquo;ve understood the issue, it&rsquo;s time to consider bringing up the lack of intimacy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your wife might not be into sex because she&rsquo;s busy, she&rsquo;s religious (what does the Bible say about lack of intimacy?), or she might not be in the mood for it. Maybe the lack of intimacy is not just physical&mdash; if you don&rsquo;t <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/emotional-intimacy\/how-to-connect-emotionally-with-your-wife\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">feel emotionally connected to your wife<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, that needs to be addressed first.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whatever the reason might be, making sure your wife talks about sex openly with you is important. Below there are 10 ways of talking to your wife about intimacy. This should help you get started!<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Come from a place of vulnerability<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The best answer for how to be intimate with your wife is to be vulnerable. Connecting with your wife emotionally is important, and <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/benefits-of-vulnerability-in-relationships\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">being vulnerable can help you<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> be emotionally intimate with your wife. An intimate talk is the first step toward physical intimacy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/how-to-build-empathy-in-relationships\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Being empathetic<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is how to talk your wife into sex or help deal with her problems. But making your relationship a safe space should be the primary goal. An excellent <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/tips-to-become-vulnerable-in-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">way to be vulnerable<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is to talk about your feelings and admit your shortcomings. Intimacy will develop naturally.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. Ask lots of questions<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The stigma around sex could be the source of your wife&rsquo;s intimacy issues. If you&rsquo;re wondering how to bring up lack of intimacy, start by asking her about herself.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Learning how to talk to your wife about lack of intimacy is a lot of work, but showing your wife that you&rsquo;re interested in learning about her is important.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Asking questions can also <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/emotional-intimacy\/having-trouble-feeling-close-and-connected-find-out-what-to-do-about-it\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">make you feel more connected with her emotionally<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. You can ask her how she&rsquo;s been feeling lately or if something is bothering her.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can start by asking if she&rsquo;s <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/conversation-about-sex\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">open to talking about sex<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and if she&rsquo;s not, then you can ask what&rsquo;s stopping her or where the problem lies.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/intimacy\/intimate-questions-to-ask-your-partner\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">101 Sexy Questions to Ask Your Partner<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>3. Make it comfortable and easy<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to talk to your wife about sexless marriage is first to make her feel comfortable around you. If <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">she feels anxious<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> or uneasy, she might not want to be intimate with you.<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/allintherapyclinic.com\/sexless-marriage\/#SEX-Q-3\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Research<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> shows that one reason for lack of sex could be recent or frequent marital conflicts that might make her uneasy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Find a neutral setting, like a cafe or a place she likes. Being in a comfortable space can help her open up even more. <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/emotional-intimacy\/repairing-emotional-intimacy\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Emotional intimacy is important<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> for a stable, loving relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. Set a time aside for your conversation<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-73011\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/set-a-time-aside-for-your-conversation.jpg\" alt=\"couple lying together on bed at bedroom\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Daily life can be busy, and <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/intimate-conversation\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">finding time to have intimate talks<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> can be difficult. Set aside some time to help your wife talk about sex without being pressured. Making time is precisely how to talk to your wife about lack of intimacy and get good results in the process.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sometimes, all you need is some low-pressure time <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/couple-bonding-activities-to-strengthen-the-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">together to bond emotionally<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. You can pick a movie to watch together or go on a date night to her favorite restaurant. Time together can help you talk about issues more efficiently.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">According to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/jenni-jacobsen\">Dr. Jenni Jacobsen<\/a>, PhD in Psychology, <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The best time to talk to her is when she&rsquo;s in a good mood, and you know she won&rsquo;t be upset by the conversation.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><b><i>Also Try: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/quizzes\/why-did-he-stop-talking-to-me-quiz\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why Did He Stop Talking to Me Quiz<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/p>\n<h3><b>5. Think about marital therapy<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/psychcentral.com\/health\/sexless-marriage#tips\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Therapists<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> say that different programs like &lsquo;emotionally focused therapy can <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/8-tips-to-improve-communication-in-your-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">help improve communication<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and make talking to your wife about intimacy much easier. This is because emotional intimacy is the gateway to a happy marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Emotional intimacy is often ignored in a relationship. Going to therapy can help you reconnect with one another and give you a safe space to be intimate. Talking about yourself and your feelings and <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/6-ways-to-connect-during-sex\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">being more emotionally intimate<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> can lead to a happier marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dr. Jacobsen adds,<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A marital therapist offers a neutral perspective and can help you think about relationship problems in a new way.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><b>6. Be respectful and mindful<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sex is a delicate topic<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Your wife might not be into it for religious beliefs. If that&rsquo;s the case, then help her talk through it respectfully from the religion&rsquo;s perspective.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For example, talk about what the Bible says about lack of intimacy? Does her belief system restrict her in what she can and cannot do sexually? Being mindful of your wife&rsquo;s belief system is key.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>In the video below, a Christian sex therapist talks about ways to fix a sexless marriage:<\/b><br><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/G9DLRpFbtGI\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h3><b>7. Be direct about what&rsquo;s bothering you<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your wife&rsquo;s <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/intimacy\/common-intimacy-issues-in-a-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">intimacy issues<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> may be non-existent&mdash;you could unknowingly be the problem. When you&rsquo;re wondering what to do when the intimacy is gone, be direct and tell what&rsquo;s bothering you. She might be worrying about it too!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Miscommunications are a product of a lack of emotional intimacy. Being direct can sound like an easy thing to do, but it can be challenging if you&rsquo;re not emotionally connected.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Take small steps towards <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/intimacy\/physical-relationship-or-emotional-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">building an emotional relationship first<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, like talking about each other&rsquo;s childhoods or workplace stressors. Tackling periods of life like this directly can help you address the present situation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><i>Also Try: <\/i><\/b><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do I Need Therapy Quiz<\/span><\/i><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<h3><b>8. Give her space and time to think and talk about herself<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you&rsquo;re still not sure how to talk to your wife about lack of intimacy, and nothing you&rsquo;ve tried has worked, maybe she needs space. Your wife might be feeling suffocated in the relationship, and sometimes helping your wife talk about sex is to let her be. This can also help her recuperate emotionally. Encourage her to take a day off work or have a relaxing spa day.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>9. Set up expectations and boundaries<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you&rsquo;re not sure how to be intimate with your wife and how she feels, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/setting-healthy-boundaries-in-a-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">setting up some boundaries can be helpful<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This can make talking to your wife about intimacy fun&mdash;play a small game where you both come up <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/the-role-of-sex-in-relationships\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">with an expectation for sex<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and then something you never want to do. This is how to talk your wife into sex and help her be comfortable with it.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>10. Pay attention to external circumstances<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-73012\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/12\/pay-attention-to-external-circumstances.jpg\" alt=\"Young couple talking at table in cafe\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Before you plan how to bring up lack of intimacy, make a list of all the things your wife is preoccupied with. Maybe your children are pushing her to the limit, or she has a lot of work.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Another <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">reason could be health conditions<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and research shows: 12% of middle-aged women report low sexual desire due to changing hormones.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can try to ease her burden and then have an intimate talk about your marriage. If your wife is constantly drained emotionally and has no time to be intimate with you about her feelings, then sex is something she hasn&rsquo;t even thought about yet.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So easing her burden can do wonders for the psychological intimacy of your relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b><i>Also Try: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/quizzes\/do-you-have-a-selfish-partner-test\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do You Have a Selfish Partner Test<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/p>\n<h2>Ways to increase intimacy in your relationship<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Figuring out how to talk to your <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/8-challenges-of-being-the-second-wife\/\">wife about lack of intimacy can be challenging<\/a>. There might be a lot of variables involved, and you might not be sure how to talk to your wife about sexless marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, once you have the hang of how to talk to your wife about lack of intimacy, things get a lot easier. You can now start thinking of ways to increase intimacy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To increase intimacy, it&rsquo;s best to start thinking about growing closer together emotionally and physically. <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/reduce-the-emotional-distance-in-a-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Physically or emotionally distant relationships<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> lead to issues, and you might have to get better at talking to your wife about intimacy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you think you&rsquo;re ready to start increasing physical intimacy,<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/4-essential-tips-to-improve-physical-intimacy-in-a-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> this article<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> talks about four best practices to achieve a happy intimate marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>Conclusion<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Setting time aside and having an open discussion can do wonders. Once your wife feels relaxed and comfortable, intimacy is not far behind. Emotional relationships are important for a physical relationship, so taking care of your and your partner&rsquo;s mental health is the priority.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now that you&rsquo;ve gotten tips on how to talk to your wife about lack of intimacy and some next steps you could take, it&rsquo;s time to put them into action! And remember, communication and mutual respect are key.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Talking about sex can be nerve-wracking. And worrying about how to talk to your wife about lack of intimacy can be even more challenging. Society&rsquo;s tabooing of sex can make people feel uncomfortable talking about it or think that sex isn&rsquo;t significant enough to discuss. However, a sexual relationship in a marriage is just as meaningful as an emotional one. But since sex is such a private and sensitive topic, it can be hard to find ways to talk about it in a way that reflects your respect and concern. Here are a few ways to do when the intimacy <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":675,"featured_media":73010,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[11],"tags":[2516],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/73007"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/675"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=73007"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/73007\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":118073,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/73007\/revisions\/118073"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/73010"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=73007"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=73007"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=73007"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}