{"id":71897,"date":"2021-11-29T07:40:40","date_gmt":"2021-11-29T07:40:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=71897"},"modified":"2024-10-24T07:51:06","modified_gmt":"2024-10-24T07:51:06","slug":"how-long-does-a-marriage-last-after-infidelity","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/how-long-does-a-marriage-last-after-infidelity\/","title":{"rendered":"How Long Does a Marriage Last After Infidelity"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-71901\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/how-long-does-a-marriage-last-after-infidelity.jpg\" alt=\"Sad Couple Parting Against Cold City\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How long does a marriage last after infidelity? Being in a marriage after infidelity is both heartbreaking and infuriating.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you have experienced <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/\">infidelity in your marriage<\/a>, you may be wondering: What percentage of marriages survive infidelity? Are they any obvious signs for when to walk away after infidelity?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you&rsquo;re in a marriage where trust has been broken, you may start feeling like you could lift a car over your head sooner than you can repair the damage that has been done to your heart.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do relationships work after cheating? The good news is that yes if you are committed, your marriage can be saved. But it is going to take a lot of effort, courage, and forgiveness.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Licensed Mental Health Counselor <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/grady-shumway\">Grady Shumway<\/a> states that,<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Following significant life-changing experiences, discovering our next steps and determining a course of action can feel profoundly disconcerting. Recognizing that your journey towards healing is unique and committing to actively pursue stability are essential.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How long does it take to get over infidelity? Keep reading to find out.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-is-marriage-infidelity\"><\/span>What is marriage infidelity?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/Ni9NvNQfGM4?si=vX10xE0LUfjRYQdB\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">&#65279;<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Technology has turned &lsquo;cheating&rsquo; into an umbrella term. There are now, horrifyingly, so many ways to be <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/why-you-should-not-cheat\/\">unfaithful to your partner<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>Physical marriage infidelity:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Being physically intimate with someone outside of your marriage. This may include grinding, kissing, cuddling, and oral and penetrative sex.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>Emotional marriage infidelity:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This means you have created a romantic, but not sexual, emotional relationship with someone outside your marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Statistics show that<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/journals.sagepub.com\/doi\/pdf\/10.1177\/147470490800600412\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> both men and women<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> are more likely to be upset by their partner having an emotional affair than a sexual one.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That&rsquo;s not to say a sexual affair doesn&rsquo;t hurt &ndash; emotional affairs seem to be a bigger slap in the face. They can&rsquo;t be written off as some carnal desire. Instead, it suggests that your partner likes someone&rsquo;s personality more than yours or that you are in some way lacking.<\/span><b><\/b><\/p>\n<h3><b>Grey area cheating:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some might consider their partner watching pornography, going to a strip club, or entering a sex video chat to be cheating.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This all depends on someone&rsquo;s boundaries. If your partner explains their sexual boundaries to you and you cross those lines, in their eyes, you have just been unfaithful.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-to-do-when-you-discover-an-affair\"><\/span>What to do when you discover an affair<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Living in a marriage after infidelity can make it feel like you&rsquo;re living in a stranger&rsquo;s home or a stranger&rsquo;s body!<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Can marriage be saved after infidelity? Sometimes the shock of finding out your partner has been unfaithful makes the answer unclear.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you have just caught your partner having an affair, here are some simple Do&rsquo;s and Don&rsquo;ts to get you through the next few weeks.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>Do:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Create a support system for yourself. This is not something you should shoulder on your own.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>Don&rsquo;t:<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ignore it. You may have a great life with kids that you don&rsquo;t want to upset, but it is never worth ignoring a problem as big as an affair. Your partner&rsquo;s affair signals a serious problem either with your marriage or with their respect for you.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>Do:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Take some time to think about what you want to do. You may even keep knowledge of the affair to yourself for a few days while deciding whether you want to stay with your partner or consult a lawyer.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>Don&rsquo;t:<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Fly off the handle. The calmer you are, the more control you will have over what happens next.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>Do:<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Get to the root of the problem if you choose to stay with your spouse. You don&rsquo;t want any repeat situations in the future.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Will-my-marriage-last-after-infidelity\"><\/span>Will my marriage last after infidelity?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-71902\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/will-my-marriage-last-after-infidelity.jpg\" alt=\"Sad Young Woman With Man Sleeping in the Background at Home\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Can marriage be saved after infidelity?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What percentage of marriages survive infidelity?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do relationships work after cheating?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">These are questions you may be asking yourself after finding out your partner has been unfaithful.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How long does a marriage last after infidelity? Psychiatrist Dr. Scott Haltzman, the author of The Secrets of Surviving Infidelity, cites that an average of<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.npr.org\/templates\/story\/story.php?storyId=195533059\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> 4 in 10 marriages will experience an affair<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> in his research. Out of these, more than half will stay together.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A marriage can indeed be saved after infidelity, but it will not be an easy road, and both partners must be fully committed to the process.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-long-does-a-marriage-last-after-infidelity\"><\/span>How long does a marriage last after infidelity?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What percentage of marriages survive infidelity? Extensive research conducted by the American Psychological Association found that 53% of couples who experienced infidelity in their marriage were<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.apa.org\/pubs\/journals\/features\/cfp-0000012.pdf\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> divorced within 5 years<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, even with therapy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The study says that couples who have been unfaithful are three times more likely to separate than monogamous couples.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, do relationships work after cheating? The statistic above doesn&rsquo;t sound great but consider it another way: 47% of couples stayed together.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"6-tips-for-surviving-infidelity\"><\/span>6 tips for surviving infidelity<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How long does it take to get over infidelity? If you&rsquo;re in the throes of finding out your partner has cheated, it feels like it will take forever.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The truth is, it takes time.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/grady-shumway\">Expert Grady Shumway<\/a> highlights,<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Recovering from infidelity is a deeply personal journey that varies for each individual and couple. It often involves rediscovering trust, navigating complex emotions, and making decisions about the future of the relationsh<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">ip.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You need to rediscover the happiness in this new version of your relationship, learn to forgive, and weigh the options of when to walk away after infidelity.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Have the desire to fix things<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now that we know what percentage of marriages survive infidelity, it&rsquo;s time to act. To <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/radical-acceptance-in-relationships\/\">heal your relationshi<\/a>p, you must <i>both<\/i> have the desire to make it work.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This means prioritizing your marriage, not just while things feel broken, but from this point on for the rest of your relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. End the affair<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How long does a marriage last after infidelity? Not very long if the guilty spouse is still having an affair or is still in contact with this person.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To have a successful marriage after infidelity, all third parties need to be removed from the relationship. This is the only way to restore trust.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>3. Find yourself again<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whether you want your relationship to succeed or you&rsquo;re looking for signs of when to walk away after infidelity, you should start with getting to know who you are.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">People tend to get lost in their relationships. The marriage becomes their identity. Take time to focus on yourself, your wants, your needs, and your hobbies.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Having a better sense of self will help you make the best decision for your life in the future.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. Have open communication<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How long does a marriage last after infidelity? A lot longer if couples are willing to be open and honest with one another.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Not to mention, communication opens the air. It lets partners know they can talk to each other, and after finding out about an affair, you&rsquo;re going to want to do a lot of talking.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The key here is to know <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/16-principles-for-effective-communication\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">how to communicate effectively.<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Start by speaking openly and honestly about how the affair made you feel.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Be calm, if possible. This is naturally a heartbreaking topic to cover with your spouse. Still, your conversation will be a thousand times more productive if you express your feelings instead of yelling and name-calling.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Listen. Both partners should give each other a chance to speak and become engaged listeners.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Give yourself space. If you can&rsquo;t handle emotionally brave conversation or are worried that you&rsquo;re going to say something you will regret, take a minute. Take a day &ndash; take a week! Give yourself time to process.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>5. Go to couple&rsquo;s counseling<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A counselor can help you and your partner see things from an unbiased perspective. <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They can also help you structure a plan for <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/building-trust-after-a-bad-relationship\/\">rebuilding trust<\/a> and making your marriage strong again.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/grady-shumway\">LMHC Grady Shumway<\/a> points out,<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>A counselor may use evidenced-based practices to help you and your partner process or work through things.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><b>6. Rebuild your relationship<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-71903\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/11\/rebuild-your-relationship.jpg\" alt=\"Couple Having an Argument in Their Living Room\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How long does it take to get over infidelity? If you do not have intimate time with your partner, it could take years.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Understandably, you may not be itching to be physically intimate with your spouse after finding out about their affair. Still, it&rsquo;s important to connect on an emotional level if you want to repair the damage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Go out on dates, talk, find a way to laugh. <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/ways-to-have-a-quality-time-with-your-partner\/\">Spend quality time together<\/a> and remember why your relationship is worth fighting for.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"When-to-walk-away-after-infidelity\"><\/span>When to walk away after infidelity<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How long does it take to get over infidelity? And if you can&rsquo;t seem to jump that hurdle, how do you know when to walk away after infidelity?<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner does not end the affair<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You are always looking for a way out, even though your partner is trying<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your spouse does not express remorse<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You are considering your affair\/looking for ways to hurt your spouse<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner refuses to go to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/what-is-counseling\/\">counseling<\/a><\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your spouse isn&rsquo;t putting in the work<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner is still in touch with their affair<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some time has passed, and nothing has changed<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Can marriage be saved after infidelity? Only if your partner is willing to work with you. You can&rsquo;t fix your marriage by yourself.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Don&rsquo;t ignore the signs telling you when to give up on marriage after infidelity. Doing so will only lead to more heartache.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Will-infidelity-pain-ever-stop-hurting\"><\/span>Will infidelity pain ever stop hurting?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How long does a marriage last after infidelity? The pain can make it feel impossible. It&rsquo;s a constant heart-sinking, throbbing pain that is so painful, some might prefer a physical wound to the emotional scars of an affair.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>You&rsquo;ll be happy to know that there are temporary quick fixes for the pain you&rsquo;re feeling:<\/b><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Taking up a hobby<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Journaling<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Reconnecting with yourself<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Spending time with your friends<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some people find the steps of fixing their marriage to be healing and therapeutic.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But sometimes, when the rush of the situation settles down, and you feel some sense of normalcy, those painful fears kick in. You may have thoughts like:&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ldquo;Is my spouse secretly talking to someone else again?&rdquo;<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ldquo;My partner was unfaithful before. Who&rsquo;s to say they won&rsquo;t hurt me again?&rdquo;<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ldquo;I&rsquo;m happy again. Does that mean that I&rsquo;ve let my guard down too much?&rdquo;<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s hard to shake these thoughts after you&rsquo;ve been hurt by someone else, but as they say, time heals all wounds.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Can marriage be saved after infidelity? If you can give yourself grace and time to heal, it most certainly can.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Learn more about the consequences of emotional affair with this video:<br><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/PcFd8OvPx_c\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h3><b>Conclusion<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How long does a marriage last after infidelity? The answer depends on you and your spouse.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are willing to work together, seek therapy, and rebuild your relationship, you can be a shining success story.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How long does it take to get over infidelity? It could take years to recover from the damage of being betrayed thoroughly, but that doesn&rsquo;t mean you won&rsquo;t find happiness in the meantime.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Knowing when to walk away after infidelity can be difficult, but you will do more harm than good by staying in a broken relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How long does a marriage last after infidelity? Being in a marriage after infidelity is both heartbreaking and infuriating. If you have experienced infidelity in your marriage, you may be wondering: What percentage of marriages survive infidelity? Are they any obvious signs for when to walk away after infidelity? If you&rsquo;re in a marriage where trust has been broken, you may start feeling like you could lift a car over your head sooner than you can repair the damage that has been done to your heart. Do relationships work after cheating? The good news is that yes if you are <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":675,"featured_media":71901,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[23],"tags":[2691],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/71897"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/675"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=71897"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/71897\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":105189,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/71897\/revisions\/105189"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/71901"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=71897"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=71897"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=71897"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}