

{"id":69750,"date":"2021-09-20T09:03:19","date_gmt":"2021-09-20T09:03:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=69750"},"modified":"2024-03-28T07:54:07","modified_gmt":"2024-03-28T07:54:07","slug":"being-second-choice-in-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/being-second-choice-in-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"15 Reasons Why You Should Not Settle Being Second Choice in a Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-69753\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/reasons-why-you-should-not-settle-being-second-choice-in-a-relationship.jpg\" alt=\"Unhappy Woman Looking at a Couple Flirting Near Bar Counter in Bar\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You may have had a relationship where you felt like you were a second choice or are currently <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/types-of-relationships\/\">in this type of relationship<\/a>. It is important to remember that being the second choice in a relationship is something you don&rsquo;t have to live with.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Read this article to learn <\/span><b>15 reasons<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> why you shouldn&rsquo;t settle for being a second choice.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What does it mean to be second choice?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you are a second choice in a relationship, you aren&rsquo;t the person your partner calls all the time. They may have other mates that they hang out with and might be keeping you on the line for when their first option is busy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Moreover, if you are a second choice, you are being treated as an option. This is not something that you have to put up with. You should find someone <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/appreciating-and-valuing-your-spouse\/\">who will appreciate you<\/a> for who you are and make you their first and only choice.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Is-it-okay-to-be-a-second-choice\"><\/span>Is it okay to be a second choice?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In general terms, it is not okay to be someone&rsquo;s second choice. There will always be someone who can&rsquo;t see your worth and may want to put you on the back burner if they don&rsquo;t have someone else to call on or date.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is important to remember that you should never settle for second best, especially if you consider the person <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/reasons-to-be-in-a-relationship\/\">you are in a relationship<\/a> with as your first choice.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Insecurities-you%E2%80%99ll-have-when-you-feel-like-you%E2%80%99re-someone%E2%80%99s-second-choice\"><\/span>Insecurities you&rsquo;ll have when you feel like you&rsquo;re someone&rsquo;s second choice<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There are certain insecurities that you may feel when you are in a second-choice relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li aria-level=\"1\">\n<h3><b>You may start to feel jealous<\/b><\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you experience being second choice in a relationship, it may cause you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/how-to-stop-being-jealous-in-your-relationship\/\">to feel jealous of others<\/a>. You might be jealous of the other people that your partner is dating or others that have relationships that are different from yours.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li aria-level=\"1\">\n<h3><b>You may start to feel anxious more often<\/b><\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul><p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-69754\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/you-may-start-to-feel-anxious-more-often.jpg\" alt=\"Woman Upset at Her Crush With Other Girl on a Sunny Day\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There&rsquo;s a chance that you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/manage-anxiety-in-the-first-year-of-marriage\/\">can feel more anxious<\/a> in your day-to-day life when you are the second option in a relationship. For example, you might feel like you&rsquo;ll never find another partner or someone to choose you first.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li aria-level=\"1\">\n<h3><b>Your self-esteem and self-worth may suffer<\/b><\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At times, you might think that you aren&rsquo;t good enough. Don&rsquo;t make someone a priority when you&rsquo;re only an option. This can cause you to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/losing-yourself\/\">feel bad about yourself<\/a>, especially if you care about your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/maggie-martinez\">Maggie Martinez, LCSW<\/a>, states that,<\/p>\n<div class=\"docos-collapsible-replyview\">\n<div class=\"docos-replyview-static\">\n<blockquote>\n<div class=\"docos-replyview-body docos-anchoredreplyview-body docos-replyview-body-emoji-reactable docos-replyview-body-emoji-reactable-background\" dir=\"ltr\">You may come to think you aren&rsquo;t worthy of being first, and that&rsquo;s a dangerous mindset.<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<pre><em><strong>Related Reading:&nbsp;<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/men-with-low-self-esteem\/\">10 Things to Expect When You Love a Man With Low Self-Esteem<\/a><\/em><\/pre>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\">\n<h3><b>You may start to judge yourself against everyone else<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&nbsp;<\/span><\/h3>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Besides thinking you aren&rsquo;t good enough, you might also feel like you need to judge yourself against others. You may think your body isn&rsquo;t fit enough, or you have the wrong proportions. This thinking is not fair to anyone, so remember that you should never be someone&rsquo;s second choice.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"15-reasons-why-you-should-not-settle-being-a-second-choice\"><\/span>15 reasons why you should not settle being a second choice<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you are tired of being the second choice in a relationship, consider these <\/span><b>15 reasons<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> you shouldn&rsquo;t be.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. You deserve love and respect<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you wonder why am I always second choice in a relationship, this is something that you need to think about. Instead of being someone&rsquo;s second choice, you should be someone&rsquo;s only choice.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/love\/10-tips-to-bring-more-love-and-respect-into-your-marriage\/\">deserve love and respect<\/a> out of a relationship and be treated with the same energy and attention you would treat your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><em><strong>Also Try:&nbsp;<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/quizzes\/do-i-deserve-love-quiz\">Do I Deserve Love Quiz<\/a><\/em><\/pre>\n<h3><b>2. You should be able to get what you want out of a relationship<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Moreover, you need to be able to get everything you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/when-to-leave-a-relationship\/\">want out of a relationship<\/a>. If you want to be exclusive with a person, they should be willing to do so with you, instead of making you their second choice.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>3. It can change who you are<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In some cases, you may lose a little bit of yourself. If you start to feel this happening, you need to assure yourself I&rsquo;m not a second choice and believe it.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Again, you should only be <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/love\/how-to-maintain-a-healthy-relationship\/\">concerned with relationships<\/a> where your partner considers you their only choice, plain and simple.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><em><strong>Also Try:&nbsp;<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/quizzes\/quiz-are-you-open-with-your-partner\">Quiz: Are You Open with Your Partner<\/a>?<\/em><\/pre>\n<h3><b>4. It is essentially not worth the effort<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you spend all your time and <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/masculine-and-feminine-energy\/\">energy on a relationship<\/a> where you aren&rsquo;t a primary choice, you may be wasting your time and effort.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your time may be <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/things-to-consider-before-choosing-your-life-partner\/\">better spent finding someone<\/a> that wants to hang out with you and spend time with only you.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>5. It can negatively affect your mental health<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you are regarded as being the second choice in a relationship, this can affect your mental health in a few ways. One is that it can <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/ways-to-deal-with-depression-in-relationship\/\">cause you to become depressed<\/a> or have down feelings.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Also, this may cause you to require working with a therapist to address your mental health. Consider if your partner is worth <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/mental-health-in-relationship\/\">harming your mental health over<\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><em><strong>Related Reading:&nbsp;<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/how-to-deal-with-mental-illness-in-spouse\/\">How to Deal With Mental Illness in a Spouse<\/a><\/em><\/pre>\n<h3><b>6. You will likely experience many insecurities<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Being the second choice in a relationship can cause you to experience several insecurities. As explained by<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.webmd.com\/mental-health\/signs-insecurity\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> WebMD<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, if someone has <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/8-signs-you-are-insecure-in-your-relationship\/\">insecurities in their romantic relationship<\/a>, it may affect other relationships that they have as well.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/maggie-martinez\">Maggie Martinez, LCSW<\/a>, notes that,<\/p>\n<div class=\"docos-collapsible-replyview\">\n<div class=\"docos-replyview-static\">\n<blockquote>\n<div class=\"docos-replyview-body docos-anchoredreplyview-body docos-replyview-body-emoji-reactable docos-replyview-body-emoji-reactable-background\" dir=\"ltr\">You may find that you are comparing yourself to the other women, whether it be on looks or personality.<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<h3><b>7. Your confidence can suffer<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once you are tired of being second to someone else, this may affect your confidence. If the person you love doesn&rsquo;t choose you first, it is understandable why you may not feel confident <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/the-true-meaning-of-being-in-a-relationship\/\">about your relationship<\/a> and yourself.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, you might want to do something about this.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><em><strong>Related Reading:&nbsp;<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/signs-of-low-self-esteem-in-a-man\/\">10 Signs of Low Self Esteem in a Man<\/a><\/em><\/pre>\n<h3><b>8. Your relationship isn&rsquo;t equal<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you are being second best in a relationship, there&rsquo;s a good chance that the relationship isn&rsquo;t equal. You are likely giving it your all, and the other person may not be putting in the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/ways-to-put-effort-in-a-relationship\/\">same amount of effort and time<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You deserve to have a partner that is willing to put in 100% like you are.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>9. Your happiness is affected<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-69755\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/09\/your-happiness-is-affected.jpg\" alt=\"Woman Upset at Her Crush With Other Girl on a Sunny Day\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There are many aspects of being second choice in a relationship that might cause <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/signs-of-unhappy-person\/\">you to feel unhappy<\/a>. You might be waiting by the phone on most nights are being stood up by your date. These are not good feelings, and you shouldn&rsquo;t have to deal with them.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><em><strong>Related Reading:&nbsp;<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/save-your-marriage\/how-marriage-and-happiness-can-be-enhanced\/\">How Marriage and Happiness Can Be Enhanced With 5 Simple Activities<\/a><\/em><\/pre>\n<h3><b>10. It is hard to make plans<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Have you ever wanted to make plans with your partner, and they won&rsquo;t give you confirmation or spend time with you? This can weigh on your mind and can also <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/how-to-resolve-trust-issues-in-a-relationship\/\">affect the trust<\/a> you have with the other person.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The site<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/welldoing.org\/article\/common-relationship-problems-how-therapy-can-help\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> WellDoing<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> expresses that many people feel like trust is the thing they <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/relationship-values-every-couple-must-have\/\">value most in a relationship<\/a>. When you don&rsquo;t feel like you have that in yours, you should think about what you want.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>11. You are unable, to be honest with your loved ones<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are in a relationship where you are the second choice, you may not want to talk about this to the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/simple-steps-to-take-care-of-your-relationships\/\">people that care about you the most<\/a>. This can cut off your support system and make you feel even worse about yourself.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Make sure you don&rsquo;t go for second best and be sure to talk to someone in your support system when you need to.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><em><strong>Related Reading:&nbsp;<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/flexibility-or-honesty-in-a-relationship\/\">Flexibility or Honesty in a Relationship, What Matters More<\/a>?<\/em><\/pre>\n<h3><b>12. You may feel lonely most of the time<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There&rsquo;s a good chance that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/family\/spending-time-with-family\/\">when you are spending time<\/a> being second choice in a relationship, a big portion of your time is spent being by yourself or lonely. Keep in mind that you don&rsquo;t have to sit by the phone and wait. You can live your life!<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>13. You are probably being lied to<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.mayoclinic.org\/healthy-lifestyle\/adult-health\/basics\/healthy-relationships\/hlv-20049421\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Mayo Clinic<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> suggests that <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/14-ways-to-keep-your-relationship-strong-healthy-and-happy\/\">a key part of a healthy relationship<\/a> is honesty, so if you don&rsquo;t have that with your partner, you may want to think about your options.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Check out this video for ways to know that you aren&rsquo;t someone&rsquo;s first choice:<\/b><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/ugsoCdcbrTo\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">&#65279;<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h3><b>14. You might be setting yourself up for a broken heart<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In some instances, you might think that things will <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/steps-to-inspire-change-in-your-spouse\/\">change with your partner<\/a>. You may think that being the second choice in a relationship is temporary and that they will choose you first if you wait it out.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While this can happen, it isn&rsquo;t something that you should <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">expect<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to happen.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><em><strong>Related Reading:&nbsp;<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/ways-to-mend-a-broken-heart\/\">How to Heal a Broken Heart<\/a>?<\/em><\/pre>\n<h3><b>15. There&rsquo;s someone out there for you<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is probably someone out there for you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/therapy\/can-your-partner-make-you-happy\/\">who will make you happy<\/a> and wants to give you the things you need out of a relationship. You owe it to yourself to try to find this person.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>Conclusion<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When it comes to being second choice in a relationship, this is something that you shouldn&rsquo;t have to put up with. You should consider dating only people that will think of you as their only mate and won&rsquo;t be texting or dating others on the side.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you allow yourself to be a second choice, this can affect you negatively in several different ways, where you may end up feeling bad about yourself or even find that you need to take advantage of <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/\">mental health support<\/a>.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s important to take the time to find a partner that will appreciate you and treat you like you treat them. Don&rsquo;t settle for anything less!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You may have had a relationship where you felt like you were a second choice or are currently in this type of relationship. It is important to remember that being the second choice in a relationship is something you don&rsquo;t have to live with. Read this article to learn 15 reasons why you shouldn&rsquo;t settle for being a second choice. What does it mean to be second choice? When you are a second choice in a relationship, you aren&rsquo;t the person your partner calls all the time. They may have other mates that they hang out with and might be <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":630,"featured_media":69753,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2500],"tags":[2593],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/69750"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/630"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=69750"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/69750\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":97465,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/69750\/revisions\/97465"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/69753"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=69750"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=69750"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=69750"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}