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Most people would agree that communication is an important part of a<\/span> healthy marriage <\/span><\/a>or partnership, and being heard by our partners is a key component of <\/span>effective communication in relationships<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n When we feel heard, we believe that our partner understands and respects us. On the other hand, not feeling heard in a relationship can lead to feeling neglected, and eventually, this can cause resentment.<\/span><\/p>\n Read on to learn how you can express your feelings and improve your relationship if you find yourself thinking, “I just want to be heard!”<\/span><\/p>\n Ultimately, not feeling heard in a relationship is the result of your partner simply not listening, or appearing to not listen to you, when you share your feelings or concerns.<\/span><\/p>\n Listening to your partner requires being present in a relationship, and there are several reasons that can explain why your partner doesn’t seem to listen:<\/span><\/p>\n Research has taken a look at what causes communication breakdown between partners and ultimately leads one or both of them to feel unheard.<\/span><\/p>\n According to the results of a <\/span>study<\/span><\/a> in <\/span>Brain, Cognition and Mental Health<\/span><\/i>, people are more likely to respond defensively to statements that begin with you, such as, “You never help around the house!” compared to statements that begin with, “I.”<\/span><\/p>\n If you find yourself thinking, “My opinion doesn’t matter,” it may be that your partner is shutting down because of <\/span>feeling attacked during conversations.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n Beyond the reasons above, sometimes feeling unheard can be because your partner has a different viewpoint from you, and this is entirely normal.<\/span><\/p>\n Different people have different perspectives, and if you feel unheard, it might just be that you’re stuck trying to convince your partner that you are correct and they are incorrect, when in reality it is normal to sometimes disagree.<\/span><\/p>\n Every marriage or relationship will need communication. While many people think that eventually, people run out of things to talk to each other about, that is anything but true. There will always be something to talk about, especially if it involves the health of your relationship or marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n Here are some things you may want to talk about with your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n Communicating feelings in a relationship can be challenging, and if you’re not heard, it can lead you to question, “Why don’t you listen to me?”<\/span><\/p>\n If you’re struggling with communication in your relationship, here are 10 signs to look for that suggest your partner isn’t hearing you:<\/span><\/p>\n When you communicate and your partner truly hears you, they will understand what you have said, and hopefully resolve whatever issue has come up in the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n On the other hand, if they are not hearing you, chances are that you will have to explain yourself over and over, and have the same arguments, because they aren’t understanding you well enough to resolve the issue at hand.<\/span><\/p>\n When you find your partner forgetting about things you’ve asked them to do, but they can remember things that are important to them, such as a friend’s birthday or the details of a weekend golf outing, the reality is that they’re simply not listening to you.<\/span><\/p>\n Maybe the two of you have a big argument, and your partner apologizes and promises to change, but then does nothing to alter their behavior afterwards. This means that they are simply trying to put an end to the argument, and they are not really listening to what you’re asking them to change.<\/span><\/p>\n Disagreements are a normal part of any relationship, but if your partner avoids talking them out, this is a clear sign they aren’t hearing you.<\/span><\/p>\n Maybe they claim to be busy every time the <\/span>conversation <\/span><\/a>comes up, or perhaps they actively avoid it by refusing to talk. Either way, they cannot possibly hear your concerns if they’re tuning you out every time you try to address them.<\/span><\/p>\n If your partner is truly listening to you and understanding what you are trying to communicate, the conversation should be relatively short and simple.<\/span><\/p>\n On the other hand, if arguments drag on seemingly all day, your partner has no intention of listening to what you’re trying to communicate. Instead, they are attempting to exhaust you until you give in and drop the issue.<\/span><\/p>\n When your partner isn’t hearing you, discussions will turn into your partner lashing out at you and blaming you for the issue, because they aren’t willing or emotionally able to listen to what you’re trying to communicate with them.<\/span><\/p>\n For instance, if you are unhappy with the way something is going in your relationship, your partner may say that the way you’re doing things works for another couple you know.<\/span><\/p>\n Your partner isn’t really hearing your concerns and is instead trying to dismiss you by proving that what you’re saying isn’t really a problem, since it’s not a problem for other people.<\/span><\/p>\n When you’re communicating in a healthy manner, the goal isn’t to prove that one person is wrong and the other is right, but rather to communicate to understand each other’s perspective. With this <\/span>type of communication<\/span><\/a>, there is no winner and loser.<\/span><\/p>\n On the other hand, if your partner communicates just to win an argument, this can certainly lead to not feeling heard in a relationship, because they’re so focused on proving their point that they aren’t hearing your perspective.<\/span><\/p>\n If they pull out their phone every time you try to talk, chances are that your significant other is tuning you out and isn’t actually hearing what you’re saying.<\/span><\/p>\n Body language is also important. If your partner looks around the room while you’re talking, turns away from you, or doesn’t make eye contact, this can lead to you feeling neglected, because they aren’t actually engaged in the conversation with you.<\/span><\/p>\n When you notice the above signs of not being heard, you will probably feel quite frustrated. You may even think, “I don’t want to be heard; I want to be listened to.” When you’re feeling this way, there are things you can do to address the issue. Consider the 10 tips below:<\/span><\/p>\n When you’re feeling unheard, it is natural to have some anger and frustration, but if you approach the situation with anger, your partner is likely to feel attacked.<\/span><\/p>\n Relationship expert John Gottman, founder of the <\/span>Gottman Institute,<\/span><\/a> recommends the “soft start up,” in which you approach an issue of concern by expressing how you feel, without being critical.<\/span><\/p>\n The reality is that you can express how you feel without being critical. If you’re feeling sad, lonely, or neglected, communicate this to your partner. This will help them to understand the seriousness of the situation. <\/span><\/p>\n Maybe a contributing factor to not feeling heard in a relationship is that you are approaching your partner at inconvenient times.<\/span><\/p>\n Is it possible that you’re trying to start serious conversations when your partner is in the middle of watching their favorite show, or trying to get something done around the house? Consider talking to them at a different time.<\/span><\/p>\n If you are feeling unheard, you have probably come to believe that your partner intends to hurt you, but this may not be the case.<\/span><\/p>\n Give your partner the benefit of the doubt and assume that they do not mean to neglect you, and you are less likely to approach them with anger and resentment.<\/span><\/p>\n You may be stuck in a cycle of saying the same things to your partner over and over, hoping that they will eventually hear you, but if you want to resolve the issue, you have to talk about it.<\/span><\/p>\n You can’t expect that one day, your partner will understand your perspective. Sit down and have a talk, where you are open with them about the fact that you feel they are misunderstanding you.<\/span><\/p>\n When communicating feelings in a relationship, it is helpful to use, “I statements,” so that you take ownership of what you are saying.<\/span><\/p>\n Instead of saying, “You never help with the dishes,” it might be more helpful to say, “I am feeling overwhelmed and need your help with the dishes.” With the latter, your partner is less likely to feel attacked and shut down as a result.<\/span><\/p>\n Remember that we all have different perspectives and life experiences, so while you may think that you are communicating in a way that your<\/span> partner can understand<\/span><\/a>, it’s possible that they are still missing your message.<\/span><\/p>\n When you’re in the middle of a conversation and it devolves into a heated argument, it is probably time to take a break. Continuing to argue back and forth isn’t going to lead to either of you feeling heard, because you’re likely to become defensive.<\/span><\/p>\n Begin by expressing your point, and then pause and let your partner respond. It can also be helpful during this process to allow each other an opportunity to summarize your understanding of what the other has said, to ensure you are not missing anything.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/span>Not feeling heard in a relationship – What are the causes?<\/span><\/h2>\n
Related Reading: <\/i><\/b>How Does Listening Affect Relationships<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
<\/span>Things you need to talk about with your partner<\/span><\/h2>\n
Related Reading: <\/i><\/b>The Importance of Communication in Relationships<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
<\/span>10 signs your partner just isn’t hearing you<\/span><\/h2>\n
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<\/p>\n1. You have the same arguments repeatedly<\/b><\/h3>\n
2. They can remember other things, but not things that you tell them<\/b><\/h3>\n
3. They apologize but then do not change their behavior<\/b><\/h3>\n
Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> 9 Ways on How to Apologize to Someone You’ve Hurt<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
4. Your partner avoids tough conversations<\/b><\/h3>\n
5. Your arguments drag on until you’re exhausted<\/b><\/h3>\n
Also Try:<\/i><\/b> Communication Quizzes<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
6. Attempts to communicate involve your partner lashing out at you<\/b><\/h3>\n
7. When you express disagreement with your partner, they use other people as an example<\/b><\/h3>\n
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<\/p>\n8. Your partner insists upon proving why they are right<\/b><\/h3>\n
9. Your significant other always appears distracted<\/b><\/h3>\n
10. Body language suggests that they aren’t listening<\/b><\/h3>\n
Related Reading: <\/i><\/b>What Your Body Language Says About Your Relationship<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
<\/span>What to do when you’re feeling unheard in your relationship<\/span><\/h2>\n
1. Start the conversation gently<\/b><\/h3>\n
2. Learn to express your emotions<\/b><\/h3>\n
Related Reading: <\/i><\/b>How to Share Your Feelings With Your Spouse<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
3. Take a look at your own behavior<\/b><\/h3>\n
4. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt<\/b><\/h3>\n
5. Realize that you’re going to have to talk about the issue<\/b><\/h3>\n
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<\/p>\nRelated Reading:<\/i><\/b> 25 Relationship Issues and How to Solve Them<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
6. Use “I statements.”<\/b><\/h3>\n
7. Check that your partner is understanding you<\/b><\/h3>\n
8. Take a break from the conversation if it gets heated<\/b><\/h3>\n
Related Reading: <\/i><\/b>Things to Avoid After an Argument With Your Partner<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
9. Take turns talking<\/b><\/h3>\n
10. Become a better listener yourself<\/b><\/h3>\n