

{"id":68575,"date":"2021-08-06T06:14:13","date_gmt":"2021-08-06T06:14:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=68575"},"modified":"2026-02-27T12:20:00","modified_gmt":"2026-02-27T12:20:00","slug":"signs-a-long-distance-relationship-is-not-working","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/signs-a-long-distance-relationship-is-not-working\/","title":{"rendered":"15 Signs Your Long-Distance Relationship Isn&#8217;t Working"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-68578\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/signs-your-long-distance-relationship-is-not-working.jpg\" alt=\"Young Sad Woman in Working on Tablet Sitting on the Couch\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do you feel like your relationship is losing its luster?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Maintaining a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/ways-to-survive-a-long-distance-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">healthy long-distance relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> can be incredibly rewarding, but that doesn&rsquo;t mean it&rsquo;s always going to be easy. It would be best if you were focused on communication and building up emotional intimacy all the time.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For some people, a long-distance relationship is a dream &ndash; for others? It&rsquo;s an all-encompassing job.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2>15 Signs a Long Distance Relationship is Ending<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Maybe long-distance relationships don&rsquo;t work for your lifestyle or perhaps you&rsquo;re thrilled in your relationship, but your spouse seems to be pulling away.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Keep reading for 15 signs a long-distance relationship isn&rsquo;t working.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. You&rsquo;ve stopped communicating<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC6702121\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Research<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> reveals that the happiest couples share something in common. Happy couples tend to focus on communication, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/commitment-and-seeing-it-through\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">commitment<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/conflict-resolution-skills\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">conflict resolution<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and intimacy with their partners.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">According to <\/span><a class=\"editor-rtfLink\" href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/christiana-njoku\" target=\"_blank\"><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Christiana Njoku<\/span><\/a><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">, a licensed professional counselor:<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Constant communication is the bedrock of every relationship, and as soon as couples stop communicating, it becomes worrisome, particularly in a long-distance relationship.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/can-lack-of-communication-be-fatal-to-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Poor communication<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is one of the biggest signs a long-distance relationship isn&rsquo;t working.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/communication-advice-for-long-distance-relationships\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Communication Advice for Long Distance Relationships<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>2. Family and friends are elusive<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Have you ever met your spouse&rsquo;s friends or family, either in person or via video chat? If not, it could be a sign of long-distance relationship communication problems.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It could also be a sign that your spouse isn&rsquo;t serious about including you in their real life.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>3. You&rsquo;re not as excited to spend time together<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the biggest problems with long-distance relationships<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you first met your partner, you were probably counting down the minutes to receive their next text or jump online with them, but as the relationship progresses, you find that excitement has waned.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. Affection has dwindled<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Affection is <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.tandfonline.com\/doi\/abs\/10.1080\/01926180390201936?src=recsys\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">strongly related to partner satisfaction<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Even the simple act of kissing, cuddling, or holding hands with your partner is likely to send a boost of oxytocin through your body and make you feel happier.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Of course, it is more difficult to be affectionate when you don&rsquo;t live in the same city. Still, even the simple act of sending each other cute emojis and love messages can <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/emotional-intimacy\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">boost your emotional intimacy<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A lack of expressed affection is one of the biggest signs a long distance relationship isn&rsquo;t working.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>5. You have a funny feeling<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-68579\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/you-have-a-funny-feeling.jpg\" alt=\"Young Sad Woman in Working on Tablet Sitting on the Couch\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you&rsquo;re looking for one of the sure signs a long distance relationship isn&rsquo;t working, look no further than your gut instinct.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nobody knows your relationship as well as you do, so if your intuition tells you that your long distance relationship is falling apart, listen and investigate!<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>6. The relationship has become unreliable<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One reason why long distance relationships don&rsquo;t work is that couples don&rsquo;t <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/ways-to-put-effort-in-a-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">put effort<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> into maintaining a romantic schedule.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At first, you always knew when you were spending time together, but you or your spouse have become unreliable over time.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your spouse is never around when you need them and you feel like you can&rsquo;t rely on them, take it as one of the signs a long distance relationship isn&rsquo;t working the way it should.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>7. Your spouse seems distracted<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you first met, you and your partner would probably drop anything to talk to each other.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your spouse now seems distracted when you&rsquo;re talking or seems like they&rsquo;d rather be doing something else, it could be one of the telltale signs a long distance relationship isn&rsquo;t working for you.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>8. Arguments are frequent<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One sure sign that your long-distance relationship is falling apart is if you and your spouse are always fighting.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>As Christiana Njoku explains:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>When arguments become the order of the day in a long-distance relationship, it is an obvious sign that the end of the relationship is near.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whether it&rsquo;s something big like when you&rsquo;re going to meet up in person or something small like a bout of <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/jealousy-in-relationships\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">jealousy<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, constantly arguing is not healthy for couples &ndash; significantly when they can&rsquo;t fall back on physical intimacy to bring them closer.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/constant-fighting-in-your-relationship\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Stop Constant Fighting in a Relationship<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>9. You&rsquo;re fantasizing about someone else<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you&rsquo;re still looking for reasons why long distance relationships don&rsquo;t work, you can put &lsquo;falling for someone else&rsquo; at the top of your list.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Christiana Njoku further shares:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Long distance relationship is not a walk in the park; if not well managed, there is every tendency to start looking for someone close by to date in order to bridge the gap.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As much as you care about your spouse, you may find yourself with a crush on someone from your in-person social circle. The thrill of seeing them in the flesh brings a certain level of chemistry and intimacy to the party that a long-distance spouse can&rsquo;t always beat.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>10. The distance hurts you<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Even if <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/tips-to-maintain-commitment-in-your-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">you are incredibly committed<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and in love with your partner, sometimes the reason why long distance relationships don&rsquo;t work is that you&rsquo;re not built for them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The problems with long distance relationships are that your heart is always waiting for resolution. You&rsquo;re waiting to be together, to see each other in person, to bring the distance to a close.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is no surprise, then, that couples who have met online are <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.liebertpub.com\/doi\/abs\/10.1089\/cyber.2014.0302?journalCode=cyber\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">more likely to break up<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> than couples who meet in person.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>11. You&rsquo;ve stopped making time for one another<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One sign that your long distance relationship is falling apart is when you no longer <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/ways-to-have-a-quality-time-with-your-partner\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">spend quality time<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> together.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Having a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/importance-of-date-night-in-a-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">date night is important<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> for all couples, even if you&rsquo;re in a long distance relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Planning a special evening<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to do something new together has been shown to boost passion and relationship excitement. Couples also report higher communication and <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/make-your-partner-sexually-satisfied\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">sexual satisfaction<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> levels when they have at least one date night a month.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>12. You&rsquo;ve never met<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Another reason why long distance relationships don&rsquo;t work is for the simple fact that you&rsquo;ve never met.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/short-reads\/2020\/02\/06\/10-facts-about-americans-and-online-dating\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Pew Research <\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">study<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> reports that a whopping one-third of people dating online will never meet in person.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Does this mean that your relationship is doomed?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Not necessarily, but depending on how long you&rsquo;ve been together, not meeting or making plans to meet can be a warning sign that your long distance relationship is not working because it shows a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/save-your-marriage\/lack-of-commitment-in-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">lack of commitment<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and motivation toward your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>13. Trust has dwindled<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-68580\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/trust-has-dwindled.jpg\" alt=\"A Sad Man Sits in the Workplace Covering His Face With His Hand\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/news.northwestern.edu\/stories\/2013\/02\/trust-makes-you-delusional-and-thats-not-all-bad\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">study<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> published by Northwestern University found that trust is essential for a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/what-is-the-definition-of-a-healthy-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">healthy relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Couples who trust each other enjoy a more fulfilling connection.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the big signs a long distance relationship isn&rsquo;t working is when there is no trust.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you don&rsquo;t trust your partner, you&rsquo;re going to have a difficult time handling when they make plans with other people. Plus, you&rsquo;re not getting the reassurance that comes from physical touch.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/ways-on-how-to-build-trust-in-long-distance-relationships\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Build Trust in Long-Distance Relationships<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>14. You&rsquo;re always busy<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do you find yourself purposely making plans without your spouse?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your calendar is always filled to the brim and you&rsquo;ve stopped carving out time to video chat with your sweetheart, take it as one of the signs a long distance relationship isn&rsquo;t working for you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Learn about how to improve long distance communication with this video:<\/b><br><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/QLyTlCIcW78\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h3><b>15. There is no end date for the distance<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.tandfonline.com\/doi\/abs\/10.1080\/01463370701658002\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">research<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> study on long-distance dating relationships found that participants who had no plans to meet or move to the same city experienced heightened distress and less relationship satisfaction.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The takeaway? Long distance relationships are more satisfying for partners when there is an end date in mind.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>Conclusion<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Are there signs for how to know when a relationship is not working? Yes. Signs a long distance relationship isn&rsquo;t working include:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Never making plans to meet in person<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Long distance relationship communication problems<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your affection has dwindled<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You have a gut feeling<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partnership has become unreliable<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you find yourself searching <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&lsquo;Why long distance relationships don&rsquo;t work,&rsquo;<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> don&rsquo;t be discouraged.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This method of dating is not for everyone.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your long distance relationship is ending, embrace the fact that long distance relationships are difficult. The process, or person, simply wasn&rsquo;t for you.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Do you feel like your relationship is losing its luster? Maintaining a healthy long-distance relationship can be incredibly rewarding, but that doesn&rsquo;t mean it&rsquo;s always going to be easy. It would be best if you were focused on communication and building up emotional intimacy all the time. For some people, a long-distance relationship is a dream &ndash; for others? It&rsquo;s an all-encompassing job. 15 Signs a Long Distance Relationship is Ending Maybe long-distance relationships don&rsquo;t work for your lifestyle or perhaps you&rsquo;re thrilled in your relationship, but your spouse seems to be pulling away. Keep reading for 15 signs a <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":675,"featured_media":68578,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2502],"tags":[2607],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68575"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/675"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=68575"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68575\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":117578,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68575\/revisions\/117578"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/68578"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=68575"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=68575"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=68575"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}