

{"id":68474,"date":"2021-08-02T12:24:41","date_gmt":"2021-08-02T12:24:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=68474"},"modified":"2024-03-28T09:47:05","modified_gmt":"2024-03-28T09:47:05","slug":"he-does-not-want-to-get-married-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/he-does-not-want-to-get-married-again\/","title":{"rendered":"7 Reasons Why He Doesn&#8217;t Want to Get Married Again"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-68494\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/reasons-why-he-doesnt-want-to-get-married-again.jpg\" alt=\"Upset Men and Women\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Community and Q&amp;A websites are full of messages like &ldquo;my boyfriend says he never wants to get married &ndash; what should I do?&rdquo; There can be several explanations depending on the circumstances. One of them is the already existing marriage experience and divorce.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A divorced guy has a different way of looking at things than those who have never been married. So the reason that he doesn&rsquo;t want to get married again is a clue to predict if he would change his mind in the future.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What Is It Like to Consider Remarriage After Divorce?<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h2>7 Reasons Why he doesn&rsquo;t want to get married again<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why guys don&rsquo;t want to get married again after being divorced or separated?&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Let&rsquo;s inspect a few of the most common arguments used by divorced men to stay away from marriage or why they decide on never getting married again.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">According to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/mert-eker\">Psychologist Mert &#350;eker<\/a>,&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A divorced man&rsquo;s decision not to remarry may often be influenced by negative experiences from his previous marriage. A challenging past relationship can cause trust issues, emotional scars, and commitment concerns. These experiences can affect a man in such a way that he may withdraw from the thought of marriage again.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h3><b>1. They don&rsquo;t see the benefits of marrying again<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Perhaps, from a rational point of view, marriage doesn&rsquo;t make sense these days for them. And men are not the only ones with this opinion. A lot of women share it too. One indication of this is a slight decline in married couples over the past years.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A 2019<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.pewresearch.org\/short-reads\/2019\/02\/13\/8-facts-about-love-and-marriage\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">study<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> by Pew Research showed that the number of married couples decreased by 8% from 1990 to 2017. The fall is not drastic but noticeable nonetheless.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">He doesn&rsquo;t want to get married again because not all men see <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/second-marriage-how-to-make-your-second-marriage-successful\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">how a second marriage can benefit them<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and that&rsquo;s the primary reason why men don&rsquo;t want to get married anymore. Their tendency to think logically makes them weigh all the pros and cons of marriage, and only after that, they choose the best option.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So the more disadvantages a guy finds, the less likely he will want to marry.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Let&rsquo;s look at the situation from a divorced man&rsquo;s perspective. He has already tasted the limitations and downsides of marriage and now wants to enjoy his newfound freedom. Tying the knot would mean losing or reinventing himself all over again.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why would a guy <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/how-to-be-independent-while-married\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">give up his independence<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> if he can have access to love, sex, emotional support, and everything else a woman provides without legal consequences?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In earlier days, two people felt obligated to unite for financial or religious reasons. However, now the need for marriage is less dictated by social norms and more by psychological needs.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the previously mentioned study, 88% of Americans cited love as the main reason for marriage. By comparison, financial stability makes only 28% of Americans want to formalize the relationship. So yeah, there&rsquo;s still hope for those who believe in love.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. They are afraid of divorce<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-68496\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/they-are-afraid-of-divorce.jpg\" alt=\"Sad Couple Sitting on Couch at Home\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Divorce often gets messy. Those who have gone through it once are terrified to face it again. He doesn&rsquo;t want to get married again because men might believe that <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">family law<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is biased and gives women the power to send their ex-husbands to the cleaners.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, we won&rsquo;t elaborate on possible gender disparity in family law courts as it&rsquo;s not the scope of this article. But to be fair, many men end up with alimony obligations and have to drain their monthly budget to send paychecks to their ex-wives.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And let&rsquo;s not forget about the emotional turmoil these poor fellows have suffered.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So who can blame them if they never get married again?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Luckily for women, not all divorced men no longer want to get married. In 2021, the U.S. Census Bureau released a<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.census.gov\/newsroom\/press-releases\/2021\/marriages-and-divorces.html\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">report<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> that included divorced men and remarriage statistics. 18.8% of men have been married twice as of 2016. Third marriages were less common &ndash; only 5.5%.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Men who do start a family for the second or third time are more conscious about it. Most of them try to learn from their mistakes and approach the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/new-relationship-advice\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">new relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> with more wisdom.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>3. They cannot support a new family<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some men never remarry after divorce because of financial issues left over from the previous marriage. What are those?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">First of all, it&rsquo;s alimony or spousal support. Its amount can be a heavy burden, especially when there is also <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">child support<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Men with these obligations often postpone getting into a new serious relationship because they cannot financially support a new wife and possibly new children.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">He doesn&rsquo;t want to get married again because he&rsquo;s concerned about the financial side. It&rsquo;s a good sign. Nothing is lost yet, and you can expect him to change his mind.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After all, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">alimony<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and child support are temporary. The duration of spousal support is half of the time a couple lived together in most states.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And child support will end when a child becomes of age. It doesn&rsquo;t mean that a guy should wait for five or more years to propose. If he wants to create a quality partnership with a new person, he will look for a way to solve financial difficulties earlier.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. They haven&rsquo;t recovered from the previous relationship<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the early <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/stages-of-divorce-for-a-man\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">stages<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, a divorced man feels too frustrated to consider starting a new family. Often, the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/starting-a-new-relationship-post-divorce\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">first relationship after divorce<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is a way to relieve pain and recover. In such a case, the man&rsquo;s feelings for the new woman are usually temporary and end when he returns to normal.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/mert-eker\">Psychologist Mert &#350;eker<\/a> notes that,&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some divorces are limited to the formal end of the existing relationship. Even if the spouses are officially divorced, their love may still continue, or in long-term relationships, obsessions may develop towards the separated spouse. This situation is defined as &ldquo;unfinished event&rdquo; in psychology. Therefore, if the divorce is considered as an unfinished event, the man will refrain from starting a new relationship.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some men are honest about this stage and will say straight away that they are not <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/things-to-consider-before-choosing-your-life-partner\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">looking for a life partner<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> at the moment. However, others are not so truthful. They can slightly embellish the situation and their intentions towards a new partner and even mention their plans to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/quizzes\/second-marriage-quiz\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">marry again<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Anyway, it doesn&rsquo;t take a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">relationship expert<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to understand how emotionally unstable people feel right after a divorce and that they need time to figure out what to do next. It&rsquo;s wishful thinking to expect any wise decisions during this period, especially concerning marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While thinking of <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/problems-in-marrying-a-divorcee\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">marrying a divorced man<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, the best a woman can do is give her partner some time to put the pieces of his life back together and see how it goes. If he still doesn&rsquo;t want a new family after the recovery period, he probably means it.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s up to a woman to decide if she can live with that or if she wants more.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><i>Check out this video by Alan Robarge about healing from the previous relationship and how it can cause insecure future relationships if not treated:<\/i><br><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/0wOQohv_0Rg\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h3><b>5. They are afraid to lose their freedom<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Men have an inner desire for independence and are terrified that someone may restrict them in their freedom. This fear plays a big part in why guys don&rsquo;t want to get married the first time, let alone the second or third.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If they are contemplating getting married again after divorce, they might develop an even more pragmatic approach to the relationship. A pragmatist is someone with a practical approach to life, rather than romantic.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">These men start evaluating relationships from a rational point of view. For example, if permission to do whatever they like is not part of the deal, they might not want it at all.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ldquo;Through marriage, a woman becomes free, but a man loses freedom,&rdquo; wrote German philosopher Immanuel Kant in his <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/books.google.co.in\/books\/about\/Lectures_on_Anthropology.html?id=D0kU7JfiZyUC&amp;source=kp_book_description&amp;redir_esc=y\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Lectures on Anthropology<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> in the 18th century. He believed that husbands could no longer do whatever they pleased after the wedding and had to conform to their wives&rsquo; way of living.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s fascinating how times change, but people and their behavior stay the same.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>6. They believe that marriage would ruin love<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-68498\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/08\/they-believe-that-marriage-would-ruin-love.jpg\" alt=\"Upset Man Covers His Face With Hand While Woman Is Trying to Convince Him\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Divorce doesn&rsquo;t happen in one day. It&rsquo;s a long process that includes emotional trauma, self-doubt, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/how-to-deal-with-disagreements-in-a-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">disagreements<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and many other unpleasant things. But how did it come to this? Everything was so clear initially, and then suddenly, a couple once very much in love becomes total strangers.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Could a marriage kill the romantic mood and ruin happiness?&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It sounds a bit overdramatic, but that&rsquo;s what some people believe. Men don&rsquo;t want marriage to destroy the idyllic relationship that they have now. Plus, a lot of guys are afraid their partner would change, both in character and looks.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In reality, a wedding does not play any part in the relationship&rsquo;s failure. It&rsquo;s all about the original expectations and the efforts a couple makes to strengthen their ties. All relationships <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/how-to-make-a-relationship-work\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">need work<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/commitment-and-seeing-it-through\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">commitment<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. If we don&rsquo;t spend enough time nurturing them, they will fade like flowers without water.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>7. Their feelings for a new partner are not deep enough<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some relationships are doomed to stay at square one without progressing to a new level. It&rsquo;s not a bad thing if both partners agree. But if a man says that he doesn&rsquo;t believe in marriage and his partner wants to create a family, it becomes a problem.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A man could enjoy spending time with a new girlfriend, but his feelings for her are not deep enough to propose. So, if he says he doesn&rsquo;t want to get married again, he may mean that he doesn&rsquo;t want his current girlfriend to become his wife.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Such a relationship only lasts until one of the partners finds a better option.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The signs that a man will never <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">remarry after divorce<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is a topic for another lengthy discussion. He doesn&rsquo;t want to get married again or has matrimonial intentions if he&rsquo;s discreet about his life, keeps an emotional distance, and doesn&rsquo;t introduce his girlfriend to his friends and family.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/reasons-men-are-not-marrying\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Reasons Men Are Not Marrying<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h2>What makes a divorced man want to remarry?<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Eventually, some men can change their minds and decide to create a new family. The primary reason marriage could become an attractive option again is its higher value compared to possible restrictions.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Different men have different approaches to remarriage. For example, some propose very quickly, while others weigh all the pros and cons first. But often, strong feelings such as love and passion can outweigh the perceived disadvantages of marriage, including financial and housing issues.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Other reasons that may lead a man to propose include:<\/b><\/p>\n<ul><li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">the desire for a stressless home environment that a woman can provide<\/span><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/fear-of-being-alone-in-love-relationships\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">fear of loneliness<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">a desire to please their current loved one<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">revenge on their ex-wife<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">fear of losing their partner to someone else<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">longing for <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/emotional-intimacy\/ways-to-improve-emotional-support-in-your-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">emotional support<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, etc.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><pre><b><i>Also Try: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/fear-of-marriage-after-a-divorce\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do You Fear Marriage After a Divorce&nbsp;<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>Takeaway<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When it comes to divorced men and remarriage, remember that not all men can remarry immediately after a divorce. Let&rsquo;s not forget that some states (Kansas, Wisconsin, etc.) have a statutory waiting period for a divorced person to get married again.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, when can a person remarry after divorce? The answer depends on the laws of the particular state. Roughly, a person can remarry in thirty days to six months after the final judgment.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Community and Q&amp;A websites are full of messages like &ldquo;my boyfriend says he never wants to get married &ndash; what should I do?&rdquo; There can be several explanations depending on the circumstances. One of them is the already existing marriage experience and divorce. A divorced guy has a different way of looking at things than those who have never been married. So the reason that he doesn&rsquo;t want to get married again is a clue to predict if he would change his mind in the future. Related Reading: What Is It Like to Consider Remarriage After Divorce? 7 Reasons Why <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1289,"featured_media":68494,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2502],"tags":[2608],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68474"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1289"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=68474"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68474\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":97506,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68474\/revisions\/97506"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/68494"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=68474"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=68474"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=68474"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}