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You have discovered or have been told that your partner has been having an affair. <\/span><\/p>\n You’ve been hit by a ton of bricks engulfed by a tsunami of emotions ranging from <\/span>anger<\/span><\/a>, <\/span>resentment<\/span><\/a>, wanting to seek revenge to sadness, despair, and helplessness. One of the few questions that may arise are “Should I stay or should I go? How to save a marriage after infidelity and lies?”<\/span><\/p>\n While the answer is there and is different for everyone, you may not have an immediate answer, or you unequivocally have the answer and are already at the height of your action plan. <\/span><\/p>\n Should I stay, or should I go after the affair? When to give up on marriage after infidelity? <\/span><\/p>\n Whether you do not know the answer or are in overdrive planning every detail of your action plan, let me suggest hitting the pause button and consider these steps. <\/span><\/p>\n When you’re dealing with infidelity, you are experiencing one of life’s most devastating and traumatic events, which flood you with emotional intensity overriding judgment and reasoning.<\/span><\/p>\n If you are deciding to <\/span>divorce after infidelity<\/span><\/a>, <\/span>acting now may entail regrets later.<\/span><\/p>\n Remember your relationship with your spouse and family has developed over time. Your marriage and children are one of your biggest life’s investments which warrant the time to determine the most important decision and its lifelong impact. <\/span><\/p>\n Experience your feelings as they arise.<\/span><\/p>\n If you find yourself asking often, “Should I stay or should I go after the affair?”- <\/span>take note of how your upbringing, values, and possible religious beliefs may play a role in figuring out what to do. Grab a journal and write it all out.<\/span><\/p>\n You will want to obtain support from others. Select a few people you truly trust.<\/span><\/p>\n Telling everyone can be very damaging by creating more confusion and chaos. Not to mention, if you and your spouse decide to <\/span>stay together<\/span><\/a>, some family and friends may not be able to recover and re-integrate into your family. <\/span><\/p>\n Taking care of yourself is vital to your well-being during this time.<\/span><\/p>\n Tune into the basics, such as getting adequate sleep, eating a healthy, balanced diet, and exercising. You may want to shift your focus by picking up a hobby or enrolling in a fun class.<\/span><\/p>\n As the question, “Should I stay or should I go after the affair?” hogs you, do not let it take control of your life. Stay calm. You will process things slowly.<\/span><\/p>\n Continue to be present by focusing on your children, going to work, and taking care of your household.<\/span><\/p>\n Find the appropriate time and environment to ask your spouse <\/span>general questions<\/span><\/a> about the affair. <\/span>Does he want you to leave? Ask them, “Should I stay or should I go?” This will give you clarity on the next steps.<\/span><\/p>\n Do not engage in ‘pain shopping’ by demanding nitty-gritty details that will only be more traumatic.<\/span><\/p>\n Check out this video on confronting a cheating spouse without acting frantically and losing your credibility<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n10 Things to consider after your partner commits adultery<\/h2>\n
1. Do not make any immediate decisions regarding your marriage<\/b><\/h3>\n
2. Experience your feelings and sit with your values<\/b><\/h3>\n
3. Talk to those you trust<\/b><\/h3>\n
4. Begin a self-care program<\/b><\/h3>\n
Related Reading: <\/i><\/b>Pillars of Self-Care<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n
5. Remain committed to other areas of your life<\/b><\/h3>\n
6. Confront your spouse<\/b><\/h3>\n
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<\/p>\nRelated Reading: <\/i><\/b>Things Cheaters Say When Confronted<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n