

{"id":68,"date":"2015-05-25T11:28:49","date_gmt":"2015-05-25T11:28:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.marriage.com\/topic\/?p=68"},"modified":"2024-01-16T10:09:51","modified_gmt":"2024-01-16T10:09:51","slug":"pre-marriage-counselling-questions-to-answer-before-saying-i-do","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/pre-marriage\/pre-marriage-counselling-questions-to-answer-before-saying-i-do\/","title":{"rendered":"50 Premarital Counseling Questions to Ask Before You Say I Do"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-34380\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/How-Does-Counseling-Work-and-How-Does-It-Help-You-Heal.jpg\" alt=\"How Does Counseling Work and How Does It Help You Heal\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Counseling before marriage presents an opportunity for couples to address potential conflict areas in their relationship. It enables couples to prevent petty issues from becoming a crisis and also helps them recognize their expectations from each other in the marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A licensed therapist usually provides premarital counseling questions; in some cases, even religious institutes offer premarital counseling.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While answering your questions before marriage, a pre-marriage counselor may help you reach an agreement over problematic issues and establish open and honest communication with each other.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-is-premarital-counseling\"><\/span><b>What is premarital counseling?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Pre-marriage counseling is becoming more common, partly due to the high divorce rates that have plagued us in recent years. Most relationship therapists begin with a list of premarital counseling questions.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There&rsquo;s no guarantee that such a premarital counseling questionnaire can help you perfect your marriage, but it sure can help you to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/ways-to-build-a-strong-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">build a strong marriage<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> with good compatibility.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is because your answers give the therapist more insight into you as individuals and as a couple. Plus, they open up communication about issues that will be a part of married life.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-should-premarital-counseling-cover\"><\/span><b>What should premarital counseling cover?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The questions to ask in premarital counseling usually cover all aspects of a relationship that can become a cause for concern in the future. The attempt is to help the couple understand each other better and discuss the issues where their ideas or plans don&rsquo;t align.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Usually, pre-wedding counseling questions broadly cover the following topics:<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Emotions<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This category of premarital counseling questions is where the couple examines the emotional strength of their relationship and how compatible they are on an emotional level. Marriages with strong emotional compatibility thrive as the spouses comprehend each other&rsquo;s emotional needs.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/emotional-intimacy\/emotional-connection-between-two-loving-partners\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">10 Benefits of an Emotional Connection Between Loving Partners<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-75401\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/02\/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<h3><b>2. Communication<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Pre-marriage questions about <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC8710473\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">communication<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> help a couple realize how they would reciprocate their partner&rsquo;s exchange of emotions, desires, and beliefs. Furthermore, answering these premarital questions to ask aids them in resolving any past, present or future conflicts.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>3. Career<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many people compromise their career aspirations for the sake of their marriage. However, it impedes their personal and professional growth. Couples who fail to understand how demanding their career can be, often find themselves fighting and arguing with each other later on.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Answering <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/marriage-courses\/pre-marriage-course\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">pre-marriage counseling<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> questions about their career aspirations allows them to set some expectations and create a balance with their partner&rsquo;s input.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. Finance<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Before getting married, couples should handle the aspect of financial planning and discuss each other&rsquo;s financial habits and expectations.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Financial planning before marriage might help you save some time and money and asking each other money-related questions to answer before marriage will help you and your partner prepare for any unexpected crisis.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>5. Household<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As insignificant as it may sound, answering marriage counseling questions before marriage about the allocation of household chores and duties can help you manage the stress level in your marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Set expectations and manage the household chores efficiently so that these are shared and properly executed.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For this, you may:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Divide the chores between the two of you<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Take turns doing different tasks on a weekly or daily basis<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Take a look at what marriage expert Mary Kay Cocharo has to say about the importance of both pre and post-marriage counseling sessions:<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/family\/how-to-divide-household-chores-fairly\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Divide Household Chores Fairly in Marriage<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-18486 size-full\" title=\"Pre-Marriage Counseling Questions \" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/10\/Tips-for-Getting-the-Most-out-of-Marriage-Counseling.jpg\" alt=\"Pre-Marriage Counseling Questions \" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<h3><b>6. Sex and intimacy<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">From understanding what intimacy is in a marriage to knowing about your partner&rsquo;s sexual desires, questions about <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC5987853\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">sex and intimacy<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> can help you familiarize yourself with your partner emotionally and physically.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are going for a pre-wedding preparation before your church wedding, then asking pre-cana questions in your sessions on this topic is necessary as well to improve intimacy and sex in your marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>7. Family and friends<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Answering marriage counseling questions before marriage about how each of you would manage your time between your spouse and your respective family and friends can help you set certain expectations and avoid uncomfortable conversations in the future.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>8. Children<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Premarital counseling questions on family planning can help you weigh the issues that might be an obstacle to childbearing. Analyzing your values and motives for having or not having kids can prepare you and your spouse for future challenges.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>9. Religion<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Counseling questions centered around one&rsquo;s religion can aid couples in understanding the extent of their religious compatibility. For example, Christian premarital counseling questions or Jewish premarital counseling questions would also be helpful for Christian and Jewish couples to differentiate between faith and religion.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It can also guide them on how to respect their partners&rsquo; choices and express their spirituality.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Going over these questions with your soon-to-be spouse can help you gain valuable insight into how you feel about important issues and how each of you will handle them.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"50-premarital-counseling-questions-you-can-ask\"><\/span><b>50 premarital counseling questions you can ask<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The marriage counseling checklist usually has a series of questions to help the couple better understand each other. It helps them arrive at a common vision for their marriage that accommodates their individual needs, views and desires.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The following is a sampling of important premarital counseling questions worth answering together.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Emotions<\/b><\/h3>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why are we getting married?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do you think marriage will change us? If yes, how?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Where do you think we will be in 25 years?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do you have any pet peeves?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How would you describe yourself<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What do we want out of our lives<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><h3><b>2. Communication and conflict<\/b><\/h3>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How will we make decisions?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do we face difficult topics or avoid them?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do we handle conflict well?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Can we talk openly about everything?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How would we help each other improve?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What are the things we disagree about?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><h3><b>3. Career<\/b><\/h3>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What are our career goals? What will we do to reach them?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What will our work schedules be like? How might they impact our time together?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How are we going to try to maintain work-life balance?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What are our expectations from our respective careers?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Watch this video to learn whether being in love makes you less productive at work:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/di-qo0FvJcY\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. Finances<\/b><\/h3>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How is our financial situation, i.e., all debt, savings, and investments?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How will we manage our finances?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How will we divide the household bills?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Will we have joint or separate accounts?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What will our budget be for fun stuff, savings, etc.?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What are our spending habits like? Are you a spender or a saver?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What is your credit score?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What amount is acceptable to be spent on non-essentials each month?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Who will pay the bills in the relationship and who will plan the budget?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What do you want to be a major expenditure in the next 1-5 years?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Will the two of us work after marriage?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When should we plan to have kids and start saving for it?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What should be our retirement goals?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How do we plan to set up an emergency fund?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><h3><b>5. Household<\/b><\/h3>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Where will you and your fiance live?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Who will be responsible for what chores?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What chores do we enjoy\/hate doing?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Who will be doing the cooking?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><h3><b>6. Sex and intimacy<\/b><\/h3>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why are we attracted to each other?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Are we happy with our sex life, or do we want more?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How can we make our sex life better?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Are we comfortable talking about our sexual desires and needs?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Are we satisfied with the amount of romance and affection? What do we want more of?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/intimacy\/love-sex-and-intimacy\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Love, Sex and Intimacy &ndash; Change the Way You Feel by Changing the Way You Think<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>7. Family and friends<\/b><\/h3>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How often will we see our families?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How will we divide the holidays?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How often will we see our friends, separately and as a couple?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/12-things-to-never-tell-your-friends-about-your-relationship\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">12 Things to Never Tell Your Friends About Your Relationship<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>8. Children<\/b><\/h3>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do we want to have children?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When do we want to have children?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How many children do we want?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What will we do if we cannot have children? Is adoption an option?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Which one of us will stay home with the children?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><h3><b>9. Religion<\/b><\/h3>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What are our religious beliefs and how will we include them in our lives?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How will we maintain\/combine our different religious beliefs and traditions?<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Will we raise our children with religious beliefs and traditions? If so, which of our beliefs are different?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-is-the-success-rate-of-premarital-counseling\"><\/span><b>What is the success rate of premarital counseling?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You might wonder what the success rate of premarital counseling is before trying to answer the questions mentioned here. One <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/phys.org\/news\/2006-06-premarital-divorce.html\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">study shows<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> that there is a 31 percent reduction in divorce rates for couples that choose to go down this path as compared to the ones that don&rsquo;t.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Final-takeaway\"><\/span><b>Final takeaway<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The questions mentioned above are just examples of the things couples are asked when they attend pre-marriage counseling. Talking about these issues before marriage can help you both feel better prepared for marriage and the responsibilities and issues that come with it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Answering these questions together lets you learn more about each other to help avoid any surprises that could later lead to serious conflict in your marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Counseling before marriage presents an opportunity for couples to address potential conflict areas in their relationship. It enables couples to prevent petty issues from becoming a crisis and also helps them recognize their expectations from each other in the marriage. A licensed therapist usually provides premarital counseling questions; in some cases, even religious institutes offer premarital counseling. While answering your questions before marriage, a pre-marriage counselor may help you reach an agreement over problematic issues and establish open and honest communication with each other. What is premarital counseling? Pre-marriage counseling is becoming more common, partly due to the high divorce <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1394,"featured_media":34380,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[21],"tags":[2618],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1394"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=68"}],"version-history":[{"count":28,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":94372,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/68\/revisions\/94372"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/34380"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=68"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=68"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=68"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}