{"id":63656,"date":"2021-03-01T11:04:13","date_gmt":"2021-03-01T11:04:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=63656"},"modified":"2024-10-29T10:27:14","modified_gmt":"2024-10-29T10:27:14","slug":"how-to-fix-an-abusive-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/how-to-fix-an-abusive-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Fix an Abusive Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-63659\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/how-to-fix-an-abusive-relationship.jpg\" alt=\"Closeup of a Mans Hand Covering a Womans Mouth. Concept of Domestic Violence\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Abusive relationships are obviously harmful and can result in physical, psychological, financial, and emotional damage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Those who are caught in abusive relationships may love their partners and want to fix the relationship, but after the trauma of the abuse, they may wonder can an abusive relationship be saved.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are in an abusive relationship, it can be helpful to learn how to fix an abusive relationship, whether saving the relationship is even possible, and ways of healing from emotional abuse.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Defining-an-abusive-relationship\"><\/span>Defining an abusive relationship<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/1pQHO3AGu6k?si=5y62BI2k3dVq6yd4\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">&#65279;<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are looking to learn how to fix an abusive relationship, you may be wondering if you are in an abusive relationship in the first place. The answer to what is an abusive relationship is as follows:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">An abusive relationship is one in which one partner uses methods to gain power and control over the other.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">An abusive relationship is not reserved only for cases where one partner is physically violent toward the other. An abusive partner may also use emotional or psychological methods to gain control and exert power over their significant other. <\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Stalking, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/sexual-abuse-in-marriage-is-there-such-a-thing\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">sexual abuse<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and financial abuse are other methods that constitute abuse in a relationship.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your partner is showing one or more of the behaviors above, you are probably involved with an abusive partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Also Try:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/quizzes\/are-you-in-an-abusive-relationship\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Are You In An Abusive Relationship Quiz<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-do-I-know-if-I-am-in-an-abusive-relationship\"><\/span>How do I know if I am in an abusive relationship?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In addition to wondering what is an abusive relationship, you may want to know how you can tell if you are in an abusive relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/are-you-in-an-abusive-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">signs of being in an abusive relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> can vary based upon whether your partner is physically abusive, emotionally abusive, or a combination of these. Some signs you&rsquo;re in an abusive relationship are as follows:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner throws items, such as books or shoes at you.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner physically strikes you, or engages in other physically abusive behaviors, such as hitting, kicking, punching, or slapping.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner grabs your clothing or pulls your hair.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner prevents you from leaving the house or forces you to go certain places against your will.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner grabs your face and turns it toward them. <\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner engages in behaviors such as scratching or biting.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner forces you to have sex.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner threatens you with a gun or other weapon.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner kisses or touches you when it is not wanted.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner makes insults about your sexual behavior, forces you to try sexual acts against your will, or threatens some sort of punishment if you do not perform certain sexual acts.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner embarasses you on purpose.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner frequently yells and screams at you.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner blames you for their own abusive behavior.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner accuses you of cheating, tells you how to dress, and limits your contact with friends or family.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner damages your property or threatens to harm you.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner will not allow you to have a job, stops you from going to work, or causes you to lose your job.<\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner does not allow you to access the family bank account, deposits your paychecks into an account you cannot access, or does not allow you to spend money.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Remember, an abusive partner is one who tries to gain power or control over you, in order to bend you to their will. The signs you&rsquo;re in an abusive relationship all involve a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/controlling-relationship-signs-you-must-know\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">partner controlling you<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, whether financially, physically, sexually, or emotionally.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Aside from these more specific signs, in general, abuse in a relationship can involve your partner making you feel bad about yourself, eroding your self-esteem, and placing you in a situation where you are dependent upon your partner financially, so it is difficult to escape the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Another way to know you are in an abusive relationship is that it will become a cycle.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is typically a tension building phase, during which the abusive partner begins to show signs of anger or distress,followed by an escalation period, where the abuser attempts to gain control over the partner and increases abusive tactics.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After an outburst of abuse, there is a honeymoon stage, during which the abuser apologizes and promises to change. A period of calm follows, only for the cycle to begin again.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Also Try:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/quizzes\/controlling-relationship-quiz\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Controlling Relationship Quiz<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Who-is-responsible-for-the-abuse\"><\/span>Who is responsible for the abuse?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-63660\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/who-is-responsible-for-the-abuse.jpg\" alt=\"Social Issues, Domestic Violence With Young Husband Trying To Reconcile With Abused Wife\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Unfortunately, an abusive partner can lead the victim to believe the abuse is the victim&rsquo;s fault, but this is never the case.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Abuse in a relationship is the fault of the abuser, who uses coercive methods to gain control over their partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">An abuser may engage in a behavior called <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/how-to-deal-with-gaslighting\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">gaslighting<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, in which they use tactics to make the victim question their own perception of reality as well as their own sanity.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">An abuser who uses gaslighting may call their partner crazy and deny saying or doing certain things that the abuser has, in fact, said and done.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The abuser may also accuse the victim of remembering things incorrectly or overreacting. For example, after an incident of physical or verbal aggression, the victim may appear upset, and the abuser may deny that the incident ever occured.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Over time, this gaslighting behavior from an abusive partner can lead the victim to believe that the victim is to blame for the abuse. Regardless of what the abuser says, abuse is always the fault of the abuser.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/how-to-deal-with-gaslighting\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Deal with Gaslighting<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<p><b>Also watch: Unmasking the abuser<\/b><br><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/ythOTBEkUZM\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-causes-someone-to-be-an-abuser\"><\/span>What causes someone to be an abuser?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is no single answer to what leads someone to become an abuser, but the psychology behind abusive relationships provides some explanation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For example, one <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/pii\/S1359178917303233?casa_token=aP2Lu_uVlqsAAAAA:mVlym7Vj01PXEzZOXOp39B4_icRYOczPWz0SpVBwP1nes0MBQwYE3M7gi3Wv_9woHE6-GjNGtSQ\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">study<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> in the professional publication Aggression and Violent Behavior found that women who become abusive partners are more likely to have a history of trauma, attachment issues, drug abuse, child abuse, and personality disorders.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Having a difficult upbringing or struggling with mental health issues or addiction therefore appears to be linked to abusive relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A second <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.emerald.com\/insight\/content\/doi\/10.1108\/MHRJ-08-2017-0028\/full\/html\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">study<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> in the Mental Health Review Journal confirmed these findings. According to study results, the following factors are linked to becoming an abusive partner:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Anger problems<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Anxiety and <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/5-warning-signs-your-spouse-is-depressed-and-what-to-do-about-it\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">depression<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Suicidal behavior<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Personality disorders<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Alcohol abuse<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Gambling addiction<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Both of the studies mentioned here suggest that mental health problems and addictions can lead to someone becoming abusive in relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The first study also suggests that childhood trauma and abuse are linked to abuse in relationships. While these findings do not excuse abusive behavior, they do suggest that there is psychology behind abusive relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When someone is struggling with mental illness, addiction, or unresolved trauma from childhood, they may engage in abusive behaviors as a coping mechanism, because of learned behavior, or because abuse is a symptom of the mental health problem.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/five-facts-you-need-to-know-about-physical-abuse\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Facts About Physical Abuse in a Relationship<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Are-abusive-partners-capable-of-real-change\"><\/span>Are abusive partners capable of real change?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Changing abusive behaviors can be difficult. An abuser may deny that there is a problem, or they may be ashamed to seek help. If you&rsquo;re wondering can abusers change, the answer is that it is possible, but it is not an easy process.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For change to occur, the perpetrator of the abuse must be willing to make changes. This can be a lengthy, challenging, and emotionally taxing process.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Remember,&nbsp; abusive behavior is linked to mental health and drug problems, as well as issues stemming from childhood. This means that the abusive partner must overcome deep-seeded behaviors in order to demonstrate real change.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The perpetrator of the abuse must also take the responsibility to put an end to abusive and violent behavior. In the meantime, the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/emotional-abuse\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">victim in the relationship <\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">must be prepared to stop accepting abusive behavior.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After the victim has healed and the perpetrator has demonstrated a commitment to changing abusive behavior, the two members of the relationship can come together to try to heal the partnership.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Can an Abuser Change?<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-to-recognize-an-abusive-partner%E2%80%99s-commitment-to-change\"><\/span>How to recognize an abusive partner&rsquo;s commitment to change?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As mentioned, abusive partners can change, but it requires hard work and effort, and the abuser must be willing to make changes. This often requires undergoing individual therapy and eventually <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/couples-counseling-and-why-its-so-important\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">couples counseling<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are looking to recover from an abusive relationship and want to know whether you can trust that your partner is committed to making changes, the following signs can be indicative of real change:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner expresses empathy and understands the damage they caused to you.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/accepting-responsibility-in-relationships\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">takes responsibility for their behavior<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. <\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner is willing to participate in the healing process, and respects if you desire not to have contact with them for a while.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner does not ask for rewards for good behavior and recognizes that refraining from abuse is simply expected behavior. <\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner seeks long-term professional help to address abusive behavior, as well as any co-occurring issues, like drug or alcohol abuse or mental illness. <\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner is supportive as you work to overcome any underlying issues you may have as a result of the abusive relationship. <\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your partner shows that they are able to discuss emotions in a healthy way, as evidenced by them having a better ability to talk through issues with you without blaming or having angry outbursts.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/why-people-stay-in-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why Do People Stay in Emotionally Abusive Relationships<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Can-you-forgive-an-abuser\"><\/span>Can you forgive an abuser?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-63661\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/can-you-forgive-an-abuser.jpg\" alt=\"Handsome Husband Comforting Wife, Holding Hands, Showing Support\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you have been the victim of abuse in a relationship, it is up to you whether you are able to forgive your partner. You may need to explore your emotions with a therapist or other mental health professional.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is normal to feel conflicted when deciding can an abusive relationship be saved. On the one hand, you may love your partner and want to reconcile with them, but on the other hand, you may be fearful of your partner and exhausted after enduring emotional and perhaps physical abuse.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are committed to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/solutions-for-8-common-relationship-issues\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">fixing your relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, you can forgive an abuser, but it will likely be a lengthy process.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You will need time to recover from the trauma that the relationship has caused, and your partner will need to be patient with you during this process.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Finally, your partner must also be willing to make real changes and participate in therapy to achieve these changes. If your partner is not able to make changes, it may be time to move on from the relationship instead of trying to forgive your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/save-your-marriage\/should-you-save-your-marriage-if-you-have-an-abusive-husband\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Should You Save Your Marriage If You Have an Abusive Husband?<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Is-it-possible-to-fix-an-abusive-relationship\"><\/span>Is it possible to fix an abusive relationship?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can fix an abusive relationship, but healing from emotional abuse is not easy. Both you and your partner will likely have to undergo individual therapy, before coming together for relationship counseling.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">During the process, you, as a victim, will need to hold your partner accountable for making changes, and your partner will have to unlearn the abusive behaviors and patterns they have learned.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The process will take time, and both you and your partner must be willing to participate in the process of healing.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><em><strong>Related Reading:<\/strong>&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/can-a-relationship-be-saved-after-domestic-violence\/\">Can A Relationship Be Saved After Domestic Violence<\/a><\/em><\/pre>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-to-fix-an-abusive-relationship\"><\/span>How to fix an abusive relationship?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you have determined that you would like to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/forgiveness\/how-to-forgive-your-partner-who-has-hurt-you\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">forgive your partner<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and learn how to fix an abusive relationship, it is time to have a conversation with your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>Pick a time when you will be able to remain calm<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, because an abusive partner likely will not respond well to anger. <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/using-i-statements-in-relationships\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Use &ldquo;I&rdquo; statements<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to tell your partner how you feel.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For example, you may say, &ldquo;I feel hurt or scared when you act this way.&rdquo; Using &ldquo;I&rdquo; statements can lower your partner&rsquo;s defenses, because this form of expressing yourself shows that you are taking ownership for your feelings and sharing what you need.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><b>When initiating this process, it is helpful to work with a counselor or therapist<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> so you can have a neutral perspective as well as a safe place to process your emotions.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">During the conversation, your partner may become defensive, but it is important to remain calm and <\/span><b>stay on track with the purpose of your conversation<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: to communicate to your partner that you are hurting and seeking changes.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If the relationship can be fixed, the ideal outcome of this conversation is that your partner will agree to get help to stop the physically or <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/recognize-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">emotionally abusive relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The answer to can an abusive relationship be saved depends upon whether both you and your partner are willing to engage in professional therapy or counseling.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While your partner does individual work to put a stop to violent and abusive behavior, you will need to work with your individual therapist to go through the process of recovering from abuse.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once you and your partner have completed individual work, you are ready to come together for relationship counseling to begin to rebuild a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/what-is-the-definition-of-a-healthy-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">healthy relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><pre><b><i>Related Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/psychological-abuse\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Deal with Psychological Abuse in Relationships<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>Conclusion<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC4768593\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">study<\/span><\/a> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">trying to understand domestic violence and abuse in intimate relationship from public health perspective concluded that the occurrence of abuse in relationship has multiple consequences and as long as violent behavior patterns may be accepted as a private matter, its causes and effects will be overlooked<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is necessary to involve efforts which reduce aggressive incidents in intimate relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Fixing an abusive relationship is not easy, but it is possible. If you are stuck in a cycle of abuse and are willing to forgive your partner and heal, have a conversation during which you express why you are hurting and what you need from your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If the conversation goes well, you can begin the process of going to individual therapy while your partner does individual work to learn how to overcome abusive behaviors. Finally, the two of you can begin relationship counseling.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If your partner shows a real commitment to change and accepts accountability for the damage that has been caused, it is possible to fix the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">On the other hand, if your partner is not willing to make changes or promises to change but continues the same behavior, it may not be possible to fix the relationship, in which case you can continue <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/therapy\/how-to-tell-if-starting-individual-therapy-will-help-your-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">individual therapy<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to help you with healing from emotional abuse.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Abusive relationships are obviously harmful and can result in physical, psychological, financial, and emotional damage. Those who are caught in abusive relationships may love their partners and want to fix the relationship, but after the trauma of the abuse, they may wonder can an abusive relationship be saved. If you are in an abusive relationship, it can be helpful to learn how to fix an abusive relationship, whether saving the relationship is even possible, and ways of healing from emotional abuse. Defining an abusive relationship &#65279; If you are looking to learn how to fix an abusive relationship, you may <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1262,"featured_media":63659,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[85],"tags":[2714],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63656"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1262"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=63656"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63656\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":105336,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/63656\/revisions\/105336"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/63659"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=63656"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=63656"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=63656"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}