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With the U.S. divorce rate hovering at around 50% (higher for subsequent marriages), millions of people will experience this life stressor, comparable to dealing with death. So, <\/span>it’s good to be prepared with some basic knowledge of the legal and psychological aspects of how to divorce with dignity. <\/b><\/p>\n Getting divorced<\/span><\/a> is both a process and an experience. Understanding how to balance both your thoughts and your emotions will set you up for a calmer and more mature proceeding. <\/span><\/p>\n The good news is that the actual process doesn’t have to be some mysterious or esoteric exercise. On the contrary,<\/span> an amicable divorce follows a straightforward legal process.<\/b> Where things get complicated is when emotions hijack our minds and the blaming games start. <\/b><\/p>\n Nevertheless, there are steps you can take to influence the dynamics to be as amicable as possible. <\/span><\/p>\n For the most part, <\/span>there are three main factors to consider when divorcing with dignity: the children, dividing the assets and debts as well as spousal support.<\/b><\/p>\n While there can certainly be hiccups along the way, as long as you do your research and find an experienced family lawyer, you’ll be on the right track. How to divorce with dignity then relies heavily on not just following the process. You also need both parties to stay cordial. <\/span><\/p>\n Staying cordial throughout the process is the toughest part and we’ll go into more details shortly. In the meantime, <\/span>working through a well-managed process can help ground you. Moreover, a good lawyer can iron out minor disagreements. <\/b><\/p>\n When it comes to <\/b>choosing your lawyer<\/b>, find someone you can speak to easily<\/b>. Essentially, you need someone who’s willing to include you in all key strategic decisions throughout your case. Clearly, you also want someone certified and who’s transparent about costs and fees.<\/span><\/p>\n Most importantly don’t get drawn in by big offices, fancy desks or a string of names on the letterhead. Remember that you are the one who will be paying for all of that!<\/span><\/p>\n As part of your due diligence, ask for references and do some thorough groundwork.<\/b> Go on a couple of consultations and pay for them to get your questions answered.<\/span><\/p>\n You likely put a lot of time and money into getting married. So, make sure you don’t get caught on the wrong foot when it comes to getting a divorce with dignity. It will take time and effort.<\/span><\/p>\n Going through a divorce with dignity means separating the emotions from the process. <\/span>Let your lawyer guide you through the process but don’t vent at them.<\/b> Of course, they should be compassionate but they’re not your therapist. <\/span><\/p>\n A clear and detailed process can help you keep things together.<\/b> Essentially, the process distracts your mind from any emotional pain. You still need to make sure you get time out to sit with your emotions but not when you’re with your lawyer. <\/span><\/p>\n So, have dignity during divorce and follow the process steps detailed in this article on<\/span> how to leave marriage with dignity<\/span><\/a>.<\/span> This includes <\/b>finding the right counselor<\/b><\/a> or therapist to help you divorce with dignity.<\/b> You can even ask your lawyer for referrals if you can’t find any reliable resources.<\/span><\/p>\n How to divorce with dignity means looking deep inside. It’s too easy to fall into the blame game. Instead, consider how you contributed to the dynamics. <\/span><\/p>\n Of course in some cases, yes, the departing spouse has mental issues. Try not to use that knowledge to justify yourself though. <\/span>The wiser approach is to meet those issues with compassion.<\/b> At the very least, you don’t add fuel to the fire. <\/span><\/p>\n At the core of compassion is mindfulness<\/b>. Consider the<\/span> definition of mindfulness<\/span><\/a> as the “awareness that arises through paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, non-judgmentally” according to scientist and teacher Jon Kabat-Zinn Ph.D. <\/span><\/p>\n With mindfulness, you stay curious about what’s happening around you. <\/span>You don’t judge and you don’t blame.<\/b> That’s the foundation for a divorce with dignity. <\/span><\/p>\n Put your bitter experiences aside and make decisions mindfully for a divorce with dignity. <\/b>You must make sure to not drain your wealth or your <\/span>mental health<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n That doesn’t mean you let your lawyer off the hook. It’s tempting to just pay the retainer and hide under a rock… or the duvet. You still need to stay on top of what is going on in your case and move your lawyer in the right direction if you don’t see any progress.<\/span><\/p>\n It is perfectly fine to nudge your lawyer here and there for an update<\/b> and to see how your money is being spent. Simply do it with assertive compassion. This is the hallmark of a divorce with dignity. <\/span><\/p>\n We all hear horror stories of divorces that drive the parties into bankruptcy or spend all of the kids’ college funds on lawyer fees. Don’t be that couple. Choose divorce with dignity. <\/span><\/p>\n For example, don’t fight a costly battle over an issue just to punish your soon-to-be-ex if the “win” will not be worth the cost of the fight.<\/span><\/p>\n It isn’t easy putting aside grievances but it starts with self-compassion.<\/b> As this article on<\/span> self-compassion to ease divorce<\/span><\/a> states, you can significantly lower your divorce-related stress. <\/span><\/p>\n Listen to your inner critic or inner anger and try to counterbalance their statements<\/b>. Is it really all your fault or theirs? Does it matter? <\/span><\/p>\n It might feel like someone is to blame but the world is more complicated than that. <\/span>We all play our part in whatever dynamics occur but we are also all human<\/b>. We suffer and try our best, even your ex. <\/span><\/p>\n Have a look at the table on the third page of this paper on<\/span> leaving your ex and loving yourself<\/span><\/a>. They give you detailed examples of <\/span>how to practice self-compassion<\/span><\/a> by being mindful of our emotions. <\/span>Yes, they’re strong but their emotions need to define us and they will eventually move on. <\/b><\/p>\n As part of compassion, we also tap into our common humanity. All of us suffer. All our experiences are slightly different but we all feel the same emotions at some point. <\/span><\/p>\n Remember that you are not alone in experiencing these emotions and there is always an endpoint. <\/span>Everything changes, even emotions. <\/b><\/p>\n We’re not saying that any of this is easy but how to have an amicable divorce starts with the willingness to try. From there, things can only improve. You might also <\/span>want to get a good therapist<\/span><\/a> to guide you and then perhaps, that amicable divorce is possible. <\/span><\/p>\n With all this personal work, you might be able to tap into an alternative approach to your divorce. <\/span>Litigation isn’t the only answer.<\/b> Mediation, arbitration, and collaboration are wonderful alternative dispute resolution vehicles and are often more affordable for couples.<\/b><\/p>\n To try to get that divorce with dignity, work through this list to help you manage your emotions and to adopt a wiser mindset. <\/span><\/p>\n Handling divorce with dignity means working with your emotions. We tend to fight our emotions and do our best to push them away. Instead, get to know them and name them. That simple step lessens their power over us. <\/span><\/p>\n With practice and patience, you can reduce your suffering.<\/span> The first step is to understand that your brain creates emotions and you add fuel to the fire by creating a story. <\/b><\/p>\n So, can you change your story? How can you see the story from an outsider’s point of view or even your ex’s? <\/span><\/p>\n Again, this takes time but watch psychology professor and neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett explain how emotions work and why you don’t need to be at their mercy in her TED talk. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/span>A smooth process for ending a relationship with dignity <\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Divorcing with dignity <\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>A mindful approach <\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Divorce with wisdom and compassion <\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
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<\/p>\n<\/span>10 ways to let go of anger & embrace harmony during divorce <\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
1. Name your emotions to avoid flooding<\/b><\/h3>\n