{"id":58897,"date":"2020-07-17T09:00:17","date_gmt":"2020-07-17T09:00:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/deal-with-a-selfish-partner-in-a-relationship\/"},"modified":"2025-07-30T05:26:50","modified_gmt":"2025-07-30T05:26:50","slug":"deal-with-a-selfish-partner-in-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/deal-with-a-selfish-partner-in-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"11 Ways to Deal With a Selfish Partner in a Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-17686\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/ways-to-deal-with-a-selfish-partner-in-a-relationship-1606133254.jpg\" alt=\"Unhappy African American Husband And Wife Sit Aside Avoid Talking After Fight\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Regardless of how much you might love your significant other, at times, that isn&rsquo;t enough for them to take a moment and think about your feelings in a particular situation. At one point, you will have to deal with a selfish partner, be it intentional or accidental.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This doesn&rsquo;t mean that they are outrightly selfish &ndash; it is highly likely that your better half does some thoughtful and caring things most of the time. However, every now and then, they will slip up when it comes to caring for your needs.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Most probably, there are some selfish tendencies that you would like your significant other to address&mdash;for example, always expecting you to prepare dinner even when you are working late or not paying attention at all when you are complaining about something.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Fortunately, there are some things that you can do to improve the one you love. Before going any further, <\/span><b>it is essential to note that the aim here isn&rsquo;t to change that person entirely, as you should never aspire to change people you love to fit your vision of them &ndash; it never ends well. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The point here is to try and improve your relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/sBzVP6xjnXE?si=NCZTiIKZxHtxxvB4\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">&#65279;<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<div class=\"subscribeYT_highlight\"><div class=\"subscribe_channel\">\r\n            <div class=\"subscribe_text\">Join millions <span class=\"sub_text1\">building healthier, happier<\/span> <span class=\"sub_text2\"> relationships.<\/span><\/div>\r\n            <a class=\"subscribe-btn-in-content\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/@Marriagedotcom?sub_confirmation=1\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n            <img src=\"\/images\/youtube_icon_small.png\" class=\"icon-left\" alt=\"YouTube\">\r\n            <span>Subscribe<\/span>\r\n            <img src=\"\/images\/bell_icon_new.svg\" class=\"icon-right\" alt=\"Extra Icon\">\r\n            <\/a>\r\n        <\/div><\/div>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Rather than just <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/yelling-does-not-help-dont-shout-it-out-write-it-out\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">yelling at them<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and starting up an argument, there are better and more effective ways of bringing up the delicate request. <\/span><b>The following are 11 ways of <\/b><b>how to deal with selfish people, <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">especially if it&rsquo;s your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1-Give-yourself-the-attention-you-were-giving-them\"><\/span>1. Give yourself the attention you were giving them<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is the high time that you divert the excess love and attention that you give to your selfish partner towards yourself. If you ignore your needs and invest all your attention and energy into a self-absorbed person, rather than this being virtuous, it will only hurt you and drain you emotionally.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Why not just show yourself some love, spare <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">time for self-care<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, engage in hobbies, give more attention to your own needs, and keep theirs on the back burner.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2-Explain-the-benefits-of-changing\"><\/span>2. Explain the benefits of changing<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Rather than just shouting out something like <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ldquo;You need to change ASAP<\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&rdquo; at them, you need to lay out the benefits of putting in some effort to change.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This way, they will be able to understand how much better things can be. <\/span><b>You should emphasize the <\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/steps-to-inspire-change-in-your-spouse\/\"><b>advantages of changing<\/b><\/a><b>. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Doing so will help to create their view of themselves as being better.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">By assisting them to see how much a small change can make you happy and strengthen your bond, it will motivate them to change.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3-Understand-why-this-is-happening\"><\/span>3. Understand why this is happening<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-17687\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/understand-why-this-is-happening-1606133255.jpg\" alt=\"Angry Millennial Man Sit On Sofa Not Looking At Beloved Woman, Lost In Thoughts\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At times, you will find that people act in a particular way due to a certain past experience. Thus, before you entirely dismiss your selfish partner, you need to understand what is causing them to behave this way.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, how to deal with a selfish person in a relationship?<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><b>By getting to the root of the behavior and what causes it, you will be in a better position to handle it in a way that helps to lessen it. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If they have been ignored or neglected in the past, it might affect their current behavior. Their behavior might also be a response to something that you are doing. It will help to find out what might be the cause of the problem.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Licensed psychologist and certified coach <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/silvana-mici\">Silvana Mici<\/a> says<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Something you can do that can help is setting boundaries. You need to understand that <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">setting boundaries and communicating needs is essential in any relationship. <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4-Establish-Turn-Taking\"><\/span>4. Establish Turn-Taking<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You will find it more beneficial to speak up about the problem with a solution already at hand. Thus, when you raise the <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/selfishness-in-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">issue of their selfishness<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, suggest a turn-taking idea.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>You should try a &lsquo;turn-taking&rsquo; experiment where each of you takes turns to talk, listen, and carry out favors.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Make this a condition for your relationship and assess how things pan out. While this might feel all set up, it will help them understand what you expect from them.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5-Reconnect-With-Your-Value\"><\/span>5. Reconnect With Your Value<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At times we allow selfish people in relationships to step all over us since we do not fully appreciate our worth. To realize that you do not deserve to be treated in this manner, you need to reestablish your worth.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Reconnecting with your values might necessitate spending less time with your selfish partner.&nbsp; <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Engage in hobbies and take care of your interests. Spend more time with the people who you appreciate and make you happy. You can also use affirmations such as<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&lsquo;I am an amazing person who doesn&rsquo;t mind giving out the last slice of pizza. Anyway, just kidding.&rdquo;<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This way, it will be easier for you to then call out your partner for being selfish.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"6-Bring-Up-Past-Successes\"><\/span>6. Bring Up Past Successes<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In case you have been in the relationship for more than two months, then it is highly likely that you and your partner had to work together to deal with our problems to come to a compromise. When speaking up about dealing with a selfish partner and their self-centeredness, it helps to raise past successes.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In such a situation, how to deal with a selfish partner?<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You should talk about what both have managed to achieve in terms of growth and change, regardless of how small they are. <\/span><b>You should keep away from <\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/the-blame-game-is-destructive-to-your-marriage\/\"><b>accusing each other<\/b><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Doing so will help them remember how good it felt and be motivated to do it.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"7-Establish-What-You-Are-Willing-To-Deal-With\"><\/span>7. Establish What You Are Willing To Deal With<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-17688\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/establish-What-You-Are-Willing-To-Deal-With-1606133255.jpg\" alt=\"Annoyed Upset Couple Ignoring Each Other In The Kitchen\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to live with a selfish spouse?<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If someone you love is behaving selfishly, you should come up with boundaries. Figure out things you can ignore and things you need the right amount of attention in.<\/span><b> You should figure out what aspects of your life that you can no longer compromise <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">and build a fence around them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While having your selfish partner always eating the last scoop of pizza can be very annoying, it isn&rsquo;t a deal-breaker. However, if they still ignore you when you have an issue so that they can talk about themselves, this can be a deal-breaker.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"8-Express-yourself\"><\/span>8. Express yourself<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At times, dealing with selfish people is tough because people fail to realize when they act selfishly until someone points it out. Thus it would be best if you spoke up. <\/span><b>However, it would be best if you were cautious and mindful of how you do it to avoid sparking up a fight with the selfish spouse.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Rather than screaming and throwing a tantrum and saying things like<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&lsquo;You never listen to me; you always make everything about you,&rsquo;<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You should try to say something along the lines of,<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ldquo;I need to speak to someone about an issue that has been bothering me. Would you be willing to listen to me?&rdquo;<\/span><\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is highly likely that they will be <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/322722211_The_Power_of_Listening_Lending_an_Ear_to_the_Partner_During_Dyadic_Coping_Conversations\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">willing to listen<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to you and thus, you both will be able to <\/span><a href=\"http:\/\/www.dartmouth.edu\/eap\/library\/comunic1.pdf\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">communicate<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> your needs and areas to work on.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the video below, Stacy Rocklein talks about sharing the problem with loved ones and being clear about what is exactly needed from them.<\/span><br><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/M8rY_kSpw6Q\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"9-Take-Breaks-And-Explain-Why\"><\/span><b>9. Take Breaks And Explain Why<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In case your selfish partner is exceptionally selfish in a particular week, then you should consider taking a break to focus on yourself. After a few days of not hearing from you, they will try to find out if there&rsquo;s something wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here you can then explain to them why <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/globalnews.ca\/news\/3364684\/taking-a-break-from-your-relationship-here-are-the-dos-and-donts\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">taking a break<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> from them like this is important for your wellness. This might be the hint they needed to initiate a change. While it can come out as harsh to tell your partner that you need a break from them as they are wearing you out, and <\/span><b>they might not understand, it can prove to be an important lesson.<\/b><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"10-Point-Out-When-You-Need-Them\"><\/span><b>10. Point Out When You Need Them<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is highly likely that you will have to remind your selfish partner many times of their selfishness before they can completely break the habit. Therefore, you need to be patient. However, being very <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">clear of what you need<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> at the moment is an excellent way of ensuring you receive the love you need when you need it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Rather than losing your temper and saying that everything is always about them, you should try to ask them to listen to you.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Tell them that you are having an issue or a troublesome day and ask them if they are willing to listen.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"11-Decide-If-You-Should-Stay-With-Them\"><\/span><b>11. Decide If You Should Stay With Them<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At times, people fail to change, and in such cases, you need to determine whether you should move on. In case you have put in your best efforts to make them understand how their selfishness is affecting you, and they still can&rsquo;t change, then it can be pointless to continue.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Besides, it might have a positive effect on them.<\/span><b> By not tolerating bad treatment anymore, you help teach others how to be kind.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Walking away from your selfish partner might force them to work on themselves.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Encourage your partner to practice empathy and perspective-taking by considering how their actions affect others, including yourself. Help them understand the value of mutual consideration and compromise in maintaining a healthy relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Therefore, the next time your partner acts selfishly, you should consider trying out these tips to determine if you can improve the situation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Silvana Mici adds<\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dealing with a selfish <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">partner can<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> be very difficult sometimes. It requires assertiveness, empathy, and effective communication. By setting boundaries, encouraging empathy, and seeking professional help if needed, you can navigate the challenges of selfish behavior and work towards a healthier and more balanced relationship.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Regardless of how much you might love your significant other, at times, that isn&rsquo;t enough for them to take a moment and think about your feelings in a particular situation. At one point, you will have to deal with a selfish partner, be it intentional or accidental. This doesn&rsquo;t mean that they are outrightly selfish &ndash; it is highly likely that your better half does some thoughtful and caring things most of the time. However, every now and then, they will slip up when it comes to caring for your needs. Most probably, there are some selfish tendencies that you <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":996,"featured_media":58898,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2502],"tags":[2604],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58897"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/996"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=58897"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58897\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":111414,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58897\/revisions\/111414"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/58898"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=58897"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=58897"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=58897"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}