{"id":58550,"date":"2019-05-07T05:59:54","date_gmt":"2019-05-07T05:59:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/love\/is-love-a-choice\/"},"modified":"2024-11-21T07:33:26","modified_gmt":"2024-11-21T07:33:26","slug":"is-love-a-choice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/love\/is-love-a-choice\/","title":{"rendered":"Is Love a Choice or an Uncontrollable Feeling?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"Is<\/p>\n

Falling in love; no one has a consensus on what falling in love is like or how one falls in love. Poets, novelists, writers, singers, painters, artists, biologists, and bricklayers have tried to dabble with this concept at one point in their lifetime – and they all have failed miserably. <\/span><\/p>\n

A large group of people believes that love is a choice, not a feeling. Or do we keep entangled by the question: is love a choice or a feeling? Do we not get to pick our future partners? Does falling in love take away our autonomy? Is that why people are so afraid of falling in love?<\/span><\/p>\n

Shakespeare said, ‘Love is immutable.’ The Argentinian proverb goes, ‘The one who loves you will make you weep,’ the Bible says, ‘Love is kind.’ Which one should a distraught person believe in? Ultimately, the question remains, ‘Is love a choice?’<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>What is love?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

One thing that takes the cake – generally – is people describe the feeling as the most wonderful, elating, and freeing feeling in the world. <\/span><\/p>\n

Many people do not think about their relationships or plan out certain aspects of their relationships. They only focus on trying to find the person with whom they will spend their life. <\/span><\/p>\n

Falling in love<\/span><\/a> is almost effortless; one does not need to exert or undergo any emotional change before the realization physically.<\/span><\/p>\n

At the start of the relationship, when it is all fun and games, the feeling of being on the seventh cloud is the best that one can think of those late nights or early-morning texts, surprise visits, or just small gifts reminding one of the other. <\/span><\/p>\n

No matter how lightly we try and take it, how wonderful and carefree we want to feel, the thing is that love is an act. It is a decision. It is deliberate. Love is all about choosing and then committing. Is love a choice? Absolutely yes!<\/span><\/p>\n

To read more about what is love, <\/span>click here<\/span><\/a>. <\/span><\/p>\n

\"Beautiful<\/p>\n

<\/span>Why is love a choice?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

The real work starts when the euphoric elation fades and when one has to step out into the real world. That is when<\/span> one has to put the real work in<\/span><\/a>. This is when you can concretely answer the question, Is love a choice?<\/span><\/p>\n

What we focus on is our choice; do we focus on all the unflattering things, or do we focus on all the good things?<\/span><\/p>\n

As per LMHC Grady Shumway<\/a>,<\/p>\n

By approaching the conversation with empathy and a willingness to listen, you can create a safe space for your husband to express his feelings. This can lead to deeper insights and a collaborative effort to rebuild trust and strengthen the relationship.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

It is our own choices that make or break our relationship.<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

So, is love a feeling or a choice?<\/span><\/p>\n

Research suggests<\/span><\/a> that love is a choice, not a feeling, as you can actively influence your brain into loving someone by focusing on their positive aspects. <\/span><\/p>\n

Aside from choosing to look at the brighter side and opting to look for what we can do for our significant other rather than what our significant other can do or is doing for us, one of the most important choices one can make is deciding why did we choose to stay with this person? <\/span><\/p>\n

If your significant other is not up to your standards, cannot make you happy, or is just not a good person anymore, what stops you? If you find it difficult to leave your partner even then, it makes you wonder, is love a choice really?<\/span><\/p>\n

We know that feelings, more so than people, are fleeting; they change over a certain time.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>What comes after falling in love?<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n

After you fall for someone, you may have to continue strengthening your bond and developing healthier habits. <\/span><\/p>\n

Love is a choice that you must continue to make every day if you want your relationship to stay fresh. <\/span><\/p>\n

Would it not be wonderful to find a book that could answer all our queries and woes regarding, is love a choice?’ Choosing to stay in love is what is the most wonderful feeling and act in the world. Sure, it takes time, patience, effort, and a little heartbreak. <\/span><\/p>\n

You might ask yourself, “Is loving someone a choice?” <\/span><\/p>\n

Your heart may go rogue and not wait for you to choose someone to be in love with, but what you do after the realization hits is completely up to you. So, all in all – we can agree that whether falling in love was your idea or not, however, <\/span>s<\/span><\/i>taying in love is a choice.<\/span><\/p>\n

Watch this video to learn which relationships will last long-term:<\/span><\/p>\n