{"id":58099,"date":"2020-03-18T04:18:30","date_gmt":"2020-03-18T04:18:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/marriage-story\/"},"modified":"2023-02-22T10:09:09","modified_gmt":"2023-02-22T10:09:09","slug":"marriage-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/marriage-story\/","title":{"rendered":"Marriage Story &#8211; Fact or Fiction"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-16195 size-full\" title=\"Marriage Story - Fact or Fiction\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/marriage-story-fact-or-fiction-1605790774.jpg\" alt=\"Couple Holding Billboard Sign With Break Love Heart\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">With Laura Dern earning the best supporting actress Oscar for her portrayal of a divorce lawyer in a couple&rsquo;s &ldquo;scorched earth&rdquo; divorce, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.imdb.com\/title\/tt7653254\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">movie<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> lovers are asking whether &ldquo;Marriage Story&rdquo; is what really happens when nice people divorce.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To begin, the title, Marriage Story is a bit askew.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Marriage Story is <\/span><b>less about a mostly botched marriage than about divorce gone horribly awry.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> The plot portrays <\/span><b>two fundamentally decent people who allow their <\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/\"><b>divorce proceedings<\/b><\/a><b> to devolve into toxic combat<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"This-%E2%80%9CMarriage-Story%E2%80%9D-would-be-better-titled-%E2%80%9CDivorce-War%E2%80%9D\"><\/span>This &ldquo;Marriage Story&rdquo; would be better titled &ldquo;Divorce War&rdquo;<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-16196 size-full\" title=\"This &ldquo;Marriage Story&rdquo; would be better titled &ldquo;Divorce War&rdquo;\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/this-marriage-story-would-be-better-titled-divorce-war-1605790774.jpg\" alt=\"Unhappy Couple Sitting On Couch After Quarrel Fight\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A lot goes wrong in the protagonists&rsquo; <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.jstor.org\/stable\/41603842\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">divorce process<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and some of the mess is due to bad advice from the lawyer for the playwright and director husband, Charlie. (More on that below.) But ultimately the divorce, like the marriage, disintegrates because Charlie and the actress wife, Nicole, fail to confront two priority questions:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Where does each of them need to live<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What does that mean for co-parenting their adorable young son, Henry?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For her work and happiness Nicole needs to live in California. Charlie needs (or at least wants) for his work and happiness to live in Brooklyn. How would that work if they stay together? Can they <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC2994416\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">co-parent a child<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> while living on opposite coasts?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Instead of confronting their dilemma, Nicole moves to California for a short-term role in a television series pilot.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Of course, Nicole hopes her pilot will become a series, her job will be extended and she will stay in California, maybe for several years. When Nicole moves, she and Charlie surely know, but simply ignore, their longer-term bi-coastal predicament.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Charlie agrees to Henry&rsquo;s temporary move with Nicole from Brooklyn to LA. He must be in denial about Nicole&rsquo;s intention to return, especially because the couple is already meeting with a divorce mediator when Nicole leaves.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nicole consults an aggressive lawyer, who will help Nicole navigate the hardest of all <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/divorce-counseling-questions\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">divorce questions<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: what happens when one parent wants to relocate beyond the other parent&rsquo;s ability to exercise frequent parenting time?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Charlie responds by hiring his own viper attorney, and an already difficult case becomes a nightmare.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ldquo;Marriage Story&rdquo; realistically portrays how hurt feelings can overwhelm the good nature of nice people who once loved each other.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The-movie-faults-the-lawyers-and-legal-process\"><\/span>The movie faults the lawyers and legal process<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-16228 size-full\" title=\"The movie faults the lawyers and legal process\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/the-movie-faults-the-lawyers-and-legal-process-1605790774.jpg\" alt=\"Men And Women Consulting Lawyer At Office Desk\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But Noah Baumbach&rsquo;s film unfairly faults the lawyers and legal process for Nicole and Charlie&rsquo;s devolution from peaceful coexistence to warring litigants.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The film exaggerates the unprofessional personality traits of both lawyers. Nicole&rsquo;s female lawyer is overly cozy with Nicole and her courtroom demeanor is almost absurdly sexy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Charlie&rsquo;s male lawyer misses his winning legal argument, focusing instead on ugly, destructive assertions about Nicole&rsquo;s character. Both lawyers interrupt, shout and speak over one another in a mostly fictional out-of-control courtroom scene.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Charlie&rsquo;s lawyer should have advised Charlie that New York has exclusive jurisdiction under state and federal law to decide <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">custody issues<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> concerning Henry. Charlie should return to New York and immediately file a New York custody case.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The New York court might or might not order Henry&rsquo;s return to New York while it considers Nicole&rsquo;s request to move with Henry to California.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Either way, the New York court will consider whether it&rsquo;s in Henry&rsquo;s best interest to live in New York or California. Each parent&rsquo;s prior involvement in Henry&rsquo;s care will affect the outcome. The court will also consider the location of Charlie&rsquo;s friends, school, medical providers and extended family.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A primary factor will be whether the court, or preferably the parties themselves, can craft a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/parenting\/discussing-and-designing-a-parenting-plan\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">parenting plan<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> that meets both parents&rsquo; professional needs and allows both Charlie and Nicole maximum parental involvement in Charlie&rsquo;s life. Who will travel and how often?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nicole and Charlie&rsquo;s mutual pent-up bitterness in &ldquo;Marriage Story&rdquo; are unfortunately real.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Separation-and-divorce-bring-out-the-worst-in-people\"><\/span>Separation and divorce bring out the worst in people<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Especially when the stakes are as high as the right to care for your child.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Where the film strays to fiction is in its suggestion that lawyers behaving badly create, or at least stimulate, the natural acrimony unleashed when repressed memories of a former partner&rsquo;s infractions rise to the surface in the divorce narrative.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To the extent that the film blames the lawyers for Charlie and Nicole&rsquo;s growing rancor, &ldquo;Marriage Story&rdquo; is largely fiction.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Also watch this video where divorce lawyers give relationship advice: <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=eCLk-2iArYc\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=eCLk-2iArYc<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Lawyers-don%E2%80%99t-teach-people-to-attack-their-partners\"><\/span>Lawyers don&rsquo;t teach people to attack their partners<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Uncoupling partners are responsible for their own co-parenting communication and their own behavior.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">No matter how awful the adult relationship, good parents don&rsquo;t engage in behavior that results in pain for their children.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Despite the caricature lawyer portrayals in &ldquo;Marriage Story&rdquo;, divorcing couples should have lawyers.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Divorcing spouses should understand their legal rights and legal obligations. A fair and amicable <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">divorce agreement<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> should result from informed negotiation.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In order to understand the legal landscape against which couples cooperatively craft agreements that work for their specific needs, they should have advocates to explain best-case and worst-case outcomes.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Negotiation can work through mediation, lawyer meetings or written exchanges. Parents with competent lawyers and a commitment to be <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/parenting\/rules-for-co-parenting\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">co-parenting partners<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> after they are no longer spouses will always reach a better result than a trial judge who sees only the evidence presented in court.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>With Laura Dern earning the best supporting actress Oscar for her portrayal of a divorce lawyer in a couple&rsquo;s &ldquo;scorched earth&rdquo; divorce, movie lovers are asking whether &ldquo;Marriage Story&rdquo; is what really happens when nice people divorce. To begin, the title, Marriage Story is a bit askew. Marriage Story is less about a mostly botched marriage than about divorce gone horribly awry. The plot portrays two fundamentally decent people who allow their divorce proceedings to devolve into toxic combat. This &ldquo;Marriage Story&rdquo; would be better titled &ldquo;Divorce War&rdquo; A lot goes wrong in the protagonists&rsquo; divorce process, and some of <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":822,"featured_media":58100,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[17],"tags":[2681],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58099"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/822"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=58099"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58099\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":63420,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58099\/revisions\/63420"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/58100"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=58099"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=58099"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=58099"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}