{"id":58087,"date":"2020-01-31T09:22:03","date_gmt":"2020-01-31T09:22:03","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/parenting\/best-step-parent-advice\/"},"modified":"2023-06-06T06:49:29","modified_gmt":"2023-06-06T06:49:29","slug":"best-step-parent-advice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/parenting\/best-step-parent-advice\/","title":{"rendered":"What Is the Best Step Parent Advice and No-no\u2019s?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"WhatBeing a step-parent naturally comes with challenges but when done right, it can be very satisfying.<\/span><\/p>\n

But how do you prepare for the upcoming responsibility of being a stepparent?<\/span><\/p>\n

The step family scenario is not uncommon.<\/span><\/p>\n

The original family structure of biologically bonded mother, father and child is now giving way to a multitude of other forms of family, including stepfamilies. <\/span>The step family statistics are staggering<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

You’ve met the <\/span>love of your life<\/span><\/a>. You’re ecstatic. Over the moon.<\/span><\/p>\n

They are perfect.<\/span><\/p>\n

But on the inside, in addition to love, you are feeling some pretty intense feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n

The marriage is a package deal and you’re becoming a step-parent. Stepparenting is an unchartered territory for you.<\/span><\/p>\n

While this may be a deal breaker for some, you know a good thing when you see it but can you do this? At this point, you start looking for some helpful step parent advice.<\/span><\/p>\n

So, what’s the most crucial step parent advice? As a mom of a bonus daughter and a biological daughter, I am here to tell you that you can pull it off. <\/span><\/p>\n

I must be honest though.<\/span><\/p>\n

Step-parenting can be a very scary thing and, not to mention, awkward.<\/span><\/p>\n

You’re adding a new, little human to your own family and you are starting to wonder what type of influence you will have on your new additions.<\/span><\/p>\n

You have decided to marry someone who is involved in their child(ren)’s life.<\/span><\/p>\n

This means you will be assisting with <\/span>raising the child<\/span><\/a> and providing stability.<\/span><\/p>\n

If you are struggling with what to do next, read on for some easy to follow step parent advice and effective step parenting tips.<\/span><\/p>\n

How to be a good stepparent<\/b><\/p>\n

<\/span>1. Establish respect between you and the child<\/span><\/h2>\n

I say child, but this can be applied to multiple children.<\/span><\/p>\n

Terms of respect should, initially, be laid out by the biological parent.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Before I married my husband, I remember he firmly told his daughter: “you see this woman, here? <\/span>You need to respect her<\/span><\/a>. I never want to hear you disrespecting her.”<\/span><\/p>\n

He has said this to her multiple times in my presence and till this day, 4 years later, he still reminds her.<\/span><\/p>\n

But here’s the key step parent advice.<\/span><\/p>\n

As the step-parent, you are also obligated to give just as much respect to the child.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

It’s not a one-way street. Their space, their unique family dynamic, and their feelings matter; never make them feel otherwise.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>2. Be their friend<\/span><\/h2>\n

\"BeOnce respect is understood, then comes friendship.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yes, discipline is important but as you learn the <\/span>best way to discipline<\/span><\/a> (by watching the biological parent and by learning more about the child), smile, laugh, and play with them.<\/span><\/p>\n

Do not be a stand-offish step-parent.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

That’s the step parent advice that will help you ease into your relationship with your stepchild.<\/span><\/p>\n

It will take some work but try your best to <\/span>connect with the child<\/span>. As far as discipline goes, talk to your future spouse about limits and what you’re both comfortable with.<\/span><\/p>\n

I’ll never forget the evening I was playing and having a good time with my stepdaughter when I accidentally hit her (hard).<\/span><\/p>\n

I comforted her and said sorry as she cried.<\/span><\/p>\n

When her dad got home, he asked what happened. She said, “We were playing, and she accidentally hit me.” I exhaled a sigh of relief.<\/span><\/p>\n

I don’t know why I expected her to portray me as the evil stepmother as I prepared to defend myself. She protected me as a friend.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>3. Maintain a routine just between you and the child<\/span><\/h2>\n

It doesn’t have to be everyday but there should be something they can identify you with, such as going to the park, having tea parties, or evening bike rides.<\/span><\/p>\n

I read to my stepdaughter at night and sometimes I watch her favorite YouTube channel with her.<\/span><\/p>\n

She loves that because it’s just between me and her. In her eyes, I have earned a place in her heart.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>4. Be aware, children will try to test you<\/span><\/h2>\n

Another useful step parent advice. Step parenting is not for the faint of heart.<\/span><\/p>\n

Endure those growing pains. Don’t expect things to always be peaches and cream.<\/span><\/p>\n

When I would pick my stepdaughter up from daycare, all the kids would yell “Your mom is here!” Very matter-of-factly, she would respond “she is not my mom.” And even though I knew that and wasn’t trying to take the place of her mom, to my surprise it hurt when she said that.<\/span><\/p>\n

But I pushed those feelings aside to give her the love she deserved.<\/span><\/p>\n

I gave her a warm welcome, realizing that she was still trying to figure things out herself and that she is entitled to express how she needs to.<\/span><\/p>\n

So a piece of step parent advice no one tells you. Try not to let your feelings get the best of you <\/span>when the child tests within boundaries<\/span><\/a>, of course your authority (which they will).<\/span><\/p>\n

Deal with the situation at hand and continue building the relationship.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

My relationship with my stepdaughter is great today because I committed in my heart to be the best I can be for her.<\/span><\/p>\n

I will never forget my mom’s step parent advice, “just love her”.<\/span><\/p>\n

Those words still ring in my ear when my stepdaughter and I are having a difficult moment.<\/span><\/p>\n

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