

{"id":58021,"date":"2019-06-26T05:47:14","date_gmt":"2019-06-26T05:47:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/sexual-boundaries\/"},"modified":"2024-07-30T12:16:53","modified_gmt":"2024-07-30T12:16:53","slug":"sexual-boundaries","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/sexual-boundaries\/","title":{"rendered":"Sexual Boundaries: How to Set and Discuss Them With Your Spouse"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-72324\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/the-importance-of-discussing-sexual-boundaries-with-your-spouse-.jpg\" alt=\"cute couple in a bedroom\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Boundaries are a major part of every<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/top-characteristics-of-a-healthy-relationship\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">healthy romantic relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and they shouldn&rsquo;t only matter when you&rsquo;re dating. Married couples can fall into the trap of thinking they automatically know what the other person is and isn&rsquo;t comfortable with, especially in the bedroom.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your spouse is the person you&rsquo;ve committed to spending the rest of your life with, and they will be more intimate with you than anyone else.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This means that you must continually speak up on what you are okay with under the covers, even if you&rsquo;ve been having sex for years now.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, if you are wondering how to<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/start-sexual-communication\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">communicate sexually in marriage<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to set boundaries or how to explore your sexual boundaries with your partner, then read on to find out.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-are-sexual-boundaries\"><\/span><b>What are sexual boundaries?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sexual boundaries are the lines that we draw around our sexual behavior. They tell us what is okay for us to do and with whom. They are the guidelines we use to decide how far we want to go and what kind of sexual activities feel safe and<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/spunout.ie\/sex-relationships\/relationships\/boundaries-during-sex\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">comfortable for us.<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sexual boundaries in a relationship are important when <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/6-ways-to-connect-during-sex\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">engaging in sex<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and it&rsquo;s important to know what you and your partner are comfortable with.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/jenni-jacobsen\">Dr. Jennifer Jacobsen<\/a>, PhD in Psychology, states, <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Boundaries are an essential component of any relationship, and for long-term relationships, boundaries around sex are critical.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"The-role-of-sexual-boundaries-in-marriage\"><\/span><b>The role of sexual boundaries in marriage<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When it comes to dating, we know that boundaries are meant to protect us, but what about when you&rsquo;re married?&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many people fall under the assumption that the closer you get to someone, the less your boundaries matter.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They presume boundaries are a safety mechanism, and they don&rsquo;t have to worry about them when they&rsquo;re with someone as close as a spouse. Always remember the importance of discussing sexual boundaries:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Boundaries in sex matter and they should always serve an important role in your relationship.&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s okay to set sex boundaries for your spouse as it will make the experience more enjoyable for the two of you with no oops-i-didn&rsquo;t-want-that situations happening often.&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Openly discussing your preferences and limits with your partner will bring you closer, make you happier and allow you to be more present during intimate moments.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><pre><b><i>Related Reading<\/i><\/b><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">: <\/span><\/i><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/boundaries-in-marriage\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">15 Must-Have Healthy Boundaries In Marriage<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5-sexual-boundaries-examples\"><\/span><b>5 sexual boundaries examples<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Here are a few sexual limits examples to help illustrate the point:<\/span><\/p>\n<ol><li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Not exposing your private parts to anyone, including someone you are dating or in a relationship with.&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Not masturbating in front of your partner.&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Not being intimate with someone unless both people are comfortable with that.&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Respecting a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/how-to-say-no-when-youre-not-in-the-mood-for-sex\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">person&rsquo;s decision not to have sex<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and not making unwanted sexual advances.&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Not engaging in any sexual activity with someone who does not want to be sexually active with you.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol><p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-81054\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/11\/New-Project-2022-11-02T134345.055.jpg\" alt=\"Young couple on boat\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-are-implicit-and-explicit-sexual-boundaries\"><\/span><b>What are implicit and explicit sexual boundaries?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sexual limits are important for both parties in a relationship.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Here are a few examples of what might be considered implicit sexual boundaries:<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">-Not wanting to engage in sexual activity with someone who is very intoxicated or under the influence of drugs.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">-Not wanting to engage in sexual activity with someone who has a sexually transmitted disease.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Also Try:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/quizzes\/do-i-have-a-sexually-transmitted-disease-quiz\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do I Have a Sexually Transmitted Disease Quiz<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">-Not wanting to engage in sexual activity with someone while you are on birth control or have taken medicine to prevent pregnancy.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Some examples of explicit sexual boundaries might include:<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">-Not wanting someone to touch you sexually unless you agree first.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">-Not wanting to have sex unless your partner uses protection, such as a condom.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">-Not wanting to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, even if that activity might otherwise be considered normal.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-to-explore-your-sexual-boundaries-with-your-partner\"><\/span><b>How to explore your sexual boundaries with your partner<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">During boundary negotiation, ask yourself first what you like and dislike in the bedroom. What were some of your best sexual encounters, and what have been the worse?&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s okay if they&rsquo;re with the same person. You may absolutely love being with your spouse, but there could be situations in the past that you felt uncomfortable during but didn&rsquo;t speak up about.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Be direct and clear about what you want and what you will and will not do. If you&rsquo;re worried about hurting your partner&rsquo;s feelings, you can try to lead with a positive attitude. For example, &ldquo;I love when you do this, but I don&rsquo;t enjoy it when you do that.&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your spouse should <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.loveisrespect.org\/resources\/respecting-your-partners-boundaries\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">respect your boundaries<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. The first word out of their mouth after you tell them your sex rules shouldn&rsquo;t be, &ldquo;Why?&rdquo;&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If so, then you have a deeper problem that needs to be addressed. A healthy marriage and sex life are built on respect, which leads to security, trust, and intimacy.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-to-talk-about-your-sexual-boundaries-with-your-spouse\"><\/span><b>How to talk about your sexual boundaries with your spouse<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, how to set boundaries with a partner? What are the keys to discussing sexual desire and boundaries with your partner? How to set sexual boundaries?<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Well, a<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/healthy-communication-for-couples\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">healthy marriage is all about communication<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. This means having conversations about serious topics openly and without judgment.&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You should let your partner know you want to talk to them and find a quiet space with no distractions. Do not wait until you&rsquo;re about to have sex to talk about boundaries.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/conversation-about-sex\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Talking about sex with your partner<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> should be the most natural thing for the two of you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Instead, pick a time that you are both available and free to discuss your feelings.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can also use this period to propose new ideas. Rather than springing something onto your partner in the heat of the moment, discuss new things you&rsquo;d like to try together.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/printyourcondoms.com\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">print your condoms<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and try different textures.&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You may want to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">try a new position<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> or introduce some different sex toys.&nbsp;<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whatever you want to do (or don&rsquo;t ever want to do), make sure that your partner knows this before anyone takes their clothes off.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/jenni-jacobsen\">Dr. Jacobsen<\/a> states, <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As with anything in marriage, clear communication on sexual boundaries is essential, so sitting down and having a conversation.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-to-do-if-someone-crosses-sexual-boundary\"><\/span><b>What to do if someone crosses sexual boundary<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are a victim of sexual assault or abuse, there is help available.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You do not have to handle the aftermath alone. You can get help from a friend, family member, or local rape crisis center. You can also talk to a counselor or therapist about your feelings.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you would like to speak to someone now, you can call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE(4673). The National Sexual Assault Hotline is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Check out this video on how to stop someone from pushing themselves onto you for sex and intimacy:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/OpSKD-AqCMc\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Summing-up\"><\/span><b>Summing up<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/vaden.stanford.edu\/medical-services\/lgbtqia-health\/sexual-fluidity\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sexuality is fluid<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and people&rsquo;s comfort levels change over time. You may currently do things in the bedroom that you don&rsquo;t enjoy simply because you want to make your partner happy.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While there&rsquo;s nothing wrong with some experimentation around intimacy boundaries or setting sexual boundaries, being uncomfortable and forcing yourself to partake in any sexual activity you aren&rsquo;t 100 percent on board with is never a requirement.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Boundaries are a major part of every healthy romantic relationship, and they shouldn&rsquo;t only matter when you&rsquo;re dating. Married couples can fall into the trap of thinking they automatically know what the other person is and isn&rsquo;t comfortable with, especially in the bedroom. Your spouse is the person you&rsquo;ve committed to spending the rest of your life with, and they will be more intimate with you than anyone else.&nbsp; This means that you must continually speak up on what you are okay with under the covers, even if you&rsquo;ve been having sex for years now.&nbsp; So, if you are wondering <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":800,"featured_media":72324,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[31],"tags":[2524],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58021"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/800"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=58021"}],"version-history":[{"count":9,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58021\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":103334,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/58021\/revisions\/103334"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/72324"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=58021"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=58021"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=58021"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}