{"id":57959,"date":"2019-02-26T09:47:39","date_gmt":"2019-02-26T09:47:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/selfishness-in-marriage\/"},"modified":"2026-03-10T06:37:47","modified_gmt":"2026-03-10T06:37:47","slug":"selfishness-in-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/selfishness-in-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"How Selfishness in Marriage Is Wrecking Your Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-11020 size-full\" title=\"How Selfishness in Marriage Is Wrecking Your Relationship\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/What-Makes-a-Wedding-to-Remember-for-Everyone-1605774030.jpg\" alt=\"How Selfishness in Marriage Is Wrecking Your Relationship\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To be honest, selfishness is human nature. No human could ever claim that they have never behaved selfishly because, at some point in our lives, all of us do.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Now, whether it is in a marriage or any other kind of relationship, selfishness does have a major impact.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Particularly in marriage, it can lead to misunderstandings and a lack of understanding between the two partners. Wondering how? Let&rsquo;s look at the signs and effects of selfishness, as well as how to get rid of it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Here are some signs that indicate there is selfishness in marriage.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/sBzVP6xjnXE?si=NCZTiIKZxHtxxvB4\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">&#65279;<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<div class=\"subscribeYT_highlight\"><div class=\"subscribe_channel\">\r\n            <div class=\"subscribe_text\">Join millions <span class=\"sub_text1\">building healthier, happier<\/span> <span class=\"sub_text2\"> relationships.<\/span><\/div>\r\n            <a class=\"subscribe-btn-in-content\" href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/@Marriagedotcom?sub_confirmation=1\" target=\"_blank\">\r\n            <img src=\"\/images\/youtube_icon_small.png\" class=\"icon-left\" alt=\"YouTube\">\r\n            <span>Subscribe<\/span>\r\n            <img src=\"\/images\/bell_icon_new.svg\" class=\"icon-right\" alt=\"Extra Icon\">\r\n            <\/a>\r\n        <\/div><\/div>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1-Choices\"><\/span>1. Choices<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When a partner makes choices and decisions that benefit them only, regardless of considering how it would affect the other partner, then they are jealous. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Also, it is extremely<\/span> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/being-selfish-in-a-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">selfish of a partner<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> in a marriage to always put their desires above the other.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2-Feelings\"><\/span>2. Feelings<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">During slight arguments or a fight, both partners must be considerate towards each other&rsquo;s feelings. However, it is totally wrong if one partner goes like &ldquo;Oh, you are hurting my feelings,&rdquo; that is totally selfish of them. What about your partner&rsquo;s feelings? Ask them how they feel about the whole scenario, as it is equally important.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3-Career\"><\/span>3. Career<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is also no good to be lost in your career while ignoring the time in your marriage. If one partner is putting all their efforts and time for the sake of their career, it is to be noted that they are behaving selfishly. <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In a marriage, family time should be a priority, but if one partner is not considering it as an important aspect only to create a fulfilled future for themselves, then, it is wrong of them.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>Here are the consequences of selfishness in marriage-<\/strong><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1-Pushes-the-partner-away\"><\/span>1. Pushes the partner away<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Selfishness leads to distances. When one partner is constantly indicating by their actions that the only one that matters to them is their own self, and what they do is always right, it creates a misconception in the mind of the other partner. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They think that their partner only has to mind their own business and has no concern for them. <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In extreme cases, most partners think that they hold no value in their partner&rsquo;s life. Hence, they start to become distant and secretive.&nbsp;<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2-Makes-the-partner-feel-inferior\"><\/span>2. Makes the partner feel inferior<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-10832 size-full\" title=\"Makes the partner feel inferior\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/02\/Improve-Mental-Health-in-8-Simple-Ways-1605774031.jpg\" alt=\"Makes the partner feel inferior\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Obviously, when a partner never asks for their spouse&rsquo;s opinions or choices while making a decision, they are bound to feel inferior. It makes them think that they are not good enough to have a say in family matters, which is why they start to get quiet.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3-Disrupts-the-balance-of-married-life\"><\/span>3. Disrupts the balance of married life<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When one is so concerned and consumed in their own self, they forget to care about their life-long partner, their other half. Caring about each other&rsquo;s needs and moods is a basic requirement in marriage. If one cannot fulfill that, the marriage is bound to go wrong.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/jenni-jacobsen\">Dr. Jennifer Schulz<\/a>, PhD in Psychology, explains, <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Marriage is intended to be a partnership between two people, and this partnership requires sometimes setting aside your own interests and focusing on what&rsquo;s best for the marriage. When one partner is selfish, marriage cannot function as the partnership it was meant to be.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><em>Getting rid of selfishness in marriage-<\/em><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1-Make-decisions-together\"><\/span>1. Make decisions together<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Making a decision should always involve agreement from both sides. Therefore, you need to prove to your spouse that their say is equally relevant as what you say so that no one feels that they have been left out.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2-Do-not-make-everything-about-yourself\"><\/span>2. Do not make everything about yourself<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do focus on your partner. In an argument, ask them if they are okay, and if you unintentionally hurt their feelings, apologize before the situation escalates.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/jenni-jacobsen\">Dr. Schulz<\/a> adds, <\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Showing empathy for your partner, especially during disagreements, will go a long way toward reducing selfish behavior.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Get out of your self-centered bubble and try to view things from your partner&rsquo;s point of view.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you think that every wrong thing your partner says is aimed at you, then you are<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/banishing-selfishness-from-your-relationship\/\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">acting selfishly<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Always becoming defensive and hurt are not the options. Instead, talk to your partner about it, as nothing works better than productive communication.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3-Create-a-work-life-balance\"><\/span>3. Create a work-life balance<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/keys-to-a-healthy-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">healthy married life<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is only possible when both partners take time for each other. You should be able to create a friendly and pleasurable moment for your partner. Also, do not only focus on what you want but also keep their needs in mind.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">These tips should be able to help you overcome the ill effects of selfishness in marriage. Selfishness can cause a lot of damage to a relationship. It is important for you and your partner to identify and rectify the consequences that selfishness has on your relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>To be honest, selfishness is human nature. No human could ever claim that they have never behaved selfishly because, at some point in our lives, all of us do. Now, whether it is in a marriage or any other kind of relationship, selfishness does have a major impact. Particularly in marriage, it can lead to misunderstandings and a lack of understanding between the two partners. Wondering how? Let&rsquo;s look at the signs and effects of selfishness, as well as how to get rid of it. Here are some signs that indicate there is selfishness in marriage. &#65279; 1. Choices When <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1419,"featured_media":57960,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2502],"tags":[2604],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/57959"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=57959"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/57959\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":117877,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/57959\/revisions\/117877"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/57960"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=57959"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=57959"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=57959"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}