![\"Off](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/tips-for-dealing-with-an-emotionally-closed-off-husband.jpg\")
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In the early 2000’s, ABC debuted “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” reality shows featuring the journey of an eligible single on their quest for love. <\/span><\/p>\n Sixteen years later, fans of the show, affectionately terming themselves, “Bachelor Nation”, continue to tune in weekly to watch 25 suitors compete for the Bachelor or Bachelorette’s heart.<\/span><\/p>\n If you have ever tuned into an episode, it is likely that you may have noticed common themes and repeated expressions. In addition to repeatedly hearing the phrases, “Will you accept this rose?” and “I can really see myself falling in love<\/a>”, there is at least one reference in every episode about being emotionally vulnerable and “letting your walls come down.” <\/span><\/p>\n In every season, it never fails to surprise me that the Bachelor or “Bachelorette” immediately seems to zero in on the one emotionally closed off the suitor, while pleading with them week after week to be emotionally vulnerable and to “let their walls down.” <\/span><\/p>\n Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify emotions, to distinguish and tag them appropriately, and to utilize them to guide thinking and behavior. <\/span><\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Emotional intelligence allows one to be cognizant, to navigate social interactions, and to manage relationships prudently and with empathy. <\/span><\/p>\n What does emotionally closed off means? When one is being closed off they do not allow themselves to be emotionally vulnerable, or emotionally close to anyone, as they fear getting hurt, sometimes it is due to social conditioning or their different interpretation of interpersonal bonding<\/a>.<\/p>\n There are several factors that could negatively impact emotional intelligence in childhood, including emotional trauma, insecure parental attachment, and emotional neglect. In adulthood, deterrents to emotional vulnerability can include emotional abuse<\/a>, grief, adultery, and dishonesty, as individuals “put their walls up” in a protective fashion. <\/span><\/p>\n Usually, women have the edge over men in factors of emotional intelligence and are often drawn to men who are emotionally guarded. These women fall in love and marry these emotionally unavailable men with the confidence and sole intent of “tearing his walls down.” <\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n As dealing with an emotionally unavailable husband can be a challenging and formidable task, these women eventually concede and find themselves trapped in marriages<\/a> with closed off husbands. Living with an emotionally unavailable husband can be very taxing for a wife and yet they display optimism and try to change an emotionally closed off partner. <\/span><\/p>\n Similarly, it is often the case that the Bachelorette will inevitably have one of these emotionally unavailable suitors in the final three, while sometimes even choosing them in the end. <\/span><\/p>\n You have to credit these women for their unwavering optimism, but I also wonder if they remotely consider the possibility that “tearing down” the walls may be harder than they anticipated. These women are left wondering, “how to break down his emotional walls?” Wondering how to connect with an emotionally unavailable husband? Here are some handy demolition tools.<\/span><\/p>\n Nevertheless, if you happen to be the Bachelorette, or a woman dealing with an emotionally unavailable husband, I offer you some demolition tools to help you break down his walls and improve your emotional intimacy in the process.<\/b><\/p>\n When husbands emotionally withdraw, it is often instinctual for wives to persistently approach an emotionally unavailable husband. <\/span><\/p>\n In a perverse, cyclical game of marital “Cat and Mouse”, the emotionally unavailable husband runs away, the wife incessantly follows, causing the husband to run further and the wife to follow faster. The best tactic is to allow your emotionally unavailable husband the space that he needs to figure out his emotional blockade. <\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Emotionally unavailable husbands build walls for a reason, as it is their best attempt to avoid further emotional pain. Their walls allow them protection and control from outside forces that could potentially hurt, or emotionally incapacitate them.<\/span><\/p>\n According to <\/span>Grady Shumway<\/span><\/a>, LMHC:<\/span><\/p>\n Giving space while still signaling emotional safety can help break the pursue-withdraw cycle over time. When both partners slowly re-engage with patience and clearer boundaries, it becomes easier to rebuild trust and create healthier patterns of connection.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Do emotionally unavailable husbands change? There is no simple and definite answer to that but the more important thing is to r<\/span>espect their walls, understand why they exist, and allow space for your partner<\/a> to work through emotional issues. <\/span><\/p>\n When my husband’s grandfather passed away, he went through a very difficult grieving process in which he became emotionally unavailable for a period of time. <\/span><\/p>\n In the days following his grandfather’s death, I was constantly asking my husband if he was ok while inquiring about what I could do to make him feel better. Of course, there was nothing that I could do to bring his grandfather back or to alleviate his grieving process, but it took me several weeks to figure that out. <\/span><\/p>\n Finally, I learned to allow my emotionally unavailable husband the space that he needed to emotionally work out and process his feelings, which eventually prompted him to seek me out for support. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/span>Letting your emotional walls come down<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Managing relationships<\/b> with emotional intelligence <\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Putting up the wall in a protective fashion<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
![\"Men](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/putting-up-the-wall-in-a-protective-fashion.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/span>An unhealthy, unwavering optimism<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>1. Give space<\/b><\/span><\/h2>\n
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