

{"id":54958,"date":"2020-09-15T12:57:32","date_gmt":"2020-09-15T12:57:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=54958"},"modified":"2026-03-03T11:15:13","modified_gmt":"2026-03-03T11:15:13","slug":"deciding-to-divorce-or-save-your-marriage","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/deciding-to-divorce-or-save-your-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Deciding to Divorce or Save Your Marriage? Here Are 8 Things to Consider"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-54990\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/deciding-to-divorce-or-save-your-marriage-here-are-things-to-consider.jpg\" alt=\"The Newlyweds Quarreled, Stand Back To Back, Are Silent And Upset\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">No couple takes their vows while visualizing how it will end. Indeed, during the joyous celebration, the promise of lasting love is evident.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, none of us is guaranteed lasting love.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Deciding to divorce is one of the most difficult you will make in your lifetime. Unlike the heartbreaks, you experienced in high school, university, and beyond, the distress, hurt, and even humiliation of divorce is different.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is no harm in trying to save your marriage, but as you try to negotiate with your feelings and understand how to proceed, there are some instances when divorce is the only option.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, how do you know if your marriage is worth saving?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">No matter where you are at with the process, whether fighting for your marriage or deciding to divorce, getting a clear perspective of what&rsquo;s troubling your relationship is a stepping stone towards understanding the decisions and choices you face.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The article shares 4 instances each to help you gain a clearer perspective on whether deciding to <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/save-your-marriage\/not-to-get-a-divorce\/\">divorce or saving your marriage<\/a> is the best path for you.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2>When to call it quits in a marriage<\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-54993\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/when-to-call-it-quits-in-a-marriage.jpg\" alt=\"Young Couple Sitting On Bed Back To Back. Space For Copy\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><strong>1. The respect for each other is gone<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Respect is the keystone of every good relationship, not just romantic ones. It&rsquo;s the glue that holds a marriage together.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/love\/10-tips-to-bring-more-love-and-respect-into-your-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Being respected<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> enables a person to express themselves and feel safe. Respect means accepting your spouse regardless of your differences and views.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In a marriage, respect builds feelings of wellbeing, trust, and safety. So when couples can&rsquo;t respect each other, maintaining a happy and healthy relationship will be impossible.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If both of you feel you have lost respect for each other, deciding to divorce becomes a viable option.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Additionally, lost respect leads to disrespectful contempt, resentment, and criticism. Signs of disrespect include:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li><b>Being judged-<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> This includes criticizing, belittling, and judging every move. Keep in mind; there is a difference between damaging criticism and constructive criticism. Judge correctly.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b>Poor communication- <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When your partner is shutting you down and <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">refusing to talk to you<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b>Lack of professional and emotional support- <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When your partner doesn&rsquo;t show care about important things to you, including your career, business, family, and friends, it shows they don&rsquo;t value you.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b>Me and I<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ndash; If everything is all about them with no concern about you, this means they don&rsquo;t care or value you.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b>Public mockery<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&ndash; Does your partner pick on you, make fun of you or look down on you in front of family or friends? This is disrespectful. No one should mock you, whether in private or public.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><strong>2. You don&rsquo;t care<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">All couples have a desire to remain connected and happy and do worry for each other. The small acts of love and kindness are known as caring behavior.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">These acts are expressed non verbally and verbally through showing concern, interest, and affection for your partner. As such, they should be offered freely and frequently.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But, if you have reached a point where you can&rsquo;t be bothered to give or don&rsquo;t care to receive them, it shows severe disconnection from your spouse. Some notable signs of not caring include<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Sparse interaction<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Living separate lives with no idea what the other is up to<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> They don&rsquo;t introduce you to other people, like their friends and workmates<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> You initiate everything<\/span><\/li>\n<li><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> They don&rsquo;t attend to your physical and <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/emotional-needs\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">emotional needs<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Reversing apathy and indifference is difficult as it requires the couple to resurrect their feelings (if they have any remaining) that have been potentially extinguished or ignored for long.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are at this point, perhaps deciding to divorce is truly the best thing for both of you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>3. Abuse<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Abuse happens in many ways &ndash; financial, emotional, physical, and verbal. Abuse is unacceptable, and no form of abuse should not be tolerated at all.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So, is divorce the answer?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There is no wiggle room with some types of abuse, such as physical violence and <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.thehotline.org\/stakeholders\/domestic-violence-statistics\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">sexual abuse<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> of yourself or your children. Deciding to divorce should be an urgent consideration.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You must immediately remove yourself and your children from the situation. Call the police and get in touch with your local domestic violence shelters, if you have nowhere else to go and consult a lawyer, such as the New Jersey divorce attorneys, to file a restriction\/protection order.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Other types of abuse call for a resolution of the marriage as well. It may take you longer to initiate the process, but it still needs to be done.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Remember, many dangerous situations start as verbal, emotional, and financial abuse before they escalate to physical abuse.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>4. You have tried salvaging your marriage &ndash; over and over<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/15-key-secrets-to-a-successful-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">happy marriage<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> doesn&rsquo;t come from the ether. It&rsquo;s a product of teamwork, communication, adapting, and compromising.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many couples will face rocky times, and before deciding to divorce, they would successfully resolve their issues through the intervention of friends, family members, church, and marriage therapists.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, if you have tried every channel to solve your marriage problems, but there are still impossible issues to overcome, it&rsquo;s time to let it go.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Remember, you can&rsquo;t achieve much by yourself. Both parties need to participate and be fully committed to finding how to save a marriage, and if one party is not giving it their all, it&rsquo;s never going to work out.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2>When can a marriage be saved?<\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-54991\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/when-can-a-marriage-be-saved.jpg\" alt=\"Male Hand Holds A Female Hand Providing Assistance And Support Newlyweds Or Couple In Love\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many issues we face in marriage could, potentially, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">lead to a divorce<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. However, not every issue should.<\/span><\/p>\n<ol><li><b> Physical and emotional disconnection<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ol><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Kids. Busy jobs. Social engagements. Aging parents. Caregiving. Health issues. All these and more compete for our attention daily.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When bombarded with numerous demands for our time, it&rsquo;s very easy to unconsciously place our partners at that list&rsquo;s bottom.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Then, can this marriage be saved?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For couples who have lost the physical and emotional connection, divorce should not be your go-to solution.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Make a concerted effort to rekindle the flames.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li><b> Schedule time for sex.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Not very romantic, you say, but it works. Having a healthy and regular sex life promotes communication and connection.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b> Schedule time to spend with your partner<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. This could be something as simple as walking the dog or going for a run together. This does not have to be a long time. It can be as little as 15min, but make sure you do it every day. Just the two of you. Use this time to catch up.<\/span><\/li>\n<li><b> Schedule time for self-care<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. This should apply to both partners. Take time regularly to do what nurtures your soul. Could be catching up on your reading, walking in nature, hiking, getting a massage. Anything that nourishes you positively impacts your marriage.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Additionally, putting your spouse&rsquo;s happiness first nurtures their affection, gratitude, and trust.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For example, if your spouse has different sexual preferences, don&rsquo;t limit their feelings; instead, embrace open relationships. That is if it can <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/intimacy\/excitement-in-an-intimate-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">add spice to your relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and revive your emotional connections.<\/span><\/p>\n<ol start=\"2\"><li><b> Monotony and routine<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ol><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After spending years together, monotony sets in, which is perfectly normal for any marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Monotony and routine lead to unhappiness and boredom, and eventually, many contemplate divorce as a solution to their unsatisfactory lives.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How do we bring back the spark? <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/couple-bonding-activities-to-strengthen-the-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Start doing activities<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> that brought both of you pleasure and contentment.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Not only will you remember the good old days, but you will also get to spend time together nurturing your bond.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Additionally, reintroduce humor, learn to pay attention, and use kind, loving words. Something as simple as saying &ldquo;thank you,&rdquo; &ldquo;I love you,&rdquo; &ldquo;I understand,&rdquo; or &ldquo;Have a good day&rdquo; goes a long way in making your partner feel loved and appreciated.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Also watch: How to battle complacency &amp; boredom in your marriage.<\/b><br><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/F00td5kVbg0\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<ol start=\"3\"><li><b> Infidelity<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ol><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The mere thought and suggestion of <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.mentalhelp.net\/relationships\/infidelity-to-divorce-or-not\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">infidelity single-handedly destroy marriages<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Cheating breaks trust and makes it impossible for partners to feel secure.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For some partners, cheating is a deal-breaker. However, divorce does not have to be the only solution when a partner is unfaithful.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If the perpetrator is sincerely apologetic, honest about the affair, and commits to working and salvaging the marriage, trust can be rebuilt.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">On the other hand, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/infidelity\/forgive-a-cheating-spouse\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">forgiving your cheating partner<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> takes commitment.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Go for marriage counseling to deal with infidelity head-on. Once at the therapist&rsquo;s office, dare to speak freely and openly.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The goal of attending counseling is getting past the hurt, bringing everything out in the open, rebuilding trust, and recreating an emotional bond.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This may rekindle your love and create a healthier marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<ol start=\"4\"><li><b> Clashing personalities<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ol><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Is your marriage on the verge of collapse due to clashing personalities or you can&rsquo;t agree on anything?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s normal to disagree since you have different opinions and perspectives, but the pain of feeling your partner is not even considering your opinion can be devastating.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How do we solve this? By learning to keep an open mind and kindly expressing your opinions.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Results from a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/research.prepare-enrich.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/10\/personality_and_couple_satisfaction.pdf\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">study<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> conducted to establish the relationship between personality and marital satisfaction and partner pairing found that individuals are 66% more likely to pair with someone with a different personality than their own.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Don&rsquo;t let pride get in the way conceding little things and deal with big things in a collected and quiet conversation. Be willing to try your partner&rsquo;s way often, who knows; you may even slowly start to see their point.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>So is deciding to divorce the way to go for you?<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Every marriage is different and the above discussion of deciding to divorce or saving your marriage only acts as a guiding platform.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We all feel it in our guts and heart when divorce is the way to go. Perhaps, you have many reasons to call it quits, but remember, divorce can be a painful, life-changing, and traumatic experience.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Unfortunately, divorce is the only healthy option for many, but if you are open to exploring other alternatives, do it. Investing in therapy may also help you to clarify things before making the ultimate decision.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>No couple takes their vows while visualizing how it will end. Indeed, during the joyous celebration, the promise of lasting love is evident. However, none of us is guaranteed lasting love. Deciding to divorce is one of the most difficult you will make in your lifetime. Unlike the heartbreaks, you experienced in high school, university, and beyond, the distress, hurt, and even humiliation of divorce is different. There is no harm in trying to save your marriage, but as you try to negotiate with your feelings and understand how to proceed, there are some instances when divorce is the only <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":729,"featured_media":54990,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[17],"tags":[2681],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54958"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/729"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=54958"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54958\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":117702,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/54958\/revisions\/117702"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/54990"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=54958"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=54958"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=54958"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}