

{"id":53824,"date":"2020-08-07T03:54:36","date_gmt":"2020-08-07T03:54:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=53824"},"modified":"2024-10-24T07:23:19","modified_gmt":"2024-10-24T07:23:19","slug":"strategies-to-deal-with-emotional-abuse-in-a-relationship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/strategies-to-deal-with-emotional-abuse-in-a-relationship\/","title":{"rendered":"6 Strategies to Deal With Emotional Abuse in a Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-53828\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/strategies-to-deal-with-emotional-abuse-in-a-relationship.jpg\" alt=\"Beautiful Asian Women Think Or Upset About Love Problems Want To Divorce\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p>If you suspect your relationship is unhealthy, it probably is.<\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We&rsquo;re not talking about rude behavior, occasional transgression, or a mistake made in public. Much like a single instance of bad behavior isn&rsquo;t bullying; a relationship isn&rsquo;t unhealthy because of a few poor choices.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">An <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.kcc.edu\/students\/studentlife\/Documents\/HealthyVsUnhealthy.pdf\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">unhealthy relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> negatively impacts those (or more likely just one person) in the relationship and can take a toll on one&rsquo;s mood, confidence, behavior, other relationships, and body.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When bad behavior is repeated amongst kids, acquaintances, or co-workers, we quickly call it bullying. There isn&rsquo;t a lot of debate about what to call threats to injure or actual bodily harm.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, when bad behavior (that isn&rsquo;t<a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/ways-to-deal-with-aftereffects-of-physical-assault\/\"> physically violent<\/a>) repeatedly happens in our intimate (romantic or familial) relationships, people often struggle to define it. If you suspect your relationship is unhealthy, it probably is.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><em><strong>Related Reading:&nbsp;<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/signs-of-an-unhealthy-relationship\/\">7 Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship<\/a><\/em><\/pre>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-is-emotional-abuse\"><\/span>What is emotional abuse?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/DQCGq8eKDsU?si=s9bUc9fqVLpQEguO\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">&#65279;<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Emotional or psychological abuse can be hard to describe and even harder to recognize. Often this behavior occurs behind closed doors and is <\/span><b>subtle, <\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/\"><b>passive-aggressive<\/b><\/a><b>, covert, or even plausibly deniable.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Verbal aggression, insults, threats, intimidation, coercion, manipulation, or isolation that affect the targets sense of safety (physical or emotional), self-esteem, and even perception of reality ARE emotional or psychological abuse.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Most people are unlikely to identify themselves as victims of abuse, even if the behaviors they have experienced are classic <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">signs of emotional abuse<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Victims of abuse frequently have difficulty identifying the emotional severity and impact of the abuse they have experienced.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Understanding the behaviors, feelings, and impact of unhealthy relationships is an essential part <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">of moving towards a healthier and happier self, regardless of what happens with that relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Recipients of abuse often blame themselves for not doing enough when they are taking on too much.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Emotional abuse in relationships <\/span><b>erodes confidence and self-worth,<\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/lack-of-self-acceptance-in-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">leading to self-doubt<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, anxiety, depression, isolation, and increased dependence on the abuser. Recipients of abuse often blame themselves for not doing enough when taking on too much.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Recipients <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">coping with emotional abuse<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> often <\/span><b>feel responsible for accommodating the abuser<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, responsible for others&rsquo; feelings or actions, or feeling obligated to keep the peace or go with the flow to avoid outbursts, moods, or tantrums.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">People experiencing emotional abuse tend to<\/span><b> isolate themselves from supportive friends or family.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> They might feel disconnected, or if the abuser is critical or expresses negative views of the friends, they may find themselves less likely to risk conflict or judgment by seeing those people.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Introverts may be at an additional risk of isolation if they don&rsquo;t have a strong social or support network.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The more isolated one becomes, the easier it is for inappropriate behavior and emotional abuse to become normalized, excused, or overlooked. Isolation prevents us from feeling connected to others, getting perspective, or seeing and experiencing other, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/what-is-the-definition-of-a-healthy-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">healthy relationships<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Isolation contributes to people staying in abusive relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Emotionally abusive relationships are not a two-way street. The psychologically abusive relationship benefits one person- the abuser. You are not stuck with having to accept this as usual. You deserve the kindness and compassion you give so freely to others.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Finding a therapist<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> helps you in <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">overcoming emotional abuse and <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">manage the complicated feelings that may arise from being in and leaving an emotionally abusive situation.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><em><strong>Related Reading:<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/how-to-stop-emotional-abuse-in-marriage\/\">&nbsp;8 Ways to Stop Emotional Abuse in Marriage<\/a><\/em><\/pre>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Consider the <\/span><b>CREATE<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> strategy as a tool to help you <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">deal with emotional abuse and <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">create a path forward:<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1-Connect\"><\/span>1. Connect<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><b>Connect with friends and family. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Reach out to meaningful connections, even if it has been some time since you last spoke. Let people care about you, build a support system, and feel less isolated.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2-Recognize\"><\/span>2. Recognize<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-53829\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/recognize.jpg\" alt=\"Upset Abused African Wife Tired Of Fighting Ignoring Controlling Despot Husband Feeling Frustrated Depressed\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Recognize <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ijrte.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/papers\/v8i2S3\/B10420782S319.pdf\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">behavioral patterns of abuse<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Knowing and anticipating behaviors will help you gain clarity about your situation.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Do you want to continue the habits and roles you&rsquo;re observing, or do you want something different?<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Being able to anticipate abusive tactics can make it feel less personal and empower you a bit more. <\/span><b>Even though you may be targeted, this isn&rsquo;t about you. It is about the abuser.<\/b><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3-Establish\"><\/span>3. Establish<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/personal-boundaries\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Establish your boundaries<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and decide how you want to be treated and what you no longer wish to tolerate.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What do you want? What do you need?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It can help to think about how you would treat others and remember that you should expect the same for yourself.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4-Assert\"><\/span>4. Assert<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/313518353_Assertiveness\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Assert<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> your needs. If you need help, speak up. If your feelings were hurt, say so. Don&rsquo;t put your needs aside to accommodate someone else&rsquo;s feelings or wants.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>A healthy partner wouldn&rsquo;t want you to suppress your feelings to accommodate their own.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> A healthy relationship will account for everyone&rsquo;s needs, feelings, and desires equally. If they don&rsquo;t consider your feelings when you express them, maybe that invalidation is the only answer you need for <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">stopping emotional abuse<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><em><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The video below discusses useful tips for being assertive without coming out as rude, like getting in touch with your own needs, signaling flexibility by giving options, and more. Learn more below<\/span><\/em><br><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/NBkvWCmz2W4\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5-Take-back\"><\/span>5. Take back<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Take back your power. You don&rsquo;t have to continue to give up your power. You can control the conversation. You can control what you expose yourself to. You are not obligated to listen to someone berate you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>You do not need to answer unreasonable questions or demands<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. You can be kind and firm without accommodating inappropriate behavior. You can tell someone not to speak to you in a certain way or remind them that you see things differently.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"6-Exit\"><\/span>6. Exit<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Exit when needed. You can end a conversation, phone call, or physically leave if things escalate, become critical, unproductive, or are upsetting. <\/span><b>You don&rsquo;t need to stick around and bear the abuse just because you did in the past.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">None of this is easy to do. Dealing with a psychologically abusive relationship can be very emotional, intimidating, and challenging. The more consistent, the easier it will get. <\/span><b>You are enforcing your boundaries, and you&rsquo;ll develop more confidence in your ability to do so.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A professional&rsquo;s support will guide and support in <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">getting past emotional abuse<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> while you regain your voice and make yourself a priority without guilt or fear. A therapist will empower you throughout this challenging situation and establish and sticking to boundaries less stressful and lonely than if you try to go it alone.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><em><strong>Related Reading:<\/strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/domestic-violence-and-abuse\/ways-to-deal-with-aftereffects-of-physical-assault\/\">&nbsp;Effective Ways to Deal With the After-effects of Physical Assault<\/a><\/em><\/pre>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you suspect your relationship is unhealthy, it probably is. We&rsquo;re not talking about rude behavior, occasional transgression, or a mistake made in public. Much like a single instance of bad behavior isn&rsquo;t bullying; a relationship isn&rsquo;t unhealthy because of a few poor choices. An unhealthy relationship negatively impacts those (or more likely just one person) in the relationship and can take a toll on one&rsquo;s mood, confidence, behavior, other relationships, and body. When bad behavior is repeated amongst kids, acquaintances, or co-workers, we quickly call it bullying. There isn&rsquo;t a lot of debate about what to call threats to <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":712,"featured_media":53828,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[85],"tags":[2714],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/53824"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/712"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=53824"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/53824\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":105178,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/53824\/revisions\/105178"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/53828"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=53824"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=53824"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=53824"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}