{"id":53298,"date":"2020-07-22T07:07:13","date_gmt":"2020-07-22T07:07:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=53298"},"modified":"2023-04-29T08:48:48","modified_gmt":"2023-04-29T08:48:48","slug":"controlling-relationship-signs-you-must-know","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/controlling-relationship-signs-you-must-know\/","title":{"rendered":"25 Signs You’re in a Controlling Relationship"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

\"Young<\/p>\n

Toxic relationships are complex and can sneak up on anyone. The <\/span>red flags of relationships<\/span><\/a> can be easy to miss, as many signs of a controlling relationship are not overt and easy to spot.<\/span><\/p>\n

Oftentimes <\/span>we attribute those controlling behavior patterns to our partner loving us too much, being extremely caring, or being afraid to lose us. <\/b>This further complicates recognizing signs of controlling behavior for what they are – attempts to dominate and exert authority.<\/span><\/p>\n

What are the signs of a controlling person?<\/b><\/p>\n

When you understand controlling relationship symptoms further you can evaluate whether you are in a controlling relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n

Check out the 25 signs you’re in a controlling relationship:<\/b><\/h3>\n

<\/span>1. Isolating your form friends and family<\/span><\/h2>\n

Common controlling behavior in a relationship is seeking to separate you from your support network. <\/span>The means of doing so vary from complaining how much time you spend with them<\/b>, to making bad comments about them and trying to put a wrench between you.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>2. Feeling you have to check-in for any decision<\/span><\/h2>\n

Control freaks in relationships like to exercise authority over all decisions. <\/span>They present themselves as wise and possess the right expertise to drive you into checking with them.<\/b><\/p>\n

<\/span>3. There is drama whenever you don’t respond asap<\/span><\/h2>\n

In a controlling relationship, you feel you need to be next to your phone and able to respond anytime. When, for any reason, <\/span>you are unable to do so <\/b>they become angry<\/b><\/a>, overly worried, or pout.<\/b> In any case, you know there will be drama so you avoid such situations.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>4. Controlling what you wear, eat and how you spend money<\/span><\/h2>\n

Being in a controlling relationship feels like you seize to have your own opinion, choices, and wants. The more sophisticated they are, <\/span>the more they can mask it in the veil of genuine worry or advice.<\/b><\/p>\n

However, over time, it becomes obvious as you receive criticism or emotional freeze out any time you don’t do as they would expect.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>5. Blaming you for their actions<\/span><\/h2>\n

\"Asian<\/p>\n

Controlling relationships is also detectable by who ends up <\/span>being blamed in the relationship<\/span><\/a>. For small things too, for example – if they broke a glass, they will say you were in the way and that is why they dropped it.<\/span><\/p>\n

Blaming it all on you is one of the controlling personality traits.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>6. Criticizing you all the time<\/span><\/h2>\n

It might seem that <\/span>anything you do could use improvement when you are in a controlling relationship.<\/b> Your partner criticizes<\/span> you over small or big things equally and expects perfection.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>7. Threatening you – more or less overtly<\/span><\/h2>\n

One of the signs of a controlling partner is threatening<\/b>. <\/span><\/p>\n

Those intimidations are not always physical and can be veiled. They might threaten they will cut your contact with kids if you divorce them, harm themselves, share secrets you shared with them, or cut the privileges you have at the moment. Look out for <\/span>feeling trapped in the relationship<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>8. Feeling their appreciation and acceptance is conditional<\/span><\/h2>\n

The common thread in many controlling relationships is <\/span>feeling like you need to earn their love<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n

When you lose some more weight, they will be more attracted to you. When you are successful at work, they care more about you or when you grant them some favors. All in all, you feel you need to earn their affection by what you provide to them or by changing yourself, otherwise, you feel not good enough.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>9. Keeping a scoreboard<\/span><\/h2>\n

Compared to a healthy dose of reciprocity, in a controlling relationship, it feels <\/span>there is a constant count of who did what for whom<\/b>. It feels exhausting keeping track, but they do it so spontaneously. It could be their way of having the edge over you.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>10. Using guilt or anger to manipulate<\/span><\/h2>\n

Depending on how proficient they are in manipulating, the signs will be less or more easy to spot.<\/b> Be it shouting, cussing, or guilt-tripping you into doing what they want, be on alert as these are traits of a controlling person.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>11. Making you feel you are in their debt<\/span><\/h2>\n

\"Angry<\/p>\n

If the signs of controlling personality showed up right in the beginning, it would be easy to notice them for what they are. Nevertheless, they don’t. <\/span><\/p>\n

At first, they are sweet and generous. <\/span>Later on, these gifts and favors become something they hold over you when they need to collect on that debt.<\/b> This makes it harder to leave.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>12. Going through your things<\/span><\/h2>\n

This is a definite sign you can hardly ignore. If you notice they are <\/span>going through your belongings, spying on you, listening to calls, or checking your messages<\/b>, you are dealing with a controlling person.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>13. Jealousy or paranoia<\/span><\/h2>\n

Although <\/span>jealousy in relationship<\/span><\/a> may seem at first as though they just love you all too much, over time it becomes difficult to bear. <\/span>The intensity, obsessiveness, and unreasonable nature of their jealousy and paranoia are too excessive to ignore.<\/b><\/p>\n

<\/span>14. Making you feel you are not good enough<\/span><\/h2>\n

This is the most frequent characteristic of a controlling relationship. You might have felt this way before you met them, but it sure <\/span>intensifies when around them<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>15. Protesting against your time alone<\/span><\/h2>\n

Do you feel like you can’t have some time for yourself and feel guilty over it?<\/span><\/p>\n

They might wrap their <\/span>protest in wanting to spend more time with you because you are so busy, <\/b>but you end up feeling like a villain. Having <\/span>alone time is a healthy<\/span><\/a> need and you shouldn’t be made into an evil person for having it<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>16. Having to earn to get on their good side<\/span><\/h2>\n

Although trust is earned over time, in a controlling relationship you might feel you never quite reach it. You feel as though you have to keep working to get on their good side. <\/span><\/p>\n

However, <\/span>you never seem to gain the right to be considered innocent until proven otherwise.<\/b><\/p>\n

<\/span>17. Arguing all the time until you cave<\/span><\/h2>\n

\"Couple<\/p>\n

In a controlling relationship, <\/span>you could have more or fewer fights<\/b> (usually more), but the distinction is that they are used to make you cave. You feel so tired that you eventually relent.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>18. Making you feel stupid or incompetent for your beliefs<\/span><\/h2>\n

In a healthy <\/span>relationship disagreements<\/span><\/a> over core beliefs are met with attempts to understand and accept them. In a controlling relationship, <\/span>you feel not capable, smart, or adequate <\/b>due to your partner’s reaction towards your beliefs.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>19. Enforcing you to disclose details against your will<\/span><\/h2>\n

One of the clearcut signs of controlling personality is f<\/span>eeling like you have to share information they ask for<\/b>, regardless of your willingness to do so.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span>20. Belittling or embarrassing you into submission<\/span><\/h2>\n

In a healthy relationship, people tease each other, but only to the extent, the other feels comfortable with. In a controlling relationship, you might feel ridiculed and then made believe you misunderstood what they meant to say. <\/span>You end up confused, hurt, and feeling you don’t have the right to feel that way.<\/b><\/p>\n

<\/span>21. You don’t feel heard or understood<\/span><\/h2>\n

There isn’t much room for your voice and opinion when your partner is trying to make you think as they do. Not only is there no understanding, but <\/span>there are also little or no attempts to hear your outlook<\/b> on things.<\/span><\/p>\n

The video below suggests some ways to communicate your thoughts to your partner so that you are heard. The key to being heard by our partners is to accept that we have to become strategic about the way we talk to them. Learn more:<\/span><\/i>