![\"Cheerful](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/how-to-have-a-happy-marriage-and-attain-the-love-life-you-want.jpg\")
<\/p>\n<\/p>\n
Jo Nicholl is a Relationship Coach and Psychotherapist who has been working with individuals and couples for the past 25 years and helping them create a happy marriage or relationship they are searching for.<\/span><\/p>\n Here are a few excerpts from her interview with Marriage.com, where she sheds light on her ‘Love Maps Podcast’<\/strong> series and provides valuable inputs on how therapy helps people in learning conflict resolution and couple’s communication skills to attain the love life they want and also create a happy marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n Jo:<\/b> The idea behind <\/span>Love Maps podcast<\/span><\/a> is to offer relationship skills and psychological insights for people who are interested in how to have the love life they long for.<\/span><\/p>\n I know through many years of working with couples and individuals that people are not taught how to be in a relationship, and what we want from a relationship is often very different from what our parents wanted or expected.<\/span><\/p>\n None of us are taught what it takes to <\/span>maintain a healthy relationship<\/span><\/a> and to stay in love. In each episode of Love Maps, I talk to other therapists and people who are keenly exploring the world of relationships to give the listener invaluable insights and tools for free.<\/span><\/p>\n Jo:<\/b> Dissolving problems is the process of unraveling, with the client, their negative patterns of communication, their narrative about what the problems are, and where and why the problems arose.<\/span><\/p>\n Jo:<\/b> Fear of feeling vulnerable<\/span><\/p>\n Self-esteem issues<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n Fear of conflict<\/span><\/p>\n Poor boundaries<\/span><\/p>\n Jo:<\/b> By observing how a couple handles conflict and differences; and what survival strategies do they use to defend against feelings of vulnerability, e.g., do they shout; sulk; withdraw; shut down.<\/span><\/p>\n Ask about how they feel about their sex life.<\/span><\/p>\n Jo:<\/b> What marriage means<\/span><\/a> and what did they learn growing up about what it means<\/span><\/p>\n What having children means<\/span><\/p>\n The importance of family and feelings around their own family of origin<\/span><\/p>\n The importance of relationship maintenance and what that will look like<\/span><\/p>\n How they feel about monogamy<\/span><\/p>\n How comfortable and communicative they feel around their sexuality<\/span><\/p>\n Jo:<\/b> A huge role: “Show me how you were loved, and I will show you how you love.”<\/span><\/p>\n The thumbprint of our childhood is all over the way we react and respond in our intimate relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n The <\/span>attachment style<\/span><\/a> between a child and it’s primary carer is replicated in adult relationships and in our choice of partner.<\/span><\/p>\n We will, unconsciously, be looking to replicate the way we were loved in our childhood in adulthood.<\/span><\/p>\n On this <\/span>audio<\/span><\/a> explore with Psychotherapist Penny Marr how our past affects the way we love and how we can break old negative patterns.<\/span><\/p>\n Jo:<\/b> Yes, the lockdown is the ultimate deal-breaker for some couples who may have used distancing as a way of <\/span>maintaining the relationship<\/span><\/a> and not facing their fear of intimacy and issues within the relationship, e.g., through working long hours, travel, socializing.<\/span><\/p>\n Couples can cope by scheduling and structure. Schedules are known to support the regulation of the nervous system and therefore, will reduce anxiety.<\/span><\/p>\n Finding ways to create physical boundaries (workspace and ‘home’ space) and, if possible, a time for the relationship if that feels unthreatening.<\/span><\/p>\n Jo:<\/b> If we want the relationship to evolve, we have to ask ourselves how, why, and then what can I do?<\/span><\/p>\n Becoming self-aware, <\/span>taking responsibility for our own behavior<\/span><\/a>, reactions, and ultimately our needs, is a step towards bringing our partner to a place where they can see it is in their self-interest to shift their behavior.<\/span><\/p>\n If one partner steps out of\/recognize negative patterns of communication, it can have an extraordinary effect on the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n If we show our intention to take responsibility through self-awareness and compassion for ourselves, then our partner may feel safer and more inspired to shift too.<\/span><\/p>\n In this podcast, <\/span>learn why we are not having the sex we want and how to get it through better communication.<\/span><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n Episode 4 – BETTER COMMUNICATION, BETTER SEX. In this episode we are talking with Relationship Therapist and co-author of ‘Sex, Love and The Dangers of Intimacy’ Helena Lovendal. We explore why we are not having the sex we want and how to get it. Listen to the first 5 episodes of Season 1 and subscribe for updates via the link in our bio.<\/a><\/p>\n A post shared by Love Maps<\/a> (@lovemapspodcast) on ![\"Happy](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/what-are-the-most-important-things-to-discuss-before-marriage-to-set-the-right-foundation-for-a-happy-relationship.jpg\")
<\/p>\n\n
\n\n<\/div>\n\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\nView this post on Instagram<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n