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The pressure on women to be in a relationship is crazy, insane, yet it’s been going on for years.<\/span><\/p>\n It seems that any woman who’s over the age of 21 is pestered by family, friends, society, and the media that they need to be in a relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n Because of this pressure, and a lack of knowledge about love and relationships, women, continue to make the same mistakes and keep looking for love in all the wrong places.<\/span><\/p>\n For the past 30 years, number one best-selling author, counselor minister <\/span>David Essel<\/span><\/a>, has been helping to educate women about healthy love versus unhealthy love, independent love, and codependent love.<\/span><\/p>\n Below, David offers ideas and thoughts on how women can avoid searching for love in all the wrong places and change the game of love, so it’s more in their favor, with less drama and chaos.<\/span><\/p>\n “I’ll never forget the very first client, a woman, that I worked with in 1990.<\/span><\/p>\n She came to me because she was so frustrated <\/span>being single<\/span><\/a>, and even though she was barely 30 years of age, she said life is passing her by.<\/span><\/p>\n When we talked about her past relationships, I asked her if she had seen any similarities between the different men she was choosing.<\/span><\/p>\n Of course, she said no, every one of them has been different; there are no similarities at all.<\/span><\/p>\n But that wasn’t true.<\/span><\/p>\n The number one similarity that all of the men she dated had was? They were <\/span>emotionally unavailable<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n The pattern was set, and once the pattern is set in the subconscious mind, we automatically without even thinking are drawn to people that may not be healthy for us.<\/span><\/p>\n But why was she drawn to emotionally unhealthy people?<\/span> <\/span><\/p>\n The answer to why she kept finding love in all the wrong places? Her upbringing.<\/span><\/p>\n While her father was a fine man, he was also an alcoholic, emotionally unavailable; he didn’t know how to handle a little girl, so he pushed her aside and made sure that her mom did most of the raising.<\/span><\/p>\n She never got encouragement from her father, never was told that she did great in school, or she was pretty or anything else even similar to that.<\/span><\/p>\n Millions and millions of women in the US alone go through this every year, being raised by an emotionally unavailable father.<\/span><\/p>\n An <\/b>emotionally unavailable father<\/b><\/a> can be a workaholic, alcoholic, food addict, drug addict, or religious addict; <\/b>there are so many different ways to be emotionally unavailable.<\/span><\/p>\n But the number one way that dads are emotionally unavailable to their daughters is their lack of encouragement, lack of praise, and lack of emotional connection with their daughters.<\/span><\/p>\n And it destroys our young girl’s self-esteem, although she won’t know it until she’s much older.<\/span><\/p>\n Many of my female clients looking for love are incredibly smart, yet they continue to see the same pattern of choosing men that are unhealthy in their lives.<\/span><\/p>\n And this is how that happens: from 0 to 18 years of age, if you’re a woman being raised by a father that’s not emotionally connected, that goes into the subconscious mind, as a pattern.<\/span><\/p>\n It’s almost like the subconscious says, “this is what a real man looks like.“<\/span><\/p>\n Because that’s all you see from zero till 18, the subconscious takes that pattern and says this is the type of man that you’ll feel most comfortable with, now you will feel comfortable with that type of man because that’s how you were raised, but it will not be a <\/span>healthy relationship<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n Also watch: Healing from an emotionally unavailable father.<\/span><\/span>Changing the game of love<\/strong><\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Why we look for love in all the wrong places<\/span><\/h2>\n
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