{"id":50251,"date":"2020-05-07T14:41:38","date_gmt":"2020-05-07T14:41:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=50251"},"modified":"2023-05-07T14:42:30","modified_gmt":"2023-05-07T14:42:30","slug":"should-i-stay-or-should-i-go","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/should-i-stay-or-should-i-go\/","title":{"rendered":"Should I Stay or Should I Go? A Common Relationship Dilemma"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-50256 size-full\" title=\"Should I Stay or Should I Go? A Common Relationship Dilemma\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/should-i-stay-or-should-i-go-a-common-relationship-dilemma.jpg\" alt=\"Couple Of Adults Are Quarreling While Sitting On Couch At Home\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s not just<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/youtu.be\/BN1WwnEDWAM\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">a song<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> by the Clash.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you have got the words <\/span><b>&ldquo;Should I stay or should I go&rdquo; going around the inside of your head, it probably means you are taking stock of your relationship.<\/b><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When a relationship is going well, the thought of staying or leaving doesn&rsquo;t enter you mind.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But if you are starting to have doubts about the long term viability of the relationship you are in, this may explain the &ldquo;Should I stay or should I go&rdquo; thoughts that you are having right now.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Evaluating whether you should stay or <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/separation\/thinking-about-leaving-your-husband\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">leave your partner<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is a process, and it is not an easy one.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Let&rsquo;s examine some relationship scenarios that will help you get closer to an answer to should I stay or should I go?<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Also watch:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/x7N2pu1EA1s\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Should I stay or should I go?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The decision is a critical one because it has multiple levels of impact to your life, and, if you have children, to your family&rsquo;s life.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"When-the-answer-is-clear\"><\/span>When the answer is clear<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/signs-of-an-unhappy-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some relationship issues are clear cut red flags<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, making the decision to stay or leave an easy one. What would those scenarios look like?<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li><b>You are in a physically, verbally, or emotionally <\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.womenshealth.gov\/relationships-and-safety\/other-types\/emotional-and-verbal-abuse\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><b>abusive relationship with a partner<\/b><\/a><b> unwilling to seek help.<\/b><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/therapy-issues\/us\/addiction\"><b>Your partner has an addiction<\/b><\/a><b> that is affecting your relationship and the family&rsquo;s welfare, and is unwilling to seek help.<\/b><\/li>\n<li><b>Your partner is unfaithful and untrustworthy.<\/b><\/li>\n<li><b>Your partner is secretive and often lies to you.<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In these cases, you do not need to spend long hours seeking justification for wanting to leave.&nbsp;<\/span><b>Your safety and well-being are at stake, and you would want to exit this relationship as soon as possible.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But sometimes the answer to &ldquo;Should I stay or should I go&rdquo; is not clear.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"To-go-or-not-to-go-that-is-the-question\"><\/span>To go or not to go, that is the question<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-50257 size-full\" title=\"To go or not to go, that is the question\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/to-go-or-not-to-go-that-is-the-question.jpg\" alt=\"Powerful Shot Of A Young Couple Embracing\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In relationships where your physical and mental health are not in danger, deciding whether to stay or leave requires careful reflection.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Checking out of the relationship without thoroughly considering what is at stake can rob you of a unique opportunity for growth and self-reflection<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and, in the worst-case scenario, may prematurely end a potentially fantastic relationship that could have been saved had <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/the-communication-toolbox-for-your-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">good communication tools<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> been employed.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Can-your-relationship-be-saved\"><\/span>Can your relationship be saved?<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Before you make any decision regarding staying or leaving your marriage, it makes sense to try and see if <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/signs-your-relationship-is-falling-apart-and-how-to-save-it\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">your relationship can be saved<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. You have invested energy into this relationship, perhaps decades-worth.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That is reason enough to carefully consider what your next step should be.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Whether you do this under the expert guidance of a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/c\/us\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">marriage therapist<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, or by using some solid tips culled from books or the internet, ask yourself if it is possible to get back to a good place with your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li><b>Can you <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/tips-to-reignite-the-romantic-spark-in-your-relationship\/\">reignite the love and connection<\/a> that drew you together in the first place?<\/b><\/li>\n<li><strong>Can you work on the relationship in such a way that it becomes life-enhancing<\/strong><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, allowing for personal growth in both of you?<\/span><\/li>\n<li><strong>Are there enough positives in your &ldquo;relationship bank&rdquo; to overcome the current feelings<\/strong> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">that are causing you to question whether to stay or leave the marriage?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-to-know-if-the-relationship-can-be-saved\"><\/span>How to know if the relationship can be saved<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<ul><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><b>You continue to be sensitive to each other&rsquo;s needs. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This is a sign your relationship can be saved because it means you are still listening and tuned in to each other.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><b>You share things other than sex.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&nbsp;A relationship is more than just an available sexual partner. If you and your loved one can still connect on multiple levels, that&rsquo;s a sign that your relationship can be saved.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><b>You are each other&rsquo;s safe harbors. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You may be fighting, but you continue to feel safe enough to express conflict. It&rsquo;s a good sign that you feel secure and safe with each other.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><b>Your spouse&rsquo;s happiness and well-being remains a priority. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If these feelings are present, it bodes well for saving the relationship.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"Reasons-for-wanting-to-leave-a-relationship\"><\/span>Reasons for wanting to leave a relationship<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-50258 size-full\" title=\"Reasons for wanting to leave a relationship\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/05\/reasons-for-wanting-to-leave-a-relationship.jpg\" alt=\"Sad Wife Looking At Her Ring After Fight With Husband\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As you reflect on the question, &ldquo; Should I stay or should I go&rdquo;, why not make a list of s<\/span><b>ome of the reasons for wanting to leave<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For example:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li><b>You no longer look forward to <\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/ways-to-have-a-quality-time-with-your-partner\/\"><b>spending time with your partner<\/b><\/a><b>, and invent excuses to be out of the house in the evenings or weekends.<\/b><\/li>\n<li><b>You share little in common, and live more like roommates than true partners.<\/b><\/li>\n<li><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC5987853\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><b>Your sex life is non-existent<\/b><\/a><b>, not satisfying, or non-consensual.<\/b><\/li>\n<li><b>You prefer to be on your screens- either phone, pc or television, than engaging in conversation with your partner.<\/b><\/li>\n<li><b>You feel utterly disconnected from them. It&rsquo;s like living with a stranger.<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ul><h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-to-make-the-decision-to-stay-or-leave\"><\/span>How to make the decision to stay or leave<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are at the point that you are asking yourself &ldquo;should I leave?&rdquo;, you probably have a lot of <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedaily.com\/releases\/2012\/08\/120802133649.htm\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">anger stored up inside of you<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Angry at being unheard, unseen, unappreciated. Whatever has provoked these strong emotions, <\/span><b>it is best not to let anger be the deciding factor in whether you go or not go.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Anger is merely unexpressed emotion. Before rummaging through your mind, for an answer to, &ldquo;Should I stay or should I go&rdquo;, it would be better for you and your partner to reveal the emotions that are behind the anger than to just pack your suitcases and leave in a huff.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>By sitting down with your partner and showing them, in non-threatening language, why you are upset, you may just be opening up a conversation that will connect you back to your feelings<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> of deep love for each other.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If, on the other hand, your partner refuses to engage in a conversation about your feelings, they have just shown who they really are and your answer to the question &ldquo;should I stay or should I go&rdquo; is clear.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Start packing. The question, Should I stay or should I leave my marriage&rdquo;, is redundant now.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It&rsquo;s not just a song by the Clash. If you have got the words &ldquo;Should I stay or should I go&rdquo; going around the inside of your head, it probably means you are taking stock of your relationship. When a relationship is going well, the thought of staying or leaving doesn&rsquo;t enter you mind. But if you are starting to have doubts about the long term viability of the relationship you are in, this may explain the &ldquo;Should I stay or should I go&rdquo; thoughts that you are having right now. Evaluating whether you should stay or leave your partner <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1419,"featured_media":50256,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2502],"tags":[2606],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50251"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1419"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=50251"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50251\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":50260,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/50251\/revisions\/50260"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/50256"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=50251"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=50251"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=50251"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}