{"id":49682,"date":"2020-04-24T14:06:22","date_gmt":"2020-04-24T14:06:22","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=49682"},"modified":"2026-03-16T09:50:52","modified_gmt":"2026-03-16T09:50:52","slug":"tips-on-surviving-miscarriage-as-couple","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/save-your-marriage\/tips-on-surviving-miscarriage-as-couple\/","title":{"rendered":"6 Tips on Surviving Stillbirth as a Couple and Prevent Marriage Meltdown"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-49702 size-full\" title=\"The 6 Best Tips on Surviving Miscarriage as a Couple and Prevent Marriage Meltdown\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/best-tips-on-surviving-miscarriage-as-a-couple-and-prevent-marriage-meltdown.jpg\" alt=\"Loving Boyfriend Hug Upset Young Girlfriend Making Peace After Fight\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You hear those 7 dreaded words, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry, I can&rsquo;t find the heartbeat&rdquo;.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At that moment, your future is shattered and you don&rsquo;t know if surviving stillbirth is even possible.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As you are thinking of surviving stillbirth,<\/span><b> it is crucial to know that dealing with stillborn loss or resurrecting marriage after a stillbirth, takes time and patience.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your pain may be raw and unimaginable as you wonder, how do I survive this?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you deliver your baby in a hospital trained to support you, you may receive a<\/span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">memory box filled with special items to remember your baby filled with pictures, jewelry and poems and cards from the nurses who cared for you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After spending months preparing for your new baby, you now prepare for a funeral.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You might feel lost and unsure of how to be with your partner as you start this new chapter of life. <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.who.int\/maternal_child_adolescent\/epidemiology\/stillbirth\/en\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Stillbirths account for about 1% of all births<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, which seem so unlikely until it happens to you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Also, watch this video on how a couple supported each other to keep their marriage together after being devastated with a stillbirth:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/sQBqXeADeBs\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><span data-mce-type=\"bookmark\" style=\"display: inline-block; width: 0px; overflow: hidden; line-height: 0;\" class=\"mce_SELRES_start\">&#65279;<\/span><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Below are 5 tips to facilitate surviving stillbirth, the first few months after losing your baby.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1-Mourn-separately-and-together\"><\/span>1. Mourn separately and together<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sometimes we have this idea that we should feel and express our feelings in the same way as our loved ones. We might even get mad if our partner doesn&rsquo;t seem to be as affected as us.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">After a loss, many partners take turns cycling in and out of the different stages of grief so we often mourn in different ways.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Allow yourself to express your feelings in a way that feels right for you.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Share this with your partner and ask your partner how they are mourning or would like to mourn.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Remember, it is common for <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/230618371_Parental_grief_and_relationships_after_the_loss_of_a_stillborn_baby\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">couples grieving after stillbirth<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, to face relationship breakdown after the baby dies, leaving couples disoriented and feeling like the grieving will never end.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For surviving stillbirth, <\/span><b>it&rsquo;s ok to go to counseling alone and together as marriage after the death of a child mars the pictured parenthood.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It will take time and unbiased, gentle expert guidance to help you understand how grief affects relationships, and make incremental progress towards surviving stillbirth as a couple.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>It&rsquo;s ok to feel angry and happy at the same time.<\/b><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s ok to be walking down this path together and separately at the same time.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your feelings and grief are not linear. Be patient with yourself and with your partner. Trust that you can stay connected and grieve separately at the same time as you take small steps towards surviving stillbirth.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2-Exercise\"><\/span>2. Exercise<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-49703 size-full\" title=\"Exercise\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/exercise.jpg\" alt='Asian Women Exercise Indoor At Home She Is Acted \"Push Up\"' width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Trying to get out of bed to exercise each day might seem impossible when you are coping with the loss of a baby and making little headway in the direction of surviving stillbirth.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In the beginning, it is, and it is still so important to push yourself a little bit to move each day.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Exercise is crucial because it activates the brain to begin the recovery process.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/6091217\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Exercise reduces inflammation, increases endorphins<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, and, most importantly, in the beginning, it acts as a distraction.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It allows you to focus on something<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> other than the pain you feel in your heart.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Start with a small goal like walking for 5 or 10 minutes first thing in the morning<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and increase it when you are ready.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3-Check-in-with-your-partner-daily\"><\/span>3. Check-in with your partner daily<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s really important to <\/span><b>continue <\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/how-to-communicate-with-your-spouse-when-things-are-tough\/\"><b>communicating with your partner<\/b><\/a><b> as you both heal from the loss of your child<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Surviving stillbirth is hard for couples both physically and emotionally.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Setting aside some time each day to check in with one another helps you open up and ensures that you are meeting your needs while still meeting some of your partner&rsquo;s needs. The check-in can be brief with a few questions to guide the conversation.<\/span><\/p>\n<ul><li><strong>How was it today for you?<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>Is there something I can do for you?<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>What was a little easier today?<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>Was anything harder today?<\/strong><\/li>\n<li><strong>What can I do for you tomorrow?<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you are having a hard time doing this try <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/making-time-for-you-and-your-spouse\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">setting aside a specific time each day<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and start with one question.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"4-Maintain-some-part-of-your-previous-routine\"><\/span>4. Maintain some part of your previous routine<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-49704 size-full\" title=\"Maintain some part of your previous routine\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/maintain-some-part-of-your-previous-routine.jpg\" alt=\"Beautiful Young Smiling Woman Working On Laptop\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">During the first few days and weeks, it may be hard to do anything. You might sleep all the time or not at all. You might feel like eating everything or nothing. You might feel like it&rsquo;s not worth it to get out of bed.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">All of this is part of grieving and normal to experience after such a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/counseling\/working-together-with-trauma-in-a-committed-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">traumatic loss<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>If you can get up each day and do one thing that you used to do it will help you slowly get into your new routine.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> This can be taking a shower, making a meal, writing a note, or texting with a friend.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At some point, as you try surviving stillbirth, you have to get up and move forward, and doing it little by little each day helps it be more bearable.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"5-Find-support-from-other-parents-who-have-lost-a-baby\"><\/span>5. Find support from other parents who have lost a baby<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You may have friends and family who are very <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/mental-health\/support-a-partner-after-a-miscarriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">supportive and helpful<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Unless they have lost a child, it is not the same support you will get from joining a group of parents who have experienced a stillbirth.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There are many different types of <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/americanpregnancy.org\/getting-pregnant\/pregnancy-loss\/miscarriage-surviving-emotionally\/\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">support groups<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Online, drop-in, and closed supports are just a few of the options available today.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> If you know someone who has experienced a stillbirth and reaches out when they are ready and seeks support, you must encourage them to seek counseling or support groups.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There are unique questions you might have that only a parent who has experienced a stillbirth or early infant loss will understand.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>If you are unsure of where to find support for surviving stillbirth, contact your local hospital social worker or mental health organization for resources.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If either of these is not available you can search online or through different social media platforms.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"6-Embrace-the-grief-it-will-ebb-and-flow\"><\/span>6. Embrace the grief, it will ebb and flow<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As you grapple with your new normal, <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">be patient<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and kind with yourself and your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Grief ebbs and flows differently for people.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You or your partner may feel helpless that you can&rsquo;t take the pain away. <\/span><b>The pain doesn&rsquo;t ever go away completely but it does change.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sometimes it&rsquo;s big and knocks you down, seemingly out of nowhere. Other times it&rsquo;s small, giving the tiniest sensation as your toes dig into the sand.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Embrace the grief and allow the feelings and thoughts to come when they are needed. <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Most importantly don&rsquo;t apologize for anything you feel right now. Your feelings are valid.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Know that even though the pain doesn&rsquo;t fully go away,<strong> you will also have moments of joy and happiness again.<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>You hear those 7 dreaded words, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry, I can&rsquo;t find the heartbeat&rdquo;. At that moment, your future is shattered and you don&rsquo;t know if surviving stillbirth is even possible. As you are thinking of surviving stillbirth, it is crucial to know that dealing with stillborn loss or resurrecting marriage after a stillbirth, takes time and patience. Your pain may be raw and unimaginable as you wonder, how do I survive this? If you deliver your baby in a hospital trained to support you, you may receive a memory box filled with special items to remember your baby filled with <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":300,"featured_media":49702,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2502],"tags":[2609],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49682"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/300"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=49682"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49682\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":118170,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49682\/revisions\/118170"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/49702"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=49682"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=49682"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=49682"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}