{"id":49305,"date":"2020-04-20T10:23:31","date_gmt":"2020-04-20T10:23:31","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=49305"},"modified":"2023-10-31T16:04:44","modified_gmt":"2023-10-31T16:04:44","slug":"mindful-marriage-for-mindful-couple","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/mindful-marriage-for-mindful-couple\/","title":{"rendered":"A Mindful Marriage for The Mindful Couple"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-49314 size-full\" title=\"A Mindful Marriage for The Mindful Couple\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/a-mindful-marriage-for-the-mindful-couple.jpg\" alt=\"Beautiful Newlywed Couple Smiling Together In the Garden\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Mindfulness is a big buzzword now. There are many avenues people are seeking to become more mindful, including different forms of meditation, yoga, and even psychedelics.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In our very stressed out world, we are all searching for a way to bring more peace and calm into our lives. As couples therapists, we help partners bring that into their relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Also watch:<\/span><br><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/0R8eMpW1Cqk\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2>Mindfulness in marriage<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ever wonder what it means to have a mindful marriage or how to have mindfulness in relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In essence, it means to see things as they actually are, and not as we wished they were or imagined them to be.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>To have a mindful relationship or a mindful <a class=\"wpil_keyword_link\" href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/what-is-marriage\/\" title=\"Marriage means\">Marriage means<\/a> accepting and even embracing things as they are without trying to change them.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The foundation of conflict is seeded with the desire to change the other, so <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/why-you-shouldnt-try-to-change-your-partner\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">not trying to change<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is a big challenge.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We want so desperately to find peace, and we mistakenly believe that if things are done the way we want them done, peace will prevail, and joy will reenter the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Let&rsquo;s say, for example, one partner is <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/be-mindful-of-these-signs-of-a-low-sex-marriage\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">unhappy with the frequency of sex<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. An unmindful response would be to criticize, shame, and <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/therapy\/why-blaming-your-partner-wont-help\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">blame the other partner<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Another unmindful response would be to go outside the relationship. In both scenarios, the mindset is, You are wrong, and I am right. I want more sex, and you should, too, or at least accommodate me.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The foundation of mindfulness is infused with the energy of love and includes kindness, generosity, curiosity, empathy, validation, openness, acceptance, flexibility, forgiveness, and lightness.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>A mindful response means communicating our needs in a calm and loving way without criticism, shame, or blame.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This may sound like:<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I love <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/physical-intimacy\/love-making-ideas-for-married-couples\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">making love<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> with you more than anything in the world. It makes me feel connected and safe and reminds me of how beautiful a connection we have.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s hard for me when we have sex less than twice a month because we get so busy and stressed out with work and the baby.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I would love to make love more often, and I&rsquo;m not sure how to go about it because I know you are stressed out too. What ideas do you have on this?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A mindful marriage will always involve leaving behind judgment, reactivity, and attachment to a particular outcome, and bringing in the energy of love instead.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/dash.harvard.edu\/bitstream\/handle\/1\/3160495\/Langer_MinfulnessMaritalSatisfaction.pdf?sequence=\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A study<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> has suggested that there is a strong correlation between mindfulness and marital satisfaction.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Moreover, an <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/5908947_The_role_of_mindfulness_in_romantic_relationship_satisfaction_and_responses_to_relationship_stress\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">examination of two studies<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> also revealed that mindfulness leads to <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">greater capacities to respond constructively to relationship stress and positive pre- and postconflict change in perception of the relationship. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Every relationship, when you add mindfulness, has the potential to be a transformative journey towards wholeness.<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> Bringing mindfulness into your partnership offers the kind of intimacy and connection that we all want.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2>What does it look like to be the mindful couple?<\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-49318 size-full\" title=\"What does it look like to be the mindful couple?\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/what-does-it-look-like-to-be-the-mindful-couple.jpg\" alt=\"Mindfull Young Couple Huging Together And Smiling\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A mindful couple realizes that the way they trigger each other has something to do with their childhood wounds or <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/therapy\/negative-experiences-of-the-past-can-affect-your-relationship\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">wounds from a previous relationship<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This awareness fuels curiosity and care about how they can show up to help in the awareness and healing of those wounds.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>A mindful couple places the needs and desires of one another as a priority and sets out to meet those needs without expecting anything in return.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A mindful couple accepts and respects differences between them. Rather than &lsquo;rallying against,&rsquo; these differences are seen as sources that will enrich and expand the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A mindful couple always addresses needs directly with each other, rather than going outside and complaining to friends and family or sitting and sulking or, worse yet, attacking.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A mindful couple realizes that anger is a result of pain and becomes more curious and compassionate rather than defensive and reactive, with each other and with themselves.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A mindful couple learns to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/accepting-responsibility-in-relationships\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">take responsibility in all breakdowns<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, even if on the surface it appears to be their partner&rsquo;s fault.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They always want to know what they did to provoke their partner, even if on the surface it appears to be the other&rsquo;s fault. Both partners make repairing a priority.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">A mindful couple is always extending themselves outside of the relationship to support their partner&rsquo;s cares, including friends, family, or the world at large.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>A mindful couple understands that true beauty in life happens in the present moment and avoids ruminating about the past or worrying about the future.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They help each other bring lightness and love to every moment, especially when times get challenging.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Probably the most important skill for a Mindful Couple is <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/become-a-better-listener\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">deep listening<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">&hellip; the ability to ask questions, to find out the perspective of the other, to validate even in the face of disagreement, and to empathize, to really put yourself in the other&rsquo;s shoes.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Only from this perspective can a path toward more love and connection have the capacity to emerge.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To become a mindful couple and have a mindful marriage is an ever-evolving journey, not a destination. It&rsquo;s a commitment that not all couples will make.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The Course of Miracles states that whatever is before you is your highly individualized curriculum.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For some, it&rsquo;s just too much effort and works to be using your relationship as an opportunity for growth and development.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, for those who choose to make a mindful marriage, there are many rewards to be gained. We see couples transform from angry and disconnected to loving, joyful, and connected.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Should you choose this journey, we say&hellip; enjoy&hellip; for it is truly a beautiful and rewarding one. We see it every day with our clients, and we experience it in our own lives.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Mindfulness is a big buzzword now. There are many avenues people are seeking to become more mindful, including different forms of meditation, yoga, and even psychedelics. In our very stressed out world, we are all searching for a way to bring more peace and calm into our lives. As couples therapists, we help partners bring that into their relationship. Also watch: Mindfulness in marriage Ever wonder what it means to have a mindful marriage or how to have mindfulness in relationships. In essence, it means to see things as they actually are, and not as we wished they were or <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":583,"featured_media":49314,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[15],"tags":[2669],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49305"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/583"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=49305"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49305\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":90764,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/49305\/revisions\/90764"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/49314"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=49305"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=49305"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=49305"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}