![\"Couple](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/niceness-vs-kindness-in-relationships-what-matters-the-most.jpg\" "\\"Niceness")
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I recently had a client in my private practice tell me that he was tired of being nice to people and that from now on, he was going to be kind instead. This got me thinking on the lines of niceness vs. kindness, and about the wisdom for couples in making this distinction.<\/span><\/p>\n What, in fact, does it mean to be nice? What does being kind mean? And, finally, how is the difference between nice and kind important in <\/span>marriage and family life<\/span><\/a>?<\/span><\/p>\n Read on to get an insight into the niceness vs. kindness dilemma.<\/span><\/p>\n Webster’s Dictionary defines nice by using the following synonyms: “pleasing, agreeable, socially acceptable.” When people are nice, they don’t make waves.<\/span><\/p>\n “Nice” people are often afraid to be assertive and reluctant to let others know where they stand on an issue.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Rather than stick up for themselves, they may choose to “go along to get along,” thus robbing their partners of their honest feedback and input.<\/span><\/p>\n There may be a compulsive element to “niceness”; “nice” people may not be choosing to be nice, they may feel that they “must” be nice to <\/span>avoid conflict<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n The Dictionary defines kind with the following synonyms: “gentle, considerate, disposed to be helpful.” Kind people are empathic and able to put themselves in other’s shoes. <\/span>They want to help others and do so with sympathy and sensitivity.<\/b><\/p>\n Remember the song lyric “cruel to be kind?” I think that verse speaks to another aspect of kindness, namely that there are times that being kind to someone involves <\/span>being honest with them<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n A spouse may not like being told that they don’t look good in their outfit or that their tone of voice may be off-putting. But being kind means giving others information that can help them be more successful in life.<\/span><\/p>\n Kind people are often nice but not compulsively, so; they can be direct and honest when the situation calls for it.<\/span><\/i><\/p><\/blockquote>\n I grew up with an incredibly kind mother. She was thoughtful, empathic, and delicate, not to offend my feelings. However, when necessary, she could be direct, assertive, and if the circumstances dictated, even aggressive (for example, if someone she loved was threatened).<\/span><\/p>\n My mother’s kindness has had a life-altering impact on me, directly influencing how I interact with my own children.<\/span><\/p>\n A prime example of her influence is the fact that I would quote both of my children the following insight on a regular basis: “<\/span>Kindness is more important than knowledge, and the awareness of that distinction is the beginning of true wisdom.<\/b>”<\/span><\/p>\n So how can we be kind to our spouses and children without falling into compulsive <\/span>“niceness”?<\/span><\/p>\n<\/span>What does it mean to be nice?<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>What does being kind mean?<\/span><\/h2>\n
![\"Passionate](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/what-does-being-kind-mean.jpg\" "\\"What")
<\/p>\n<\/span>Niceness vs. kindness<\/span><\/h2>\n
![\"African](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/niceness-vs-kindness.jpg\" "\\"Niceness")
<\/p>\n<\/span>How to practice kindness over niceness<\/span><\/h2>\n