![\"Beautiful](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/guide-on-building-healthy-intimacy-for-couples.jpg\" "\\"Guide")
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Expressing intimacy can be quite intimidating for couples in a relationship because being intimate entails being vulnerable and courageous, while dealing with the <\/span>risk of being rejected<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n Without <\/span>honest and open communication<\/span><\/a>, there can’t be healthy intimacy between the partners.<\/span><\/p>\n Healthy Intimacy in relationships comprise of:<\/span><\/p>\n A scarred past or <\/span>childhood emotional neglect<\/span><\/a> can deeply impact how we look at life now, and our level of comfort with building healthy intimacy in relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n If you identify with any of the three common problems listed above, then we suggest <\/span>talking to a counsellor<\/span><\/a> about this as they can help you identify ways you communicate, how you see the world and what defences you have put up to help you feel safe in the world.<\/span><\/p>\n Some of those defences are useful and others can stop us building healthy intimate relationships.<\/span><\/p>\n Building intimacy<\/span><\/a> can only be achieved by action. Here are a few techniques on how to develop healthy intimacy between the two of you.<\/span><\/p>\n Love needs<\/b><\/p>\n Rank the love needs below from highest to lowest and then share with your partner.<\/span><\/p>\n Affection<\/b> – enjoying <\/span>non-sexual physical touch<\/span><\/a>, both receiving and giving.<\/span><\/p>\n Affirmation<\/b> – being complimented and positively praised verbally, or with gifts, for who you are and what you do.<\/span><\/p>\n Appreciation<\/b> – receiving thanks, whether through words or a gift, and being noticed for the contributions you make to the relationship and to the home and family.<\/span><\/p>\n Attention<\/b> – <\/span>spending time together<\/span><\/a> with the full attention of the other, whether that’s sharing how your day has been or your inner thoughts and feelings.<\/span><\/p>\n Comfort<\/b> – being able to talk about difficult things and both giving and receiving physical tenderness and words of comfort.<\/span><\/p>\n Encouragement <\/b>– hearing positive words of encouragement when you’re struggling with something or being offered a helping hand.<\/span><\/p>\n Security<\/b> – receiving any words, gifts or actions that demonstrate commitment to the relationship.<\/span><\/p>\n Support<\/b> – hearing words of support or getting practical help.<\/span><\/p>\n Five-a-day<\/b><\/p>\n Improving your physical intimacy by getting into a daily habit of touching one another. This increases a <\/span>couple biochemical bonding<\/span><\/a>. When we touch someone, a chemical called oxytocin is released.<\/span><\/p>\n Oxytocin inspires us to touch more and increase the bonding in our closest relationships. When couples literally lose touch with each other, their chemical bond weakens and they’re more likely to drift apart.<\/span><\/p>\n The goal is for the couple to touch at least 5 times a day – but the touch needs to be non-sexual e.g. a kiss when you wake up, hold hands while watching TV, hug while washing up etc.<\/span><\/p>\n Three questions to answer and share with your partner. Answers need to be non-sexual. Be honest and kind, to help each of you identify what actions show that you care.<\/span><\/p>\n Limerence<\/b><\/p>\n A state of mind which results from a <\/b>romantic attraction<\/b><\/a> to another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts<\/b> and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one’s feelings reciprocated.<\/span><\/p>\n Limerence produces oxytocin which is known as the love hormone.<\/b> Oxytocin influences social behavior, emotion, and sociability and can lead to bad judgment.<\/span><\/p>\n Trust<\/b><\/p>\n Are you there for me? Trust is a manner of having your partner’s needs at heart, rather than expectations of serving your needs.<\/span><\/p>\n Commitment and loyalty<\/b><\/p>\n Exploring the purpose of your life together and <\/span>sacrificing for the relationship<\/span><\/a>. Negative comparisons begin to cascade the relationship downward and impact the healthy intimacy.<\/span><\/p>\n Safety and connectedness<\/b><\/p>\n Your partner is your haven when things frighten you, upset you or threaten you. You have the feeling you are in tune with the other person, have common ground to feel comfortable, yet enough differences to keep things interesting.<\/span><\/p>\n Four Horses of the Apocalypse<\/b><\/a> (by Dr. John Gottman)<\/b><\/p>\n If a man says something in the forest and no woman is there, is he still wrong? – <\/b>Jenny Weber<\/b><\/a><\/p>\n What works in building healthy intimacy?<\/span><\/p>\n FANOS is a simple 5-step check-in exercise to build long lasting healthy intimacy between couples. It is meant to be completed daily and briefly, 5 – 10 minutes or less per check-in with no feedback or comments given from the listener.<\/span><\/p>\n If further discussion is desired, it can take place after both parties have presented their check-in. This exercise involves both parties sharing. The couple should decide in advance on a regular time for this exercise.<\/span><\/p>\n The outline for the check-in is as follows:<\/span><\/p>\n<\/span>What is intimacy?<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>What can block healthy intimacy?<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>Healthy intimacy tips for couples<\/span><\/h2>\n
![\"Young](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/healthy-intimacy-tips-for-couples.jpg\" "\\"Healthy")
<\/p>\n<\/span>4 Phases of love<\/span><\/h2>\n
![\"Men](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/phases-of-love.jpg\" "\\"4")
<\/p>\n<\/span>The predictors of divorce<\/span><\/h2>\n
<\/span>FANOS couples sharing exercise<\/span><\/h2>\n
![\"Fitness](\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/04\/fanos-couples-sharing-exercise.jpg\" "\\"FANOS")
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