

{"id":47303,"date":"2020-03-17T09:15:58","date_gmt":"2020-03-17T09:15:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=47303"},"modified":"2026-01-02T09:58:52","modified_gmt":"2026-01-02T09:58:52","slug":"negotiating-divorce-settlement","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/negotiating-divorce-settlement\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Negotiate a Divorce Settlement with Your Spouse: 10 Tips"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-47305 size-full\" title=\"How to Negotiate a Divorce Settlement with Your Spouse\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/how-to-negotiate-a-divorce-settlement-with-your-spouse.jpg\" alt=\"Frustrated Couple Sit Apart On Couch In Living Room\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Nobody goes into marriage thinking about a divorce settlement in the future, but if a marriage falls apart, it is vital to know how to proceed with it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One major hurdle in severing ties with your soon-to-be ex-spouse is the divorce settlement. Learning as much as you can about how to negotiate a divorce settlement with your spouse is important.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-do-divorce-settlements-work\"><\/span><b>How do divorce settlements work?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Simply put, a divorce <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.sciencedirect.com\/science\/article\/abs\/pii\/0049089X9090016C\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">settlement<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is like a legal road map that both parties are legally bound to follow.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The divorce settlement can be very detailed, and those details must be adhered to. If the divorce settlement states that one partner gets the rosewood table and the other gets the dining room hutch, that property division is legally binding.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The divorce settlement will detail all the financial assets that will be split:<\/span><\/p>\n<ol><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Retirement accounts<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Social security<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Stocks<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Bonds<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Other equities and investments<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Real estate<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It may also give a timeline for exactly when the divisions will take place.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What are some of the most common reasons for divorce? Watch this video to know more.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Steps to ensure financial security before divorce<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"YouTube video player\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/GDijrLvw6D0\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"What-to-ask-for-in-a-divorce-settlement\"><\/span><b>What to ask for in a divorce settlement?<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The divorce settlement is the final legal document that lists:<\/span><\/p>\n<ol><li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Terms of the divorce<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Division of your assets<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Alimony and child support<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Information about the custody and visitation schedule if you have children<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol><p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is important that before you get to the stage of the settlement, you think about and determine which things to ask for in a settlement.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Lawyers can give you a comprehensive <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.legalzoom.com\/articles\/divorce\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">list<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> of what to ask for in the divorce settlement. Both partners must be knowledgeable about all assets. This knowledge will help you navigate how to negotiate a divorce settlement with your spouse.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There may be unknown assets to both partners, so an honest discussion is imperative because once a divorce settlement is signed, there is little or no recourse if other assets are discovered. Bottom line: <\/span><b>know exactly what the divorce money settlement will be before signing anything.<\/b><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Achieve a Fair Financial Settlement During Divorce<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h2><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-47306 size-full\" title=\"Typical divorce settlements\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/typical-divorce-settlements.jpg\" alt=\"Men Giving Pen For Sign And Women Taking Off Ring For Divorce\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/h2>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"How-to-negotiate-a-divorce-settlement-with-your-spouse-10-tips\"><\/span><b>How to negotiate a divorce settlement with your spouse: 10 tips<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What are some important tips for negotiating a divorce settlement with your spouse? Read on to know more.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>1. Discuss alimony<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><b><i>How much to ask for in a divorce settlement?<\/i><\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In most states, everything accrued during the marriage is divided fifty-fifty. <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.findlaw.com\/family\/divorce\/spousal-support-alimony-basics.html\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Alimony<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> is usually paid based on the length of the marriage; the usual formula for alimony is that it is paid for half the years of the length of the marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For example, if the marriage lasted twenty-two years, what to expect in a divorce settlement would be alimony for eleven years. Of course, while this is the most common formula for <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">financial settlement in divorce<\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, negotiating divorce settlement terms is always an option.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/what-is-alimony\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">What Is Alimony? Rules and How Does It Work?<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>2. Sit down for a discussion<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Many times to obtain a fair divorce settlement, divorce negotiations will be part of the process.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">According to <\/span><a class=\"editor-rtfLink\" href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/experts\/grady-shumway\" target=\"_blank\"><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Grady Shumway<\/span><\/a><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">, LMHC<\/span><\/p>\n<blockquote><p><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">Approaching these discussions with clarity and calm can lead to more constructive outcomes. When both parties stay focused on fairness rather than conflict, agreements <\/span><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\">are reached<\/span><span data-preserver-spaces=\"true\"> more smoothly and respectfully.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Divorce negotiation tips from experts usually advise that to negotiate a divorce settlement, both sides must sit down, review what they want, compromise at times, barter, and horse trade &ndash; call it what you want.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This will be the ultimate give and take session.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>3. Avoid bringing in lawyers<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Lawyers like to handle this part of the divorce (it is where hefty hourly fees can rack up), but truth be told, if the two people getting divorced are still on civil terms with one another, they should be able to sit down and work out parts of the divorce settlement themselves.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">They already know which household property they want (furniture, photos, artwork, plants, etc.) and, with any luck, have<\/span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">worked out arrangements for <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">custody of their children<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">By presenting these mutually agreed-upon terms, thousands of dollars can be saved in lawyers&rsquo; billing fees.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>4. Discuss children<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is also essential to know what to ask for in a divorce settlement when children are in the picture.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In addition to details such as which partner has the kids for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other holidays, school breaks must also be accounted for in the divorce settlement. There are other considerations also.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">For example, both parents must agree if the children will be allowed to travel internationally in the future in the custody of a single parent, which must be recorded in the settlement.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At the end of negotiating a divorce settlement, both parties will be given the divorce settlement proposal, the preliminary but not final paper, which will contain the &ldquo;wish list&rdquo; of both spouses.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/separation\/talking-about-marriage-separation-with-children\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Talk About Marriage Separation With Your Children<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-47308 size-full\" title=\"Negotiating divorce settlement\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/03\/negotiating-divorce-settlement.jpg\" alt=\"Note Of Divorce Infront Of Lawyer\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<h3><b>5. Talk about non-monetary possessions<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">There may be things that do not have monetary value but mean something to each of you. The pets, plants, or even certain pieces of art or furniture &ndash; are <\/span><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">things often overlooked in divorce agreements.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This can be a contentious time because nitty-gritty details should be finalized, and oftentimes non-monetary items can be real roadblocks in the process of finalizing the divorce.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>6. Ask questions<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Both parties should again listen to any divorce settlement tips their lawyers give them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Any advice on how to win a divorce settlement that is fair to both parties should be considered if at all possible. This is the most crucial time in the divorce settlement process. All questions, no matter how strange-sounding, should be asked and answers given before the divorce settlement document is finalized.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading: <\/i><\/b><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/relationship-questions\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Good Relationship Questions To Ask Your Partner<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>7. Read before you sign<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Before you sign the divorce settlement, take your time to go through it and ensure that it is exactly what you agreed on. Once signed, it can be challenging to change any terms or conditions.<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>8. Understand each other&rsquo;s emotions<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Going through a divorce is definitely emotional for both parties.<\/span><\/p>\n<p>Grady Shumway highlights that:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Recognizing each other&rsquo;s emotional experience can reduce tension and make negotiations more productive. When both parties remain mindful and respectful, it becomes easier to reach an agreement that feels fair and balanced.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While you negotiate a divorce settlement, try to be understanding of each other&rsquo;s feelings. While negotiating, ensure that you do not say anything hurtful.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Meanwhile, also take control of your own emotions and needs.<\/span><\/p>\n<pre><b><i>Related Reading:<\/i><\/b> <a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/divorce\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">How to Deal with the Emotions After Divorce?<\/span><\/i><\/a><\/pre>\n<h3><b>9. Have clarity<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is important to be clear and sure of what you want when it comes to a divorce settlement. Make sure you can put on a strong case for things you already know will be controversial.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<h3><b>10. Focus on effective communication<\/b><\/h3>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Communication can make or break the game regarding a divorce settlement. <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/communicate-with-spouse-during-separation\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Effective communication<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, where not only do you express yourself clearly, but are also understood and heard, is extremely important.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If both of you cannot see eye to eye on anything, you may need the help of lawyers, which is a taxing and expensive process.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"In-the-end\"><\/span><b>In the end<\/b><span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once the divorce settlement is signed, it is time to move on with life.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Hopefully, both parties are not bitter and, while probably not ecstatically happy, are pleased that this stressful time is over and optimistic about the future.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Nobody goes into marriage thinking about a divorce settlement in the future, but if a marriage falls apart, it is vital to know how to proceed with it. One major hurdle in severing ties with your soon-to-be ex-spouse is the divorce settlement. Learning as much as you can about how to negotiate a divorce settlement with your spouse is important. How do divorce settlements work? Simply put, a divorce settlement is like a legal road map that both parties are legally bound to follow. The divorce settlement can be very detailed, and those details must be adhered to. If the <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":675,"featured_media":47305,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[17],"tags":[2683],"class_list":["post-47303","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-divorce","tag-handling-the-split","has_thumb"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47303","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/675"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=47303"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47303\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":115329,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47303\/revisions\/115329"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/47305"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=47303"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=47303"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=47303"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}