{"id":45929,"date":"2020-02-18T11:21:18","date_gmt":"2020-02-18T11:21:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/?p=45929"},"modified":"2022-10-21T06:48:52","modified_gmt":"2022-10-21T06:48:52","slug":"simple-steps-to-stop-an-argument","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/simple-steps-to-stop-an-argument\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Simple Steps to Stop an Argument"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-45971 size-full\" title=\"3 Simple Steps to Stop an Argument\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/Simple-Steps-to-Stop-an-Argument.jpg\" alt=\"3 Simple Steps to Stop an Argument\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sometimes we start with a simple conversation or exchange of ideas and suddenly find ourselves entrenched in an endless argument that seems to go nowhere and just continues to escalate.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Often the strategies we use to stop an argument only get us further entangled in it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">These <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/335327845_What_are_the_Marital_Problems_of_Happy_Couples_A_Multimethod_Two-Sample_Investigation\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><b>arguments in relationships<\/b><\/a><b> can end up hurting them and derailing us emotionally <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">for a while. So, how to end a fight, and what is the best way to end an argument?<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">This article provides insight into 3 simple steps to stop an argument quickly.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Also watch:<\/b><br><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/4xhiXfwhXCU\" width=\"560\" height=\"315\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"1-Take-responsibility\"><\/span>1. Take responsibility<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Own what part is yours. It takes 2 to tango. In order for an argument to occur, both parties need to contribute to it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Similarly, <\/span><b>to stop an argument, each must own up for what you have contributed.<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You can have a relationship, or you can be right, you have to choose which is most important to you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We have to have humility and honesty to recognize that no one handles an interaction perfectly.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Maybe we had an accusatory tone or an accusatory rebuttal, or we came back with our point so quickly that it shut the other person down, or we were quick to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/is-your-spouse-defensive-read-this\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">defend ourselves rather than listen<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Taking ownership is realizing that our actions and our words have an impact on another.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It doesn&rsquo;t mean we intended to hurt or upset the person, but realizing that no matter our intent, we hurt them, we impacted them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It is also empowering to<\/span><b> take ownership because it helps you realize you are in control <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">of your words and behaviors. You are in control of the role you play. And we can change the things we are in control of.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So to stop an argument instead of trying to blame, control, or change the other person, <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/accepting-responsibility-in-relationships\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">take responsibility<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> for your behavior, your words, and the way you contributed to the cycle, dynamic, and argument.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"2-Apologize\"><\/span>2. Apologize<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-45934 size-full\" title=\"Apologize\" src=\"https:\/\/image.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/Apologize.jpg\" alt=\"Apologize\" width=\"804\" height=\"350\"><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The next step to stop an argument is to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.huffpost.com\/entry\/how-apologizing-can-improve-your-marriage_b_590bb04de4b056aa2363d355\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">apologize for your part<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Once you have taken ownership and acknowledged your negative effect on the other person, apologize for it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Apologizing isn&rsquo;t about taking the blame or admitting to guilt; it&rsquo;s more about <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/relationship\/understand-your-partner\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">understanding and acknowledging to the other person<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> that our words and actions had an effect on them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Apologizing is showing remorse for the way something you said or did <\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">hurt or upset someone.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Apologies are hard because they are vulnerable. We don&rsquo;t like to apologize because we don&rsquo;t want to seem like we are wrong or at fault.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We can also feel like we are opening ourselves up to an attack.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And sometimes the other person does not respond the way we hope, but you will still find the argument will de-escalate because it&rsquo;s much harder to be angry and outraged when the other person is being humble and apologizing.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you apologize, it is important not to say, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry you feel &lsquo;x.&rsquo;&rdquo; That ends up communicating, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry you have a problem,&rdquo; rather than taking ownership of ourselves.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Try saying, &ldquo;<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/forgiveness\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I&rsquo;m sorry I hurt your feelings<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> when I said or did &lsquo;x.&rsquo;&rdquo;.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><b>Being specific is important;<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> it communicates you understand what they are feeling and communicates the sincerity of the apology.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It&rsquo;s also important that when you apologize, you don&rsquo;t do the &ldquo;I&rsquo;m sorry, but&hellip;&rdquo; set up.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">That&rsquo;s where you apologize, but then immediately give an excuse for why you said or acted the way you did. That just completely undoes the apology and continues the argument.<\/span><\/p>\n<h2><span class=\"ez-toc-section\" id=\"3-Empathize\"><\/span>3. Empathize<span class=\"ez-toc-section-end\"><\/span><\/h2>\n<p><b>Empathy means to feel with someone; actually, it means to &ldquo;feel into.&rdquo;&nbsp;<\/b><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Put yourself in another person&rsquo;s shoes and try to imagine what they might be feeling.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Then try to articulate back to them their point, what they are trying to say, and what they might be feeling.&nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">It doesn&rsquo;t mean you agree or see things their way; it just means you can imagine and understand.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In order to empathize,<\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/communication\/become-a-better-listener\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> it is important first to listen<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and make sure you really understand their perspective, what they are hurt or upset about, and what is important to them.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Sometimes you will need to ask for clarification by saying, &ldquo;Could you tell me more?&rdquo; or &ldquo;Can you help me understand this part?&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Then it is important to connect with the way they might be feeling and reflect that back that by saying something like, &ldquo;I can imagine how you might feel that way, or &ldquo;I see what you are saying,&rdquo; or &ldquo;You feel this way or think this because of &lsquo;x.&rsquo;&rdquo;<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">At the root of most arguments are two people trying desperately to be heard and understood by the other.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We want to be heard and understood so badly it makes it difficult actually to listen and understand the other person.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We get more caught up in developing our argument or coming up with our rebuttal that we don&rsquo;t pause actually to hear what the other person is saying.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you <\/span><b>pause and really listen to what the person is saying<\/b><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, put yourself in their shoes, and reflect back to them that you understand, can see their point, or just acknowledge that maybe you haven&rsquo;t looked at it that way before, it goes a long way.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.semanticscholar.org\/paper\/Effects-of-Couple%E2%80%99s-Empathy-on-Relationship-Adult-a-Li\/af354cab6682857e399411742896deec8f8b0c2c?p2df\" rel=\"nofollow\" target=\"_blank\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Empathy is such a powerful tool<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> of connection and de-escalation. And again, empathy isn&rsquo;t about agreeing with someone, but rather it&rsquo;s about caring and respecting another enough to try to understand their view or feeling.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">So the next time you can feel things escalating into an argument, try these steps, and you will be surprised how quickly the conversation can turn for the better.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false,"raw":""},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Sometimes we start with a simple conversation or exchange of ideas and suddenly find ourselves entrenched in an endless argument that seems to go nowhere and just continues to escalate. Often the strategies we use to stop an argument only get us further entangled in it. These arguments in relationships can end up hurting them and derailing us emotionally for a while. So, how to end a fight, and what is the best way to end an argument? This article provides insight into 3 simple steps to stop an argument quickly. Also watch: 1. Take responsibility Own what part is <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":667,"featured_media":45971,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[11],"tags":[2509],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45929"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/667"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=45929"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45929\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":56255,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/45929\/revisions\/56255"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/45971"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=45929"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=45929"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.marriage.com\/advice\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=45929"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}